bakerstreet | it took so long to get me back on my feet } THE RECOVERY & RELAPSE MEME

it took so long to get me back on my feet } THE RECOVERY & RELAPSE MEME

the recovery & relapse meme

I. physical

⑴ illness | are you being nursed back to health, or struggling with a repeat appearance of the symptoms?
⑵ injury | bones knit and wounds heal. but sometimes, they reopen at the worst possible time.
⑶ addiction | kick that bad habit! or, you know, not.
⑷ wildcard

II. mental/emotional

⑴ relationship | things are finally looking up for you and your friend/partner/colleague! or oops, nevermind, your bond is falling apart at the seams.
⑵ worldview | you're trading in your rose-colored glasses for a pair with a much more jaded tint....or the reverse.
⑶ trauma | either healing from a painful experience, or succumbing to the damage it inflicted upon you.
⑷ fixation/obsession | you've gotten much better about controlling yourse— ooh! shiny!
⑸ wildcard

III. spiritual

⑴ absolution | your faith (in the world, in the god of your choice, whatever) has been given a much needed boost....
⑵ corruption | ....that, or it's degenerating rapidly, possibly into something much more warped.
⑶ wildcard

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

IV? The fuck is that?

[Despite having been in Luceti for some time now, Levi still finds himself suspicious of several 'modern' things that seem too good to be true. While he can manage wounds on the battlefield and minor injuries, anything like his is beyond his skill. There are some things he could think of to help with the pain, but back in their world, Erwin would just have to push through it while he heals.

He's seen him do it before.

But now especially with Erwin's life in balance (for the second time he's seen, and it's still just as shaking as the first because he actually saw it happen this time), Levi can't help but be extremely wary of anything unfamiliar.

He runs a hand through his hair to take a moment, sighs.]

Better than us. Nothing too severe. They're tough brats.

/Common modern medicine from my world. Feeds fluids right into a vein. It's an option and safe, but I'll leave the decision up to you./

[Even if they were allies, maybe even 'friends' on days Ginia allowed herself to be a little more honest with herself, Levi was still the second-in-command. As good as medicine from her world was, she knew when to press and when to step back. If need be, she was willing to sit at Erwin's side and drip water into his mouth.

That Marco and Jean were okay - or as okay as one could be after the draft - was a nice bit of news in an otherwise depressing day. She would have to drop by later, see if they needed anything, but first things first.]

/Take a seat. I'll get your tea. Want anything else?/

[Levi can't even begin to consider that decision right now. Erwin would be for taking that risk, for trying it. There's not much more to lose at this point. And - and - he reminds himself bitterly, even if Erwin does die, he'll still come back.

He'll come back. Because death apparently doesn't work the same way here. Dead is dead, usually. Not in Luceti. Perhaps it'd be more merciful to kill him and spare him the suffering.

But, for a change, he goes without argument. Ginia's been to their apartment before, she knows its general layout. Levi grabs some bread (the only thing he thinks he can manage, as he alternates feeling sick and starving) and mumbles a "no" before he moves carefully to Erwin's room and half collapses into the chair he's pulled up to his bed.]

[Ginia watched Levi leave, making sure he didn't fall or anything before she returned to the kitchen. She put the food away and poured herself a glass of water, sipping lightly. She hadn't had much of an appetite after returning and had kept to mostly water, yogurt, and soup. When the pain passed, maybe her appetite would return. Or maybe she'd get an IV drip herself for nutrients.

She took the kettle off the stove when it whistled and prepared a mug of tea. A second glass of water was poured in case Erwin awoke. Ginia carried both into Erwin's room, handing Levi his mug of tea and leaving the water on the nightstand. Ginia stood against the wall where she could see both men, finding it much more comfortable to stay standing.

It felt so wrong seeing Erwin bedridden, unconscious. He was an imposing man, someone who commanded attention whenever he was in a room. It was unsurprising he'd taken a position of leadership during the draft. Who knows, maybe injuries and deaths would have been worse if he hadn't been commanding one of the units. Yet look where it got him.

Ginia knew she couldn't be bitter or fault anyone. They were all fighters, this was their life. These were the consequences and they could all live with it.

It still wasn't any easier. She snapped her fingers to get Levi's attention before she began signing.]

/You should get some rest, I can watch over him./

[coming to Luceti, he'd heard about the war, about the drafts. He didn't think things could get this bad. Watching Erwin fight for his life once was one thing, having to do it again?

Levi realizes again he's not sure what he'll do if Erwin actually dies in their own world. He'll continue on towards their goal, obviously, but Erwin is such a driving force he can't see how it would stay together. The thought terrifies him.

