bakerstreet | Hit send. Feel regret.

[ The light chuckle is absolutely not at Steve's expense, but Bucky can't help it. God, Steve's so earnest. He really hasn't changed at all, not in the ways that matter and Bucky loves him for it. Steve's the one constant in his life that can keep him grounded. ]

I haven't been with any other men, either, you know.

[ And it's been a pretty long time since he's been with any women. He's really not looking for anyone, either. He's so messed up, he can't imagine trying to form a new relationship with some poor woman who doesn't even know what she's getting into. No, he's pretty sure it's Steve or celibacy for him. ]

We don't have to worry about any of that, though. You and me are here now, right? I'm right here. You got me.

No, but you did seem to have your way with the dames a lot when we were younger. You sure seemed to have a lot of experience with them. At least you weren't a 95 year old virgin.

[He couldn't help but grin at that. Finally, he had Bucky back in his life. He would take anything he could get.] End of the line... [He moved back up to a standing position, one hand moving up to Bucky's hip, pulling him close.]

Does that make us Brooklyn-sexual? Bucky-sexual? [He laughed, winking at Bucky.]

You're still over-thinking it.

[ Not that it surprises Bucky. He might have had some of his own over-thinking back when they were younger. Maybe not as much as Steve, but things like that just don't seem important anymore. ]

We're Steve and Bucky. The rest of it doesn't matter.

[ He moves closer without any resistance and leans in to kiss Steve. Just being allowed that affection is amazing after everything he's been through. He feels so much more human than he had even a few months ago and Steve's presence does't hurt. Steve makes him feel like he really could be Bucky Barnes again. Maybe he already is, at least enough.

Instead of pulling away, he whispers against Steve's lips. ]

That's what matters.

It's what I do...

[Steve shivered, clinging to Bucky as he feels the man in front of him. It's all he can do to just be there, enjoying the moment like he should be. Don't think. Don't worry. Just react.

Strong, soft lips kiss Bucky, returning the kiss with passion as he wraps his arms around him. Nothing matters but them. It was a nice sentiment. If only he could remember it and focus on it. He sees the changes in Bucky, the slow steps back to the man he used to be.

Steve wishes he could find his way back to his old self in the process.]

[ Bucky hums into the kiss, pressing close and resting his hand on Steve's waist. He doesn't think this is something he'll get sick of any time soon. It's taken a long time for them to get here and Bucky's spent to long confused or punishing himself. He needs to let himself have this, whatever it is, because if he's not going to live his life, then what is he even fighting for? He doesn't deserve this at all, but Steve does and Bucky's just going to take it, anyway. ]

I know. I need to make you stop.

[ His voice is warm and fond and maybe a little teasing. ]

You can try...

[He smirked, shaking his head lightly as he kissed Bucky. He could try as hard as he wanted, but there was no changing him. There was no changing either of them. They both were animals that never changed their spots once hey dug their heels in. Both of them had always been too stubborn for their own good.]

Bucky... Do you dream?

[ Oh, Bucky doesn't plan anything as futile as breaking Steve of his bad habits. He's more planning to be distracting enough that Steve can't think at all and the smile he's giving Steve should say as much. ]

Sort of. Sometimes I can't tell, but I'm pretty sure it's mostly memories these days.

[ Slow and deliberate, Bucky gets back to the task of undressing Steve one-handed. Slow doesn't mean not at all. ]

[He smiled, watching Bucky. He's torn between helping him and enjoying he show. Reaching down, he starts to help Bucky, strong fingers easily undoing the clasps of his uniform.]

I dreamed the war was over, Buck. I was here with you and there was no more fighting. Just us.

It was a nice dream...

That is a nice dream.

[ Once open, he pushes at the top of Steve's uniform gently. Maybe being awkwardly undressed by a one-armed man isn't on most people's fantasy lists, but he doesn't feel like he has to be anyone else for Steve. It's a relief. ]

But you gotta stop thinking like that. There's always gonna be one more fight if you don't give yourself a break when you can. Like right now.

