bakerstreet | (no subject)

(no subject)

The HURT ME Meme
For kinks of pain: physical and emotional.

WARNING: Prompts will contain sexual and violent content and triggers. Click with caution!

THE PHYSICAL:
1 - Slapping. Bare-handed: including spanking, face-slapping.
2 - Flogging. With a leather flog, as soft or hard as you want.
3 - Breathplay. Cut off their oxygen.
4 - Beating (soft). Leaving bruises and marks.
5 - Waxplay. Feels like a burn, but isn't.
6 - Biting. Use your teeth.
7 - Gunplay. It might be the hurt, or the threat of it.
8 - Bloodplay (soft). Just a few cuts…
9 - Sexual exhaustion. Forcing them just a little too far, until it hurts more than it feels good.
10 - Suspension. Bind them so they can't (or can only barely) touch the ground, and wait for it to do its trick.
11 - Dubious consent. Don't know if they want it or not.
12 - OTHER.

THE EMOTIONAL:
1 - Loss. You've taken away something they care about deeply, perhaps destroyed it - or killed someone close to them.
2 - Rejection. All they want is you. Best to crush their feelings into the dust.
3 - Humiliation. Take away their pride.
4 - Punishment. They've done wrong. Time to let them know exactly how.
5 - Revenge. They've hurt you personally, and you want to hurt them back.
6 - Deception. Use the truth, or a lie, to make them hurt.
7 - OTHER.

THE HEAVY:
1 - Beating (hard). Draw blood, leave scars.
2 - Whipping. As hard as you want.
3 - Choking. The hard side of breathplay.
4 - Burning/Branding. Leave your marks.
5 - Fisting. The whole hand.
6 - Oversize Penetration. Double, triple, or just larger than they can take.
7 - Mutilation.
8 - Amputation.
9 - Vore.
10 - Guro.
11 - Non-con. They don't want it, but you'll force the issue.
12 - OTHER.

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[He gives a small, hoarse laugh, eyes crinkling at the corners.] Well, I'll take the compliment next day you're feeling generous.

[Sooner or later, Balthazar will start feeling mildly guilty about getting doted on like this. It might be a while, though, at this rate. It's so peaceful, he's gone almost boneless.] I think I'm still catching mine, too. If nothing else, though, you may have to help me set a couple fingers before the circle winds down.

[He nods in answer, not thinking much of it initially.] Yes. More overtly sexual, for the most part, and usually people seemed to want me to top. I'm not sure why, unless it's something to do with the look of my vessel. I quite liked doing artsy things with rope.

[The penny drops a moment later.] Oh! Are you thinking you'd be interested in turning the tables?

[His heart always stutters a bit - a pleasant, fluttery sort of feeling - when Balthazar smiles like that. Loki is relieved to realize that that hasn't changed.]

Of course. [He'll help set all of them before the circle winds down, because broken bones is one area where healing more quickly is not always a good thing. Better they be set now than have to be rebroken later.

This is an area that Loki has an unfortunate amount of experience with. Balthazar was hardly the first man to torture him, after all.

Loki listens quietly, not quite sure how to come out and ask for what he really wants, especially after their fight. But oh, if he had his doubts about whether he actually wanted the tables turned on occasion, the way he has to swallow at the mention of "artsy things with rope" settles the matter.]

I am, yes.

I might not have been created to obey, but I've always felt...safer, with someone else in charge. [That hasn't always been the case, and the circumstances that brought him to that point were not remotely good ones. But it's a mindset he's settled into almost comfortably, not even noticing now.

Loki bows his head a little, averting his gaze as he nevertheless drags the words up from the depths of his mind, one by one.]

If you could, or...if you wanted to. I want to feel what it's like, knowing that I have the choice to say "stop".

[Oh. Loki's expression says a lot, and Balthazar suddenly feels warmer all over. His smile softens, and he tilts his head to nuzzle again.]

I almost don't know what to say, love. I'm grateful you trust me that much. I know it doesn't come easy.

[His eyes drift closed a moment.] And you're always a work of art, but you'd look exquisite with scarlet ropes laced across your body...I want to. Most definitely.

But you'll have to tell me where you limits are. I want to make you feel safer.

[Loki manages to smile once more, at the light nuzzling, and he bows his head to press a kiss to the top of Balthazar's head in turn.

It wouldn't be erroneous to say that he trusts Balthazar more than anyone, in fact, including himself. But Loki doesn't say as much out loud. After that, he settles back into as comfortable a sitting position as he can manage to think.

What are his limits? The ones he knows enough to have let himself acknowledge, at least. The ones where it won't burn too badly to admit suc an obvious weakness.

