bakerstreet | minor injury meme.

minor injury meme.

You or your meme partner has been hurt, but don't worry! This time around it's not that bad. You can still limp your way out of this mess.

INJURIES.
1. Sprain/strain. How did you screw up walking?
2. Broken bones. Simple fractures still hurt.
3. Cuts. Hopefully one of you has a sewing kit.
4. Burns. Location, location, location. Let's pray this one isn't on your ass.
5. Concussion. No, they're most likely not holding up fifteen fingers.
6. Other. I'm not a doctor.

HOW'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Stupidity. You did this to yourself.
2. Accident. Is an unintentional attack still an attack?
3. Attack. Don't lie, you deserved it.
4. Other. It's probably still your own fault.

WHERE'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Home. Did you remember to invest in a first aid kit?
2. School/Work. This should be excellent for getting you out of doing stuff!
3. Outdoors. Predators like the smell of blood. Clean up asap.
4. In the water. Hopefully there aren't any sharks!
5. Other. Like a hospital. That'd be handy.

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[Buddies it is! If you don't mind writing a starter (I should actually be alseep now herpity derp), the injury would probably be something stupid like him spraining his ankle trying to show off at Vega. Because half the Normandy Crew is secretly twelve years old.]

(( this is an accurate statement of which i cannot argue. i should also be asleep too but you know, life choices. OH WELL, here's a starter. ))

[ okay so, when she walked into the med bay and saw garrus strung up like a turkey, she laughed. a hand went to her face first to try and stifle it, keep his embarrassment to a minimum but then there was the leg, hanging and his face and... shepard, despite the mighty control she possess in the face of danger, could not hold in her laughter over an injured crew member. she laughed, doubled over and giving a slap to her knee at the sight in front of her. she was sure, absolutely positive that chakwas only had his leg strung up to shame him. the bet had spread across the normandy quickly, though no one was sure what it was actually for -- just that vakarian and vega had a contest in the brig and it ended... poorly. shepard knew it was just a sprain and while turians and humans work differently, she can't imagine it needed this much attention. no, this must have been chakwas. ]

Okay, okay. I'm good, I swear.

[ this is... after the whole laughing for nearly five minutes though so, it probably doesn't say much. it's well deserved in shepard's opinion though because the things that her crew gets up to when she's not looking... sheesh, even liara has some weird stuff and at this point, shepard has the right to laugh at them for it. all of them. she approaches his bed after, leaning against the frame and inspecting the wrap around his ankle. a thought -- birds have hollow bones, don't they? -- occurs to her but she doesn't voice it, instead looking up towards garrus' face. ]

So, did Vega win his bet or are you waiting for a rematch? I could tap in, if you want. Help save your dignity a little.

(PSHAW life choices who needs to make the right ones anyway? (she says as she wishes she went to bed at a decent hour). Oh well!)

[He expected it.

Honest to the spirits who never seemed to quite have his back, his actions, or any single positive factor of his life thus far, Garrus Vakarian fully expected that very reaction from Shepard. The moment Chakwas made an elaborate show of raising his leg to 'speed up the healing', as she so transparently lied, he knew he was in for it.

Even so, his mandibles pulse in the turian equivalent of a scowl as Shepard's laughter trails off. It's all for show, really, because who wouldn't find this entire getup amusing, if not downright hilarious? That didn't mean he couldn't at least try to save a little face. Just a little.]

You're the last thing my dignity needs, Shepard. With all due respect, of course.

[Which, as Ash had put so eloquently years ago, is as close to 'kiss my ass' as he can get without saying it.]

We're waiting for a rematch. Preferably somewhere away from the service vents.

[ the scowl is really the cherry on top, she thinks. over the years she can read every single huffy and childish expression on every single species she's served with and this is just one more to add to the pile. the amusement hasn't left her, even as he bites back and she knows what he's thinking -- knows that he used that phrase, on purpose. it's really become a running joke on the normandy, always inciting giggles from the long timers when a new crew member used the phrase seriously.

so, she smiles. ]

Oh, of course. I just wanted to help but I understand.

[ totally innocent sentence but it's laced with double meaning and she knows he can tell. she's really fighting to keep back a grin because really, it's just too funny. ]

That sounds like a good idea. You know, Vega's actually worried too. Offered to make some soup and bring you some pillows. A real Florence Nightingale, that one. [ shepard, you should stop using human pop culture references in front of other species. probably. ] He's looking up some dextro recipes on the extranet now.

Tell Vega if he touches any of my food, I'm gonna personally make sure he's the next guy strung up like a damn louza.

[It's an empty threat if there ever was one. Not only because Garrus couldn't even swat at a fly without accidentally knocking himself out of bed (even now he could feel his leg swinging back and forth with every subtle movement), but also because there wasn't any animosity between the two. At least nothing serious. They'll always be two little kids scuffling around in the sandbox.

