bakerstreet | Ghost of a Chance

Ghost of a Chance

( inspired by a fairly obscure video game, Love Story )

Here's the thing - you're dead. No matter your precautions or lack thereof, you've reached the end of the line. Rotten luck, huh? Actually, you're one of the lucky ones, because you've been sent back. As a ghost, admittedly, but at least one person can see you.

And that's key. The conditions of your return, both to the mortal coil and, eventually, back to your body, is that you get them, your sole witness, to fall in love with you.

Oh, you also have six days. Easy enough.

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["Ah, yes!" Rei exclaims, and that seems to be enough of a subject change to get him rambling a little about the story of his family's barley tea that he never quite got to tell. Nagisa edges a bit closer as Rei talks, wanting to hear as well. It's the closest to normalcy than he's seen, and he soaks in the sight as much as he's able as Rei and Haru visit with one another. He isn't even thinking about how he can't join them, how he can't partake in the meal he helped decide on, or add his input to the conversation...at least, not at first.

For a while after, Rei doesn't bring up Nagisa again. It perhaps is his way of trying not to dwell and potentially ruin the nice dinner Haru prepared with his emotions, though the effort will certainly be short lived. But he does try, trying to keep the silence filled that he knows Haru doesn't generally keep occupied himself. It's clear who the real talker of them was, though, and by the time the tea is gone and they've nearly finished their meal, Rei has rapidly run out of things to talk about.

"I appreciate you inviting me over like this, Haruka-senpai," he says after some time, his hands shifting around his long-empty tea cup. "I realize I haven't been myself, lately." He pauses, then, keeping his gaze angled down at the cup. His throat bobs a little as he tries to continue, but the words won't come, and suddenly Nagisa finds himself rooted to the spot, unable to move away or get closer if he wanted.

"...I miss Nagisa-kun so much," he mutters thinly, letting one hand release the cup so he can adjust his glasses, but once his hand is there he doesn't pull it away, letting his fingers reach beneath the frames to rub at his eyes before just lingering there.

Behind Haru, Nagisa murmurs, very quietly.]

I miss you too. Rei-chan.

[Hearing Rei talk for a while does comfort Haru, no matter what it's about. The fact that he can talk like this, almost like before, actually make him crack a genuine smile. Even if it is a little rambling... a lot like Nagisa, as they were talking just before they got back home.

But... fooling themselves can only last so long. When Haru sees the look on Rei's face and hears those words, he feels a weight sink in his stomach. He's thrown off his balance, feels himself go cold all over.

Why does only Haru get to see Nagisa?

It's not right. But none of this has been right from the start. Why does Haru expect any of this to be right? Their friend, Nagisa, was killed without even finishing high school--

Haru feels like he's trapped in a state of half-grieving. While Nagisa's spirit is still here, Haru still has to see his other friends suffer, as well as Nagisa because he can't talk to his other friends anymore and only has Haru now. And maybe there will be a time when it doesn't hurt as much but it hurts right now and it's so hard to see past now when it's like this--

He wants to tell Rei the words that Nagisa just said. He thinks of asking Nagisa something that only the two of them know crosses his mind, so he can let Rei know that Nagisa is with them in the same room and confirm to Haru that he hasn't gone crazy all this time but he doesn't. That could probably hurt Rei even more. He can't even mutter something as stupid and self-centered as "Me, too" in all honesty because Nagisa is there. But he has to do something.

Haru leans his weight, curled up lightly around himself, against Rei.

The only thing that keeps him from outright hugging Rei is that - aside from the poor timing - Haru knows that at least he wouldn't be able to hold back his tears any longer. A selfish act, no doubt. Even if he does want to justify it with trying to look strong before his juniors, Haru couldn't lie to himself and say that was the only reason. Haru always hated to look weak, and so he kept everything inside where all the pain could eat at him from the inside. What an emotionally stunted fool he is. He must look really pathetic in front of the both of them. Rei's holding up far better than he is...

Even now, he's shaking. As much as he wants to be still. He doesn't want Rei or Nagisa to see his face right now as he's losing the fight to compose himself.]

[When Rei feels Haru lean against him, he tenses just a little. Not out of discomfort, but out of surprise that lasts for only a moment before he relaxes again. He understands how deeply the whole team cared for Nagisa, not just himself. Even though Haru tends not to express his emotions very much, it makes sense that he would in this case, this time of grief. Rei doesn't say anything else for a long few moments, knowing that if he tried he wouldn't be able to. He doesn't cry openly, though every part of him wants to, and instead sits there with his hands against his face with a few tears tracing their way silently down his cheeks. He can feel Haru trembling and he knows he probably is, too.

He doesn't realize that he's being watched, their recently deceased friend sitting stiffly with his arms wrapped around his knees, watching both of them with wide eyes. But he doesn't cry. He doesn't say or do anything, just sitting there and absorbing the reality of the situation. It seems to come to Nagisa, then, that his time with the living is well and truly over. He'd been dwelling on wanting to...somehow reconnect with those that had lost him, in any way possible. And now, Haru...if anything, he was suffering right now more than all of them.

