bakerstreet | Hit send. Feel regret.

Bucky...

[He wasn't disappointed that Bucky didn't say something sooner. He could understand where Bucky was coming from. When he was first brought out of the ice, everything had confused him as well. Now, more than ever, they needed each other. Everyone else was gone. Dum Dum. Peggy. Phillips. They were all gone. Sure, there were new people, new friends to trust, but it wasn't the same.

Their world, the world that they knew was gone.]

Never be scared. Never hesitate when it comes to me, to us. You were there, Bucky. You were there when I didn't have anything else, some skinny little runt who was always sick. You saved me in the alley. You always save me. You... You're it, Bucky.

[ Bucky couldn't help scoffing. Sure, he'd saved Steve a few times back then. How could he not when Steve had needed him? He'd spent a lot of time chasing after Steve when they'd been kids, Steve always running into a fight and Bucky not far behind, because that had just been who Bucky had been. He was Steve's friend and that was all he needed to know. Steve had always been a man worth following, even when they were small. ]

Lately, you're the one who keeps saving me.

[ Because Bucky wasn't saving anyone these days. At best, he was fighting to survive, but even that wasn't as necessary in Wakanda and he liked that. He liked that he didn't have to fight, even if it was probably temporary. He wanted that break, but he'd leave it behind in a heartbeat if Steve needed him to.

He still wasn't even sure who he was without Steve as an anchor of sorts. Who was Bucky Barnes without the reference point of Steve Rogers? ]

But I'll keep that in mind.

[Steve shook his head, watching Bucky with bemusement. He'd seen that look before, a look he knew almost better than he knew himself. Mostly, it was a look he used to have on his face quite a bit. Arguably, neither of them thought they were good enough, the other always saving them. They were so very similar in that regard.]

It's what we do, hmm? You saved me. I saved you. Who pulled me out of the water and didn't leave me to die, even though he didn't know why he was doing it? Hmm?

[He couldn't put into words very well, but Steve had the same issues, the same problems inside his own mind. For him, the line was between Steve Rogers and Captain America. Steve Rogers went into the ice, but it was Captain America that came out, as dumb at that probably would sound to anyone else. Steve wanted kids, marriage, a life when his military career was over. There was a future for him. A future he didn't ever see himself having now.

Everyone needed The Captain to help save the day, the world, the universe and then some. There would always be a fight. Someone would always need saving. Who would Steve Rogers be if he wasn't fighting, wasn't running around the world with Sam and Natasha? A shiver ran through him as he reluctantly pulled back from Bucky.]

Keep it in mind? You do that... [Steve moved away from Bucky, turning to stare at the world around him. Wakanda was a beautiful country. He had been lucky to meet T'challa and the others. He felt blessed to just be here, to witness it all. Maybe after this fight, he could give it up? Maybe he could just stop? The idea seemed like an impossible dream to Steve.]

[ Steve has a fair point. Maybe Bucky can still have Steve's back. He knows that he would if he thought Steve was in danger. If he's honest, he would do anything for Steve if Steve asked.

As far as he's concerned, all the things that make Captain America are just the muscles and reflexes that match the personality Steve's always had. He's still the same kid Bucky grew up with in every way that matters and that's why Bucky cares about him so much. Steve's always been a man worth following. ]

Where are you going?

[ He moves after Steve and reaches for his hand, but he doesn't just mean physically. It seems like Steve's mind is wandering a million miles away on him and really all he wants is for Steve to be present here with him. He wants more kissing and he wants to have as much of Steve as he's allowed to have before Steve has to run off again.

Steve's not done fighting and that's okay. Bucky knows he'll probably never be done and even if Bucky can't be with him right now, he hopes he can be a home base of sorts for Steve to come home to. He can be something warm and familiar in a cold world. He can be Steve's port in the storm for as long as he can stay hidden here. ]

I'm right here... [And physically, he was. One hand reached out and he took Bucky's in his, threading his fingers together as he stared out at Wakanda. Emotionally, though, he was worlds away. Another time. Another place. If things were different, then maybe there would be no fighting at all. A part of Steve wondered who he would be if he wasn't a soldier.

Stepping back from the window, he moves around behind Bucky, wrapping his arms around Bucky and pulls him close, resting his cheek against Bucky's shoulder.] See that out there, Buck. We'd never have that at home. It's too pretty. Too quiet. It's like something out of a movie, not the Brooklyn street we grew up on.

His lips move up to brush against Bucky's ear.] I wish we could just stay like this forever and never wake up...

[ The thing is that Steve's always been a fighter. Maybe he hadn't seen it in himself, but Bucky knows it's always been there. Steve can't let things lie, can't leave the fighting to others, and that's something Bucky has already admired about him, even sheen he'd been smaller.

Bucky isn't apathetic towards the safety of others, either, but that drive to fight has really dried up in him. He's tired and he needs this break if he ever wants to hope to be really human again. He's come to realize that in Wakanda. That life on the run hadn't been much of any life at all for him. He'd barely been getting better. Hee needs this. ]

No you don't.