One is easy:] N-Nothing involving my hands. [He feels his face warm with embarrassment at the way his voice obviously stutters.] I don't mind them being tied, but otherwise...well, I think I've just proven quite clearly that I can't take much more beyond that.

Beyond that, I don't heal as quickly as you do, so it would probably be best to avoid breaking anything.

[...] But I've found that being gagged can be almost peaceful.

I don't think I could bear doing that to you again. [He shivers slightly, glances at his own wounded fingers, then refocuses on Loki. He's still a little woozy, himself, and not completely convinced he can read him well right now. He may have to probe again later.

And yet, already he has ideas. Shaking off the moment of dismay, he flashes a lazy smile.] But if you want pain, I can give you pain. Without breaking anything.

[He gives a quiet chuckle.] You may not think it's so peaceful when I'm doing the talking, but I like that, too. [It's definitely one way to be sure Loki's listening, keeping him from talking back.]

Mmm. How do you feel about breathplay? [...Less because he actually wants to cut off Loki's air, and more because it's continually tempting to wrap his hands around that graceful throat. For various reasons.]

[It's certainly one of the least painful ways, and unless actively prevented Loki can't really help but talk back. He's been cursed into silence and he's had his mouth actually sewn shut. A great many people, upon meeting Loki, want to stop him from talking for some reason or another.

Simple gagging seems the easiest way.

His hand stills for a moment in Balthazar's hair at the mention of breathplay. That answer takes a little more thought, though the surface reply is at least easy enough.] I don't know. I've never done it.

...I dream about it quite often, however. Being strangled. Perhaps that means there's something to it. [Or at least, something he could stand to work out in a controlled environment.]

[At the moment, Balthazar would be happy to lie here and listen to him talk forever, but that's partly the adrenaline rush talking. He can understand the impulse to shut him up.

Certain people seem to react to him the same way, come to think of it.]

Something to consider, then. Apparently on some level I want to throttle you. I think it's mostly aesthetic. [He's teasing now. He must be feeling better.]

And do you like pleasure with your pain? [The goal today, as Balthazar saw it, was catharsis, punishment, rather than sex. But his demons and Loki's demons aren't the same. Close, but not identical, and where Balthazar wanted to be purged, it sounds more like Loki would prefer to be built up.]

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no. [He can find satisfaction in pain for its own sake or pain twisted to pleasure. It really depends on the day, or the state of his mood. Perhaps what it ultimately comes down to is the desire to be built back up into something better after being broken down.

They're both satisfying, albeit for entirely different reasons.

It's not that Loki is unaware that he's done a great many awful things in his life. The disconnect mostly comes from the fact that no one has ever really been able to provide a satisfactory answer on where to start.]

And of course, impact, blades...or heat.

[Outright fire or scalding tends to make Loki shy away on an instinctual level - much as he might wish otherwise - but done carefully, he finds the deliberate distancing of himself from his Jotun side to be downright blissful.]

Heat? You're sure? [Balthazar is mildly surprised, and his expression shows it.] Something like hot wax, then, or actual fireplay?

[Wax, he's done. Not so much the other, but given his own affinities, Balthazar is convinced he could control a small flame to sting rather than consume. Even for Loki, even given his relatively more heat-sensitive physiology. But he wouldn't want to go too far, either.

Regardless, he's warming to the idea of the whole venture, if for no other reason than it provides the opportunity of a quiet, defenseless Loki upon which he can vent his attentions--because whether pain or pleasure or both, it will all be done out of affection--without protest.]

I think...I should think it over when my head is clearer. And you should, too. But yes. To all the above.

Wax, for now. And yes. [Or as certain as Loki ever is about his other side - which is to say, stubbornly determined to make it so. It's a sign of Balthazar's good influence on him that he's backing down even from fireplay.

Still, he's decidedly curious what it might feel like - being helpless in the face of someone's attentions while knowing that they ultimately don't mean him any harm. Something to consider, and anticipate.

But not just yet. He nods his agreement without hesitation to the suggestion of waiting, and - not without some reluctance - gently untangles his fingers from Balthazar's.] Agreed.

Before we go any further, in either direction, I should probably get these set. [He skims his fingers lightly along Balthazar's other wrist, not yet touching the broken fingers. It's probably safe to say that the other hand will remain undamaged, so they might as well make certain that the injured one can heal.]

[The other side. Yes. Balthazar has glimpsed the Jotun skin only briefly, and under the worst circumstances possible. And he suspects the chances of Loki ever showing that side of himself willingly are slim to none. He wonders if this kind of dynamic would make a difference. If he could bring the other man to the point of allowing him to see and touch, maybe not the first time, but with patience and repeated exchanges...

