bakerstreet | Status

( seriously? seriously. he really did just say that. )

Is that how you interpreted that statement? Interesting.

( kaveh, this is why he gave up trting years ago. actual. years. ago. )

[ In Kaveh's defense, the situation here is that he is just proving the truth of what the button says. And there's no surprise about it. With the hang-ups he has, he doesn't always find himself particularly lovable; he has no reason to believe someone like Alhaitham would care about someone like him. Nor does he have the courage to outright say his own feelings, lest he be left alone again.

Still, he can tell Alhaitham is unimpressed. It's enough to sober his mood again, make him frown slightly as he looks across at the other. ]

Huh? How was I meant to interpret it?

( the problem with dealing with someone as highly intelligent as kaveh is that he’s capable of reasoning most others aren’t. whether he exhibits willful blindness is an entirely different matter.

it’s not often that alhaitham talks himself into a corner. when it happens, it’s only with kaveh. )

Hm. ( that’s it, that’s the answer. ) Nevermind.

( which means it’s absolutely something if alhaitham is dismissing it. )

[ For a long moment, Kaveh just stares.

Alhaitham is blunt to a damn fault. He always has been. It's a habit that was a big part in that stupid fight they had so long ago, words that Kaveh struggles to forgive him for even today—

(because they were true)

And yet, now, he refuses to answer?

The blonde takes a step forward, eyes narrowing. ]

No. You don't just get to do that. Not again. You don't get to be so smug about me interpreting something wrongly and then refuse to elaborate!

( alhaitham is unflinching.

because kaveh is right. this is out of character for him. even if what he says has a risk of hurting kaveh, he always says it. not out of malice but a need to keep his friend in check with reality.

this is entirely different. )

There are two possible ways to interpret what I originally said. The way you did, and the other. ( he lifts a brow, unimpressed. ) You have a brain. I refuse to spoon-feed you an obvious antithetical.

[ Ugh! And of course Alhaitham refuses to expand on his words. He remains, as ever, stubborn and smug and superior and entirely self-absorbed, and honestly Kaveh can't even believe sometimes that he has feelings for him in spite of all that. His eyes narrow, and he glowers. ]

You... you are so...! If you want me to interpret your words in a different way, use different words! You always say what you mean, so why should this be any different?!

[ Besides, how can it possibly be interpreted a second way? Alhaitham said that he, Kaveh, would be the first to know if he, Alhaitham, found himself in a relationship. Which means, of course, that he would tell him first. Right? Which makes sense, given that Alhaitham being in a relationship would mean he'd want more privacy around the house that they share, would probably want Kaveh to consider moving out. Therefore: first. It's not a matter of his importance to the scribe, but the fact that they're intertwined quite thoroughly in each others' lives.

Right. So it makes sense that the only person who would find out sooner than first is the partner themselves, and they—

Sooner than first?

Oh. ]

[ Kaveh's insides, almost instantly, tie themselves in a jumble of knots. His brows crease further, and he stares at Alhaitham in silence, processing and reprocessing his thoughts. If the scribe claims there's only two ways to interpret what he said, then this has to be the other one. Right?

Well, too bad for him Kaveh's not going to play into his hands. Not when he's been wrong before about the other's meaning.

He takes another step forward, squaring his shoulders and standing as tall as he can, fixing Alhaitham with a look he hopes is anywhere near as smug and cold as the other often levies at him. ]

I get it. You're a coward.

( a coward?

there are many things people accuse the acting grand sage of being. egotistical, cold-hearted, robotic, cruel. heartless, apathetic, lonely. arrogant often rises to the top of the charts. smug, too.

but a coward? alhaitham has done nothing cowardly in his life. his actions range in varying degrees of selfishness, entirely focused on the benefit it can bring to his own quiet life and the handful of things he cherishes and wishes to protect. this, evidently, no longer is to protect anyone.

so, a coward?

alhaitham uncrosses his arms and heaves a sigh. there’s a flicker of something in that indifferent facade of his, but it’s gone after only a second. )

The other interpretation would be that you are the first to know inherently due to the fact you are the other party.

( you don’t scare him, kaveh. )

[ Kaveh is expecting some degree of pause. What he gets instead is a flicker, something hidden in Alhaitham's stoic expression that goes by too quickly for him to parse. Followed of course by words spoken in a voice equally as impassive despite the fact that they cut, effortless, right to the core of the architect.

He's pretty sure his hands are shaking as he lowers them to his sides. His voice, certainly, struggles to stay even when he responds. ]

That was my understanding upon further reflection, yes.

[ This should be a happy moment, he's pretty sure. Instead, he feels strangely vulnerable. ]

So... to read into the subtext of this discussion, the whole time we've been discussing this— [ the whole time Alhaitham has been saying he would consider marriage...! ] —the potential partner you have been talking about is me.

[ A breath. ]

Am I correct?

