bakerstreet | HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

[No smut. Will accept nearly any scenario that allows for Nanami to live.]

You're awake.

[ He says this in a simple, matter-of-fact tone; there's no emotion, no remorse. Of course, he had to put in a lot of work in order to resuscitate her, but this might be interesting in of itself, too. Kamukura has grown bored of Enoshima's antics, after all. Saving her might bring something new to the playing field. Of course, he still has her hairclip in his hand, hidden behind his palm, but he won't give it back yet.

It's a game to him, sort of, but he wants to know how long it'll take for her to notice that it's gone. ]

[Nanami shifts on the bed as her eyes open. Her limbs feel heavy and stiff, immovable. The voice that she hears upon waking is familiar, but...]

Hinata-kun... [Her voice is weak, scratchy like it is when she has long gaming sessions and doesn't talk for a long time...] You're Hinata-kun, right-?

[She's said those words before. And the moment they slip past her dry lips, it's like her memories are being unlocked. Memory of the last thing she remembered - what should have been her last moment alive. Her breathing quickens, just for a moment, aching in her lungs and her chest. She... should not be here. She should have never woken up again.

Nanami's breathing evens out. She's upset, but not panicked. Not with Hinata here.] I... was supposed to die. I think. Hinata-kun, did you... save me...?

You said that before.

[ Of course he remembers. While it's true that he's Hinata Hajime in a manner of speaking, when he had woken up, he had been reborn as someone who was not Hinata Hajime. ]

However, you are mistaken of who saved you. [ Did Hinata save him? No, that's wrong. ] My former self was not the one who saved you. After all, he cannot save you.

Hinata-kun can do anything he puts his mind to.

[Whether she's still calling him Hinata or if she's talking about them separately is unclear. Nanami doesn't know either.

She... She wishes her arms had more strength, though, that she could just reach for him... But she feels so weak.]

...What do you mean by "your former self", though?

[There's a feeling in her stomach, something like sinking. His next words may not be ones she wants to hear.]

[ She... also said this before. It's getting a little repetitive which kind of bores him, but it's fine. There's a question to be answered. But first, he decides to comment on her first statement. ]

That is incorrect. There are many things that a normal human being cannot do.

[ Like fly, for example, but he won't list that out. It's boring. ]

Hinata Hajime is my former self that was destroyed in the creation of myself.

[She's going to protest at first. Or at least tell him that sounds silly, because the way he says it does.

But instead the breath is leaving her lungs, a little too fast, and Nanami tries to stay calm but feels her grip on herself being lost.]

That... has to be wrong... [Her voice is weak, faint, fingers void of strength and unable to grip the bedsheet the way she wants to.] Who did something like this to you...?

However, I am not incorrect.

[ He knows that full well, and now, so does she. ] My former self made the decision, but it was the school itself that created me as I am now.

[She thinks about that one day, the last time she had ever seen Hinata... Wonders if that's when he had made this "decision".

Nanami considers the Hinata in front of her now. How strongly he's implying that he's better than how he used to be, but to Nanami he only seems to be a shell of his former self...

She thought Hope's Peak was a school that she could trust. It had gifted her all of the people that she loves now, after all. And yet... How can something that would take away her Hinata be all that good?

But... Whatever he says, Nanami feels weak, and her heart and mind are tired, but she holds onto this one thought. Hinata-kun is still Hinata-kun.]

I never thought Hope's Peak Academy would do something like this... Taking away a person and replacing them with someone else. [She still doesn't believe it entirely, but she can't ignore the reality in front of her either.

...She still has to know something, though.] If Hinata-kun is really gone... Why would you save me? [Her eyes burn a little bit with her next question.] Do you even know who I am?

So, this is the truth.

[He laughs, spreading his hands but they both know from the sharpeness of his smile that the man now called Servant is angry.]

She made you believe you weren't who you are? Breaking us and putting hope away in a box....I guess you weren't really our hope after all!

[He laughs, the chain jangling with every movement he makes. His right hand slams down on the table between them, his bright feverish gaze locked on hers.]

Well let's have it! You contacted me out of all of us for a reason! Tell me what the Future Foundation secret branch head wants of a simple man like me!

[The words cut at her. He has to know this. Doesn't he?