And speaking of obscure species-related references:]

...A louza's a bird. Just in case your translator didn't catch that.

Huh, learn something new every day. [ a louza... what a weird name for a bird! except then she remembers she just compared him to a turkey, and that's probably weird too. ] I'll definitely get right on that, Vega won't touch your food before you're out of here.

[ shepard makes no motions to leave though, still content with sticking around and bothering the heck out of garrus. she makes this known by pushing his uninjured leg off the edge a bit and sitting down at the end of the bed, digging into her pocket first for a pack of cards. she holds them up for garrus to see and pulls them out to shuffle. ]

I thought while you're here, I'd teach you the noble art of Go Fish. A grand human tradition passed down through years and years of bored soldiers with little to do. I mean, if you're up for it, of course. Wouldn't want to to make your injury any worse.

[ she really is getting a kick out of this, can you tell? ]

[That's the turians for you-- weird names for their freaky metal animals. And speaking of weird, Garrus is going to eye those cards, eye Shepard, then eye the cards again.]

Considering your luck with fish in the past, Commander, I'm not sure I want to learn anything from you.

[OOOH BUUURRN no not really, but it's hard to come up with a witty retort when you're two rolls of wrapping paper away from being a neatly tied up birthday present]

But I'm up for anything once. Anything's better than... what was that one called? FIfty-two Pick Up?

[That one was also courtesy of Vega]

I-- [ she starts but then stops, letting out a very indignant huff and why does garrus turn her into a five year old. immediately she just wants to beat him at this to wipe the smugness off his face.

... is that smugness? that's probably smugness. don't be smug, you intergalactic turkey. ]

Fifty two pickup is much easier when you have five nimble fingers to pick them up. [ she even lifts a hand and wiggles them to demonstrate. ] Also, he was just messing with you.

[ there that's much better. though she's going to have to ask vega later if he caught garrus trying to pick up the cards on video. maybe edi if he doesn't. subtly though because she's still a suuuuper professional commander with suuuper professional interest in watching her crew members humiliate themselves doing dumb things. ]

This one is simple though and doesn't involve throwing any cards. We each get seven cards and try to guess who has what. For instance, I'll ask you if you have any threes and if you do, you give me all your threes. If you don't, you tell me "go fish" and I pick another card out of the ones we're not using. But if I collect all the threes in the game, I put them in front of me and we keep going. We keep going till all the cards are gone and whoever collects the most sets wins.

[ she stops shuffling and grins at him, ready to deal. ]

Sound good?

[He'll put aside the whole 'messing with you' thing for later, when he inevitably gets into another scrap with Vega. It's just another thing to add to his wholly justifiable ass-whooping evidence pile]

[Instead, Garrus will focus on Shepard's explanation and let it run through his head a few times. He nods in understanding, and just manages to avoid giving another shrug.]

Sounds good enough, I guess.

[He's just busting her chops at this point, don't pay it any mind]

I'm gonna trust you to deal, O Nimble Fingered One.

[ shepard's rule is generally no bruises and plausible deniability on her part. it's tough being queen.

also, jerk. but she's going to give a roll of her eyes and start dealing out cards to the both of them. ]

I'd watch myself if I were you. Insulting my nimble fingers when they've saved your ass plenty of times before. I might even start feeling insulted and who knows what'll happen then?

[ but now they both have cards and very pleasantly, she lifts her deck. ]

You first.

Uh-huh, and you've never had your own ass saved by my impeccable shot?

[He peruses the cards Shepard's handed to him: an ace, two threes, one four, a king, a queen, and a two.

He thinks about it for a second, as if there really is any strategic angle one could take in a game that relied on chance and the honesty of the other player. And between the two of them, the latter was completely unlikely]

Got any threes?

[ she is just going to raise a shoulder totally!! and completely!! innocently. she has no comment on your impeccableness, vakarian. nope. not one.

instead she looks down at her cards. two twos. a four, a six, two sevens, and a joker. she gives a shake of her head, no point in cheating just yet. ]

Nope, go fish.

[ and she will wait until he picks his new card. heh. ]

[His eyes narrow and don't leave Shepard's face as he slowly moves a hand to pull a card out of the pile.

And fumbles around a bit.

Because he's still staring her dow--oh cool there we go he found it. Smooth. He adds the card to the fold (a seven), and nods for Shepard to take her turn.]

So is this game supposed to teach some kind of value to Alliance soldiers?

