bakerstreet | shut up and kiss me

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[meme] shipping

shut up and kiss me

Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable.

The Fake Relationship Meme

You're not together. But you need to make people think you are. Because of reasons.

Maybe you secretly can't stand each other. Maybe you like each other, just not like that. (Or do you?) Maybe this is the only way you'll ever get to be with your crush. Maybe you just need to give off that couple vibe in public, or maybe you're going to be forced to engage in some hot'n'heavy fakeout makeouts. For reasons, okay?

You know the drill. Post, tag, profit.

Home For The Holidays ⇢ You need to prove to your parents that you do so have a significant other. Just until they're gone.
No Singles Need Apply ⇢ The place is perfect, but the landlady will only rent it to a nice, respectable couple.
It's Not Safe For A Woman Alone ⇢ One of you is vulnerable in this big, bad world without a partner to protect you.
Public Relations ⇢ There's only one way to stop these pesky rumors: start your own.
Undercover Mission ⇢ They'll never suspect a couple of lovey-dovey honeymooners of... whatever it is you're actually up to.
Marriage Of Convenience ⇢ It's good for both your families. Or your finances. Or your hetero street cred. Whatever: might as well make the best of it.
Well That Escalated Quickly ⇢ It's common knowledge that you're together, except you're the last to know. Is it worth correcting people?
Free Space ⇢ Bring your own ~~bottle~~ scenario.

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[Eskel rolls his eyes and tells Lambert to stop acting like a fool. It unnerves him. Makes his skin crawl. Lambert ignores him in favor of the pretty bard he's now escorting to the door.

He's excited to see what she brought now.

Pretending to be deeply wounded, Lambert presses a hand over his heart.]

Forget you? My dear, sweet, gorgeous songbird! I could never. I do like the ribbon, though. Worked a contract for a nobleman and his young daughter shortly after I found it. The little girl asked where I got the ribbon, and I told her that it was a favor from a beautiful princess~ She decided that meant I was a brave knight, even thought I'm a witcher, and begged the nobleman to invite me to dinner. I think it's lucky~

[He ushers her into the grand--if crumbling--entryway. Eskel chuckles and informs Jaskier that her "lamb" has a nasty habit of lying through his teeth about his adventures. Naturally, that makes Lambert pout.]

You're just a jealous bastard because kids are too scared to talk to you.

How many times must I tell you that I am not a princess? Never have been, either.

[ The story is sweet, though, and she's already mentally crafting a song about it, about how a child can see the purity of a witcher's soul because of her innocence whereas others jaded by the cruel would could not... It runs the risk of being rather ham-fisted, so she'll need to take her time with it, but luckily she has all winter to iron out any creases that appear.

Being inside is already leagues better than being outside; the wind is cut down considerably, and while she doubts the stone keep will ever be warm, she thinks that her warm winter clothes will at least help actually keep her warm now, instead of just making sure she was a bundled-up icicle. ]

Lambert. [ She whirls on her heel and scowls at him, reaching out to smack him on the arm with her fingertips. ] Don't be needlessly cruel to your brother like that. I've only just arrived, aren't you supposed to be on your best behavior?

[ She then sniffs imperiously, lifting her chin at Eskel and winking with the eye that Lambert can't see, inviting Eskel in on the farcical performance. ] Anyway, I'm quite sure he'd never lie about any of his adventures, isn't that right, darling?

[Lambert pouts harder, rubbing his shoulder even though it didn't actually hurt.]

'S just how we are with each other! He's fine!

[Eskel speaks up to tell Lambert he is not fine, winking back at Jaskier. He goes on to agree that most of Lambert's stories are true.

Lambert rolls his eyes at his brother and starts to lead Jaskier up to his room. Unfortunately, Vesemir is there to deter him from his plan, saying he has a guest room prepared for her, complete with a hearth lit and fresh bedding.]

[ Lambert trying to get Jaskier to stay in his rooms but being thwarted at the last minute by Vesemir prompts another amused glance to be shared between her and Eskel, but she doesn't say a word beyond thanking Vesemir for his generosity before she lets herself be led down the hall to the room that will be hers for the winter.

It's a perfectly adequate room, efforts obviously having been made to make it habitable for a human woman, and the thanks she sends the witchers' way are obviously genuine.

She does wait until Vesemir is at least out of the room, if not out of ear-shot before she turns to Lambert and raises her eyebrows. ]

So tell me, how long are we going to rub Geralt's nose in the fact that you and I are already acquainted?

[Eskel is still confused by this apparent relationship between his baby brother and Geralt's bard. As soon as she'd seen Lambert, it looked like Geralt ceased to exist to her. He followed after Vesemir and Jaskier, helping Lambert carry the bags.

