bakerstreet | Ghost of a Chance

[To any ghosts: good luck.]

[It had been the same as any old regular day. Nagisa had been running late for school, but that wasn't too uncommon of an occurrence. It meant that he missed the bus that he and Rei usually rode on together to get to school, but that would just mean he'd have to take a later one. Get to school a little later, of course, but that was the price he had to pay for sleeping in. But as it would come to pass...fate had other plans for Nagisa.

A few hours into first period, an announcement was made at Iwatobi Highschool. There had been a train crash right near the station due to the breaks failing. Not much information could be given yet, but the station was so close to campus that police cars and ambulances could be heard flying by with sirens blaring. Many people suffered casualties during the accident, some more severe than others depending on where they'd been on the train. Some weren't so lucky.

Perhaps that's why Nagisa's absence from school that day must have been strongly felt as more news came in about the accident, either through teachers or other students whose loved ones had been involved. Midway through the school day, the worst was finally confirmed. Hazuki Nagisa had been pronounced dead on the scene after being pulled from the mangled wreckage of the front of the train.

It had happened so quickly that he never knew what even hit him. One moment he was sitting in his seat, and the next...it was over. The paramedics would assure that it had been instantaneous, but that doesn't make the reality any easier to accept, knowing that he hadn't felt any pain. He'd left too much behind for it not to be.

So, waking up in his own bedroom was definitely...strange. Nagisa couldn't exactly remember how he'd gotten back to his room. Hadn't he been going to school? Did he really fall back to sleep...? Now he'd really be late. His house was empty upon inspection, but that wasn't surprising. His parents had work.

But as the day passed and Nagisa tried to return to school...he would discover that something was very, very wrong. It was like everyone was ignoring him. Like he didn't even exist. Passerby, people he tried to get the attention of, all of it no use. He knew he'd have to find somebody he knew to get to the bottom of this.

It was near the time he was having that thought that he came up on the station where the wreckage of the train could be seen from afar, thick smoke rolling into the sky to frame an eerie scene that Nagisa suddenly couldn't get any closer to. Not because anything was stopping him, no...it was because he could remember stepping onto that very train.

Suddenly, Nagisa found himself wishing he hadn't left his house. He had to find someone, now. But nobody would even give him the time of day, so how could he...? He...he'd need to find his parents. Or...his friends. Rei, Makoto, Haru...They'd be able to help him figure out what had happened, for sure.]

[No, this can't be real.

That thought repeated in Haru's mind. He couldn't accept this.

Of course, it didn't matter whether Haru accepted it or not. But even as the Iwatobi club - the club that only formed because of Nagisa's persistence - gathered, everything sounded like a dull hum to his ears. Only because he still silently refused to accept this fact... is likely the only reason why he hasn't cried, unlike everyone else. No one was sure if they should stick together to support each other through this, but Haru wanted to keep to himself.

Haru only experienced loss once before, when his grandmother passed away. It devastated him deeply, but it was to be expected. She was old and she had lived her life.

But Nagisa. Mr. and Mrs. Hazuki... can't have outlived their youngest child. This was all a terrible waking dream, it had to be. When was Haru going to wake up and hear Nagisa's bubbly voice going on about some new plan or place he wanted to go to? After all, Haru could never refuse Nagisa, as much trouble as his ideas could be.

Haru could even remember when they first met. He doesn't know why he's recalling that now, standing on the beach like this, staring out to the horizon. But his curly hair bouncing with each step, bright and curious eyes peering up at him--

Light hair, bouncing with each step...

He could see it out of the corner of his eye.

No.

He could only stand there, trembling.

No, this can't be real.

His thoughts repeated, but not for the same reason. Was Haru's mind playing tricks on him? Had he denied the truth so completely, that the image of Nagisa still played on in his mind? As if nothing changed? Was this a sick joke that someone tried to play? Now Haru didn't know what he was thinking. He only felt rooted at the spot.]

[It was a nightmare. No matter where Nagisa went- school, on the streets, or otherwise- he couldn't get anyone's attention. No matter how hard he tried, even going so far as to shout, reaching out to try and grab someone and keep them from walking away. That was the first time that Nagisa realized he couldn't...his hand just went right through. It was terrifying to the point where he ended up losing track of where he was planning on turning next. Home? It was empty. What about Rei's house, or Makoto's? But he had no luck there, either. Not even Haru, who was usually at home submerged in his bathtub, was home.