Asking Loki to embrace or even accept that side of his heritage might be too much to ever expect, but perhaps in time he could grow to tolerate it.

That's a hell of an undertaking, though, and Balthazar just admitted he's not thinking at his best right now. As Loki releases his hand, he shakes off the idea--for now--and nods, raising his cuffed wrists slightly in easy surrender.]

All right. Unless...you wanted to break the rest, as well. [His pulse picks up at the idea; he's not exactly eager to suffer that particular pain again. But fair is fair, and Loki's reaction was more frightening than the broken bones, anyway, and that rage seems to have passed for the moment.] Since...you know.

[Since he broke all of Loki's.] Do you want me to move? Sit back up?

[Loki freezes on the spot for a long moment at the outwardly innocent suggestion. In that moment, he feels his heart thudding hard enough against his ribs that he's sure Balthazar must be able to hear it, and his fingers tremble finely with the memory of that very same damage he's being invited to inflict.

He does want to, very much, and so doesn't want to in the same breath. Maybe it would be best, maybe it would be fair, and it's true that Loki's earlier rage has passed so completely that he's no longer entirely sure what came over him.

But would following the same steps reignite it once more? He doesn't know for certain, and no matter how much punishment he thinks he still deserves, Balthazar doesn't deserve to find out.

Loki keeps his voice level and calm with an effort, hopefully betraying none of the doubts churning within when he asks:] Which would you prefer?

[It seems a desperately ridiculous thing to ask, where this is concerned, but necessary all the same. And besides, a great deal of their relationship is ridiculous, by conventional standards.]

[Rather than answering right off, he drags himself back up into a sitting position, favoring the injured leg. Facing Loki, knees to knees, he places his bound hands in his lap and takes a few breaths, taking stock.

He can't know how Loki is, or how he'll react. So, he'll have to fall back on checking on his own state.]

I feel better. Everything hurts, but I'm not dizzy any longer. [The whip wounds have stopped bleeding, as well, although the stab in the thigh is still welling up sluggishly if he moves the wrong way.]

It's going to hurt to set them anyway. I want to finish it. There's always going to be something, but perhaps not the same something, if we go on now. [He holds up his hands, privately vowing not to scream this time, if he can help it.] If it's all right with you.

Please.

[Loki does wince in sympathy, and reaches out without hesitation to help Balthazar rise with a steadying hand on his shoulder. Only once the angel is in a sitting position, facing him, does Loki sit back.

On some level, he expects the answer that comes. It still feels like the breath has just been driven out of him.

But...this is all about give and take. If this is something Balthazar really wants - and Loki can see in his eyes that it is, at least on some level - can Loki really deny him?

So his answer is to close his eyes, take a slow breath in, and let it out just as slowly. He has the momentary sense of...sinking, and when Loki opens his eyes, he looks once again calm, a little detached. But, most importantly, in control.

He leans forward for just a moment, near enough to press his forehead against Balthazar, and moves to take hold of the other man's uninjured hand with both of his. Loki squeezes it fondly, just once, and then moves quickly and brutally to snap the first index finger.]

[It's different this time. Controlled, detached, a denouement rather than an escalation of wild emotion. He rests his forehead close to Loki's and breathes in, releasing the air in a rush as the bone snaps.

This time, he doesn't scream, just gives a barely-audible groan in the back of his throat, and pants for a moment.] It's all right.

[Shivering, he catches his breath again straightening his spine, and keeps his eyes closed, face tilted slightly upward.] I didn't know. But I know now. Thank you...

[Loki allows Balthazar to lean against him, and gives him a moment to get his breath back after the first. He almost doesn't, at first. He almost goes one right after the other, to break them all quickly, the better to spare Balthazar as much of the anticipation of pain as possible even if the other man was inviting the reality. After all, even if the angel had broken all of Loki's fingers before, he'd made sure to do it as quickly and neatly as humanly possible.

Reciprocity doesn't always have to work against them, after all.

Loki smiles, faint and even a little sad, at the gratitude. The fact that he knows Balthazar means it wholeheartedly only makes his chest ache all the worse, like shards of ice in his heart. All he says out loud in reply, however, is:] Remember to breathe.

[It's a very gentle order, but it's an order all the same.

He doesn't hurry to break the other four, though he's sure to commit the actual act as quickly and cleanly as possible anyway. Still, it's a process that's almost...tidal. Giving the pain time to wash out before more flows back in.

