A sledgehammer in the computer

[a_pirate_meant_to_be]

THE HELP DESK MEME


Have you tried shoving it up your arse?

No man is an island. Sometimes, you really, really need help on something that none of your friends can help with. In times like this, it's time to turn to a help line! Sadly, just because you call a HELP line doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get a helpful PERSON. Likewise, whether you realize it or not, you may be subjecting the person on the other end of the line to some amazingly stupid lines of inquiry.

Of course, it could all just go normally. But when has THAT ever made for interesting RP?

Standard meme rules here:

1. Post your upper level. Note what type of help line it is in your title, NOT your canon/character name.
2. People who tag in are calling into your help line.
3. Hilarity. Maybe.

Comments

[kissmyfist]

There's a hotline for this? Nice! If I, say, wanted to get high as a bloatbird and didn't have human limits to worry about, what should I go for?

That's not so hypothetical by the way. I've eaten things that would literally make a human explode into a bloody mess.

[quick_clean_pure]

Huh, I didn't even think I might get non-human types calling in on this line. Though if there's no worries about overdosing, that's gonna make all of this a lot easier.

Though that does lead me to ask, do you have veins or blood or anything? Gotta know the physical makeup here.

[kissmyfist]

I have blood but it's on fire sometimes. Even more so if I get excited. That a problem?

[quick_clean_pure]

Possibly? Potentially? Actually, you know what, give me a sec.

[You can hear the phone being put down on a hard surface, then the sound of a lighter flicking a couple of times. Then a quick fwoosh sound, then a faint 'Oh, that's good know.'

Then the phone's back up.] Okay, it looks like it's no problem, we should still be all good.

[kissmyfist]

Did you just try setting it on fire? I like you now! You gonna try out things like that hands-on!

[quick_clean_pure]

Hey, I gotta problem solve the old fashioned way, with my hands in the dirt and with real, actual fire. Like my ancestors did, probably.

[kissmyfist]

That's what I like about humans. They're really creative and think up all sorts of fun things. Like monster trucks, video games, movies, bungee jumping, and more. They've come up with all sorts of clever ways to satisfy their destructive urges, it's great.

Oh, yeah, so, what's the good stuff?

[quick_clean_pure]

If you enjoy the human mind, you're gonna love where I extract this shit from.

Anyway, I'm a street-level entrepeneur for a drug called zydrate, a grade-A painkiller that basically guarantees you won't feel a damned thing until the high wears off.

[kissmyfist]

Doesn't sound like my thing. I like to feel. But I'll give it a try just once.

[quick_clean_pure]

Hey, if nothing else, console yourself that you're experiencing pure delicious brain juice. You're okay with needles, right?

[kissmyfist]

I've never used one, but they wouldn't be the weirdest thing I've stabbed myself with.

[quick_clean_pure]

Gotta admire a man -- or, well, being, I guess -- that has no problems with a little stabbing.

Anyway: the stuff I've got goes into a vial that get puts into a gun that has a needle that gets put into you. Capiche?