bakerstreet | (no subject)

(no subject)

ANGST MEME

Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.

- Go to random.org and roll.

- Play!

1. just depressed.

Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.

You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.

Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.

You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.

You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.

For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.

You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.

Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.

You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.

You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.

Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.

You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.

Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.

You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.

It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss

You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.

Combine some options or make your own!

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[She presses her lips, frustrated with herself for not thinking of that. She pulls out the plug and flips the switch that sends the water to the shower head.]

Let that warm up.

[She goes out for a moment and returns with a trash bag from the can in the main room. As Sherlock sheds his clothes, she plucks them from the floor and puts them in the bag.]

[It takes him about four times as long as it normally would to shed his clothes, but he manages to do it without any help. He's shaking from the effort, but he doesn't reach for her as he tries to climb into the tub. Instead, he leans against the wall to step over the risen porcelain. Once in the tub, lowering himself down is less graceful and he falls hard on his tailbone.]

Ow!

[That complaining whine should be very familiar to her.

If Joan's observant enough to notice and remember, there are quite a few scars along Sherlock's skin that weren't there before jumping from the hospital roof. Most of them are small, inconsequential things, but there's one fairly nasty one along his left side that almost looks like he'd had a bad run in with a farmer's scythe.]

Sherlock!

[She grabs for him, at least managing to keep him from falling back and his head from hitting the porcelain. She sees that scar, and sucks in a breath. She doesn't even want to think about where that came from.

Once he's settled she pulls back, pulls off her top, and tosses it onto the counter. Better than letting it get wet, considering it's the only one she has. ]

Edited (d'oh!) 2013-09-17 19:51 (UTC)

I'm fine.

[More or less, anyway. Sherlock's incredibly relieved to feel the water splashing down on him from the shower head. Hygiene is always one of those things he keeps high standards for even in the organised chaos that governs most of his cleanliness habits. Washing away all the sweat, blood, grime, and piss is almost euphoric. Perhaps, not physically, but it does marvels for his mood.]

Thanks.

[Maybe it's a bit uncharacteristic, but it needs to be said. He means it more than just 'thanks for saving my arse back there.' It also encompasses 'thank you for believing in me' and 'thanks for not giving up.'

Once he feels like his face is clean enough, he tilts his head up to catch some of the running water for a drink. It may not be the most elegant method and it might even look a bit comedic, but he's thirsty so he doesn't care.]

[Joan glances over her shoulder at the counter, looking for cups or glasses, and seeing none. She shakes her head slightly as she turns back to Sherlock. He thanks her, and she understands the significance.]

You're welcome.

[There are still questions, admonitions, even accusations. But for now he's hurt, in need of a wash and water and food and rest. There will be time enough, as long as he doesn't disappear on her again.]

Tell me when you're ready for the bath.

Not yet.

[Sherlock has probably rinsed enough to allow for a bath, but he's enjoying the shower water running over him a little too much to turn it off just yet. He knows they're not particularly safe here and that this self-imposed mission of flushing out Moriarty's syndicate isn't over just yet, but relaxation has come so scarcely for him for over two years that even though he usually hates the idea of sitting and doing nothing, he wants to do just that.]

Did this room come with soap?

[It shows how out of it he is since he hadn't bothered to look at the sink during the entire time he'd been sitting on the toilet trying to take off his filthy clothes. It also shows how much he trusts Joan, since out of it or not, if he were with anyone else he would have not only looked for the soap but also pretty much any other thing in room.]

[Joan knows that they don't have an endless amount of time, because clearly people wish both of them harm, and it wouldn't be a good idea for either of them to be in one place for too long. But they have enough time to indulge him here, especially after what he's been through.

He asks about the soap, and she checks.]

...yes.

[She stands to grab the little bar of hotel soap next to the sink, and tears off the wrapper before handing it to him.]

Would you like a washcloth, too?

[Sherlock rotates the small bar of soap in circles between his hands and he looks over his shoulder when she asks him about the washcloth.]

Yes, actually. That would do well.

[He prefers to wash with something softer than the stiff cotton blend of an mass-produced rag, but he doesn't have much of choice in the matter at he moment. It would do the job much better than his bare hands.

He just lifts his hand palm-up for it.

The longer he has to rest the more he starts to anticipate the inevitable discussion about the last time they'd spoken.]

[It's inevitable, but it's not going to happen while he's naked and she's topless.

She takes one of the white washcloths from the top of the towel rack and hands it to him, then settles again on the edge of the tub. She's not going to leave him alone in a bathtub in his current state.]

[Sherlock takes the washcloth and reaches over to turn the shower off and plug up the drain. While he starts to wash himself, he comes to the conclusion that while he appreciates avoiding the unpleasant discussion to come, the longer they wait the worse it will be. He doesn't have the same concept of timing or body shame as most people, so he sees no point in waiting until he's dressed to start the conversation.]