Loki lets out his breath in a slow, steady sigh as the snap of Balthazar's thumb breaking dies away between them. In a soft murmur, he speaks for the first time in four broken bones.] There. Done.

[It really is different this time. He doesn't have to watch Loki's face to sense the different demeanor. No rage this time, only calm control, and as much gentleness as anyone could muster while breaking bones.

Balthazar whimpers and groans at the breaks, and gives a single soft yelp at the last snap of his thumb. He bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, and blinks back tears once. But he doesn't scream, and when it's over, he bows his head against Loki again with a ragged sigh.]

Done. [He echoes, against the other man's shoulder, and nods.]

If...that's enough for you for now, it's enough for me. [He looks up again slowly, unsteady but with a faint, wan smile. Balthazar looks drained, shaky, even pale, but the aura of contentment hasn't left him.] It does feel strangely safe, though. Trusting you with this.

Are you all right?

[As Balthazar slumps against him, Loki lifts a hand for a moment to press gently against the back of his head, reassuring. He also tries not to look as relieved as he feels, at the admission that this is finally enough.

Perverse circumstances aside, he feels his heart flutter in a decidedly pleasant fashion at the look on Balthazar's face - pained, broken down, but content, affectionate.

Maybe they really did need this, and it's a thought he celebrates by brushing a kiss over Balthazar's lips.] I'm all right. You did very well. [He seems to enjoy the praise, and Loki is more than happy to give it.]

It's enough, if you've gotten what you need. [And he's faintly but pleasantly surprised to realize that it is enough. Loki hadn't realized it before, but now there's the very definite sense of having...passed through something and come out the other side, unharmed.] But we should still set these before I break the circle.

[All the same, he retrieves the key from his pocket and moves to unlock the cuffs.

[Once again, the reassuring touch feels exquisite, almost decadent. Partly the contrast between pain and gentleness, perhaps, and partly that Balthazar can feel, for once, like he's earned the affection. He moans softly into the kiss, passive but savoring it.

The praise makes him break into a grin, unsteady but wholehearted.] Thank you.

I'm...I'm good. It's enough. And you're lovely. [He holds his hands steady to let the cuffs be unlocked.]

How long were we at this? I lost track. [Sooner or later, Loki might want to have lunch or dinner, he imagines, but Balthazar is hoping some rest and contact is in order first. Maybe even reading together, quietly.]

[Loki unlocks one cuff, and then the other. He sets them aside, and then gently cradles Balthazar's wrist in both of his, massaging lightly to ensure that blood flow resumes as painlessly as possible. First one, and then the other.]

I don't know. [Loki even sounds faintly surprised to have realized as much. Fortunately, there's a clock on the living room wall, though he has to crane his neck a little to see it from where he's at.] Hm...six hours, perhaps. Or eighteen, I suppose. [Probably six, though.]

First thing's first. [With a touch of fond exasperation, Loki adds:] And there's no need to stand on ceremony. I certainly won't be offended if you aren't quiet.

[Before, he might have - if not offended, then certainly upset. But Balthazar isn't the only one who feels empty, and pleasantly so. For perhaps the first time in years, Loki feels as though he might actually have vented his pent-up sadism and rage.

At least for now.

And with that, he moves up to take the first broken finger and work it straight, and back into its joint.]

Edited 2015-03-01 22:42 (UTC)

Time flies when you're having fun? [He smirks a little; this isn't what most people would define as fun. Actually, it's not what he would necessarily define as fun, either, but the sentiment isn't inaccurate. It's been an experience he wouldn't trade, for certain.

He shivers and sighs at the gentle wrist massage, even though it makes his fingers throb.] I thought it might make it easier if I were a bit more stoic. But I'll take your word for it; it does hurt.

[Loki looks more like himself now, with that expression of friendly irritation, and Balthazar smiles, about to call him out on it. Before the words pull together, though, he's pulling and manipulating the bones, and the angel gives an undignified yelp of surprised pain. Damn it all, in some ways that actually hurts more than the initial break.

Suddenly it occurs to him that healing the long way is something he's never experienced, either.] Ow...is it supposed to click and grind like that?

[At least he has the discipline to stay still and not throw everything out of joint again.]

Yes.

[Balthazar can take his word for it. After all:] That's how it felt when you set mine, after all. [And that hadn't even been the first time he's had his fingers broken, because in a lot of ways Loki is very easy to read. At least in so far as what can make him helpless.

[At least he has the discipline to stay still. Loki is still stronger than him, and not above pinning the angel if that's what it takes to get this done.

He works the second finger, and then the third, both back into place, before Loki finds the words to ask something that's been on his mind since Balthazar mentioned it, even if Loki didn't entirely realize as much at the time.] You said before that you didn't..."know". And now you do.