Some time passes before Rei regains his composure, apologizing to Haru profusely for turning their nice meeting into something so somber. It's simply "not beautiful", of course, but he doesn't make mention of it again once the moment passes. What he instead does is try to keep the rest of the afternoon as cordial and pleasant as possible to get both of their minds off things. He also tries to do most of the talking, so Haru doesn't have to.

Before long, the day has worn on and Rei has to head back home. He thanks Haru for inviting him over and taking the time and effort to prepare him such a nice dinner. He also stresses that, should he need anything, he's only a train ride away. And then, as soon as he arrived- it seems- he's gone again, leaving Haru alone in his home.

...mostly, alone.]

...Haru-chan?

I'm...

[Haru takes a deep, shaky breath as he tilts his head up towards the ceiling, hand covering his eyes.]

... glad. That Rei's doing alright. Considering.

[No thanks to Haru.

At least he could fill Rei's stomach, and give him some leftovers. But... Haru's the oldest of them all, even if by a matter of months. Why can't he get it together? Why can't he figure out what to say that could help everyone else?

He can do these things to try to distract everyone from what's happening. But sometimes people need to hear the right thing... something that Haru, never that great with talking, never can say. At least, Rei and Nagisa don't need to see the one who should look in control of himself look like this. They shouldn't have to.

A bath sounds really good to him right now-- the water always helped him to escape his feelings and let him focus on the sensation of the cool water on his skin. He always hated when he caught himself using the water to feel "normal" again, like some kind of weakling relying on something else because feelings caused him too much trouble. But right now, Haru didn't care if it was something weak-- that's the truth, anyway. No use denying it.

The only thing that stops him is Nagisa there.]

Sorry, I... messed it up.

[Rei managed to keep things generally pleasant, even through his pain. All Haru does is crumble to bits... his friends were the ones who always kept him together.]

You didn't mess anything up, Haru-chan.

[Nagisa moves to stand, walking over so he can be closer to where Haru is.]

What were you supposed to do? Rei-chan needed to talk to somebody, and he couldn't have talked to anyone better than you.

[He wants to tell Haru how important that is, how important he is and how thankful that he is that he's doing any of this at all...but seeing that strained expression on his face makes him draw up short. His mouth works, and for a moment nothing can come out, but eventually...]

I...

[...]

I'm the one who should be sorry. You shouldn't have to...to be going through this.

[It's because of him. He shouldn't be here. It...]

...this isn't right.

[As nice as Nagisa's words are, Haru knows they aren't true. He... should have done better. If he's even capable of doing better. Sure, Haru can swim well and some other skills, but he can't do anything really important. Worst of all, he just keeps feeling sorry for himself...

When he hears Nagisa apologize again - like he's done several tomes now since this nightmare began - a flash of irritation fills Haru's mind.]

Why... do you keep saying you're sorry?

[Haru tries to keep his voice even, flat, devoid of emotion-- it's none of those. He swallows hard, as if it'll help. But the more this pressure in his mind builds up, the less he finds he's able to control it, the louder his voice gets.

At times like these, Haru has to wonder. Why do his friends care for him this much? They're all such wonderful, supportive people... nothing Haru does can feel like he's doing enough for them. They give up so much, try so hard for him. They blame themselves when they don't make him happy. Even when Haru refuses to try to be happy. Why?]

Stop being sorry! None of this is your fault! You should... be here with everyone again. This is...

[His head hurts and it feels hot behind his eyes-- he can barely see Nagisa now with how his vision starts to blur. When he recognizes what's happening, he quickly shuts his eyes before the tears start to form. His voice lowers to a really pathetic sound, shaking with barely-repressed sobs.]

This is what I want to do. I want everyone to be happy... I want so bad for you to be happy. And I want you here. But I... I'm so--

[Weak? Not good enough? Words like that... those feel like they suit Haru well.]

[For a moment, Nagisa is left stunned. He actually pulls back a little when Haru raises his voice, shocked by the unusually strong response from the normally quiet boy. And then...and then he does get quiet again, but when he does Nagisa almost finds himself wishing he hadn't. Almost wishing that he'd gotten louder, maybe even start yelling like Rin might have done when faced with a similar situation...it would have been easier to try to process than this. This just hurts, tears him up on the inside as he hears the way Haru's voice wavers as he tries not to cry.

He didn't...he didn't mean...]

No...H-haru-

[He starts, but his own voice gets choked past the lump in his throat making it hard to speak. How is that even possible? How should he be able to feel like this anymore? Isn't he dead? Why couldn't he just move on, why couldn't he...

Before Nagisa quite realizes what he's doing, he's rushing for Haru, as if he intends to throw his arms around him in an embrace that he knows won't happen- can't happen- he's just going to pass right through him just like all of the other times.

It's why Nagisa finds himself dazed when he collides with Haru at full tilt, not hard enough to hurt him but certainly enough that he'll be knocked momentarily off balance as his arms instinctively lift to wrap around his shoulders.

