bakerstreet | Status

Good.

( alhaitham wants to snort at that, but he doesn’t. he would be deeply offended at their own dynamic and closeness if kaveh truly thought he’d marry a complete stranger.

alhaitham rarely allows others in. it would distrust his sense of peace and laziness. kaveh has, always, been that exception. )

Are you worried you’ll be asked to leave the house if I were to marry? ( nonsense, because alhaitham would only humor the idea of it with one person, and he’d very much enjoy kaveh here when their dynamic shifted in such a strong way. )

[ Kaveh stares at him, and then scoffs. Loudly.

It's a defensive maneuver, because yes he's afraid of that, of course he is, but it's a worry that pales in comparison to the sickening thought of Alhaitham being with someone perfect for him in all the ways Kaveh isn't, falling deeply enough in love to marry them—

He scoffs again as he realizes that his defensive maneuver has failed by leaving him in stunned silence after the fact. ]

Please, Alhaitham. By the time you get someone to agree to marry you, I'll have long moved out of this place.

( that statement is inherently flawed for reasons alhaitham neither voices nor even cares to speak to the air. marriage would only be possible for someone like him with one person. the argument is moot. )

Then you have nothing to be concerned about. ( honestly, kaveh. if something is on your mind, just say it. it’s not that hard. )

Unless you know of someone interested in marrying me.

[ See, the problem is that he has everything to be concerned about. Because for as much as he says that, he's not entirely sure it's true.

After all, he would marry him, wouldn't he? And that's despite how irritating he can be, how crazy he makes him feel, how much he wants to just punch him in the face sometimes. If someone like Kaveh can feel that way, even with all the history between them, then surely there are others...

Crimson eyes shoot up to turquoise at the final statement, and Kaveh glowers at him again, hoping the warmth on his cheeks isn't turning them red.

I do know of someone. ]

Not at all. Do you want me to keep my eyes open on your behalf?

Not at all.

( there’s a twitch of a smile. not just anyone would do. he has high standards and he knows his lifestyle and views on life aren’t the most popular. only one person would do, really. )

It would be reasonable to at least be in a partnership before considering marriage.

( he means in general, considering he’s never dated before. but it does sound very specific to kaveh. )

[ For as much as he might try to hide it, there's something visibly relieved that crosses Kaveh's face in response to the comment. So... he's not in a relationship, then. Right? If he were, the words spoken make no sense.

Ugh, his stomach is tying itself in knots. ]

Well, in that case, we need to find you an acceptable partner, I suppose.

[ Kaveh, doing an excellent job of showing why his button says what it does. There's no need to do anything—

But at the same time, he wants Alhaitham to be happy. ]

What kind of person are you looking for?

( oh great. there are many things he truly believes kaveh excels at, but matchmaking? for alhaitham’s? that’s not going to be one of those. )

I’m fine with things the way they are.

( he could be happier, of course. but he’s also never known what it’s like to have a partner, so he can’t claim he’s missing anything in his life.

… the soft and persistent pining for kaveh fills a hole, certainly. )

I’m not interested in meeting anyone new.

[ ...Huh.

Kaveh has to admit that that's not what he expected. Probably because somehow over the course of the conversation, he's managed to get it in his head that Alhaitham actually wants a relationship, despite him having said nothing to that effect.

But at the same time, he's also kind of relieved. More than he wants to admit even to himself, actually.

Still, he can't help himself from teasing: ]

It might be hard for you to get married if you don't meet new people, unless of course you're planning on being with someone already in your social circle. [ And then, as he realizes belatedly that he's once again pulled the conversation closer to himself than he would like: ] Although if you intend for it to be Cyno, I would request a significant amount of alcohol be prepared at the afterparty for those of us who are forced to sit through his jokes.

I would rather swallow my own tongue than consider him a viable partner.

… I had heard he was involved with the Forest Ranger, at any rate.

[ The response is rewarded with an undignified snort on Kaveh's end. It is Cyno is with Tighnari, though, which admittedly makes Alhaitham's pool of potential suitors much smaller.

(He shouldn't be quite so thrilled about that.) ]

Mm... so then whom? Nilou, perhaps? Or the Eremite mercenary...?

[ He doesn't say his own name. He wants to, but he doesn't. ]

Ah, or perhaps the Traveler.

( ah.

alhaitham’s brows furrow and he shoots kaveh a very blank stare. however, the edges of his expression should indicate he’s anything but indifferent to this conversation. )

Are you simply running through the names you know?

( honestly. he holds back a slightly biting remark and sighs. )

No, Kaveh.

[ Clearly, Alhaitham has an opinion. He can see it all over the other's face, despite that stare he's being given.

And yet— ]

Ugh.

[ Kaveh's fists clench at his sides. ]

Of course I'm just going through names I know. You never tell me anything! How am I meant to have any sort of idea??

[ He's a hypocrite, of course, but oh well. ]

( why is kaveh reacting this way? it’s bizarre.

alhaitham’s pinches the bridge of his nose. breathes. deeply. twice, for good measure. )

When did you become so fascinated with my social life? ( seriously. ) It’s not anyone you listed.

[ It is bizarre. Unfortunately, he's worked himself into something of a state over nothing but his own thoughts. Self-sabotaging indeed.

He folds his arms over his chest, looks away.

This is stupid. He's acting like a kid. Apparently the idea of Alhaitham with someone else has upset him more than he'd like to admit. ]

...When I found out you're interested in marriage. But I guess you're right— it doesn't matter.

( it does matter. if only because it’s causing kaveh to be worked up needlessly.

sighing. again. )

I assure you, you will be the first to know if I enter a relationship of any sort.