He had nowhere else to turn, and by the time he found himself wandering to the beach, he felt more detached from the world than ever. His body almost felt weightless, like no part of him had any true mass to it any longer. Though he couldn't find his friends, perhaps it was better he hadn't. If he had seen them crying and mourning over him, it would be a whole new kind of nightmare to deal with. Not that he fully realized that yet, of course. He'd seen the train, but...there's no way. This is just a nightmare he hasn't woken up from yet. Has to be.

Haru seems to appear out of nowhere. Off in the distance, looking his way as if he'd seen a ghost. Nagisa doesn't even think. He just starts that way, stumbling a little in his haste to get closer. He has to get there, he needs someone...anyone.]

H-Haru-chan!

[He almost screams without meaning to, his voice breaking as it grows thin with his breath that doesn't truly exist. Some part of him is waiting for no response, yet another part still holds a feeble hope that Haru will answer.

Please.]

[That voice. That was enough for Haru to know that this was no impostor.

Haru reaches out a shaking hand towards Nagisa.

He can't stand still like this. He breaks out into a run-- or tries to, as his shaking legs give way after a few hurried steps in the loose sand. Even as he falls, he doesn't even try to catch himself, his need to run to his friend overriding his reflex.]

... N-Nagisa!

[Pushing himself back up, Haru broke out into a run towards him.

Nothing made sense. But it doesn't matter. Haru was done with thinking about everything else for now.

Because he's still here...]

[He hadn't fully been expecting to get a response, but hearing Haru call back to him, saying his name like that...it's enough to get Nagisa to burst into tears as he picks up his own pace, stumbling and staggering across the sand towards Haru. He doesn't make it very far, though, tumbling down to his knees with a few yards still separating them.

It doesn't make any sense why everyone else would just be flat out ignoring him, but the fact that he couldn't interact with anyone didn't make sense either, did it? All he wants to do now is get closer to Haru, to reach out and throw his arms around his neck and not let him go until he wakes up from this nightmare.

But what if the same thing happens again? What if Haru just disappears, or starts ignoring him? The thought of it just makes more tears roll down his cheeks that he has to reach up and scrub away.

He's not sure if he would be able to handle that. Everyone else, maybe. But not from his best friends.]

[Haru pushes himself just a little more to close the gap between the two of him, trying to keep his trembling under as much control as he can. He can't stand to see Nagisa hurt like this. He has to be there for him--

First of all, Haru has to ask if Nagisa is okay. Maybe everyone was mistaken, thought that Nagisa had died but he had somehow... miraculously survived. Maybe there was some mistake in communication. It had to be anything, anything but some kind of mirage... Haru's mind couldn't be playing tricks on him.

He reaches out to put his hands on Nagisa's shoulders, wanting to reassure him and pull him closer.]

Nagisa, are you--

[He stops, when his hands can't find purchase on anything. His hands pass right through Nagisa, as if he was some kind of projected light. Haru feels like lead has gathered in the bottom of his stomach-- have all of his senses, aside from feeling, deceived him?]

What...?

[Nagisa feels like he should have felt some sort of rush of panic at what just happened, but all he can do is stare blankly at the arms that hover through his shoulders. He turns his head up to look at Haru, unshed tears glistening in his eyes as his hands tremble slightly at his sides, wanting to reach out for him yet knowing that it would be pointless to even try.]

It's...been happening all day. Nobody can...see me, or touch me-!

[The boy gasps, shaking his head weakly as he kneels there in the sand. Haru might notice that Nagisa's presence isn't affecting it whatsoever, the sand there just as untouched as it was before Nagisa got there.

When he speaks again his voice is uncharacteristically thin and high with emotion. Scared, most of all.]

W-what's going on, Haru-chan?

[If this really is his mind messing with him, Haru doesn't care. Not at this point.

He's terrified, too, but he tries to get a hold of himself as much as he can. Listening to Nagisa's words, Haru focuses on trying to make any sense of this situation-- at least, how it's presented to him. He wants to answer Nagisa, to give him some kind of reassurance... but he can't think of any reason. Not one that could bring any sense to this situation.

Not that Haru has been the sensible, rational kind. But... could that really be the case? He's never seen anything like this before.]

I... don't know.

