A sledgehammer in the computer

[a_pirate_meant_to_be]

THE HELP DESK MEME


Have you tried shoving it up your arse?

No man is an island. Sometimes, you really, really need help on something that none of your friends can help with. In times like this, it's time to turn to a help line! Sadly, just because you call a HELP line doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get a helpful PERSON. Likewise, whether you realize it or not, you may be subjecting the person on the other end of the line to some amazingly stupid lines of inquiry.

Of course, it could all just go normally. But when has THAT ever made for interesting RP?

Standard meme rules here:

1. Post your upper level. Note what type of help line it is in your title, NOT your canon/character name.
2. People who tag in are calling into your help line.
3. Hilarity. Maybe.

Comments

Surviving Someone Trying to Assassinate You

[silentsummoning]

[departed_child_of_gods]

Soooooo say theoretically you DIDN'T survive the assassination attempt. What's the proper number of decades in which a ghost is allowed to hold a grudge?

[silentsummoning]

Honestly? My advice in that situation would be either to assassinate them right back or move on and drop the grudge. It does no good to hold on a grudge you can't do anything about.

[departed_child_of_gods]

Well, I would assassinate them right back, but it seems kinda rude considering they're currently in a state of suspended animation awaiting the day she and our Prince are able to successfully arise as immortals. I COULD shatter her plate, but I think the Crown Prince would be kinda pissed at me when she wakes up.

Also, the grudge kinda came with the whole "ghost" package really.

[silentsummoning]

And I know how difficult it's for people to let go of emotional attachments, let alone ghosts. My only advice's to not let this grudge dominate your li--no, you're dead. Your existence, I suppose.

[departed_child_of_gods]

I GUESS. Maybe. Sheesh. She is getting pranked a billion times when she finally wakes up though.

In the meantime, got any suggestions for how to entertain oneself in a tomb sealed by Buddhists? There's only so many times I can arrange the same sorta flowers or doodle in the dust and that damn evil hermit only brings a newspaper once every few months or so.

[silentsummoning]

You could call random hotlines with questions only tangentially related to their purposes, for example. It's a good thing that there aren't any urgent calls right now. My interpreter is a tireless spirit, too, so I can just talk, or rather sign, as long as I like. Just expect to be put on hold if another call comes in.

[departed_child_of_gods]

What, it's not relevant just because I'm POST assassination?! That's rude!

[silentsummoning]

I established this hotline mostly to help people survive using my own experiences, and I must admit I've no experience with being dead. But I suppose I am indeed being rude.

[shslliar]

So, my class and I were forced into a murdergame deal, so anyone could be a potential assasin. How do you survive that while you're trying to look for an escape?

[silentsummoning]

Those murdergame things have to stop. But I'll give some practical advice. This is a situation that calls for paranoia mode. Avoid going out at night, try to stay in groups of at least three, secure your room as thoroughly as you can. I don't recommend carrying a lethal weapon if you're untrained. If you accidentally kill someone, you can end up on trial, not to mention that such weapons can be turned against you. However, there's no such thing as perfect safety particularly in a situation like that. The best measure you can take to ensure your safety is to be alert. To that end, here're some exercises you can do to raise your level of awareness.

[And she describes some observation exercises.]

The earlier you master situational awareness, the better for your survival. I've survived as long as I have by being aware (which I have to take extra measures for because of my deafness) and taking precautions. And also eliminating my most dangerous enemies, but that isn't really an option in your case.

Your tag gave me legit chills. Nice job! ^-^

[shslliar]

[Excuse him if it takes a while to respond. He's taking notes.]

I'd ask how you are running a hotline while you're deaf, but this is a lot of helpful info here...

[It's almost like...]

You've been stuck in one too, haven't you?

[silentsummoning]

I'm using a interpreter to talk to you. And, no, I've never been in one, but I've led a very interesting life. There've been periods in it when there were at least one attempt on my life per week, largely for self-serving political reasons. That's mostly petered off because I either killed, intimidated, blackmailed, or made tentative peace with every one of my enemies.

[She pauses.]

I'd have liked to live a more peaceful life, but at least I'm making a real difference now as King.

[shslliar]

Oh! Hi interpeter person!

[It's a brief moment of cheerfulness before his voice mellows down to a more melancholy tone.]

I get that. It was bad enough before, with all those mystery assasins on my tail. In this situation, it's ten times worse.

You seem really nice though. I hope I live long enough to meet you one day.

[silentsummoning]

I'd like that very much. I do hope very much that you survive, and that my advice helps you in that. That's why I opened this hotline, after all.

[shslliar]

Thanks. You're the best.

[silentsummoning]

If you do survive, let me know. You can also consult me again if a problem arises.