( ah.

alhaitham had been expecting kaveh to fluster and immediately drop the subject. a tantrum, maybe, about alhaitham callously saying things. he hadn’t expecting kaveh to so flawlessly piece together the muddy pieces into a perfectly clear narrative.

he wants to be proud, but there’s this stutter of his heart. rational thought and logic dictate that kaveh should feel the same, based on his actions alone, but alhaitham is human, and the irrational fear finally takes him as victim.

cheeks red, he looks off to the side. rarely does he break eye contact first. )

Correct. ( he won’t lie, not to kaveh. ) To quote you, you would be the “poor fool.”

[ Despite the anxiety and panic crowding into his thoughts, despite the trembling in his hands, Kaveh thinks he's doing a pretty good job of holding himself together in the face of Alhaitham's everlasting calm. There's a horrible urge to ask "why?", because even now there's a part of him that doesn't believe that the other could have those kinds of feelings for him, that wonders if maybe it is, in his mind, a relationship of convenience.

(Such a thing would be old-fashioned too, wouldn't it?)

That is, though, until red bleeds into the Acting Grand Sage's cheeks, until his gaze darts to the side. Then, Kaveh feels himself go to pieces.

Another few steps abolishes the space between them, and his hands lift, long lithe fingers closing around Alhaitham's wrists. And for someone who literally just called the other man a coward, he's still hesitant to put all his feelings and thoughts out there, although perhaps there's something of the truth creeping into his voice as he speaks. ]

Do you have feelings for me, Alhaitham?

( kaveh is close.

that’s what alhaitham’s mind focuses on, first. skinship is not uncommon between them when kaveh drinks: touches to shoulder, alhaitham hoisitng kaveh over his shoulder to drag to bed. none of this is too out of the norm.

except kaveh has never sounded like that before. and kaveh has never said that before.

alhaitham sighs, his hands only mildly shaking where kaveh holds his wrists. )

Yes. ( he thought it had been quite obvious, but maybe kaveh is as dense as he once thought. ) I suspect half of the Akademiya knew. ( he wasn’t very subtle. )

[ Under such circumstances, Kaveh would normally be inclined to close the last of the space between them and kiss Alhaitham for all he's worth. After all, it's the desired conclusion to months if not years of yearning, something he's dreamed about for too long—

But he's taken off-guard by the other's statement that he believes half the Akademiya is in the know, Kaveh's jaw dropping in disbelief. ]

Half of the Akademiya?! There's no way that half of the Akademiya knows! You're so obtuse that it's a wonder if anyone knows what you're thinking or feeling at any given time; Archons, even I didn't know, and I can usually—

[ He cuts himself off mid-tirade, expression softening, a hint of pink leeching into his own cheeks, because he's going about this all wrong— ]

I'm in love with you, you idiot. I have been for years.

( he’s very much convinced that most knew. anyone who spent more than a few moments with them would have noticed alhaitham’s affection and fascination, he thinks. it was so contrary to the indifference and lack of interest he showed others.

ah.

alhaitham had suspected his affection may be requited if only because kaveh, for all his complaining, lived here, kept showing as much unspoken kindness to alhaitham as alhaitham did to him. little gestures. a safe place to call home.

he hadn’t expected kaveh to be in love. maybe he should have. )

If that is the case, are you prepared to stop self-sabotaging yourself?

[ Kaveh wants to be annoyed.

Here he is, confessing literal love, and Alhaitham's response is to ask if he's ready to stop self-sabotaging, with that same irritating calmness that he always has, despite the gravity of the situation, despite—

Okay, he's actually a little annoyed.

And yet he can't quite stop himself from smiling, directing an amused glance down at the button that started this entire conversation. ]

You mean "fucking myself over"? If you're expecting me to change my entire life based on one conversation, Alhaitham, no. [ The arch tone of his voice softens, a warmth reflected in his face as he looks at the other in silence for a moment before he continues talking. ] But if you mean romantically, then... yeah.

( archons, he’s so cute.

alhaitham knows there’s a fine line between riling kaveh up and truly hurting him. he likes to think he’s mastered it by now.

he nods. satisifed. )

Very well. ( another nod. ) Then, I love you, as well.

( he says it very calmly, as if it’s old news. )

[ For a moment after Alhaitham says it, Kaveh stares at him in silence, letting the words sink into his skin. Archons... he's wanted to hear this from the other man for so long; now that he actually is, he doesn't quite know how to process it fully. Possibly because, unlike Alhaitham, he never quite actually allowed himself to believe it would happen.

Given how well his roommate can read him, there's no doubt that he'll recognize the signs of mental disconnect on Kaveh's face for a moment before the blonde forcibly shakes his head, a soft, disbelieving laugh on his lips. ]

I've been waiting for you, you know.

[ And he reaches up, fingers curving graceful along the side of Alhaitham's jaw, face tilting upward just enough that he can capture the other's mouth in a soft, but insistent, kiss. ]

( oh.

alhaitham won’t mention that this is his first kiss. he also won’t mention that he’s the one that’s been waiting for kaveh. for kaveh to like himself enough to pursue something like this. for kaveh to catch on to his doting.

alhaitham gently curls a hand at the back of kaveh’s head, fingers burrowing into the soft blonde strands. he kisses back, though it’s clear he isn’t exactly sure how to move his lips to properly return the kiss. )

[ Kaveh's breath catches at the back of his throat when Alhaitham's fingers curl into his hair, when his lips shift to return the kiss, sparking instantly the desire to pull the other man in close to him, to deepen the embrace between them, to demand all the things he's wanted.