[is his answer for now. But if this Nagisa really isn't his mind fooling him, there's only one other reason for all this. However, Nagisa might not be ready to hear what it is. He stands back up, eyes still focused on Nagisa.]

We should go back to my place.

[Not sure what help that would be, but it's only a short way there.]

[Haru's voice sounds like it's coming from very far away, but Nagisa hears him regardless. He can't bear the thought of doing anything else right now, so going to his house sounds like a good idea. And Haru can actually see him...he can't touch him, but he can see him, and that's enough for now. If Haru can, then maybe the others can, too. Maybe his parents can.

But he can't think about that right now. He carefully gets back to his feet, trying to keep his tears held back, not wanting Haru to be too concerned even though it's impossible for him not to let his emotions show right now. It's just too much happening all at once.]

Okay.

[That's all he can manage, edging a bit closer to his friend while still keeping his hands held close to his body. He's afraid to get too close, or to accidentally bump into him and end up going through the same way he's been experiencing all day.]

[Haru makes sure to not bump into Nagisa as they start to head back to his house. It's a short way, as it's the beach that he passes every day when walking with Makoto to school. He probably with his family right now... his parents are very supportive and helpful. But none of them would believe in what Haru is almost certain is happening in front of him.

It's becoming more and more apparent what this situation must be. Haru is probably the only one who could believe it, however.]

Nagisa... what do you remember?

[Nagisa mentioned that no one could hear him, so he is trying to make an effort to keep a conversation along the way. There's so much that needs answering, too. Haru just hopes that it's okay for Nagisa to recall what happened.]

[It doesn't take very long at all for the silence to start to make Nagisa anxious, so he's glad that Haru spoke up. Haru's not naturally a very talkative person after all, so in any other situation he couldn't have expected for the conversation to get very far without his influence. Now, it's the other way around.]

I...I was late for school.

[He starts quietly, his voice still strained as he reaches his hands up to grip his forearms as they walk, his gaze angled toward the ground.]

I missed the train...the one that Rei-chan and I usually take. So I had to take a later one...

[Nagisa pauses there, his face contorting a little as he blinks back the tears from before still stinging in the corners of his eyes.]

I remember...a lot of noise? A-and...I woke up in my bedroom. I figured I just had a bad dream...but...

[That's when people stopped noticing him, but he can't quite say it aloud.]

[The answer only makes it more clear what has happened. Haru's gaze lowers to the ground, only watching the ground right in front of him as he thinks it over. Should he bring up the obvious answer to Nagisa? He's already so distressed. And as much as Haru did already believe in ghosts and dopplegangers, and he may be adjusting faster than most, he... doesn't know how Nagisa will handle it.]

I see.

[He says, to keep a silence from forming. Telling Nagisa what he thinks has happened could at least wait until they're inside. As well as... what they should do next.]

Nagisa.

We're going to figure this out.

[The path turns to the familiar stone road of his neighborhood. He must look like he's talking to the air to anyone else around to notice, but Haru doesn't care. He left his front door unlocked, and he toes off his shoes as he holds the door open for Nagisa.]

[The boy dips his head just slightly as they finally reach Haru's house, familiar and comforting in a strange way with its perpetual silence and constantly unlocked doors. Compulsively, he'd been glancing around now and then at people passing by, and sometimes they would look over, but their attention was only on Haru. Somehow he could tell by the way they looked, and it caused his heart to sink.

He's quick to step inside, hesitating over the threshold as he looks down at his own shoes before doing the same and removing them. To anyone else, only one pair of shoes would be there by the door.

Stepping slowly into the house, Nagisa gradually lowers his arms back down to his sides, his hands still shaking a little. It's so quiet...so quiet that he speaks up not long after Haru pulls the door shut, if only to hear someone talk, even if it's just his own voice.]

Where...are Mako-chan and Rei-chan?

[He looks over his shoulder at Haru, the look in his eyes hopeful. Expectant.]

[Closing the door behind them, Haru walks over to the kotatsu and takes a seat, giving a look for Nagisa to do the same. But he can't look for long at Nagisa's hopeful eyes. Is it even a good idea to tell anyone else? Nagisa told him that no one could see him. If they would even believe him that Nagisa is still here, if they didn't panic... those are all very big "if"s.]

They...

[But they both should know, shouldn't they? They want to know about their friend. Perhaps they could see Nagisa too. But they could also think that Haru was just trying to cope with it by imagining all this, and he'd upset them more.]

