shut up and kiss me

[blacklisle]

The Fake Relationship Meme

You're not together. But you need to make people think you are. Because of reasons.

Maybe you secretly can't stand each other. Maybe you like each other, just not like that. (Or do you?) Maybe this is the only way you'll ever get to be with your crush. Maybe you just need to give off that couple vibe in public, or maybe you're going to be forced to engage in some hot'n'heavy fakeout makeouts. For reasons, okay?

You know the drill. Post, tag, profit.

1. Home For The Holidays ⇢ You need to prove to your parents that you do so have a significant other. Just until they're gone.
2. No Singles Need Apply ⇢ The place is perfect, but the landlady will only rent it to a nice, respectable couple.
3. It's Not Safe For A Woman Alone ⇢ One of you is vulnerable in this big, bad world without a partner to protect you.
4. Public Relations ⇢ There's only one way to stop these pesky rumors: start your own.
5. Undercover Mission ⇢ They'll never suspect a couple of lovey-dovey honeymooners of... whatever it is you're actually up to.
6. Marriage Of Convenience ⇢ It's good for both your families. Or your finances. Or your hetero street cred. Whatever: might as well make the best of it.
7. Well That Escalated Quickly ⇢ It's common knowledge that you're together, except you're the last to know. Is it worth correcting people?
8. Free Space ⇢ Bring your own bottle scenario.

Comments

[pricklywolf]

[The hot springs is usually the first thing on all their lists when they return for winter, so it really is likely. He stands there awkwardly, watching her as she gathers what she needs.]

I know...We have soap down there, you know. If you wanted to save yours for the road. And I'll be in the library helping Eskel, I guess.

[This is definitely new territory for the youngest wolf. Maybe while he's helping Eskel, he can ask for tips on how to be more of a gentleman. He knows, even with the scars, that the older witcher knows how to charm the ladies.]

[enanimant]

Oh, I brought extra. Don't worry.

[ She wasn't about to subject herself to an entire winter using the lye soap she knows Geralt uses when she's not around to bully him into using something kinder to his skin. She knows most of the men around won't care if her hair frizzes or her skin feels dry and tight, but she will, and she's not going to let her routine falter just because she's holed up in the mountains all season.

Setting a fresh chemise down on her bed, she turns to him and reaches out to take one of his hands in hers, pulling him closer until she can reach up to cup his face in her palms. ]

Thank you, Lambert. [ Stretching up onto her toes, she leans in to kiss him very gently, just a chaste press of her lips to his. ] I'm looking forward to being able to spend time with you this season.

[pricklywolf]

Looks like you brought a whole vendor's stall.

[Which isn't really a bad thing. He likes the way she smells, and inhaling it beneath the bitter cold when she'd first hugged him had felt like a balm on his soul.

Now, he returns the kiss, then presses one to her forehead. Lambert is sure that if either of his brothers had seen this, he'd never hear the end of it. He'd be mercilessly teased about having gone soft. But here, it's okay.]

C'mon, let's go see those springs. [Again, he offers his arm to her.]

[enanimant]

Don't make fun, it'll be for your benefit in the end.

[ He can kiss her as often and as gently as he pleases, and she'll dare any of the others to say anything about it.

Jaskier's made it her life's mission to gentle witchers, it seems, and she's determined not to let this golden opportunity that's fallen into her lap go to waste. She's going to pin Geralt down — figuratively, probably, unless seeing her naked in the baths is so shocking he forgets how strong he is — the moment they're alone so she can give him a stern talking-to, and then at some point she's going to corner Eskel and see how she can worm her way into his good graces, and hopefully by the end of the winter, she'll be able to do the same to Vesemir.

Jaskier's always thrived with a well-defined goal to strive towards. She's looking forward to the next few months. ]

Why thank you, kind sir. [ And she takes his arm, slipping hers through the crook of his elbow and letting her fingers rest on his vambrace as delicately as a proper high-born lady should when being escorted by a knight. ]

[pricklywolf]

...You're gonna make me bathe with your fancy oils and stuff again, aren't you?
[Not that he would mind.

He leads her out into the hallway, turning the opposite way from the way they'd gone before. There's a door at the end that he opens onto a set of stairs leading down, torches lining the walls to light the way. Which means Geralt or Vesemir lit them for Jaskier, because they didn't light all of them typically. Even if they couldn't see in the dark, one torch would've been enough. The witchers all know this keep like the backs of their hands.

As they draw near the bottom of the staircase, a draft of humid air greets them, along with the faint sulfuric smell that accompanies a natural hot spring. Lambert can also pick out Geralt's scent.

The staircase opens into a cavernous room, well-lit with sconces all around. To one side, there are a few stone benches, one with Geralt's clothes laid out on it. There are also an array of slightly-glittering stalactites and stalagmites about the room.

He turns to her and speaks softly, hoping Geralt doesn't care to listen in.]

Guess this is where I leave you. If he corners me later and starts asking questions about...earlier...what do you want me to tell him?

[enanimant]

I'll make all of you do it, just you wait and see.

[ She's not stupid. She's discovered the kinds of scents that aren't offensive to witchers, as well as how strong she can make her concoctions before a very sensitive nose will wrinkle. Maybe their preferences for the types of scents will differ between them, but she's got a pretty good idea of what her limits are.

Careful to pay close attention as they walk, not wanting to get lost should she try to come down here again on her own, Jaskier lets herself be guided along through the keep, down an endless flight of stairs lit by flickering torches.

She can smell the baths before she sees them, an eggy touch to the air that she knows means a mineral bath nearby, and she can't help the way her pulse quickens eagerly. A real bath. A hot bath. Big enough for her to lounge in!

She's excited.

Lambert taking her aside and speaking to her has her smiling gently up at him, not worried about him seeing her expression in the dim light, trusting his senses to let him know that she's not equivocating. ]

The truth, darling. [ Letting go of his arm, she reaches up to trace her fingers across his cheek, skimming the long edge of one of the scars that carve their way down his face. ] I have never lied to any of you, and I will not have you lie for me.

[ He can take that in whatever way he likes. ]

[pricklywolf]

I guarantee you he's already jealous. Probably jumping to conclusions. You don't wanna have a little fun with him~?

[Lambert knows that Geralt wouldn't buy it if they attempted to make him believe they were courting. Maybe the big oaf isn't actually even jealous, maybe he's simply annoyed at the both of them.

He reaches up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers trail along her jaw and come to rest under her chin, then leans in to steal another kiss.]

I'll be in the library, if you need me.