bakerstreet | Ghost of a Chance

[He should have expected it, yet he still held out some small hope that just maybe he'd be wrong. But not even a moment went by after he saw Rei and his family before he realized that that just wasn't going to be the case. He doesn't even attempt to speak to them, fully convinced that if they can't see, they won't be able to hear him, either. For some unexplained reason, Haru is the sole exception.

Haru may very well be the only person in the entire world who knows he's here.

He realizes, too, that trying to make Haru talk to them for him isn't going to work. It will have one of two outcomes, the first and most unlikely being that he's believed. But the second...they would probably assume that Haru's coping in a very strange manner. They might even become offended, and the last thing Nagisa wants to do now is cause undue animosity between those he cares about the most.

Eventually, once the discussion turns exclusively to him, it's just too much. Haru will likely notice a flicker of movement out of the corner of his eye as Nagisa quickly stands from where he'd been seated in an empty chair across the room, heading for the side door on their house that will take him to a small porch there. It's not far- it's not exactly leaving the premises, either- but he just can't stay in there any longer.]

[Time crawls forward until it feels like a good time for everyone to head back home. Haru's still glad that others don't think much of his relative silence. With everyone gathered like that, Haru really wished he could tell everyone the truth, that Nagisa was there with them. But he kept quiet even as Rei spoke his part-- or at least tried to, incoherent in his grief.

They left when the sun had barely set, casting purple and red hues on the land. Haru watched out the window of the car as they faded and were replaced by the light of the stars.

He ached to speak with Nagisa again when he finally could, waving farewell to Makoto as he proceeded up the steps to his house. The chill from the night ocean air felt stronger today, and a breeze only helped to hurry him along back into his house. Standing the the doorway, he spoke up.]

Nagisa... I'm sorry.

[It's been a very long, hard day, but for Nagisa it may as well have been just a few minutes. The silence from Nagisa is more than unusual, and it doesn't let up until he and Haru are alone again. He hangs back just a few feet from the front door on the sidewalk. The breeze doesn't affect Nagisa at all. He can't even feel it, not like Haru can. Can't smell the salty air blowing inland from the ocean. All he can do is see and hear; otherwise, it feels like everything else has been stripped away. All of the minor pleasures of life that he'd always taken for granted.]

It's okay, Haru-chan.

[He finally speaks up in a small voice, his eyes hidden by his blonde bangs falling over his forehead.]

We tried.

[Haru's emotions are all mixed up. He's glad to see Nagisa again, but to see him like this... could he ever get used to this kind of existence? He's cut off from talking to his friends and family-- all except for Haru. Haru would do his best to keep Nagisa as happy as he can for as long as they stayed together, but Haru doubted that that could be completely enough. Surely after enough time with only Haru, Nagisa would see this house like a prison.]

I'm not going to stop trying yet.

[His voice is quiet but determined. There had to be something they could still do.]

Come on.

[He goes inside, not noticing that the door is left open, hurrying up to his room. On a shelf there's a dusty old laptop he hardly ever uses. Aside from research for homework, Haru rarely ever even turns it on. But now he pulls it out for some other kind of research. This can't have been the first time this has ever happened to anyone. Somewhere, someone has a story about this situation to share, and knows what else they can do...]

...?

[By the time Nagisa gets a chance to look up Haru has already taken off, prompting him to hurry after him. It's unusual for him to be this active about anything that isn't swimming or cooking mackerel, but then again nothing about today has been natural. He pauses in the den just long enough to glance back at where the door was left open. He'd shut it himself, if he could.

A moment later he appears at the top of the stairs as he steps into Haru's room, walking over to where he is with his laptop. He finds an empty space on the edge of his bed to sit down out of reflex- it's not like it being empty or not would make much difference.]

What are you doing?

I'm finding a way to fix this.

[It takes a moment for everything to start up, but with his internet browser started up, he opens a search engine and types in "spirit possession". Yes, it's something he learned about through horror film cliches, but it's the first thing that comes to mind. The first thing that he can think of as being even slightly helpful. The internet has to have some kind of information on this, right?

The first article seems useful with at least where to start. But where to go from here?]

Spirit possession...

[Nagisa murmurs under his breath as he watches Haru browse from over his shoulder, pulling his legs up so he can cross them on the bed. It takes him a minute to register what Haru might be thinking with this, his eyes widening a little as he leans back.]

You don't think I can...posses stuff...do you?

I don't know. Maybe you could, if you tried.

[Haru considers for a moment. Possessing someone would rob them of their autonomy, or at least that's what it sounds like most of the time. But sometimes, people could invite spirits to possess them in a beneficial relationship. Still, the best thing to do is to start with someone who is fully willing to house another spirit in their body.]

Try me.

[The idea is scary, but... Nagisa wouldn't have to stay in the state that he's in.]

Waah-?! You?

[Nagisa blurts, his grip tightening on his knees. It's one thing to see it in a movie or joke about, but possessing one of his best friends...?]

Haru-chan...are you sure? We don't know what'll happen!