They wanted to visit your house later today, so Rei must be back at his place and getting ready. Sensei said she would drive there and pick him up along the way. Makoto is still at home. He's also getting ready and talking with his parents.

[Everyone was coping with others. Haru wouldn't know what to say. Especially now, with this happening. He still can't be certain about what is real and what's not.]

[Nagisa sits down after watching Haru for a moment, taking a seat across from him at the kotatsu. He stays quiet while Haru talks, listening intently to what he says. So they were planning on visiting him...? That wasn't unusual. A little strange that they'd both come together like that, maybe, but not unheard of. He and Rei often went back to his house to work on homework after practice anyway.]

Mmh...I would've stayed at home, if I'd known.

[He swallows, glancing off to the side for a moment as he folds his legs beneath him, lowering his hands to let them rest on his knees. He's still in his school uniform and everything. In fact...he's still got his backpack on and he doesn't even seem to have noticed it.

After a tense pause, Nagisa looks back a Haru, taking a deep breath before continuing, slowly.]

Maybe...we should tell them to come over here instead?

[About now, Haru might grill some mackerel for himself. But he doesn't have any appetite like this, his stomach feeling like it's twisting in knots ever since this started. He doesn't know whether to say that he's glad to see Nagisa again, or... if it would be right, under the circumstances.

Haru can tell that he really hopes the others can see him too. As much as he wants to try, his worries still hold him back from directly affirming to Nagisa that that's what they can do.]

We could.

[Perhaps he will, once he figures out a way to explain everything to them first. But it only makes him worry more. What if they don't have that same sensitivity to the supernatural? They're both scared at the idea, but what would they say now? They both trust Haru, but--]

Maybe we should figure out... what's going on before then.

[He asks the question weighing on them both, as carefully as he can.]

What do you think is happening?

[In all honesty, Nagisa had been trying to avoid talking about that again for as long as he could. He knows they have to figure it out, but his instinct is to focus on something else, something that's less daunting. He'd done the same when he ran away from home, too afraid to confront his parents directly.

He doesn't want to talk about it, because some part of him already knows.

He looks down again, his bangs falling over his eyes and masking them from view as his grip tightens over his knees.]

Haru-chan, I...

[Nagisa twitches, his lips pursing as he remembers what he saw when he reached the train station.]

I saw...a train wreck.

...it was the train I was on...wasn't it?

[How does someone handle something like this? Haru didn't know how to even deal with the death of his friend... now, he's talking to that very friend about his death? If Haru was the kind to freeze up and overthink things that don't sound logical - like Rei or Rin perhaps - he likely wouldn't have anything to say. Still, he's surprising himself with how he can adapt, to know he can actually discuss this...]

Yes. Everyone heard about it while we were at school.

[At first, Haru's gaze fixes on the table's surface. He remembers the terrible announcement, the mournful sobs for those who were lost. All the while, Haru couldn't say a word. He refused to accept it. Something like that wasn't possible here. He felt his mind fill up with white noise, only noticing how Makoto could barely hold himself together as Haru followed him towards Rei's classroom.

But his hands ball up into fists, now full with determination. He doesn't understand a thing about what's going on, but once Haru resolved to do something, he never only did it half-way. And maybe... he still wanted to block the accident from his mind.]

You're here now, Nagisa. There must be a reason.

[He's quick to reassure him-- perhaps Nagisa does need time to understand what happened. But it's the only comfort he knows how to give like this. And Haru is going to find out that reason.]

[Hearing Haru actually say it is enough to finally confirm what Nagisa didn't want to believe. The longer he sits there and thinks about it, the more he begins to remember. But more than anything, he remembers the sound. A horrible, body-shaking noise like tearing metal and screeching. Then silence and darkness so complete that it was suffocating.

But he hadn't felt any fear. If anything, he felt calmer during the time of darkness than he could ever remember feeling while he was alive.

And that's the truth, isn't it? He isn't alive anymore. That's why nobody can see him. He doesn't fully understand why Haru can, but maybe it has something to do with how close they are. It wouldn't make sense for a random stranger to be able to see, he supposes...

When he looks back up at Haru, his expression is uncharacteristically blank. The look in his normally bright eyes is hollow and a little distant, and for once his reaction isn't to cry. The shock is too much for him to do much else other than sit there. After a moment, he laughs a little, a small, strained smile twitching onto his expression as his eyes fall half-shut.]