And then he just...stands there wide eyed, clinging to Haru and trembling, unable to fathom what is going on but not really able to find it in him to care. He stares over his shoulder for a few long seconds before his own vision becomes blurred with tears and he can't take it anymore, a hitching whine escaping his throat before he buries his face against Haru's neck and shoulder.]

[The contact knocks the breath about of Haru and he nearly falls back. His eyes open wide, vision still like a series of wide brushstrokes, unable to find any detail.

What... hit him?

Looking just below him, he sees wavy golden hair. And feels a weight on him. Since the moment Nagisa appeared before him again, he's learned that something like this could never happen again. No matter how much he missed it. But it feels so convincing...

Has his mind finally given up? How far has he flung himself into this delusion?]

Nagisa.

[No, this... is too real. This warmth. This warmth could never be replicated by his mind so perfectly, so clearly. But Haru starts to shake all over, his arms reaching up as if on their own, still hesitant. If he dares to hold Nagisa again, he fears the illusion will be shattered. Hands hovering over Nagisa's back, he also can't bear to go on for one more second that this could all be a trick of the mind so he does it, he flings his arms to pull Nagisa against him tight.]

Nagisa!

[Too much--

The sound starts welling up in his chest, surging up to his throat, air sucking through his teeth and leaving his mouth again with the most strangled, tortured noise. It's weird and unfamiliar and it burns. Like all of him is burning, with his eyes from the salt in his tears that fall down his face in streaks.

Haru doesn't understand it either - maybe he's falling into a pleasant dream during his nightmare - but he won't question it. He's a complete mess; face scrunched up, mouth open from pained sobs, trembling too hard to hold himself up. His knees buckle and he sinks to the floor, still clinging to Nagisa, pressing more of his weight onto him to be certain that he can't move through him any more. To be certain that Nagisa really is here again.]

[Nagisa hears that sound, one that sounds distant and muted to his ears even though they're ringing without ceasing. He doesn't dare move, letting Haru pull him to the floor with him, his knees hitting the wood in an impact that registers as mild pain- pain- and he revels in it for as long as he can think to do so. His hands fist the back of Haru's shirt as his own sobs tear from him unbidden, and it isn't until he's crying too that he registers that horrible noise coming from Haru. He's not sure he's ever seen Haru cry at all, much less so bitterly as this.

And yet, it doesn't matter. Feeling Haru trembling against him, clinging to him so tightly that he couldn't move away even if he wanted...it not only serves to make Nagisa cry harder, but also proves that- somehow- he's...here. He's here.]

Haru-chan...H-Haru-chan...

[Nagisa whimpers Haru's name into his ear between the cries that wrack his body, the tears rolling down his cheeks just another reminder that he's been given a second chance. None of this makes any sense, but he doesn't have the mind to question it, either. Maybe it is a dream, though that begs the question of which one of them is actually having it.

It doesn't matter. He just doesn't want Haru to let him go. The way he clings to him desperately even as Haru leans so heavily against him is a testament to that.

He mouths words against Haru's neck that he isn't even sure are audible at all past his sobbing. The raw emotion is too much for him to handle to the point where he can't really control much of what he's doing beyond holding onto Haru like he's afraid he'll disappear if he lets go. So Haru is well within his rights to wonder if he imagined what Nagisa says, if he can even hear it at all...

I love you...]

[Haru can't remember the last time he even cried before this. Now he's cried until he can't. Like his tears ran dry. In the back of his mind, he remembers stories that with a certain power, anything could be possible. So ridiculous, he used to think. But now... he knows that it can't be anything other than--]

N-Nagisa... I-I love you, too.

[Even through his tears, his whole beign wracked with sobs, there's no way that Haru couldn't hear.

Words garbled up in a hoarse, pained voice, Haru can't stop this overflowing feeling. He looks like a mess, but he doesn't care. He pulls back just enough to put his forehead against Nagisa's so they can see each other. So Haru can see into those bright eyes once more and truly see into them. And despite the red puffiness of his face, Haru has to smile. That's the kind of effect that Nagisa has on everyone. Now Nagisa can be back with everyone again, like the sunlight in their lives has returned.

Haru's sure that he's never seen such an adorable and beautiful person before in his life.

They'll have to call everyone and tell them. It may make no sense, nothing short of a miracle. But this is it. After two days that feel like years, everything has changed-- can it really change back? It doesn't matter. Everything else can sort itself out. For now, with his legs too weak to carry him, he'll just have to keep holding onto Nagisa. ]

[Nagisa doesn't move, unsure that he really can at this point. He feels tired, exhausted, and utterly spent from the crying, yet he revels in it. He wouldn't be able to feel this way if he were still a ghost, if he weren't really here. The pressure of Haru's forehead resting against his, along with the heat of his skin and the way that raven hair tickles him is enough to prove that if everything else hadn't convinced Nagisa. His smile is shaky and even more tears streak down his cheeks at Haru's smile, and though his breathing remains rapid and he's fast on his way to getting the hiccups, it doesn't matter. It just doesn't matter.

Haru saved him.

Unable to say anything else, Nagisa just drags Haru into another hug, and embrace that likely won't end for some time. He has to make up for lost time, after all.]

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Ghost of a Chance

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