Nanami hadn't even remembered until recently, but... She does now. She remembers him looking for Tsumiki with her in the rain, getting shot, carrying him back and praying he would be okay. She remembers the dark of the maze, thoughts of her classmates moving through her head and pushing her forward, and wishing that she'd done better by Komaeda.

She looks at him now, and wonders if maybe she had, then...]

Komaeda-kun. [Nanami is a branch head now. She doesn't want her voice to tremble, or sound so sad. It does anyway.] There's no point in bringing that up right now. [No need to go into how it's her fault that her classmates became something that their true selves would despise, while she's walked away perfectly fine. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry-] It can be discussed at a later time.

I'm sure you're aware that Future Foundation has been hunting down the Remnants of Despair. [It makes her feel gross, calling them that and not her classmates like she wants to. But she has to be the Thirteenth Branch Head Nanami Chiaki. Not the Super High School Level Gamer.] We've wanted to capture you for a long time. Kill all of you, if possible. [That had been her too until recently, and sick, it makes her feel sick-] But I don't want that. Because you all are... Even like this, you're the classmates that I love. [And there, she can be Nanami Chiaki the girl and not the person of power. The one who loves them, who will do anything for them.

Who will die for them.]

I contacted you because you once valued hope higher than anything. I definitely could be wrong, but I think some of that person is still in you.

The reason is that I have a proposal. [Nanami has talked to Kamukura, even though she thinks he's hiding something. She's had the discussions with Naegi Makoto. She's made sure they will not be overheard.] The Future Foundation will catch all of you. But I want to offer you, the one who the others will listen to, a way to survive. [The way they used to listen to her.]

To not just avoid the execution... but to turn your despair into hope.

Oh, is that all? [He leans forward, his lashes lower as his voice drops to a whisper.] Yes, they listen to me. They all bow down to my word like marionettes. At my word they would all die.

[A cold, satisified smile spreads across his face. He retreats, the chain barely making any noise as he sinks into the chair in the far side.] There's no point to their deaths right now. There's not enough in place to make it yield hope. But let's be honest with ourselves.

[One leg is crossed over the other as he examines the nails of right hand. His gaze might be on his hand but he is ready to react should this go south. It would go south if he had anything to say about it.] You contacted me because I'm the weakest and too weak to kill you. But! [His laughter is like broken tiles hitting the ground as he holds up a finger.] I am listening! After all you came to me. So share this plan of yours and I'll decide if I'll be convinced to persuade the lot of them to return to our class representative.

[Kamukura has already approached him but, watching her struggle will tell him a lot.]

[Glass, cutting into her and burrowing down in her heart. That's what his words feel like. A profound sadness flashes through her. An acceptance of the fact that it will never get better. Not unless she can convince him to do this.]

That wasn't my reason for contacting you. [She misses him. It's a sharp and painful realization, but she does. Nanami didn't know what she had until it was gone.] But I know I can't convince you of that. [Because he'll never accept it. Not in this state.

But she can't falter. She has to fight. For the Komaeda that's trapped inside of this one, she has to fight.]

My offer to you may sound a little unorthodox, but it's not complicated when it's boiled down to its plain facts. [It still feels weird talking like this, now that she has her memories back. But she hasn't had the time to reconcile the memories of the person who she was with the person she became without them. She's still Nanami, but... It isn't the same. She wonders what the Komaeda she used to know would think of her now.] You and the others would be taken into custody. Instead of being executed, an associate of mine and I would intervene and bring you to a secure location. There, we would implement a certain program...

It may sound implausible, but this is a therapeutic program that would insert you into a virtual world, mentally bringing you back to a time before your despair. You would lose all memory of your time as Remnants of Despair. The process will heal you and undo any mental trauma that you've undergone in the past two years.

So I would go back to that pathetic shame filled idiot that chased after people who didn't want him around.

[The truth is like a knife and he knows how to wield it. He taps his lips with a finger, his eyes on the ceiling. There's a kind of serenity to how he feels about all this. If it didn't lead to hope...they could become the kind of Despair that would devour the world until a shining hope stepped up to cleanse everything...

His eyes are dark, but they fix on her.]

Hope is on the side of the weak...and a far better man has been quite persuasive in getting me to come here.

[Servant turns his full attention back on her and laughs, that same dry rattling sound that made him such a terror when he faced off against foundation grunts.]