I...I always wondered what it would be like to be a ghost.

[It's perhaps the least appropriate thing to say in this situation, but he knows that if he doesn't try to make light of it, he'll start to panic and won't be able to pull himself back out of it.]

[Nagisa's laugh makes Haru blink and stare, incredulous. His heart isn't in it to go along with Nagisa joking around. But he might as well try, if he's to keep talking. It's the first time that he's seen anything like Nagisa's fun-loving side surface since... since the day before yesterday. But the words only makes him feel a little colder inside.]

Is it like you imagined?

[is what he manages, almost instantly regretting it, in case it upsets Nagisa even more. All of the times the the club watched scary movies or made jokes about ghosts... all of that rushes back with so much guilt.

It isn't often that Nanase Haruka is the one to reach his hand out to someone else. And now, that person he wanted to hold out his hand to couldn't take it. With all of the times that Nagisa used to hug and cling to Haru, making him grumble-- oh, what he wouldn't give to hug him right now.]

[To that, he just shrugs. His smile doesn't stick around for long, either, slowly fading as he looks back down in front of him. He always joked about how much fun it would be to be invisible for a day, having the chance to mess with people and play pranks without repercussions. In a way, it is a lot like he'd imagined it would be, except that he doesn't like it at all. It isn't fun; it's scary.

He remembers after a moment that he didn't actually give Haru an answer, so he nods a little.]

Y-yeah, but...I don't like it.

[Nagisa says it quietly, his hands shifting anxiously in his lap. He has yet to actually reach out and try to touch anything inanimate, though he doesn't seem to be going through the floor or anything. More than anything, it hurts not being able to get close to Haru.]

...I don't know why I'm here.

[If he really is dead...it doesn't make sense that he would still be around. A life where he can't truly interact with the people he loves isn't one that he wants to live, a wayward spirit or otherwise.

That hurts the most.]

[If Haru's heart could sink any further, it does when Nagisa's smile falters. Even if it was as strained and forced as it was. But this situation... it's just unthinkable to be in. Perhaps that's why people think ghosts can be cruel in haunting others-- an afterlife when they can't rest and no one can see them would drive them to that state.

At least for now, Haru knows he's there for Nagisa. He doesn't know if any of the rest can see him, but he can only hope so. But could Nagisa ever get used to this state of existence, with the support of friends or not? Haru doesn't want to let Nagisa go, but...]

Maybe there's something you still have to do.

[That's the only explanation that he can think of. But it sounds so obvious. Nagisa had so much he was supposed to do in life. It's not... fair that he was cut short like this.

It would hurt too much, to lose Nagisa a second time. But he'll do anything to help his friend. Even if he's honestly considering trying to look into some kind of dark magic to restore Nagisa's true form. Anything is worth trying.]

Maybe you still have something to tell everyone.

[It does sound too easy, too obvious. But what other explanation is there? The thought that there's something he has to do to actually die properly makes him uneasy. But that's not a fair way to put it...pass on is probably better. Either way, the only thing Nagisa can focus on right now is how unfair all of this is. All he wants is to rewind back to before he ever got on that stupid train. If he hadn't been late, none of this would have ever happened. Rei would have scolded him for just barely getting to class before the first bell, he would have laughed it off, and it would have been fine.

The second thing Haru says pulls him back out of his thoughts that were turning too dark for his liking. He can't think that way. There has to be something they can do about this. Anything.]

...maybe. What do you think that could be?

[Only Nagisa can know that for sure, but Haru can at least help in suggesting what it could be. He tries to recall all the stories he's heard about ghosts before. Usually, they still want to see something happen or to say one last thing before they move on. That's something that his grandmother told him, too.]

Do you want to go to your house with everyone? Maybe... you have something to want to tell somebody.

[It may be too much for Nagisa to bear, right now. Even if it's what he wanted. What if all of his other friends and family can't see him, and Nagisa has to watch as everyone mourns? That question still makes Haru hesitate. But it'll be his chance.]

I'll tell them for you.

[His mind flips through the film cliches-- there's ouija boards, but that would seem like an immature notion to bring up to others. And how well can someone with no form write?]

Nanase Haruka | Free!

okay here we go, tl;dr like woah Im so sorry

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