[What if something went wrong? What if he got stuck?]

It's fine.

[Well, of course, Haru isn't sure if it'll be fine. It could end up awful. Would Haru be awake for it all, or would it be like he's asleep when Nagisa controls him? Will he be forced out of his own body? So much could go wrong. But he's willing to take the risk for Nagisa. There's no second thoughts there.]

There's ways of stopping too. Like exorcism.

[He says, for reassurance. It's a sudden decision, but Haru has committed to it. They can take some precautions, but Haru fully plans on letting Nagisa try to use his body. If Nagisa does get stuck, he can always look up there on the laptop of what to do.]

So...

[Holding out his hand towards Nagisa, he keeps himself calm and closes his eyes.]

I don't know how you're supposed to do it, but...

[Somehow, that doesn't seem very convincing...if this wasn't such a real and serious situation, Nagisa would probably be more than willing to go along with it. That's one thing he liked about Haru. He wasn't afraid to just do things, not thinking too hard about possible repercussions. But with something like this...

Nagisa looks over at Haru's hand when he reaches it out, a little hesitant to do anything at first. He isn't exactly sure what he's supposed to do here, either, but after a moment he slowly lifts one of his own hands to meet Haru's. As expected, his fingertips go right through.]

Mmh...I'm not really sure what to do either...

[Does he just...concentrate really hard and hope that he can somehow pass through? While he may not be able to feel things physically, one thing Nagisa hasn't talked about it the fact that he seems to be able to pick up on emotions a lot more explicitly than before. That's why the grief back home was so overwhelming.]

Just... think of yourself in control of my body. Maybe get closer.

[Haru focuses on one thought-- letting Nagisa's spirit into his body. He thinks that thought, over and over. But other thoughts can't stop invading his mind, including the fear about the loss of control over himself. He wants to do everything to help Nagisa, but it's still... a scary idea. Haru curses himself for not being as selfless as he wants to be, a further distraction.

It's impossible to not think about it, what would happen if this worked. His heart starts to beat faster as he scrunches up his face in determination... maybe it could still work?]

[Nagisa's hand twitches, his fingers curling inward toward his palm a little as he watches Haru carefully.]

...you're scared.

[He can sense it, yet he's scared, too. He doesn't think he's stopped being scared since all of this started.]

We really don't have to try this, Haru-chan. I mean...even if it works...what would we do after that?

[Nagisa knows it was his suggestion to begin with, but...]

[Haru drops his hand back down, sighing in frustration at himself. If he can't do this much, what else could even work?]

If you control me, you could... talk to everyone again. Feel everything again. I don't mind giving myself up for a while, whenever you want.

[That last part is obviously a lie, but he wants to believe it won't be as scary as it sounds. Maybe he can try to get used to it. It's just a short time for Haru, but Nagisa may be stuck like this forever, and Haru is the only one who can help him. If it works anything like the movies, maybe they can share this body.]

Try again when I'm asleep.

[If he's sleeping, then he wouldn't be able to see it coming.]

[Nagisa nods a little, pulling his hand back when Haru does. It means so much that Haru is so willing to put himself at risk for him. He's offering him something invaluable- the opportunity to feel alive again.

He may not be able to physically feel any longer, but the emotions are still very much there, as evident by the way tears suddenly form in his eyes, blurring his vision.]

...thank you.

[That's all Nagisa can say. As talkative as he is and he can't think of more to say than that...it might be funny, if it weren't for the circumstances. In this instance, the one thing he wishes he could do more than anything else is just be closer. Not sharing a body close, but...physically, with his own body. But that much is just never going to happen again.]

[Seeing Nagisa like this still hurts to the point it's overwhelming, but Haru keeps his emotions in check by reminding himself that this is going to help him so much. He nods, and tries to give another reassuring smile, despite his own fears about it.

Haru puts aside his laptop, deciding that since it's already late and today has been exhausting, they might get to test how much this works soon enough. So he gets up and goes for his clothes drawer.]

If it doesn't work... we can look up something else.

[For pajamas, he usually just sleeps in his underwear and a loose shirt when it's cold. The night is feeling brisk, so he puts a simple white shirt on.]

But it will work.

[Which is exactly why it may take a little while for him to fall asleep...]

[Haru sounds so sure, so determined, that Nagisa really can't argue. He wonders if he himself would be able to sleep at all...he doesn't have a body any longer, so he hasn't felt tired at all today. He imagines that he won't, which means it's going to be a very long night.

When Haru stands up and starts to change, Nagisa moves as well, getting off his bed and scanning the room for somewhere else he can sit. Surely Haru wouldn't be able to sleep knowing there was a ghost perched on the foot of his bed.]

If it starts to hurt you or anything, just...do whatever you can to get me out. I dunno, like...use garlic or something.

[It works for Vampires, he doesn't know.]

[Thinking about it, Haru's grandmother told him about warding evil spirits away, but nothing about friendly ones. Hopefully anything like that wouldn't banish a spirit to elsewhere... So they'll have to guess there.]

I have that in my kitchen.

[He sometimes uses that in his mackerel recipes, after all.

Haru turns the light off, leaving the room to be illuminated by the moonlight through his window. This entire situation is just too surreal for him, but he's made up his mind to do it.]

Good night...

[A side-sleeper, Haru curls up in his blanket and faces away from the light. He figures if he just shuts his eyes, sleep will come sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.]

Good night, Haru-chan.

[Unsurprisingly, Nagisa doesn't sleep, though he makes it a point to not just sit there and watch Haru while he sleeps. For the first hour or so, he spends most of his time staring out the window, thinking. After a whole day of existing like this, he's given up trying to weigh the "what ifs" of the situation, instead trying to focus his attention on where to go from here. Haru seems intent on letting him share his body, if that's at all possible...but somehow, the idea doesn't sit right with him. Nagisa's never been one to really care about boundaries or privacy, but this seems like a line that he shouldn't be crossing.

And even if it worked, if he tried talking to his Makoto, Rei, or even his parents, they would all assume that Haru had just snapped under the pressure. It's a dubious situation all around, one that makes him anxious to think about.

He waits like this for as long as he can, pacing the room and pausing every so often to look over at Haru. He can't really tell if he's sleeping or not, but since he doesn't make a sound when he moves about, he won't wake him up accidentally at least. Carefully, Nagisa edges a bit closer to the edge of Haru's bed, unfolding his arms before carefully reaching one hand out toward his shoulder. He can't expect to feel anything, but...maybe Haru's emotions will have settled in his sleep, offering no resistance to outside forces such as Nagisa's intruding spirit.]

[It takes a while still, but sleeping comes more quickly than Haru expected. For one, he barely got any sleep last night. He passed out on his living room floor, but a bad dream leaving him in a cold sweat woke him up... The rush of emotions throughout the day and the mental strain of the gathering at the Hazuki house must have wore him out more than he expected.

He doesn't really think too much about what would happen if Nagisa tried to talk to others, but he supposes that they will cross that bridge when they come to it. For now, he finds himself unable to focus on any of those thoughts, feeling his fatigue overcome him. He's all but forgotten that Nagisa is there...]

[Unsurprisingly, Nagisa's hand never makes contact. His fingertips phase right through, and even as he turns his hand over there is no resistance. But he doesn't feel those scared, concerned emotions coming from Haru anymore, either. There's nothing there but silence as he sleeps, his subconscious largely blocked off from Nagisa's influence.

He sits down carefully on the edge of the bed, reaching his other hand out only to have it, too, disappear through Haru's body. It's so frustrating, he just wants to feel but he can't...reluctant to give up, he edges a bit closer before extending both arms to wrap them around Haru. It's not really a true hug- it's more like he's trying to embrace air than anything else- and it feels a little silly in hindsight, but...he doesn't know what else to do.]

[Haru's eyes move a little behind his eyelids, and he stirs just a little in his dreamless sleep. He feels... something, a faint sensation as Nagisa passes through him, but nothing more than that.

Not long afterwards, perhaps only an hour or two later, Haru finds himself awake again. The lingering, anxious thoughts in his subconscious must have brought him back. His vision is blurred from sleep and he rubs his eyes as he quickly looks around to find Nagisa again. If he's there. But he doesn't seem to feel all too different...]

[Haru won't have to look far. He'll find Nagisa sitting at the foot of his bed, though he's facing the window and not him directly. His legs are pulled up to his chest with his chin resting on his knees, his expression likely hard to read in the darkness. Nagisa seems to be able to sense when he wakes up, because he murmurs just a moment later.]

It didn't work.

[Damn. Haru sighs, even more frustrated than before. Is there any winning here? Did Nagisa get put here just to draw out his pain even longer? Because it's not fair-- Nagisa did nothing to deserve such treatment by... whatever is causing this to happen.

He sits up on the bed, running a hand through his hair.]

I'm sorry, Nagisa. I'm ... really useless here.

[Being the only one who can do anything, and yet not being able to help at all... Haru knows he shouldn't beat himself up when they still have to look for some kind of solution here. And yet, he feels any hope slipping away. What are they supposed to do? Is Nagisa really stuck here like this forever?]

But I'd do anything to help.

[It's an uncommon verbal confession, but it's only the truth. If it can help Nagisa at all for him to hear, then there's at least that, in place of anything that can really help for now.]

It's okay. It's not your fault.

[It pains him just as much as it does Haru to know what he's stuck like this, but it hurts all the more knowing Haru must feel so helpless. It would be so much easier on them both if he could just...move on. Let Haru have the closure he desperately needs. That they both need.

He looks over without turning his head, offering a smile that's a little strained.]

I know you would, Haru-chan. I mean...you're already offering to let me possess you, if I could. That isn't useless.

[It didn't work, maybe, but just the offer is enough. It means a lot to Nagisa, more than he can properly express.]

You can go back to sleep, if you want. Not much we can do right now.

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