Here it doesn't matter, but seeing him like this again still unsettles him in ways that run too deeply.

His head snaps up at the sound, and he watches her hands move. It takes him longer to interpret the signals, especially now. But he shakes his head.]

Can't fucking sleep.

[Hearing you on that. Not that Ginia ever slept particularly well anyway, but the war hadn't left her mind. The explosions, the demonic braying of shift hunters, the sounds of people being torn limb to limb, it lingered, mixing with her other memories and dreams.

She exhaled heavily, breath catching at the pain in her chest and side. Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment as she pushed through the pain and carefully inhaled. They would heal in time, she could bear the pain. It wasn't the first time she'd sustained rib injuries either. She was still amazed in all her years she hadn't pierced a lung or something.]

/Come on, Captain, if you don't sleep I can't flirt with the commander while you're out./

[A joke really, a bad one at that. Even Ginia smiled wryly at the comment.]

/I ever tell you about my brother?/

[Of course she hadn't. Her life, her family was a sore subject sometimes best danced around or ignored. Even after getting to know the two better, Ginia still didn't share much about her life in her world. Her skills spoke for themselves, they didn't need the stories behind the reasons or why.

but right now, if Levi wasn't going to sleep, she could try to distract him a little.]

[Levi's gaze flattens a bit. Erwin and Ginia flirt, and it's not a secret and (as far as he's been able to determine for Erwin, at least), it doesn't really mean anything. He tolerates it in about the same amounts that he ever tolerates watching Erwin flirt, which is with a mild amount of irritation and a great deal of eye-rolling, depending on the idiotic things he's saying.

He manages to take a small bite of the bread he'd brought from the kitchen, and sips at his tea. Too hot. Whatever.]

No. Didn't even know you had one.

/I don't talk about him much because he's an asshole./

[Which is true, but the truth is more complicated. That Avery is directly responsible for the death of their parents is buried in the past, but the feelings of resentment, betrayal, and abandonment lay closer to the surface. Maybe even more is the fact he's alive and happy with his family while she died a traitor to their country and with a self-inflicted bullet in her head.

But that part wasn't so much his fault. Ginia knows she can't blame him for that. But he is a starting point.]

/Six years older. Young enough to be close, but still old enough to have distance. Amazing actor, singer, musician, charming, dashing, he became the perfect conman by the time I was in my twenties./

[the one down side to this type of communication is that he has to continue watching her when he'd rather be looking elsewhere. He's used to it, now, but it's hard to keep his attention on the signs when his gaze keeps wanting to stray back to Erwin.

He sits there for a moment, blankly.]

So? What happened? Why are you telling me this now?

[he can't quite figure out how this could be relevant, but he'll let her continue if only for some kind of distraction.]

[It's not relevant at all, but it was a distraction, for herself as much as him. Ginia closed her eyes briefly as she decided where to go. Skip over the details, or go full force ahead? He wouldn't pity her, that much she knew, nor was she looking for any. They all had their scars, the things that got them to where they were now, in whatever state they were in.]

/He made a mistake. As a result of his mistake, our parents were murdered and I spent the better part of a year in a hospital recovering./

[It's blunt, brief summary of a much more complicated situation. Ginia exhaled heavily, glanced at Erwin, looked back to Levi.]

/I'm not a soldier like you or Erwin. Far from it. I did what I could with my life after, I made my mistakes, I've lived with them or did my best to. Mostly, I'm good at lying and pretending I'm fine./

[She gave a hoarse rasp, a makeshift laugh.]

/I was in the first unit that got ambushed. They had chemical weapons, some kind of gas that made you hallucinate. While I was in the medical tent, I was reliving the worst moments of my life. The moments when I couldn't save myself, the people around me. When I was weak./

[She stepped in toward Levi and pulled up her left sleeve. Fresh scratches, freshly healed, lay over older ragged scars running from her wrist to her elbow. Ginia pulled her sleeve back down.]

/I tried to kill myself again in that tent. When someone stopped me, I killed him./

Edited 2014-01-26 01:15 (UTC)

[He watches her tiredly, but attentively. He's learned quite a bit from her that he can catch most of the signs, and what he can't understand he figures out from context.

When she shows him her arm, his eyes widen, but he doesn't move. It's easy to forget that she isn't a soldier. Ginia acts and moves like one, which is usually good enough for him. He hadn't started out wanting to be a soldier - all of that had been Erwin's doing. What drives him isn't some sense of duty to the monarchy, but Erwin's cause. Humanity's cause. For that, Levi has been ready to sacrifice everything for a long time.