[He sighed. Stubborn Steve just wasn't getting it. He couldn't explain to Bucky in words how he felt or how badly that he didn't want to fight anymore. He steps back, helping Bucky and removing his trousers, stepping out of them when he can use both hands to push them down. His eyes never leave Bucky as he slips his clothes off, letting them pool at his feet on the floor. There's a shiver in him, a tremble of nerves but he doesn't stop himself.]

I am here. Now. With you. That's all I need. I know...

[Moving back over to Bucky, he reached up and threaded his fingers lightly in Bucky's hair, running the soft locks around his fingertips.] Tell me what you want, Buck. Name it and I'll give it to you.

I think I've made it pretty clear that I want you.

[ He starts to shrug out of his own clothes, which are a little easier to remove by design. He doesn't like the idea of constantly needing help, even if he knows that he has people who don't mind doing it. Not that he'll refuse Steve's help right now, because he definitely won't. ]

So I think you should lie me down in that bed and do something about it.

Is that an order, Sergeant Barnes?

[Steve had no problem following orders. His hands are gentle as he helps Bucky, watching as more and more skin comes into view. His lips turn up in a smile as he moves in closer to Bucky.]

I should be the one giving the orders. Not taking them.

[Shrugging his shoulders, Steve picked Bucky up and hauled him over his shoulder before Bucky could argue. He treats Bucky like a delicate doll as he carries him over to the bed and then gently laid him down on top of it.]

Edited 2018-05-22 23:20 (UTC)

[ There's a moderately sassy reply on the tip of Bucky's tongue when Steve picks him up, but it's lost in a laugh as Bucky grips at Steve's other shoulder to try to feel less off-balance. Even with one arm, Bucky's a capable man. If anyone else tried this, they'd already be out cold, but Bucky lets Steve carry him because it's Steve and there's no one Bucky trusts more, even including himself. ]

Then give me some orders, Captain.

[ He smiles up at Steve, stretching out on the bed in what he hopes is an inviting manner. ]

Lay back? Enjoy the ride?

[He smiled and slowly crawled on tip of Bucky, moving so that he was right on top of him. His head tilted to the side and he looked down at Bucky, leaning in for a soft kiss. One hand reached up to cup his cheek, fingertips trailing down to Bucky's collarbone. His other hand moved down to Bucky's hip, lingering there.

He leans down, brushing his cheek against Bucky's, nuzzling his neck.]

Kiss me like the world is gonna end tomorrow?

[ Bucky slides his hand over Steve's side, up his strong back and pulls him in like an anchored weight.

Steve's touch is intoxicating. It has Bucky melting and he'd hate it if he didn't love Steve so much, but he does. ]

Tough orders to follow, but I'll do my best.

[ And with a grin, he does just that. He kisses Steve like all the air's gone out of the room and he needs Steve to breath. ]

I believe in you, soldier.

[A shiver ran through him as he leaned down, letting his tongue slip along Bucky's bottom lip before begging for access. His eyes closed and he lost himself in the kiss, as if he was never going to see Bucky again. Sometimes he had the strong fear that he actually might have that happen.]

Bucky...

[He couldn't believe how good it felt to be back in Bucky's arms again. It was like no time had passed. He knew he loved Bucky and if this was all he had, he'd would take it.]

[ He ran his hand up and down over Steve's back, chasing after more kisses and mumbling against Steve's lips like putting any distance there would be painful. ]

'M right here, Steve.

[ The more he can feel Steve against his body, the more taking it slow seems like something he wants to throw out the window entirely. ]

Want you.

I'm here too. I'll always be here.

[Steve reached down, taking one of Buck's hands and lifting it up to his chest. He's careful to put Bucky's palm directly over his heart, his kisses turning deeper and more frenzied. He wants to linger, wants to wait and not rush this, after wanting it so long. And yet, he's finding it harder and harder to take it slow.]