Lambert is very cross with the old man. But he hadn't known Jaskier would joining them, and it was probably best if she got a room to herself. Eskel and Geralt had told him stories of their boyhoods together, all the trouble they got themselves into. And with himself added, there was no end to the excitement around the keep during the winters. Whether it was drunken shenanigans or flat-out brawls born of pent-up energy, they always gave Vesemir a reason to set them working, or running the walls.

Once Vesemir leaves, Eskel follows, feeling he should leave the two alone to have a proper reunion. Lambert visibly relaxes.]

All winter. Or at least until he does something about it. Stupid prick'll take forever, though, so plan on coming back next winter. How'd you get him to bring you, anyway?

[ Jaskier makes a mental note to try and pin down Eskel alone at some point; she wants an unbiased opinion on Lambert from someone who's known him his whole life, and she has a feeling Geralt won't be able to keep from coloring his assessment with whatever the hell it is that's got his knickers in such a twist lately.

Granted, she knows that flaunting her friendship with Lambert in front of him isn't helping, but there's a petty little streak in her that sometimes rises to the fore, and she can't help the way it feels good to get a few little digs in under Geralt's stoic facade.

Noticing how Lambert seems to loose some of his nervous tension when Eskel leaves and it's just the two of them, Jaskier gives him a minute to settle even more and focuses instead on divesting herself of her cloak and tugging off her gloves. ]

Would you believe I didn't say anything at all to him about it? He asked me to come of his own volition.

Hm...Maybe it won't take all winter for him to get his head out of his ass. Pretty boy usually invites a sorceress. We expected one. Really glad he brought you instead.

[He smiles warmly, watching her. It's weird to have her here, in the keep he grew up in, where so many horrible things had happened. Such a bright and cheerful person doesn't belong here.

But she'll definitely make the winter feel less harsh.]

You want that tour now, or do you wanna change and get settled?

[ It is amusing to see how often Geralt's brother calls him "pretty." He is attractive, that much is plain to see, Jaskier herself started following him around when she did partly because he was so nice to look at even with his cat-like eyes and his pointer than normal teeth, but she rather thinks all the witchers are pretty to look at in their own way, even Eskel with his scars and Vesemir with the weight of all of his years on his shoulders.

She's always been a bit of an odd bird, though.

It shouldn't hurt to know that Geralt has known many different sorceresses in his time, that she might really be nothing more than a nuisance to him, but for some reason it still stings. ]

Well, I don't think I'll be nearly so useful as a sorceress, but I'll do my best.

[ Pleased to discover a washbasin over by the fire, with the ewer kept warm by the hearth, she pours a little water out into the bowl and splashes it on her face, patting her cheeks for a moment before straightening and brushing her hair back out of her face. ]

Show me around, please. I might as well start learning my way as soon as possible.

They aren't that useful. Mostly, they're annoying.

[Probably because Yennefer was the one most often visiting. Triss only came around if Geralt was paying attention to her, and in that case, she was ignoring Lambert and Eskel fairly often. And Triss was the only sorceress he cared to interact with more than necessary.

Once Jaskier is finished freshening up, he offers his elbow to escort her properly, even bowing slightly at the waist.]

My dear lady~

Oh, well, I can definitely be more annoying than a sorceress.

[ Just ask Geralt.

Or, actually, don't. Geralt will probably say something cutting and far too insightful about Jaskier's personality, and she won't be able to hide how much it hurts because it's not just the one witcher she'd be lying to, it would be a room full of them, and she's not sure her ego can take the beating that knowing everyone around her is aware of how fragile she feels would be.

Lambert being a perfect gentleman is an excellent distraction from that thought spiral, and she slips her hand through the crook of his arm, curling her fingers in the dense fabric of his gambeson, tugging at him a little until she can lean in and press a grateful kiss to his cheek. ]

Lead on.

[Lambert grins and blushes at the kiss, then gently leads her out the door.]

First, I'm gonna show you something very important: How to get to my room. It's not very far~ Geralt and Eskel's rooms are nearby, too. We'll leave Yenn's tower alone, she'd probably throw a fit if she knew someone else had been in there.

[True to his word, they only pass a couple of doors before he stops and pushes one open. His saddle bags are at the end of the bed atop a wooden chest. His swords are carefully leaned against a wall nearby that. A pile of heavy furs covers the bed, the hearth is lit, and there's even a small bookshelf to one side. Most of the books are about alchemy.]

If you get too cold, you're always welcome to join me.

[ The dull pink dusting Lambert's cheeks is so terribly charming; Jaskier thinks maybe she should kiss him far more frequently if this is the reaction she's going to get.

Of course Yennefer gets her own tower in the witcher's keep.

The sorceress will be a part of this world long after Jaskier is food for flowers and nothing else, she knows this. She should be more understanding of why it seems she has a more permanent space carved out here than Jaskier does. It still hurts.