I accept and I'll get them here for you. They tell me everything they're doing these days. [Like a cat flexing his claws he drapes himself over the table on his side.]

The moment they hear it's for you they'll drop everything. Like moths to the flame. Hahahaha, that isn't such an inaccurate statement either! Since this version of us, will cease breathing the moment we fall into the VR.

[He throws his head back and laughs, his whole body shaking with it.] But that doesn't matter! We do what must for the sake of hope. Isn't that right, class representative?

Edited 2016-12-01 00:07 (UTC)

[She had tried to prepare herself for how damaging this encounter could be, but she's reminded moment after moment that nothing could have really equipped her to handle what she's been confronted with. Nanami feels it in the heaviness that drags at her chest with each inhale; in the near constant stinging in the backs of her eyes. There is no reprieve from this, and no mercy.

Komaeda wants her to hurt. And she's feeling every little bit of it.]

Of course we do, Komaeda-kun. I will take responsibility for all of your lives.

[It's okay. She's good at hurting herself now, too.

The words will dig into her and make her guiltily question what she's done, but... If she has to kill this Komaeda to save the other, then so be it. She has blood on her hands by now anyway. The old her, the one who would never have hurt anyone, would be brought to tears over it. Maybe she still will be, but that will be for the privacy of her room when it won't matter which "her" is on display.]

I suppose that settles it, then. I'm grateful for your cooperation. As soon as we leave, I'll be sure to inform my associate that we can start putting the final things in motion. And I can inform the man you've spoken with previously that he can keep an eye on all of you, in case anything unexpected comes up and we all need to get in touch with each other.

[Nanami pauses, briefly. Something quiet and sentimental is stirring in her. His phrasing from before, his initial response to her proposal... She's been trying to ignore it, but it struck a cord in her.

Surely he'll make it into something cruel, or not hear her the way the old Komaeda would have... But the words are rising up to fall out of Nanami's mouth before she can yank them back.]

I... probably shouldn't say this, but... I never minded you being around. Sometimes the things you did and said would confuse or upset me, like everyone else... But it never made me think that I didn't want you around. A lot of the time you were really kind.

[She thinks of Komaeda pointing the gun at Enoshima, and how it was so scary. But that was just a part of who he was, wasn't it? Even if he did scary things, surely that didn't eliminate him being kind?]

...I'm sorry I never showed it. I'm still so bad at showing it, even right now. Just when I was trying to learn how to show others I cared... all of this happened. And it means little now to apologize, even if it did matter to you anymore, but I still wanted you to know that I'm sorry.

[She doesn't realize the tear is rolling down her cheek until it drips off her chin, but it's fine. As he is, all of her sentiments will be twisted around to cause her pain. Most if not all of their business has been transacted, so it doesn't really matter if he hurts her now. It's fine.]

When you wake up from the program... If you don't remember this, I'll tell you again. I don't expect forgiveness, or even really want it. I just wanted you to know. [She manages a smile through her tears.] It's okay if you hate me. Even if I have to just watch from afar after you wake up... I'll never leave you alone again.

[Except...he doesn't say anything. Servant drops his gaze to the table, his hands still. This is everything he had wanted to hear. It's not for him and it never will be. He the broken model will be cast aside. There's no despair greater than this moment.

Well, he knows what to do to make this worse for himself. He rises from the chair and comes around the table. Komaeda brushes her tears away, whispering for just her.]

What is there to forgive? You were nicer to me than the rest of them. ...you actually greeted me when I returned. ...all I ever wanted was to see you again.

...On the eve of my death, remember that. Make sure he's part of the group too and I'll lay down this wretched life of mine and let him walk on in my place.

[He cups the side of her face with his own hand.] Nanami-san.

...

[The despair is so deep. He can feel it like as if he's drowning in the blissful feeling.] Thank you.

[The hand on her face is so soft, so gentle, and it only makes more tears spill over.

Because that feels like Komaeda, her Komaeda, and... Nanami can barely push words out of her constricting throat.]

...I'm sorry, Komaeda-kun. I don't... Not even as you are now, filled with despair... I don't want this Komaeda-kun to pass away. But I have to - to bring him back and protect him, I have to.

[She shuts her eyes. Komaeda could hurt her if he really wanted to, Nanami knows he has the skill to do it now... But she can't help but lean into his touch.

Nanami wants everyone back again. No one has hugged her or held her in years, and... And she's just...