Ditto.

[ Bucky's hand is slack in Steve's, letting him move Bucky around however he wants. This is exactly the kind of moment where he wishes he had the other one back, because there's too much to touch right now and he's only got the one hand to do it, but Steve is here kissing him and he can feel Steve's heart picking up pace. ]

Don't promise me stuff you can't deliver on, Steve. Just be here now, okay? That's all I need.

[ He would love to think Steve will always be here, but there's always going to be another fight and one day Steve won't come back or Bucky will finally get arrested before he does. He's not okay with either of those things, but Bucky can't do anything about either of them. ]

[Bucky's words cut him right to his heart. He wasn't trying to promise something he couldn't deliver. He really wanted to be able to deliver it. He wanted to say something sweet and have Bucky know that he meant it. He would do everything he could in his power and then some to come back to Bucky. Now that he finally had the man back in his life, he'd die before he gave that up so quickly.]

Okay...

[And maybe there is a bit of sadness in his tone. Maybe thinking like that just makes him never want to leave more. Especially with Bucky only having one arm. Steve wants to touch everything, do everything and be everything for Bucky. It kills him that things are this way.]

Steve.

[ Bucky's tone is warm as he slips his hand from Steve's grip so that he can touch Steve's face. ]

Look at me. I'm here and you're here and we're together. You need to stop worrying about everything else for five minutes.

[ Maybe Steve's right to be worried. Bucky's not exactly possessing a full set of faculties or the healthiest perspective, but he's trying. If left to his own devices he'd be just as stuck in the past as Steve is worried about the future, but he's trying hard to let himself have this, even if he can't have anything else and even if he doesn't deserve it. ]

Just give me five minutes, okay?

[ He pulls Steve down for another kiss. ]

[With gentle movements, Steve closed his eyes and leaned into Bucky's touch. Instead of looking at him, Steve focused on the feel of him, together as one. It wasn't easy for Steve to let anything go, even for five minutes. The feelings were always too strong. He had to protect. He had to fight. He wanted to have an ending someday where that didn't happen. His mind ran so fast that it was a wonder it wasn't loud to someone that wasn't him.

Slowly, Steve returned the kiss and just lost himself in Bucky. He didn't think, he felt. Strong hands moved up Bucky, from his ankle, all the way up to Bucky's neck. Five minutes. He could give Bucky five minutes. Steve made sure to have his hands caress every inch by the time he was done.

Just one more kiss, he thinks. Just one.]

[ Bucky hums, encouraging and appreciative, and hooks his ankle around Steve's leg. Steve's body is warm against his and the intimacy of this scares him, not just because he's never been like this with another man before, but because this is Steve and Bucky feels well and truly naked beneath him in a way he never had before with anyone else. It scares him, but he also wants to run at it full force and drown in it until he really can't remember any of the terrible things he's done or the worries Steve can't dodge and it's just the two of them here in this space with each other's bodies.

He kisses Steve like the world really is ending, like he might never see Steve again, desperate and clinging as the kiss goes on. ]

Don't stop, okay?

[ And maybe he's a little breathless, a little lost in feeling Steve's weight on his body as he rolls his hips a little. ]

Won't stop.

[As much as he wants to open his eyes, he doesn't. Not yet. Still closed, he caressed every inch of Bucky. Strong fingers squeezed at his hip. Firm fingers ran down his chest, teasing at Bucky's skin with his fingernails. His kisses are passionate, sucking on Bucky's bottom lip as he embraces his lover tight. His hips push down, grinding against Bucky and he moans a little into his lover's mouth.

He feels like he needs this, needs it to breathe and if he stops now he's done for. It all comes through in his actions, the way he's pushing Bucky into the bed and just wanting nothing more to be as close to him as possible.]

Never stopping...

Hit send. Feel regret.

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