But despite the Acting Grand Sage's lack of admission, his movements make his inexperience clear, and in the end what Kaveh does is pull back slightly instead, ruby eyes searching that sharp face. ]

You haven't done this before.

[ It's a statement more than a question, despite the curiosity alight in his eyes. But there's also no laughter on his lips, nor amusement in his voice. For once in his life, he's not aiming to make fun or the other or offend him in some way— but he does feel like he needs to know. ]

( alhaitham suspected that kaveh would notice. he just assumed it wouldn’t be so immediate. is he truly that bad of a kisser? … he’ll need to read more books on that, then. )

I’ve never had a reason to.

( he doesn’t do casual, nor has anything in his life ever progressed to this point.

… he averts his gaze.

he wants to kiss kaveh again. he truly, deeply liked it. )

[ Kaveh has said, and will say again, that Alhaitham's brain is one of the great mysteries of this world. But there's something about the vulnerability on his face that makes him just that little bit clearer to the blonde, whose response to the aversion of those eyes is to put gentle pressure on the scribe's jaw, trying to direct his face in such a way that he can meet his gaze once more. ]

I don't know what you're thinking, but if it has something to do with books, I'm going to kill you.

[ It's a threat, but Kaveh is smiling. ]

Talk to me, Alhaitham. Use those words you're so famous for.

( for the first time since the akademiya, alhaitham feels their difference in age and experiences. this is his senior kaveh once more. it’s - well, he never thought the pendulum would swing back so hard and so quickly.

he doesn’t try to avert his gaze. it seems kaveh isn’t a fan of that. )

You are my first everything, Kaveh. That should not be a surprise. ( first friend, first crush, first roommate, first kiss, first love. it’s all the same. )

[ Despite, in Alhaitham's view, the pendulum having swung back in his direction, he might be relieved to see the sudden flush of color over Kaveh's cheeks, highlighting his pale skin in a color almost matched to his eyes. Obviously, it's something of a surprise, even if the younger of the two feels it shouldn't be.

He clears his throat, takes the other's hand in both of his, draws them back to the couch so that they can sit, because if they're going to continue this, he doesn't want his legs to give out under him— or for Alhaitham's to give out under him, for that matter, given his relative inexperience. ]

Then let's make it a second— [ he says, and he's surprised by how breathless his voice is. ] —Experience is a better teacher than your dusty old books, anyway.

[ And he leans in, until they're close but not touching, wanting and needing Alhaitham to be comfortable with anything they do. ]

( alhaitham may be inexperienced, but he is not shy.

despite that little admission, he has no issue with kaveh’s closeness or the bluntness in which they speak. it seems that burst of embarrassment or shyness had faded with his initial confession.

he brings a hand up to cup kaveh’s cheek when he leans in. his thumb slowly drags across kaveh’s cheek, under his eye, admiring how soft his skin is. )

I’m sure some of the things I have read will be of use, Senior Kaveh. ( there’s a twitch of his lips into a smile before he leans in to initiate their second kiss, pressing his mouth firmly to kaveh’s. )

[ Kaveh's not shy either— at least, not most of the time. He is, however, caught entirely off-guard by Alhaitham calling him "Senior", something he frequently demands and is rarely— if ever— given.

And so he's halfway through an undignified, confused squawk when Alhaitham's lips meet his, and for a moment he falters, flounders in soft surprise before he finds the wherewithal to return the kiss, lips parting as he matches the scribe's firmness with his own, his hand falling to rest on Alhaitham's knee.

(The other man is new enough to this that he's going to pointedly ignore the delightful burst of heat at the sudden drop of his title. Even if he has to keep reminding himself to be good.) ]

Edited 2023-05-05 05:12 (UTC)

Status

relationship status | a meme ♡

OH KAVEH…

but he......... nah, I got nothing.

rest in pieces kaveh…

or is the shoe on the other foot now?

the shoe is on the wrong person and wrong foot

1/2 (the shoe is honestly probably confused at this point)

2/2 (the shoe has gone to the moon)

HELLO???? kaveh i’m so proud of you

sometimes he has his moments!

the shoe is back

it came back from the moon and is now wavering between them, unsure to whom it should go

this poor shoe. it’s poor sole. get it, like soul—

...... get OUT, cyno

cyYES

I will walk right out of this door—

no you musn’t

okay you've convinced me

that was easy ✨

what can I say, I'm weak T_T

i’m weak for these two…

100% same; I'm incapable of getting enough of them

they’re actually killing me right now

same, they're both so... I can't even think of an adjective

they’re so cute and vulnerable ahhHHHH

I KNOW they're both so SOFT and my heart is hurting

soft and DUMB, a good combo

especially dumb because they're both trying to make the other make the first move and I cannot

so true, am i keep devouring your tag it was so good

you're too sweet! ♥ also ALHAITHAM PLS this is the king of invokations thing all over again

♥ ♥ he will never make this easy

that's okay, neither will Kaveh in his own way