I'm sure you have your questions.

[He breaks the silence as he rubs the lathered cloth over his chest and shoulders.]

[She sighs, looks away. She would prefer this wait, but if he's ready to do this now, despite being naked and in the bath, then fine.]

You used me, and you played me. You have no idea what it was like to watch you die. No idea what it did to me. How much I blamed myself for not being able to stop you, and how angry I am that you didn't trust me enough to do all this together. Or even to just tell me that the suicide was an act. I had to spend the past two plus years thinking you might be alive, which is almost worse than knowing you were dead. If you were dead, I could have moved on. But instead, every time I got some indication that you might be alive, it ripped that wound open again.

[Sherlock doesn't interrupt Joan as she speaks. Partially, because he's still exhausted from that whole interrogation fiasco and partially because, in his own way, he cares to hear what she has to say about everything. It helps him understand a little more the bits and pieces that don't come as naturally to him. The emotions behind it coming from the other side, specifically. He has a hard enough time considering the emotional response he'd had over the ordeal.]

I'm sorry.

[An apology may be a good way to start, but he doesn't want to leave it at empty words. He really is sorry that what he'd done had made such a devastating impact on her life, but he's not sorry at all for the decision he'd made. He'd do it over again in a heartbeat, because he knows that he's a selfish person and all altruisism is truly just selfishness in the mask of helping someone else.

No, he can't face the thought of Joan dying because of his inaction, so he faked his death. He'd offered up not only his career, but her grief as the sacrifice to save a few lives.]

But, everything I did. It was necessary. [And, he won't offer up any excuses.]

[She believes he's sorry for hurting her. Believes that he believed it was necessary, because he had jumped off a freaking rooftop, and the pain in his voice in those "last words" was real. But she doesn't understand, and she needs to understand.]

Why? Why was it necessary? Because right now, it looks like you just ditched me in the most dramatic way possible because you thought that only you could take down Moriarty's network. Which is prideful bullshit.

[Maybe it is prideful bullshit.]

Your grief needed to be real. The shock needed to be real.

[He's forgotten that he's in the middle of washing his arm, so his hand just drops against his bent leg for the moment. He'll finish cleaning up when he's done gathering his thoughts.]

I'm sure you've realised by now that you, Mrs. Hudson, and Gregson were all being targeted by Moriarty's assassins. Are you telling me I should have told you in advance so they could off the lot of you when your act fell short of natural? That's awfully selfish for you, Joan.

Oh, you're full of it. I'm selfish? You could have come back! After the "shock" and "grief" didn't have to be real in order to look real anymore. You could have told me you were alive, pretty much any time after then. But no, of course not, I had to keep on suffering so the great Sherlock Holmes could bring down Moriarty's network on his own.

[He could have told her, but he didn't. He chose not to. Partially because he'd convinced himself that this was something he needed to do on his own and partially because he'd been a coward of sorts wanting to avoid this exact conversation.]

You followed my trail. [Even though he'd tried to cover it up.] You knew I was alive, so I didn't need to tell you anything of the sort.

[It's nowhere near the heart of the problem, but he'd gone into this discussion knowing that it wouldn't end well. These things aren't his area. Too emotionally charged. Not enough logic.]

I didn't know you were alive. I suspected you might be, but every time I was close to getting verification, you were gone again. I can't believe that was anything but intentional.

[He must have known she was looking for him, which means he was actively obscuring the fact that he was alive.]

If you didn't know, why bother to keep looking?

[Of course, it was intentional, but he's more concerned about something else that she's said right now. Unfortunately (in his opinion, at least), Joan is both clever and extremely tenacious.]

Because I didn't know you were dead either! Do you have any idea how much I wanted you to be alive?

I am alive.

[Though, her use of past-tense there is mildly troubling.]

Yes, you are. And I can't begin to tell you how wonderful that is. But it doesn't erase everything I've been through.

[Sherlock's finally starting to wash himself again. He has to wet the rag to take care of the drying soap on his shoulder. He doesn't know what to tell her at this point. He won't apologise again because it would do nothing other than cheapen the first apology. Well, the first two, really. He had apologised over the phone when this all started and then again just a couple of minutes ago.]

[There's really not much more to be said. She doesn't expect him to apologize, and she understands, even if she doesn't agree.

She's silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.]

They must have asked you questions. They would have just killed you otherwise.

Yes, they asked several.

[Sherlock's already moved on to washing his legs by now.]

I didn't answer them, otherwise they would have killed me then, too.

[She watches him to make sure she can take over if he needs her to.]

What did they ask?