Even being in the slums, he'd fought to live. Even through the horrible things he's seen, knowing how he'd likely die, he's not experienced that kind of desperation. He knows other soldiers have, particularly in the survey corps. Suicide in battle happens more often than any of them like to discuss. Better to die with a bullet in the brain or a blade through the chest than to be eaten.

It's shaking, after the things they'd just experienced, to see someone like her brought to that point.

He shifts in his chair, grimacing a bit as he sets the tea down.]

Would've been fucking pissed if you died.

[Ginia smiled, tired, a bit broken. She took up her spot against the wall again, arms crossing over her chest as she lapsed into silence. Maybe it was a sign she was weaker than she thought, or there were too many broken parts to patch up. But she knew desperation, knew what it was like to stand at the pit and look in, contemplate jumping.

Knew what it was like to put a bullet in her head, but that she couldn't share with Levi. Definitely not now, maybe never.

Her hands uncrossed and she resumed signing.]

/I had a lot of time to think about things while I was in detox. Figured Erwin would frown, say a few words, pat me on the shoulder. I figured you'd beat the shit out of me./

[She smiled weakly again. It was strange how she'd come to consider the opinions of Erwin and Levi, what they thought about her. They were allies, yes, but it was a professional relationship. But now?

Hell if she knew. Not friends. Maybe she did value their alliance more than she thought.]

/My whole point is if anyone is going to pull through, it's Erwin. Yeah, he'll need help once his wing begins growing back since the pain will be pretty bad. But you aren't going to be able to help him if you aren't getting any rest./

Damn right I would have.

[he would've tried, anyway. He's been improving on hand-to-hand in actual combat, whereas before it'd been a skill not fully utilized.

Ginia has proven to be an incredibly valuable ally, and has earned a great deal of respect from Levi himself - no small feat, for most people. He's not sure if it's the situation they're in or Ginia herself that he's come to think of her somewhere between ally and considering her one of his soldiers. An ally has enough distance that Levi wouldn't feel any sort of direct responsibility for, but he's always held a strong (and mostly hidden) compassion for those he's cultivated himself. It's clear, even to himself, that he obviously gives a damn about her.

But she's right. He knows she is. It's just hard to convince himself to leave.

Levi gives her a sidelong look.]

Says the person with the broken ribs that's leaning against the wall.

[Tried, maybe even succeeded. He had enough of base that it was a matter of refining and honing his skills. Though if she had killed herself... in her mind, she would have deserved the beating.]

/I'm used to broken ribs./

[Signed even as she grit her teeth at a jolt of pain.]

/I'm still less injured. I'll hang around and take care of food and fielding questions./

[She knew she was inviting herself into the apartment, but with Erwin's unconscious state and Levi's injured state, they needed someone to keep things running. Selfishly, Ginia also wanted and needed the company and it was better than walking between Wind Building and Flame Building.]

[he sighs, because he is exhausted, and there's no point in watching an unconscious man sleep. Levi doubts that even if Ginia is used to broken ribs, it makes it hurt any less. But she's right - she is less injured than either one of them, and she'll be more capable of doing something should Erwin need it. Should he need it.]

Fine. But I want you to wake me up when he does. Got it?

[Ginia nodded and waved him on. Go get some rest or try to. Ginia settled into her watch, only taking Levi's chair when her knees began aching. The pain was bad and as much as she said she was used to it and put on a brave face, she was at her limits.

But they needed her and so she pressed on, taking relief neither of them could see her so weak. Her vigil continued. When Erwin stirred, she rose from her chair to check on him, but it was never more than shifting or mumbling. Feeling his forehead and noting it was abnormally warm, Ginia went to the kitchen to get a damp towel and a bag of ice for her ribs.

So her watch continued.]

[Levi himself is out for several hours, waking with a horrendous headache and a dry throat. His entire body aches, but there's nothing he can really do about it. He half stumbles to the kitchen for water, thankful this time for the free availability of a running sink, and downs about two glasses before he returns to Erwin's room and Ginia.]

How is he?

[he probably sounds about as tired as he looks.]

[Ginia turned to Levi and gave a shake of her head.]

/He was feeling feverish so I put a damp towel on his head. He's been out the whole time. His bandages will need to be changed, but I can't move him by myself./

[Ginia rose from the chair to give it to him. She was exhausted and it showed on her face, but her mind was too awake to rest. And even if she could sleep, she wasn't ready to face nightmares just yet. Her nerves were a bit too raw and memories too fresh for that.]