[ He leans into Steve's embrace, tilting his head to give Steve easier access to his neck without even thinking about it. ]

You'd go crazy being grounded here, but you can always come back. Whenever you want.

You’re not wrong, Buck. It’s… It’s a different world here. No fighting. Just… Just us. Think about it.

[His words are soft, an attempt to be inviting as he gently sways Bucky in his arms. Gentle kisses move their way up and down his neck, lingering at the pulse point there. His teeth graze Bucky’s skin and his eyes flutter closed, losing himself in all the other sensations. The touch of Bucky, his scent and how he feels beneath his fingertips. Strong arms tighten around Bucky, never wanting to let go.]

I’m here, aren’t I? Whispering in your ear. Reminding you how much I’ve missed you, missed this. I remember it all, Buck. The bed that was too small for us back home. The way you protected me, kept me safe and warm. There’s no fight here, Buck… Just us.

[He grins and pulls Bucky away from the window, not really wanting an audience as he shows Bucky just how much he’s missed him.]

[ Bucky can't help humming softly under the attention and he lets his eyes close. His fingers move along Steve's forearm, encouraging. This is perfect or about as close as he thinks anything can get for him. Steve can't stay for good, but he's here now and he's holding Bucky like something worth fighting for.

He's almost sad when Steve pulls away, but then Steve's pulling him along and he goes easily. ]

That bed would barely fit one of us now.

[ He shakes his head with a little chuckle. Steve's the one keeping him safe now. ]

I'm glad you're here.

Then it's a good thing you have a bigger one...

[Steve smirks, moving over to stand beside the bed. Strong hands move to Bucky's hips, pulling him closer. A small sigh slips out as he pulls Bucky in for another kiss, hungry and deep and full of everything that is raging through him. He doesn't want to be anywhere else. He doesn't want to fight. Right now, all he wants is Bucky.]

I'm glad I'm here too... Let me show you.

[ Bucky laughs and loops his arm around Steve's kneck, knows he probably grinning like an idiot into all of their kisses, but he doesn't care at all, because Steve is here and he's holding Bucky and kissing him and hell if it isn't even better than Bucky could have imagined. ]

Moving a little fast there, aren't you, Rogers?

[ Not that Bucky's complaining with his teasing tone and the way he's got his arm around Steve. ]

Me?

[Steve smiled and pulled Bucky closer, one hand moving up into his hair and gently wrapping the soft locks around his fingers. Warm lips pressed against Bucky's, tongue licking along his bottom lip as he begged for access. If Bucky reaches his hand lower, he will find just how happy Steve is to be with Bucky and how much he wants this right now.] If you think over ninety years is fast...

[He smirked and pulled back, running one hand down Bucky's arm, threading their fingers together.] You have two options, Buck. Stop me... Or strip me. [He laughed, enjoying the fun, carefree feeling he was enjoying, a brief bit of levity in his otherwise tense life.]

For you, it might be fast.

[ It's easy to kiss Steve, to let him set the pace and take control, not because Bucky doesn't know what he wants anymore, but because he does. It's Steve. He's managed to figure out a lot about himself lately and he knows that for him, Steve is a pretty big deal.

He squeezes Steve's hand. ]

Well, I'm not going to stop you, but stripping you might be slow with one arm. You're gonna have to help me out here.

Maybe I want it slow. Shouldn't rush this, as you said...

[His voice dies off and he steps back, watching Bucky as he starts to undo his uniform. His eyes never leave Bucky as he begins to undress, taking an agonizingly slow pace. He will always help Bucky. He will do anything and everything for Bucky at a moments notice if he's asked.]

Tell me, Bucky. What you want. What you don't want... Set the pace with me.

[ With a smile, Bucky doesn't let Steve get too far. He loops a finger into a loop on Steve's uniform and pulls himself a little closer to Steve by it. ]

It's been a while since anyone touched me at all.

[ He releases his grip and his hand joins Steve's on his uniform, opening fastenings with care. ]

But I just... want you. I think maybe I have for a long time.

Bucky, don't you get it?

[Steve smiled, letting himself be pulled easily enough. Gentle hands move easily enough, taking all the love and care he can to reveal both of their bodies. With each hint of skin that becomes more visible, Steve feels like he's floating on a cloud. He can't explain it, can't put it into words how much he has wanted this. He doesn't think that any words could do it justice. He knows that he appears perfect, according to Howard and Erskine's designs, but he's just himself, nothing more.

And Bucky's body, well, he didn't care how many arms Bucky had. All he wanted to do was explore. Steve wanted nothing more than to kiss his way down from Bucky's neck to his knee, caressing every inch along the way.]

I want you, Bucky. I've always wanted you. I wanted you back then, but I couldn't act on it. I wasn't shy around the girls, Buck. I didn't want them...