She shoves that aside for now. Yennefer isn't here. Comparing herself to the other woman in person is painful enough, she doesn't have to do it when she's not even around.

Looking around Lambert's room curiously, Jaskier notes the small little comforts and the surprising collection of books with equal interest before turning to wink in Lambert's direction. ]

Aren't you selfless?

Can't leave a lady to freeze to death in this old place.

[Before she can start asking questions about anything, he leads her back out, pointing out his brothers' rooms as they walk. The library is the next closest place, so he heads there, glad that the door is already open. Of course, that means someone is in there. Likely Eskel, adding books he'd picked up throughout the year to their collection, making sure it's all organized and neat.]

This is our library. You're free to read whatever you like, though some of it's in Elder, so...sorry.

[Not that he can read them, either. He knows a few useful phrases, but he'd never cared to become fluent. How many conversations was he going to have in that language, anyways?

He leads Jaskier inside so she can get a better look, and sure enough, Eskel is in the middle of an aisle, surrounded by a small pile of books. He nods to the older witcher and gets a confused look in return.]

[ The eagerness she displays at being brought to the library isn't faked in the slightest. Her father's library had been her sanctuary as a child, a place she could escape to that would let her pretend she was anyone but who she actually was, and her parents had considered reading a ladylike enough activity that they hadn't protested too much when she shirked her other studies so that she could hole up in one of the large arm-chairs by the window and spend her afternoons with her nose in a book.

Gripping his arm tightly, she smirks at him. ]

Darling, I graduated summa cum laude. Elder is only one of the languages I speak.

[ She's not especially fluent in it, she might struggle with some passages, but she can hold a conversation if she has to, and she knows that the more she practices, the better she'll get. ]

Oh, this is marvelous. Lambert, some of these books must be hundreds of years old!

[From where he's seated, Eskel chuckles and calls to her, "Maybe you could teach him a thing or two," in Elder. Lambert glares at him, but tries to ignore it.]

Some of them are, yeah. This place is over a thousand years old. I think we have some that are even older than that. But you've got all winter to come back and explore. You asked for the grand tour, that's what you're getting.

[He leads her out, then through the area where they'd come in. Beyond that, they entire a grand dining hall, with several tables and benches, though only one set seems to be used regularly. There's a door on the far side with light spilling from it. Another door leads into the dark of a hallway.]

This is where we eat. We all try to pitch in on kitchen duty, but you don't have to if you don't want to. I bet you'd be welcome play your lute sometimes, though. Geralt can go sulk in his room if he doesn't like it.

[ Grinning at him over her shoulder, she answers, "What makes you think I could succeed where you have failed?" fully knowing that the answer is that she'd be far more likely to convince Lambert to actually practice.

Despite her curiosity, and the prospect of scintillating conversation that Eskel offers, she allows Lamber to draw her away from the library, knowing that he wants to show off his home to her and sensing that maybe he doesn't find the library as fascinating as she does. Especially not with it already occupied by one of his brothers. ]

I confess I'm a terrible cook, but I do follow direction passably well. If someone tells me what to do, I'd be happy to help.

[ She's chopped and diced and peeled various things for Geralt often enough in their time on the road together, and while she isn't very good at cooking for herself, she can manage to keep herself fed between taverns when she isn't traveling with company, so she'll probably manage just fine.

She hums. ] Oh, he's well-used to ignoring my playing.

[Lambert is not, in fact, a fan of the library. His own little collection contains most everything he needs, and if he needs different information, stopping on a tour of the keep isn't the ideal time to find it. Especially with Eskel and Jaskier speaking Elder.]

Vesemir would probably appreciate help, and it's...better if I avoid him as much as possible. Anyways, these are the main places you really need to know. I doubt you'll want to be outside much. We might be out there sparring sometimes, if you ever wanna watch. Oh! Wait, the hot springs! I bet you want a nice bath after that trek up the mountain.

[At the mention of hot springs, Vesemir pokes his head out of the kitchen. "Boy, it's too early in the season for you to start trouble. Show the young lady where they are, then go help one of your brothers. Or come help with dinner." Lambert rolls his eyes and gives a half-hearted salute to his mentor.

He then guides Jaskier back out of the room.]

Need to grab anything from your room first?

[ There's a story there, Jaskier can tell. To be fair, Lambert isn't exactly trying to hide the fact that there's discomfort between him and his mentor, but again, now is not the time to pry it out of him. If he feels like sharing at some point, she'll be glad to listen, but for now, she lets him change the subject.

Trying to avoid embarrassing Lambert as much as possible, Jaskier averts her face when Vesemir scolds him so that her smile is less obvious, waiting until she's managed to push it down before turning her attention back to Lambert and letting him guide her back towards her room. ]

A few things, I think. A change of clothes, at least.