Nanami is just so lonely. She doesn't want to be the Branch Head anymore. She just wants everyone back.]

...I've missed you so much. I wish I'd spent more time with you, when it mattered the most... Whether you're filled with despair or filled with hope, I don't deserve your forgiveness.

[Her eyes flutter open, wet but hopeful. The despair hangs heavy in the room, but Nanami doesn't think she's ever felt hope this strongly in her whole life.]

But I swear I'll do better by you this time. I won't let you be treated as you were before. Whatever I have to do, I'll make sure that you're included the way you should've been...

I'll fight for your future. [Nanami almost holds herself back from the action, but then she reaches up to lay her hand over his.] I promise.

[His breath catches and for a second he can breathe again. It's always like this the push and pull of despair and hope as they war inside him. There are those moments he can almost feel like him then the chains, her voice pulls him right back down.

It always hurts for just a moment. He brushes his thumb along her cheek, murmuring softly.]

What is this? I had no idea you felt like this for me. I always thought Kuzuryuu-kun suited your flights of fancy...

[His heart is thudding so fast. Maybe he'd die right here before she could save him. Wouldn't that be so despairing. He'll forget it all. He steps closer, sliding his hand down her back and pulling her close. He smells like blood and death, yet he holds her gently, favoring his right arm.

His fingers slide into her hair as his voice, low and gentle a shadow of the one she remembers, is the only sound in the quiet.]

But it was me all along. It's a bit like a story, don't you think so? The dying man and the star of the class.

[It's funny to reference how the disease is twisting him, destroying him. She'll probably take it some other way.]

I wonder what will happen next?

Komaeda-kun, I-

[But she can't, can't do this, so she buries her face against his chest to hide the redness of her face and the shaking of her whole body.

She's so bad at things like this, even now. Nanami is almost absolutely certain she knows what he's implying, but it's... It's so difficult for her to process her feelings. If anything, she'd thought that maybe towards Hinata, she...

No. Nanami won't think about that right now. It's already so hard to hope for just Komaeda...

But she's always been fond of Komaeda, hasn't she? Is that why her heart's pounding so fast? This is going nothing like how Nanami had predicted...]

I-I'm sorry. I'm really bad at... at this sort of thing. [She can't bring herself to say it, still. But she lifts her head to look at him now.] Dating sims used to be the hardest game for me, you know? [And instead, Nanami lets that say everything she can't bring herself to.] But... I've always cared for you. You're important to me, Komaeda-kun.

I... don't know what happens next, from here. All I know is that I won't let anything harm you or the rest of our class.

[One could argue they had already been hurt and she'd been the axis from which it revolved. He doesn't say it as he cards his fingers through her hair. Even letting her this close, admitting he felt anything was stabbing himself with sharp knives.]

I suppose I should let go of you so we can get to business then? Unless you had other ideas.

[He leaves that sentence purposefully sounding suggestive as he dips his head, pressing his face into her hair. She's so small. He could carry her anywhere.]

After all I assume you have a plan for what you plan to do with your classmates. Or you wouldn't have called for me to implement the next phase.

[Her breath catches in her throat, sharp and painful. Nanami is frozen as she stands there, because surely Komaeda can't mean anything like that, but... What is she supposed to think? How is she supposed to respond to this?

He's not the Komaeda-kun you know, she thinks desperately, fiercely, anything to dispel the tightening in her chest and the redness of her face. He wouldn't say these things if he were himself...

Would he?

She doesn't know. Nanami doesn't know, and it makes her head and heart hurt too much to even think about, but...

I don't want him to let go. The thought is there, traitorous and selfish and miserable. It sits in the back of her throat, festering, and Nanami opens her mouth and] I... suppose you should...

[She doesn't move, though. Nanami doesn't have the strength to, and it's already taking all of her will to not lean into where he's pressed against the top of her head. But he'll have to let her go, whether it be now or the immediate future, and the thought starts a trembling that Komaeda will surely be able to feel.

This... All of this is for his sake, though. His and the others. She can't let herself forget that.]