/I can see if any healers are free./

I'll help.

[truthfully he'd feel better if Erwin could regain consciousness at least for a little while, just to settle down the worry that he might not ever wake up. It's a stupid, irrational fear, but after having already witnessed him in this state once before, it seems stronger the second time around.

Not for the first time he curses himself for not yet being at the point where he could try healing Erwin himself. He'd been working on learning a little bit of magic that was available here to heal, but it's a slow process, and he's not even close to being able to manage more than just a scrape.]

Don't think I'll be able to do any good. Haven't had enough time to practice.

/I haven't had much luck myself./

[When it came to learning Nala's powers, Ginia hadn't had any luck at all. She knew it wasn't because she was a hopeless cause; Kipinn had come easily after time. But Nala remained silent still. Ginia took it as a silent sign she wasn't a good person.]

/Best course is to take care of any wounds he has on the front, then get him in a sitting position to wrap his back./

[Ginia breathed a heavy sigh, breath catching.]

/You get bandages and towels, I'll get hot water./

All right.

[moving again. This was painful, but he moves because he's sure that Erwin will be in much more pain when he wakens, and because he thinks Ginia's also probably hurting more, even if she's not hurt quite as badly. Or perhaps it's what he tells himself to make himself move, at least.

It takes longer than he'd like, but he manages to gather the necessary items with his good arm and returns to Erwin's bedside, sitting heavily on the mattress. It takes him a moment to realize he's just staring without really thinking.

He blinks.]

He looks like shit.

[There's always something to keep you going. Ginia forced herself to focus on Erwin, and later Levi, and ignore all of her pain. She could rest when she was dead, wasn't that the common saying? Though did it apply when you'd already died? Bad jokes, bad thoughts, she laughed at herself as she filled up two bowls with hot water and balanced a third empty bowl in the crook of her arm.

She returned to the bedroom and set the bowls down on the nightstand. Levi's comment earned a weak smile and a nod. He really looked bad between the bandages, the bruises and swelling, and how pale he looked.]

/He does. Such a pity for a handsome man./

[Ginia leaned in and gently pressed her ear against his chest to listen to his breathing. It was shallow, but it didn't sound like a lung was punctured or any other complications. Nothing to do for his ribs, nothing she could do anyway.

The shoulder was far more worrying, compounded with a torn wing. Even with the help of healers, Erwin would be out of commission for awhile as everything healed.]

/Any idea how bad the shoulder injury is?/

[Levi looks at her a moment longer after that comment about Erwin's handsomeness before snorting lightly. Erwin is considered handsome, and despite his ruthlessness the man certainly knows how to pour on the charm when he wants, especially if it means squeezing money out of nobles.

He almost makes a comment about how at least Erwin will be able to shave himself this time, but holds it back. Ginia doesn't need to know. Erwin doesn't need to know. At this point, he's the only one who knows what happens, and as far as he's concerned, it can stay that way.

Levi moves to start undoing the bandage over Erwin's shoulder. It's difficult with only one arm, and not his primary one, either.]

Looks worse than it is. Just got the muscle.

Edited 2014-01-28 18:43 (UTC)

[Ginia liked the captain enough to tease and get under his skin once in awhile. But her and Erwin were were both as attractive as they were manipulative and ruthless and maybe there too lay some attraction. Since their first meeting, they'd flirted and teased and manipulated, giving and taking favors. It was a fun game, but only a game and dammit if she didn't harbor some affection and attraction to him. But that was a different game to play.

She helped Levi unwrap the bandage, slowing when dried blood began sticking layers together. Just the muscle, good and bad in their own ways.

Ginia reached for a towel, soaked it in hot water and wrung it out, and began to gently wipe blood away and loosen the bandages. The gauze and cotton pads underneath the bandages were soaked all the way through. She grimaced as she carefully worked the layer away, dried blood and scabs flaking away. The wound still needed to be cleaned, but at least it didn't seem infected.]

[he's seen a lot of gruesome wounds - soldiers missing whole limbs, ragged from being literally bitten or ripped off. In a lot of ways he's used to it, but that doesn't mean he enjoys seeing it at all. Not especially on Erwin, who is normally so solid and -

well. He certainly isn't whole anymore according to his memory.

Soiled bandages are dumped on the floor. Everything will be thoroughly cleaned again when he's well enough, and in the meantime he'll just have to learn to ignore the grime.

He grabs a cloth, dips it in hot water and wrings it out as best he can with one hand before starting to wipe away the blood that's coated thick and sticky on his skin.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject