bakerstreet | Grasping futilely for the tissues

[ when hal is on earth, he usually ends up in bruce's bed at one point or another. he doesn't really get how it started but it did and now they're in this... strange space where bruce tends to feel a little off if he hasn't had some time with hal on his own every once in a while. is he attached? he doesn't think so but it's still... strange. just a little.

so, he knows hal is on earth right now but he hasn't had a call from him or anything which leads bruce to wonder if he's done something wrong. which he hasn't, he knows that, but it's still --

when his phone rings, he's sitting in his office at wayne enterprises, staring out the window and trying not to think about hal. when he sees hal's name on the screen, that kind of makes that plan go out the window.

of course, it would figure that hal thinks he's calling someone else though. so, very flatly -- ]

... Wrong pal, pal. It's Bruce.

[ he snaps to attention the moment bruce's voice comes through. he tries to straight but slams his head against the top of the freezer instead. ]

Awh, fuck!

[ there's more shuffling noises and a distant groan. then his voice back, as stuffed up as before. ]

Bruce, hey...! [ it's fine. he meant to call barry, so bruce knows this is nothing but a wrong dial. he's in no shape for anything strenuous and being in bed with bruce is beyond strenuous. ]

I was calling Barry. But since you're on the line, any chance you could bring me soup?

[ he chuckles until it becomes a cough and then he pinches the bridge of his nose. ]

I'm kidding. I'll ... I'll see you next time.

[ He definitely wonders for a solid moment there if he should like, what, call for help for Hal? But it's Hal and head injuries are pretty much his bread and butter so Bruce just... waits it out. Listens to Hal stumble around while he taps his fingers on his desk, waiting for a point to this.

He's not... actually feeling that impatient though. Hal's wrong dialing breaks up the monotony of today and it's honestly good to hear from him because he's still... worried. A little. They haven't gotten together yet and he doesn't know why and part of him is wondering if he did something wrong -- ]

... Soup?

[ Hal wants soup? But then Hal begins to cough and Bruce pays a bit more attention to the sound of his voice. He's sick. Hal's sick. Bruce has a moment of surprise, he doesn't think he's ever noticed Hal get sick before. Does he even get sick? Well, clearly he does, he's sick right now, it's just... ]

No, wait -- [ Bruce, don't sound so eager. He pinches the bridge of his nose and waits a moment before, a bit more neutral. ] I mean, I could get you some soup. Have someone deliver it. Would that be okay?

[ there's a silence from hal's end. you can practically hear him thinking through it. he doesn't want something delivered, he wants-- he wants. he wants bruce here. he wants to feel his fingers through his hair. but can he ask that? well, time to find out. ]

Well if that someone is you. [ then quieter, ] Would that be okay?

[ bruce isn't a fool, he understands the implications there. hal is asking for soup but what he's asking for more is comfort, is the presence of someone else. no wonder he called barry. bruce knows hal enough at this point to know the types of things hal craves, the way he needs someone there when he feels bad, even if he acts like he doesn't. hal's a social creature, always looking for positive affection of some kind.

... and now he's asking bruce for it. can he give him that? ]

It... would take longer. For me to get there.

[ he's in gotham, after all. hal is in coast city. he could get there, of course, take the jet and be there in an hour or two. hal wouldn't be alone for too long, if bruce rushes it. ]

But I can do that. If that's what you want.

Yeah. [ he rubs his face, his hand muffles his next words ] That's what I want.

[ this is probably not what bruce wants though; playing glorified delivery boy for a sick friend he barely cares about beyond work and a little friendly fucking.

his laugh turns into an uncomfortable cough. he swallows hard to stop it from going further. ]

How do you take your IOUs? Got a feeling this one's pretty expensive.

[ there's a hrm noise on this end from bruce but he's already getting up, sending a message to alfred to prepare what he needs to get to hal's and making a list of food to be there when he arrives so he can bring it to hal. he's also sending a message to his assistant to let them know he'll be out of the office for a bit. he'll be available via email of course. ]

I don't want you to pay me back, Hal.

[ that would be... stupid. unreasonable. he's just taking care of him, there's no reason to make it a big deal. even if he's, uh, flying in to do so. doesn't matter. ]

Go to bed, take a nap. I'll let myself in when I get there, okay?

[ because of course he knows where hal's spare key is. ]

[ he's not really concerned about how easy it was for bruce to say yes. he is concerned that bruce doesn't want anything in return. hal mirrors his hrm and tucks the phone between his shoulder and ear. ]

I'll do you one better. [ there's the sound of the door unlocking ] Door's open.

[ hal will be asleep, curled up on the couch and cocooned in a thin blanket when bruce gets there. and the freezer door is still open because he is sick. leave him alone ]

[ it takes a few hours, less time than would be normal but maybe longer than hal would like -- about three -- to get to hal's with groceries in his hand. it was a short, quick flight in his jet and groceries packed away in the car waiting for him at the airport that went straight to hal's place. then it's just a matter of going upstairs with the bags and pushing his way into hal's place carefully.

he heads straight to the kitchenette, placing the bags on the counter and closing the freezer door as ah, there's hal. he'll take the few steps over to lean against the back of the couch and look down at hal, looking like a sick mess like this yet --

yet, bruce can't help but still find him utterly gorgeous. eurgh. he might be having an issue here.

his hand drops down, fingertips brushing against hal's forehead before he takes his shoulder and shakes him carefully. ]

Hal, I'm here. Wake up, swee-- soup. Soup is here for you. I have some, like you asked.

[ god, he was about to say sweetheart. shit. ]

[ he curls into the pillow he's on, shoves his face further into it and shuffles until the hand goes away. then he hears bruce's voice and he blinks slowly, blearily lifting his head up with his hair sticking up in odd places.

yep. this is a nightmare. it has to be. there's no way he actually called bruce and asked him for damn soup. if guy ever heard this -- don't even go there.

he does another slow blink then pushes himself up. the blankets fall away and yeah, this is... he's in his obnoxiously green briefs and a long sleeve shirt. this has to be a nightmare. he covers his face with his hands and groans ]

What-- Why are you here? What are you doing here?

[ bruce is having a terrible time keeping distant and careful not showing his hand. it's just something about hal here, sick and vulnerable and asking for bruce that has him... a little messed up. he wants to take care of him and it's a strange feeling for a man that he's so far only been intensely aroused by or intensely irritated by. he swallows, pulling his hand back instead of doing what he really wants which is to push it through hal's hair and pet him. ]

You asked.

[ simple as that. hal asked bruce to be here and so bruce showed up. it took him longer than he'd like but still not as long as it could've -- the power of money and private jets that are very fast. he looks over to where he's left the groceries on the counter and decides that that might be a better option here than trying to keep himself from touching hal.

he doesn't really have much else to say so with a crease of his eyebrows and a quiet focus, he begins to pull out the supplies he got hal. there's the soup, of course, hot chicken soup ready to be eaten the moment hal has the energy to get up. then bruce begins pulling things like orange juice and tissues and cold syrup out of the bag, putting the food away in hal's fridge and organizing the rest of it as he goes. ]

Soup's going to get cold, Hal.

I asked.

[ he repeats dumbly. blame it on the cold for his delayed response. but there's also being irrationally irritated that bruce wouldn't let him live in denial, and he's stuck in this place where he asked for bruce when he shouldn't have. that's not what they do.

he clears his throat and wraps the blanket around him. it's ridiculous. bruce standing in his kitchen, filling his empty fridge like he lives here is ridiculous. and how it makes his knees weak and heart race is nothing but illness talking. he brings the soup back to the couch and obediently starts eating before it gets cold. ]

It's a five hour flight.

[ he's testing the waters, because you don't just waste five hours for nothing when you're batman or bruce wayne. ]

[ hal gets the distinct pleasure then of seeing bruce, still in a very well-tailored suit, looking around the kitchen after he's finished putting everything away and making a face at the sink full of dishes. he'll pull off his suit jacket then, laying it over one of the kitchen stools and beginning to fold up the sleeves of his shirt. ]

Took the jet, shaved off two.

[ so, three hours overall. it was fine, he got some work done on the plane and now he can make sure hal's okay. a few moments later, the sound of the sink turns on as bruce begins to... wash hal's dishes, cleaning up after him. he's sick, it's easier to get better in a clean place and since hal is so barely here, it's not very clean. bruce can do this much, right? ]

I bought some cold medicine as well, take some.

[ he's so absorbed in watching bruce work in his kitchen. obsessed with it. he thinks up a scenario where this is actually happen -- maybe it's hector hammond again, making his deep desires come to life, maybe it's another universe where they talked about their feelings and it actually worked out in the end. he almost laughed, he did for a second then it catches up to him in a form of a punishing cough.

the soup is still mostly full when he gets up again. he feels some shitty combo of weak and dizzy and too hot and too cold in the same time but he gets up anyway and stands there. ]

Stop. Just stop all that. Stop... cleaning my kitchen. I'm not-- You're not my damn fucking boyfriend.

[ he's telling himself that more than bruce. but it's out and clear. he's not going to fool himself about it like bruce seems to want to ]

[ he does stop.

hal's outburst has him freeze for a moment, looking at hal like he's lost his mind and it goes silent. the only noise is the running water and hal's wheezy breath from his flu. bruce is just... he's confused. he thought he was helping. he thought they were close enough now that he could help, that hal wanted this. he knows barry would've done the same for hal and while he's not barry's level, he thought...

he thought wrong, he realizes. quietly, he reaches out and turns off the water before slowly pulling down his shirt sleeves. ]

... I didn't say I was, Hal, but I did think I was at least a friend.

[ he's just going to very stiffly button up his cuffs and try not to lash out -- but it's hal, it's hard not to argue. hal hurts him deeper and easier than anyone else he's ever met. it's a little rough. ]

Going from ah, sucking your dick to cleaning your dishes doesn't mean I was declaring my love for you, Hal. It means I sucked your dick and now, when you're sick, I thought it'd be nice to help you by washing your dishes. You don't have to read into it.

[ and you don't have to remind bruce very sharply that any feelings he does actually have for hal aren't reciprocated in the least. he gets it. he's not an idiot. ]

[ his face drops. he's an easy read and he knows that but he stands there like an idiot, doesn't think about how he's an easy read, and gets reprimanded. told off. that's fair. he didn't deserve bruce being like this for him. he deserves this-- being told off by bruce wayne has some sort of normalcy that breaks whatever illusion he had when he saw bruce cleaning his dishes. that it means anything. it doesn't. so this is what he deserves. isn't that messed up, thinking that. ]

I-- Yeah, don't read into it. Got it.

[ he bows his head and sits back down. the soup is there so he occupies himself with that. but because he can't let it go, can't get the sickness or the vague guilty feeling out to think properly, he stops fiddling with the soup and picks up his head again ]

I just meant that you don't have to. Nice isn't really what we do.

[ with his cuffs buttoned up again, bruce's hands drop to his hips as he turns an assessing eye on hal. there's something weird about this argument and it isn't that hal is sick. bruce's eyes narrow and he watches him as he deflates, as he say that as if it this wasn't all started by hal. he sounds disappointed he can't read into it, when he's the one who got mad at bruce in the first place.

he watches as hal fiddles with his soup for just a moment before jumping right back into the argument and bruce would laugh at how predictable hal is if he wasn't so annoyed right now by this. bruce didn't do anything. in fact, he did more than he usually would in an attempt to try.

in a very flat voice: ]

You just shouted at me that I'm not your boyfriend and thus I can't wash your dishes. That's a far cry from "you don't have to wash my dishes because I'm sick."

[ but if hal wants to stick with the nice part, sure. bruce has an argument for that too. ]

Hal, you asked me to help. So, I'm here to help. Why would I come all this way to be cruel to you?

I didn't shout. I cursed but I didn't shout.

[ arguing specifics here but it's all he had then. if he wasn't as tired and weak as he feels, that sentence would've involved a lot more actual shouting.

it's then he wished he wished barry was here instead. barry would've been here in minutes and then gone in an hour after tucking hal in or something equally responsible and caring. and none of it would have been out of place. what are best friends for after all.

he looks at bruce with his expensive suit, with gotham bleeding out of him and in to the air around him, and he rubs his face and sighs louder than he wanted to be. ]

I don't mean to be ungrateful. But a five hour-- three hour flight for soup and being nice? I don't have anything worth your while here, if you know what I mean.

[ sick or not, he can't forget about the transactional nature of their relationship. well, most of his relationships anyway. maybe this is new to bruce, but what does he know. hal offers, with a slight cringe, both at himself and the idea ]

You want me to jack you off?

[ there's a glare there that shows hal exactly what bruce thinks about him arguing semantics. he really doesn't get why hal is fighting him so hard here, why they're even arguing in the first place. it's just -- he just wanted to be here, to do something nice for hal. he asked him to come and he sounded so sad about it that bruce couldn't help but just... want to do it. want to do anything to make hal stop sounding sad.

he hadn't seen him in a while either, knew hal was in space for a month or two now and maybe he missed him a little. he didn't think this would be such a big deal but his presence is clearly upsetting hal and he... he doesn't get it.

then, hal says that. he spits it out, as if bruce is only here for sex, only here for his body and bruce's eyes widen in pure shock. he didn't think hal would go that far or even think he was capable of that but it's clear that bruce misinterpreted this badly. his mouth falls open in quiet shock and he steps back, as if he's been slapped. he wasn't looking for sex. he just... ]

I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer. You know that's not why I'm here. You know I wouldn't treat you like that.

[ bruce lifts his hand, pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to think, to explain himself. he just... ]

I don't know what's wrong with you. Flu or not, there's no reason to be a jackass, Hal. I came to help you, that's it. I don't want anything from you. I just...

[ why is he here? why did he come? with all of this, with the confusion of their relationship yet hal asked him to jump and he essentially asked how high. he's here, he came all this way and there's only really one reason why. ]

I just wanted to see you.

[ bruce says he should know and hal has the decency to look shame faced about it. he's right, hal should know. there's no proof of bruce ever treating him that way and they both know it. it's just hal and that vague feeling of guilt nestling in hid stomach.

he toys with the idea of shrugging it off -- you're still not my boyfriend, asshole. we just fuck. don't get any ideas. -- and he snorts. that's one sure way of fucking whatever this thing between them is. bruce wanted to see him, so alright. he's not too embarrassed about his state of dress or lack of composure to allow it to happen, to let bruce see him without the smart mouth, the pilot jacket, or the bravado.

hal looks at bruce, shadows under his eyes and his face sharper than the last time they saw each other, and allows himself to just be seen for a moment.

when he speaks again, it's a hoarse but steady voice that crawls out of his chest. ]

Could you-- I don't want to move and I don't want to talk with you over there. Could you just get over here?

Edited 2018-06-29 19:09 (UTC)

[ after his confession, because it most certainly is a confession in some way, he's not sure how to react. he's not sure if hal is going to lash out, call it stupid, tell him to leave, everything like that. so, he waits quietly, watches hal and braces himself for impact.

except the impact doesn't come. nothing does. instead hal seems to let go of his anger and let bruce... see him. bruce looks right back, notes the differences from when they last met. hal was healthier and a little more filled out then. tan from being in the sun for a while and had a wolfish smile as he pushes bruce into a closet and attacked his throat. it was a good memory, something that pleased bruce even after hal left and... stayed gone.

now, he looks a little different. a little most ghostly. bruce supposes that's why he needed to see him, needed to be able to ... help.

hal asks him to come closer and it surprises bruce but his hesitation doesn't last for long. he moves away from the kitchen sink and back around the kitchen island as he goes closer to the couch and where hal has his soup. he pauses just a little when he gets to the couch before slowly sitting down at the other end, letting hal have his space. when he sits there, he leans his elbows on his knees and clasps his hands together. ]

I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Hal.

[ he gets it. maybe hal didn't expect it, bruce's sincerity. it must have been incredibly uncomfortable for him for bruce to wash his dishes, to fill out his fridge. he should have asked first. ]

[ there's the problem; they don't make each other comfortable. they have always been uncomfortably present in each others' lives, when they are in each others' lives. hal thinks this but doesn't say it. his mind is just blank. there's too much going on underneath the surface here. bruce had shown him a side that he hadn't expected, it was an opening and hal had slammed it shut in his face because he thought that was the right thing to do-- to create boundaries.

sitting here now, he opens that door again. he doesn't respond with any reassurance for bruce, that he didn't make him uncomfortable. that'd be a lie, and he doesn't want to lie to bruce now. not after that dressing down. he rubs his face again and feels his head and shoulders ache at ht movement. ]

You can't do this and expect me to think it's only Bruce being nice for a friend. [ and because he can already feel the backlash of his words -- why can't he just be nice, it's not a problem to him, it shouldn't be a problem if they're friends -- hal groans loudly and scrubs that five o'clock shadow on his cheek ]

The thing is I start to think that maybe it's more than that, and I can't afford that. Not with you. So if you're here because you want to be nice for a friend then thanks, I appreciate it but I don't need you to make me fall in love with you more. Just tell me I am reading too much into it again and we'll close the books on it.

[ bruce isn't exactly sure where hal is going with this at first. he seems frustrated, upset, and bruce wants to make it right but everything he's doing seems to be the opposite of what hal wants. he wishes he could go back to just ignoring that part of him, just bulldozing right over hal and doing what he wants but it just isn't the same anymore.

he's seen things, parts of hal that he doesn't share with anyone else, soft smiles meant just for bruce and sleepy mornings where all they do is kiss for a while. it's not something they meant to share but it happened and there's no going back from it. right now, bruce wishes they weren't having this argument while hal was so sick, wishes he could just convince hal to drop it and get some rest. he doesn't want him to feel worse, you know?

but then hal keeps speaking and bruce keeps listening and suddenly what hal's saying is just a little too much. his eyes widen as he watches hal, pieces together what he's saying and his mouth falls open a little in shock. hal... is in love with him? hal's in love with him and has been hiding it this whole time, that's why he's so angry with bruce. it's hurting him for bruce to be nice to him with the distance between them.

oh, hal. ]

... Hal, I'm taking care of you because it's the right thing to do. I care about you a lot and I don't want you to be here, alone, trying to suffer through your flu. There's no motive there beyond that. Just me, a person who cares for you, not wanting you to suffer.

[ then he stops and turns to hal, reaching out and placing a hand on hal's knee as he looks at him sincerely. icy blue eyes meeting warm brown, he needs to make this very clear to him. ]

I'm not doing it because I have feelings for you, let alone because I love you. That wouldn't be right. My taking care of you doesn't hinge on my affection for you. You're my friend and I'll always be there for you, no matter how much we argue.

[ and before hal can get the wrong idea, he follows up very quickly -- ]

That said, I do have feelings for you. I may even love you but I'm not sure, I haven't explored the feelings yet. I've kept them to myself because you made it clear a relationship wasn't on the table but if that's something you'd like to pursue, I wouldn't be opposed. Is that okay?

[ he does, predictably, take it the wrong way at first. he's already convincing himself that he can do that, he can be friends, too. and he'll try his damnest not to be a dick about it next time. he stares at the hands in front of him and nods weakly to everything bruce says. then it hits him that bruce is still talking, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. there's that door openning and he's being allowed to peak in, see what's going on in bruce's mind.

hal press his lips together and slowly lets his hand cover the hand on his knee, cover his callous palms over bruce's knuckles and lets his fingers slide between. he shivers, not entirely because his flu but everything does feel heightened then.

he's so stupidly far gone for bruce, he could laugh at the question. and he does, just a soft laugh that doesn't hurt him too much. everything about him is softer when it's clear he's being given a chance here. ]

It's more than okay.

[ it only catches up to him how vague bruce kept his own wants. he wouldn't be oppsoed isn't exactly i want a relationship with you too. ]

I'm not good for it. Relationships. But-- I want you outside of sex. That something you'd like to pursue?

[ he gets it, is the thing. between the two of them, the normal boundaries and obligations of a relationship are not something they could manage. he doesn't know what it means for them, to even try, but he does know he wants hal in return. he watches their joined hands, turning his own slowly to catch hal's in a more secure hold as he leans over, presses his lips to hal's temple and pushes his nose into his hair. for a moment, he just stays there, just breathes him in and holds his hand.

when he pulls back, it's with a nod. how does he explain this, his wants, his needs, especially when he's not sure what he wants yet either. christ. ]

Yeah, that is. I want... [ he considers it, staring at hal's hand while his thumb rubs across his skin in gentle strokes. ] I don't want you to see other people. I want monogamy but I don't care about the... other stuff. I don't care if you go into space and don't come back for two weeks, two months, two years -- as long as when you come back, you come to me.

[ is that a relationship or just a reflection of bruce's loneliness? he's not sure but he knows it's something he needs if they're going to escalate this into something more than an occasional hook up. he looks to hal then, lifting their hands to press a kiss to the back of hal's hand. ]

And I want to be allowed to take care of you, like today. I want to be allowed to express my affection for you, in whatever manner that takes. We don't have to show it to others, I'm not one for that in the first place, but I want to show it to you.

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