Geralt might actually be down there, come to think of it.

[Part of him wants to ignore the old man, but the other part of him doesn't actually want trouble with Geralt, at least not if it's going to affect Jaskier. So he decides he'll go help Eskel, unless Jaskier has objections to being left alone.

Once they're at her room, and definitely out of earshot for Vesemir, he speaks again.]

If he is in there, and you want me to stay with you, I will. The old man can go fall off the highest tower. Not that...you need me to protect you, or anything. But if you want. Your wish is my command.

[ It wouldn't surprise her if Geralt was there, actually, knowing what she does about his penchant for taking long, hot baths whenever possible.

She smiles at Lambert, gently disengaging herself from him so she can set to finding a fresh set of clothes in her packs and digging out her ablutions satchel with all her soaps and oils and combs and such. ]

Thank you, darling. [ The offer is largely unnecessary, but she does appreciate the sentiment behind it. It seems to her that Lambert doesn't often get to feel like a noble protector, viewed most often as something to be feared instead of appreciated, and the fact that she presents an object for him to protect is something he struggles to ignore. It's sweet. He means well. ] I think I'll be alright, though. I've dealt with Geralt for many, many years now. I'm not afraid of him.

[The hot springs is usually the first thing on all their lists when they return for winter, so it really is likely. He stands there awkwardly, watching her as she gathers what she needs.]

I know...We have soap down there, you know. If you wanted to save yours for the road. And I'll be in the library helping Eskel, I guess.

[This is definitely new territory for the youngest wolf. Maybe while he's helping Eskel, he can ask for tips on how to be more of a gentleman. He knows, even with the scars, that the older witcher knows how to charm the ladies.]

Oh, I brought extra. Don't worry.

[ She wasn't about to subject herself to an entire winter using the lye soap she knows Geralt uses when she's not around to bully him into using something kinder to his skin. She knows most of the men around won't care if her hair frizzes or her skin feels dry and tight, but she will, and she's not going to let her routine falter just because she's holed up in the mountains all season.

Setting a fresh chemise down on her bed, she turns to him and reaches out to take one of his hands in hers, pulling him closer until she can reach up to cup his face in her palms. ]

Thank you, Lambert. [ Stretching up onto her toes, she leans in to kiss him very gently, just a chaste press of her lips to his. ] I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with you this season.

Looks like you brought a whole vendor's stall.

[Which isn't really a bad thing. He likes the way she smells, and inhaling it beneath the bitter cold when she'd first hugged him had felt like a balm on his soul.

Now, he returns the kiss, then presses one to her forehead. Lambert is sure that if either of his brothers had seen this, he'd never hear the end of it. He'd be mercilessly teased about having gone soft. But here, it's okay.]

C'mon, let's go see those springs. [Again, he offers his arm to her.]

Don't make fun, it'll be for your benefit in the end.

[ He can kiss her as often and as gently as he pleases, and she'll dare any of the others to say anything about it.

Jaskier's made it her life's mission to gentle witchers, it seems, and she's determined not to let this golden opportunity that's fallen into her lap go to waste. She's going to pin Geralt down — figuratively, probably, unless seeing her naked in the baths is so shocking he forgets how strong he is — the moment they're alone so she can give him a stern talking-to, and then at some point she's going to corner Eskel and see how she can worm her way into his good graces, and hopefully by the end of the winter, she'll be able to do the same to Vesemir.

Jaskier's always thrived with a well-defined goal to strive towards. She's looking forward to the next few months. ]

Why thank you, kind sir. [ And she takes his arm, slipping hers through the crook of his elbow and letting her fingers rest on his vambrace as delicately as a proper high-born lady should when being escorted by a knight. ]

...You're gonna make me bathe with your fancy oils and stuff again, aren't you?
[Not that he would mind.

He leads her out into the hallway, turning the opposite way from the way they'd gone before. There's a door at the end that he opens onto a set of stairs leading down, torches lining the walls to light the way. Which means Geralt or Vesemir lit them for Jaskier, because they didn't light all of them typically. Even if they couldn't see in the dark, one torch would've been enough. The witchers all know this keep like the backs of their hands.

As they draw near the bottom of the staircase, a draft of humid air greets them, along with the faint sulfuric smell that accompanies a natural hot spring. Lambert can also pick out Geralt's scent.

The staircase opens into a cavernous room, well-lit with sconces all around. To one side, there are a few stone benches, one with Geralt's clothes laid out on it. There are also an array of slightly-glittering stalactites and stalagmites about the room.

He turns to her and speaks softly, hoping Geralt doesn't care to listen in.]

Guess this is where I leave you. If he corners me later and starts asking questions about...earlier...what do you want me to tell him?

Edited 2020-08-20 23:34 (UTC)

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