( because it’d be with kaveh. it’d only be with kaveh. he’s the only one who alhaitham would dare let this close. )

[ At the statement, Kaveh raises both brows— and then grins, something jovial and teasing taking over his expression as a bright laugh escapes him. ]

Perhaps it would be best if I were the second, Alhaitham— I imagine the poor fool you plan to date should be first!

[ At least that gave him a good laugh. ]

( seriously? seriously. he really did just say that. )

Is that how you interpreted that statement? Interesting.

( kaveh, this is why he gave up trting years ago. actual. years. ago. )

[ In Kaveh's defense, the situation here is that he is just proving the truth of what the button says. And there's no surprise about it. With the hang-ups he has, he doesn't always find himself particularly lovable; he has no reason to believe someone like Alhaitham would care about someone like him. Nor does he have the courage to outright say his own feelings, lest he be left alone again.

Still, he can tell Alhaitham is unimpressed. It's enough to sober his mood again, make him frown slightly as he looks across at the other. ]

Huh? How was I meant to interpret it?

( the problem with dealing with someone as highly intelligent as kaveh is that he’s capable of reasoning most others aren’t. whether he exhibits willful blindness is an entirely different matter.

it’s not often that alhaitham talks himself into a corner. when it happens, it’s only with kaveh. )

Hm. ( that’s it, that’s the answer. ) Nevermind.

( which means it’s absolutely something if alhaitham is dismissing it. )

[ For a long moment, Kaveh just stares.

Alhaitham is blunt to a damn fault. He always has been. It's a habit that was a big part in that stupid fight they had so long ago, words that Kaveh struggles to forgive him for even today—

(because they were true)

And yet, now, he refuses to answer?

The blonde takes a step forward, eyes narrowing. ]

No. You don't just get to do that. Not again. You don't get to be so smug about me interpreting something wrongly and then refuse to elaborate!

( alhaitham is unflinching.

because kaveh is right. this is out of character for him. even if what he says has a risk of hurting kaveh, he always says it. not out of malice but a need to keep his friend in check with reality.

this is entirely different. )

There are two possible ways to interpret what I originally said. The way you did, and the other. ( he lifts a brow, unimpressed. ) You have a brain. I refuse to spoon-feed you an obvious antithetical.

[ Ugh! And of course Alhaitham refuses to expand on his words. He remains, as ever, stubborn and smug and superior and entirely self-absorbed, and honestly Kaveh can't even believe sometimes that he has feelings for him in spite of all that. His eyes narrow, and he glowers. ]

You... you are so...! If you want me to interpret your words in a different way, use different words! You always say what you mean, so why should this be any different?!

[ Besides, how can it possibly be interpreted a second way? Alhaitham said that he, Kaveh, would be the first to know if he, Alhaitham, found himself in a relationship. Which means, of course, that he would tell him first. Right? Which makes sense, given that Alhaitham being in a relationship would mean he'd want more privacy around the house that they share, would probably want Kaveh to consider moving out. Therefore: first. It's not a matter of his importance to the scribe, but the fact that they're intertwined quite thoroughly in each others' lives.

Right. So it makes sense that the only person who would find out sooner than first is the partner themselves, and they—

Sooner than first?

Oh. ]

[ Kaveh's insides, almost instantly, tie themselves in a jumble of knots. His brows crease further, and he stares at Alhaitham in silence, processing and reprocessing his thoughts. If the scribe claims there's only two ways to interpret what he said, then this has to be the other one. Right?

Well, too bad for him Kaveh's not going to play into his hands. Not when he's been wrong before about the other's meaning.

He takes another step forward, squaring his shoulders and standing as tall as he can, fixing Alhaitham with a look he hopes is anywhere near as smug and cold as the other often levies at him. ]

I get it. You're a coward.

( a coward?

there are many things people accuse the acting grand sage of being. egotistical, cold-hearted, robotic, cruel. heartless, apathetic, lonely. arrogant often rises to the top of the charts. smug, too.

but a coward? alhaitham has done nothing cowardly in his life. his actions range in varying degrees of selfishness, entirely focused on the benefit it can bring to his own quiet life and the handful of things he cherishes and wishes to protect. this, evidently, no longer is to protect anyone.

so, a coward?

alhaitham uncrosses his arms and heaves a sigh. there’s a flicker of something in that indifferent facade of his, but it’s gone after only a second. )

The other interpretation would be that you are the first to know inherently due to the fact you are the other party.

( you don’t scare him, kaveh. )

relationship status | a meme ♡

my one cat pairs with my dog and they are a chaotic duo i feel that

chaotic animal duos are the absolute best (eyes these two🤣)

birds of a feather flock together 😆

truer words have never been spoken lol (also omg have you done the event)

i haveeeee. i legit can not handle them

same omg I have so many feelings about it, I'll DM you again to not put spoilers in titles LOL

i’m having so many feelings for them

me too, they're both so dumb

1/2 sorry for the short tag but also not sorry

2/2

never apologize; I snorted

💖

kaveh's classical response: get mad

the classic shaking chihuahua mode

when it comes to alhaitham he knows very little else

poor kaveh :,,,)

"poor kaveh" is honestly, like... the truest statement to ever exist.

OH KAVEH…

but he......... nah, I got nothing.

rest in pieces kaveh…

or is the shoe on the other foot now?

the shoe is on the wrong person and wrong foot

1/2 (the shoe is honestly probably confused at this point)

2/2 (the shoe has gone to the moon)

HELLO???? kaveh i’m so proud of you