[ she's trying not to laugh as she keeps his gaze because out of the corner of her eye she sees him trying to grasp at the card. her teeth go into her bottom lip just a bit to keep from smiling but a puff of laughter slips out of her despite it. don't laugh, don't laugh, don't laugh.

but then he recovers and they're good! haha, nimble fingers. time to continue the game. she weighs the pros and cons of telling him that they play it just for boredom but... no, that wouldn't be as funny. so, ultra serious, she nods in response to his question. ]

Go Fish is a game in which Alliance soldiers are taught how to respect and trust their team. If your squadmate says he has no threes, you have to respect that. You have to take their word and continue the game until it's played through. So, Vakarian, do you have any... uh, twos?

[That's a big heaping pile of bullshit that he can smell ten million space miles away, Shepard, and the deadpan (more than usual) look on his face says it all.

But it's still enough to trouble him over any potential lies he could've told. He stares at the two for a good few minutes before he hands it over]

Here, take it. Think of it as a gesture of respect, Commander.

[Someone's a sore loser. And he hasn't even lost yet.]

[ look, it was very funny to her at least. she's still trying to stifle a laugh and it's becoming more difficult with each passing moment. she's not good at this deadpan stuff! not like garrus, at least.

but it's worth it, she thinks and she casually takes the twos right out of his hand before adding them to hers. oh, how noble of him. ]

See, this is why I like you on my team. You know your place.

[ shep, stop pushing it. ]

Apparently my place is making sure you don't get your ass handed to you.

[He peeks at his cards again before acknowledging Shepard once more]

In the best possible way, of course. [lies] Now do you have any fours, ma'am?

[It's hard to stay dignified when you're strung up like someone's dinner and so full of sour grapes]

[ she's just going to wave a hand dismissively. yes, yes, that too. ]

Yet here you are, getting your ass handed to you by a dumb bet. Now who's going to watch my six while you're stuck here? There's no other scarred up bad boy turians around to fill that role.

[ she does grin very cheekily at the ma'am though and looks down her at cards, feeling pleased whenever she can trade barbs like this with garrus. if she had to say, she'd probably consider him her best friend at this point and sitting here, playing go fish with him -- it reminds her why.

she's even going to nod when she spots her four, holding it out to him willingly. ]

[He'll graciously take the card from her with a single flexed mandible, the closest a turian can get to a human smirk.

Going tit for tat with his commanding officer, of all people, is a privilege that Garrus can and will never take for granted. The pecking order on turian vessels is far too rigid to allow for anything of the sort, loose personal restrictions between crewmates aside. To count Shepard amongst his friends, and, let's face it, his best friend is nothing short of a miracle he's not entirely sure he deserves.]

I'll still vouch for Vega to watch you on the field, even if he's a complete and utter ass.

[Because Garrus totally isn't one himself.

Totally.]

Yes, because that's completely different than the norm.

[ she's going to roll her eyes because she sees that smirk, vakarian and it is not appreciated it. don't you sass her when you're the one in the hospital bed with your foot in the air! really now.

but she's going to look down at her cards and furrow her brows, trying to think of how to actually win this. hm. so he took her four but she took his two -- which leaves her with three twos. she needs another one to have a full set and it's probably in the pile. hm. ]

Have any sevens?

It's not my fault you picked the biggest jerks in the galaxy to help you out.

[He says as he hands over the seven. Sort of. He holds it just out of Shepard's immediate reach, almost like he's trying to prove some kind of point. Probably the one about her crew being made up of giant, gaping assholes.]

[ oh, you giant wad of --

shepard makes a face at garrus and leans forward to grab the card from him. while she does that, she puts a hand right on his leg to hold herself up as she grabs it. it wasn't super necessary and she puts way more weight than she should on it but, you know.

whatever.

when she sits back, she raises an eyebrow at him as if daring him to say anything. ]

You were saying?

[He's not saying anything, Shepard. Mostly because he's too busy cringing, his shoulders hunched, and his toes curled, to even think of a response.

Evil. Just plain evil.

But he lets go of a breath and finally answers back between clenched teeth:]

Got any queens?

[ she's going to savor that cringe because it serves you right. not just for the card but for getting hurt doing something dumb. shepard wouldn't really say it aloud but she does hope his leg heals quick because she really isn't looking forward to doing any missions without him. it would just make her feel... off.

but for now, she focuses on the go fish. she gives a shake of her head, knowing he has to take another card from the pile. hm. okay. she has now:

- three twos
- one six
- three sevens
- one joker

so she needs a two and a seven and she'll be winning. nice. she grins to herself about it for a moment before realizing she should probably keep a poker face on and immediately schools her expression into something innocent. whoops. ]

No, yeah. No queens.

[ good thing they're not betting anything ]

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minor injury meme.

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i accidentally archived this notif like a silly pants, my bad

no worries!

i still have no excuses!!

You don't need no excuses brah

<3333

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