From... what my sources have said, Sonia-san is due to return from Novoselic back to Japan next month. [It's hard, slipping back into the Branch Head persona, and it's too shaky to say that she completely succeeds... But she still has to make the attempt anyway.] The Future Foundation has been planning to ambush her as soon as she does. But... If you could get in contact with her and have her come back sooner than that, it would catch the Foundation unaware. They'll never be able to collect all of their resources in time for the wide-scale attack they've been planning in such a short amount of time. The attempt will still be made, but without full power at their disposal or the element of surprise, they will be considerably weaker and easier for you all to overcome.

[She lets out a long breath.] But don't let our classmates press the attack. Have them retreat. The people in the Future Foundation that have helped me, along with the man you've spoken with... They'll be waiting to take you all away to the place we've set aside for your... treatment. [Her voice becomes a little softer.] I won't be able to go with my associates to help, or else the Foundation will suspect something right away... But I will be waiting there for you all to arrive.

[It would be so easy to turn this in an even greater bath of despair. To betray her at the last moment...

But that would crush the hope before it even has time to be born. He cards his fingers through her hair as he murmurs in her ear.]

Well, that will be easy to do. You see, I already knew about that attack and had altered our course. Adjusting my suggestions will be easy.

[He won't tell her a traitor exists in their ranks. Not all the variables will be under his control.]

All we need is where to meet your friends and proceed from there...

[She shivers at the closeness of him, the feeling of his fingers in her hair and the breath on her ear. Has to fight off her eyes slipping shut, because she still has to remember where she is and who she's with. Or... who she's both with and not with in this case, perhaps. Although she wouldn't have the heart to fight him off if it came down to it. Certainly not now, but maybe not ever.

She lets out another drawn-out breath, though, and the relief is tangible in her voice even though it shouldn't be.] Of course you did. As expected of Komaeda-kun... Always thinking ahead. [She swallows hard, having a brief moment of deliberation, before finally letting the words loose.] I'm... glad. [While she's here being honest and all.] That might be wrong of me to say. But... They could've killed you all, so I don't regret feeling that way.

[Something plucks at her chest, a little unfamiliar and definitely startling in its level of intensity. It's... animosity, she thinks, towards the Future Foundation. They nearly killed her friends... and they were going to go right along and let her be a part of taking their lives without telling her a thing.

...No. Nanami doesn't have any regrets about this course of action at all.]

The area near the broken bridge leading to Towa City... Forces are weaker there now that things have died down. I'm sure you know of him by now, but you'll be able to rendezvous with my associate, Naegi Makoto, and the man you've encountered before. Kamukura Izuru. [She bites back the honorific. No need to make any of this hurt worse than it already does.] No one will be expecting you to take a ship out to sea from that area, but we've prepared a path. The travel time may vary depending on a few factors, but eventually you'll arrive at the island where I'll be waiting for you all with the Program.

Naegi... [His breath all but halts. Naegi. The word echoes and crashes about in his head as he laughs and laughs. It is the only thing he can think to do. His hands cup Nanami's face as his smile grows wider.

Ultimate Hope.

Now he can't. Absolutely can't refuse this opportunity.]

Kamukura Izuru? Like the founder of Hope's Peak? I have met an enchanting but imposing individual before. So that's his name. Yes, I can direct them all to fly back to you. Like birds returning to their roost...

Of course, I'll explain to them the circumstances. So you don't have to. [Only Despair should see how terribly they'll all take it. There won't be a single dry eye in the group among the smiles none of them will feel.]

Thank you, Komaeda-kun. [She would still do it if she had to, but it would break her heart. It would break the way it's breaking now.] If I needed to, I would, but... It would be hard. So I appreciate it.

But I'll be waiting... [Her eyes are not dry as she gently lays her hand over his right one holding her face. She can't touch the one that belongs to Her - not now when she can remember the maze in vivid and excruciating detail.

Her fault... It's her fault that Komaeda-kun and the others are... She doesn't finish the thought. She can't. It's unbearable to think of what Komaeda might have had done to him - or worse, might've even done himself - to get that hand where it is.

So she shoves it from her mind. Nanami does not deserve any forgiveness. But she will make this as right as she can.] ...I'll wait for you all. And I'll keep you safe.

[No matter the cost.]

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?

Nanami Chiaki | Dangan Ronpa 3 | OTA

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needed this for Reasons, thank you friend

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Goes without saying probably but oh baby DR3 spoilers

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Dr3 spoilers

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2/2 dr3 and 2.5 spoilers

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dr3 and 2.5 spoilers

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