[He gazed up at Bucky, his cheeks reddening slightly as he finally says the words out loud.] I've never been with another man, Bucky. I don't... I don't want other men. I only want you.

[ The light chuckle is absolutely not at Steve's expense, but Bucky can't help it. God, Steve's so earnest. He really hasn't changed at all, not in the ways that matter and Bucky loves him for it. Steve's the one constant in his life that can keep him grounded. ]

I haven't been with any other men, either, you know.

[ And it's been a pretty long time since he's been with any women. He's really not looking for anyone, either. He's so messed up, he can't imagine trying to form a new relationship with some poor woman who doesn't even know what she's getting into. No, he's pretty sure it's Steve or celibacy for him. ]

We don't have to worry about any of that, though. You and me are here now, right? I'm right here. You got me.

No, but you did seem to have your way with the dames a lot when we were younger. You sure seemed to have a lot of experience with them. At least you weren't a 95 year old virgin.

[He couldn't help but grin at that. Finally, he had Bucky back in his life. He would take anything he could get.] End of the line... [He moved back up to a standing position, one hand moving up to Bucky's hip, pulling him close.]

Does that make us Brooklyn-sexual? Bucky-sexual? [He laughed, winking at Bucky.]

You're still over-thinking it.

[ Not that it surprises Bucky. He might have had some of his own over-thinking back when they were younger. Maybe not as much as Steve, but things like that just don't seem important anymore. ]

We're Steve and Bucky. The rest of it doesn't matter.

[ He moves closer without any resistance and leans in to kiss Steve. Just being allowed that affection is amazing after everything he's been through. He feels so much more human than he had even a few months ago and Steve's presence does't hurt. Steve makes him feel like he really could be Bucky Barnes again. Maybe he already is, at least enough.

Instead of pulling away, he whispers against Steve's lips. ]

That's what matters.

It's what I do...

[Steve shivered, clinging to Bucky as he feels the man in front of him. It's all he can do to just be there, enjoying the moment like he should be. Don't think. Don't worry. Just react.

Strong, soft lips kiss Bucky, returning the kiss with passion as he wraps his arms around him. Nothing matters but them. It was a nice sentiment. If only he could remember it and focus on it. He sees the changes in Bucky, the slow steps back to the man he used to be.

Steve wishes he could find his way back to his old self in the process.]

[ Bucky hums into the kiss, pressing close and resting his hand on Steve's waist. He doesn't think this is something he'll get sick of any time soon. It's taken a long time for them to get here and Bucky's spent to long confused or punishing himself. He needs to let himself have this, whatever it is, because if he's not going to live his life, then what is he even fighting for? He doesn't deserve this at all, but Steve does and Bucky's just going to take it, anyway. ]

I know. I need to make you stop.

[ His voice is warm and fond and maybe a little teasing. ]

You can try...

[He smirked, shaking his head lightly as he kissed Bucky. He could try as hard as he wanted, but there was no changing him. There was no changing either of them. They both were animals that never changed their spots once hey dug their heels in. Both of them had always been too stubborn for their own good.]

Bucky... Do you dream?

[ Oh, Bucky doesn't plan anything as futile as breaking Steve of his bad habits. He's more planning to be distracting enough that Steve can't think at all and the smile he's giving Steve should say as much. ]

Sort of. Sometimes I can't tell, but I'm pretty sure it's mostly memories these days.

[ Slow and deliberate, Bucky gets back to the task of undressing Steve one-handed. Slow doesn't mean not at all. ]

[He smiled, watching Bucky. He's torn between helping him and enjoying he show. Reaching down, he starts to help Bucky, strong fingers easily undoing the clasps of his uniform.]

I dreamed the war was over, Buck. I was here with you and there was no more fighting. Just us.

It was a nice dream...

That is a nice dream.

[ Once open, he pushes at the top of Steve's uniform gently. Maybe being awkwardly undressed by a one-armed man isn't on most people's fantasy lists, but he doesn't feel like he has to be anyone else for Steve. It's a relief. ]

But you gotta stop thinking like that. There's always gonna be one more fight if you don't give yourself a break when you can. Like right now.

[He sighed. Stubborn Steve just wasn't getting it. He couldn't explain to Bucky in words how he felt or how badly that he didn't want to fight anymore. He steps back, helping Bucky and removing his trousers, stepping out of them when he can use both hands to push them down. His eyes never leave Bucky as he slips his clothes off, letting them pool at his feet on the floor. There's a shiver in him, a tremble of nerves but he doesn't stop himself.]

I am here. Now. With you. That's all I need. I know...

[Moving back over to Bucky, he reached up and threaded his fingers lightly in Bucky's hair, running the soft locks around his fingertips.] Tell me what you want, Buck. Name it and I'll give it to you.

Hit send. Feel regret.

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ugh, I am so sorry about that... Im so exhausted

no worries!

Re: no worries!

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