[Somehow that's not really what Pepper imagined. The buzz of her phone against the glass surface of the table makes her flinch. The sight of his smiling face on the display -- a relic from happier days -- makes her stomach twist.]
[But if he left a voicemail, Pepper would have had to listen to it, and then she would have had feelings about it and she finished the last bottle of white wine after listening to his last voicemail.]
[God, no. The grand gestures are part of the problem. A woman can only come home to so many giant bunnies or oceans of roses, you know.]
You've said that before and I-- [Pepper catches her voice rising and stops herself. When she continues, her tone is softer.] I think this might be beyond fixing. Even for you.
Not what I need for me right now. [There you have it. Blunt and to the point. Pepper can taste the salt of unshed tears at the back of her throat, but at least her voice isn't thick with them.]
[It would be easier if Tony said something, if he launched into another one of his rants. Pepper's had some practice letting his words wash over her and waiting until he runs out of breath or steam or nouns, whichever comes first.
But the silence twists at her already aching heart, and a fine tremor runs through her fingers. Her throat feels like particularly fine sandpaper, each breath catching on the inhale as well as the exhale.]
[He pauses, biting back the harsh tirade he can feel, like something hot on his tongue but Pepper... Pepper was more important to him than that, and he knows it can't be easy for her to admit that maybe this wasn't right for them.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It hurts. More than he can properly process right now.]
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Nevermind. Let's not have this fight again.
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Are we really doing this over text? Really?
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"Yes?"
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... This is only going to work face to face, isn't it?
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That depends on what you want it to accomplish. [Her voice is too tight, like somehow the words are too big for her vocal cords.]
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We-- I need to fix this. Things are different. I promise.
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That's what you always say. But they never are.
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It's different this time, I promise. I'm done. I'm done with the-- suits and the... not being there.
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You've said that before and I-- [Pepper catches her voice rising and stops herself. When she continues, her tone is softer.] I think this might be beyond fixing. Even for you.
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Pepper-- [What? Those words take the wind out of his sails. It's a shock, and not one he's going to handle terribly well.]
Don't. It's me. I was the one who needed to change, and I'm changing. Things have changed, I learnt a lot.
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Pepper stares down at the paperwork crowding the small glass table in front of her and swallows tightly. She's getting tired of hotel rooms.]
Tony-- [It's not fair how her voice breaks. They should've stuck to texting.]
I don't want you to change. You are who you are, and who you are is pretty great. It's just not--
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Just not what, Pepper?
[It's all-consuming. Pepper is the most important thing in his life, and she's slipping away. Rapidly.]
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Not what I need for me right now. [There you have it. Blunt and to the point. Pepper can taste the salt of unshed tears at the back of her throat, but at least her voice isn't thick with them.]
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He's silent. He used to think it took a lot to render him speechless, but these days he's really not that sure.]
Right.
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But the silence twists at her already aching heart, and a fine tremor runs through her fingers. Her throat feels like particularly fine sandpaper, each breath catching on the inhale as well as the exhale.]
I'm sorry.
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[He pauses, biting back the harsh tirade he can feel, like something hot on his tongue but Pepper... Pepper was more important to him than that, and he knows it can't be easy for her to admit that maybe this wasn't right for them.
That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It hurts. More than he can properly process right now.]
There's a thing-- I need to. Something.
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[His name is a soft complaint, a plea for something Pepper can't quite put into words. Maybe it's the being there thing that he never quite got down.
She wants to defend her position, wants to break it all down into little pieces for him, since he can't see the big picture.
But, why kill him with a thousand cuts when she's already slit his throat?]
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