bakerstreet

Or not! Just kidding.

[ he straight up wanted to wind Rincewind up a little ]

I hope you get a terrible haircut the next time you go in. Just completely awful. Have to wear a hat and everything.

You say that as if I don't look good in hats.

[ he looks good in everything. :/ ]

Maybe it would be a shit hat

Then people would say "my, that Dorian looks devilish this morning, isn't it amazing how he can make such an awful hat look wonderful?"

who writes the background characters in your mind? Because I think you ought to have looked harder at their authorial resume.

They're background characters, it's not like they're important to begin with.