I'm not sure I understood what you meant.

Mmm. [He grimaces, but refrains from further complaint, taking a few deep breaths to force himself to relax again. He's not sure, in point of fact, how the bones would react if they just broke the circle. Normally if a bone on his vessel snaps (a rare occurrence), setting it is a non-issue simply because of the speed it heals. Almost as if a mix of angelic Grace and human body memory pushes things back into their proper places.

This venture has left flesh and bone time to swell and become inflamed, though. They might very well heal crooked without this intervention, and he doesn't want to take that chance. Not when Loki's being so generous with caring for him.

He hisses and swears under his breath as the other bones are set, but manages to stay still.]

What you see isn't technically my body. [He explains slowly after Loki speaks.] It's a human vessel I inhabit. Taken with permission, and...regrettably, the soul that was once within it went on to the afterlife after Cas--

[He pauses, clears his throat. It's still a sore point and probably always will be.] After I was stabbed. I kept a sliver of my Grace hidden in another human's soul and was able to rebuild, but this still isn't completely me.

Angels can't walk about on this plane in our own bodies without searing the eyes out of humans, or even killing them, along with wildlife and plant species. Everything is so delicate. Or we're just clumsy, maybe.

What I am, here and now, is a weird blend of flesh and celestial energy. I can feel pain and pleasure through this body, but when my Grace isn't dampened like this, it's...less sensitive, I suppose. And I'm stronger.

So, I've been sliced and diced, had things broken and even blown to bits on the field at War, but compared to this it was more like an echo of pain coming down a long tunnel, with plenty of interference along the way. I didn't know.

I hope that doesn't sound insufferably smug to you. I don't mean it that way, and of course you're no more human, or mortal, than I am. But you're all here. Everything that happens here is high stakes. I knew that in an academic sense, but I never understood it before. Not from experience.

I'm sorry. [He tries to meet his eyes, still calm, but utterly sincere in the apology.] I truly did not understand the physical suffering you went through. And I...suppose I still don't, but I have a better inkling now.

[Loki sits back to listen to Balthazar's explanation. He has the dim sense that he probably knew some of this already. When you were one another's only company in the face of unholy torment, it was easy to plumb at least some previously sensitive topics of conversation. But it's still better, hearing it again, hearing it now. Here he can be certain that it's the entire truth, and that he's being trusted with this knowledge for reasons beyond carelessness.

He doesn't say it out loud, but Loki is privately relieved to hear that whatever soul previously occupied Balthazar's body is safely elsewhere. Even if he has no way to really confirm as much, it's a more pleasant reality.

Loki draws back a little, blinking in surprise at the apology, especially for how sincere it is. His first impulse is to brush it aside, entirely because he doesn't quite understand what Balthazar is apologizing for. So what if he doesn't "understand" pain? Honestly, Loki can certainly think of worse fates.

Yet it's clear that the apology means a great deal and costs a fair bit for Balthazar to give. And then Loki realizes that his feelings were previously being discounted, brushed aside - innocently, thoughtlessly, but discounted all the same. Even if Loki had ignored as much, Balthazar had apparently still realized it and considered it worth apology.

That...means a great deal, all of a sudden.

So he meets Balthazar's gaze levelly, and replies:] I accept your apology. [And even if the words sound stiff and somewhat formal in his mouth, Loki means them, too.

From there, he'll go to work setting the rest of Balthazar's fingers safely back into place. Maybe they would heal just fine after he broke hte circle, but maybe they wouldn't, and then he'd have to rebreak them in the first place.

Best to be safe.]

Thank you, love. [Balthazar thinks sometimes when Loki's words come out stilted and formal rather than with the usual silvery-sweetness, it's a sign. Emotion, sincerity, startlement. Maybe a little of all the above. At any rate, it's clear his own admission has been understood and accepted--icing on the cake of what they've accomplished tonight--so he smiles, and says no more.

He stays still even after all the bones are set, not sure what will happen if he tries to move, but judging that they've all been well repaired. That says something about Loki's experiences with this sort of thing, and Balthazar's not sure he wants to probe into that too closely. The idea of him having to perform these repairs on himself is painful, but likely.

Patiently, he waits for Loki to decide when to break the circle, bracing himself for the influx of power.] I may glow a bit, when you smudge the lines. You might not want to look too closely.

[Not that he anticipates enough of a rush of energy to actually hurt Loki, or even the surroundings (maybe a bit of scuffing on the nice hardwood floor), but better to warn him than cause him undue distress.]