bakerstreet | (no subject)

(no subject)

ANGST MEME

Sometimes we all want to play some angst and see just how far our characters will fall.

- Post your characters, name and series in the subject along with any preferences.

- Go to random.org and roll.

- Play!

1. just depressed.

Things are tough, you're feeling worn out, or whatever the case, you're depressed. You need help or someone else thinks you do anyway.

2. abandoned.

You were left behind by everyone you hold dear and now you're forced to see how well they've adjusted, how happy they all are while you're screaming inside.

3. sick.

Cold, flu, or something even worse, all you can do is lay back and let someone take care of you.

4. fight.

You've been fighting nonstop with the other person and it just keep escalating.

5. break up.

You're being broken up with and they won't reconsider... Damn.

6. separated.

For some reason, you've been separated from the other person for a long time.

7. kidnapped.

You've been held captive for how long now? Maybe they've been torturing you even, using your blood to write ransom notes, threatening to cut off fingers to send next, etc. Rescue is on the way though, right?

8. beaten up.

Just because someone didn't like you or maybe they wanted something you had, whatever the case is, you're coming home sporting some nasty wounds and bruises.

9. jealousy.

You just have this undeniable jealousy suddenly and you need to let it out.

10. cheated on.This goes beyond just suspicion and you have full on proof of what your lover has done. How do you handle it?

11. apathetic.

You're not sad, you're not happy, you just... don't feel much anymore. The sparkle of life has gone right out of you and you're just going through the motions now.

12. addicted.

Drugs, alcohol, whatever your drug of choice is, you can't fight the draw and you can't draw yourself out of the hole, but the other person is going to try.

13. bad romance.

You know this isn't good for either of you, but you can't stop now.

14. fear.

Nightmares, the feeling someone is following you, etc. You can't shake the feeling.

15. insanity.

You're seeing things and hearing them, waking up only to realize you've done things you don't remember or you're in a place you weren't before. You're losing it and you don't know what to do.

16. guilt.

It's eating you up inside and you have to tell someone about it now. You want to be punished and you won't take no for an answer.

17. loss

You've lost something dear to you.

18. wild card.

Combine some options or make your own!

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[Sherlock takes the washcloth and reaches over to turn the shower off and plug up the drain. While he starts to wash himself, he comes to the conclusion that while he appreciates avoiding the unpleasant discussion to come, the longer they wait the worse it will be. He doesn't have the same concept of timing or body shame as most people, so he sees no point in waiting until he's dressed to start the conversation.]

I'm sure you have your questions.

[He breaks the silence as he rubs the lathered cloth over his chest and shoulders.]

[She sighs, looks away. She would prefer this wait, but if he's ready to do this now, despite being naked and in the bath, then fine.]

You used me, and you played me. You have no idea what it was like to watch you die. No idea what it did to me. How much I blamed myself for not being able to stop you, and how angry I am that you didn't trust me enough to do all this together. Or even to just tell me that the suicide was an act. I had to spend the past two plus years thinking you might be alive, which is almost worse than knowing you were dead. If you were dead, I could have moved on. But instead, every time I got some indication that you might be alive, it ripped that wound open again.

[Sherlock doesn't interrupt Joan as she speaks. Partially, because he's still exhausted from that whole interrogation fiasco and partially because, in his own way, he cares to hear what she has to say about everything. It helps him understand a little more the bits and pieces that don't come as naturally to him. The emotions behind it coming from the other side, specifically. He has a hard enough time considering the emotional response he'd had over the ordeal.]

I'm sorry.

[An apology may be a good way to start, but he doesn't want to leave it at empty words. He really is sorry that what he'd done had made such a devastating impact on her life, but he's not sorry at all for the decision he'd made. He'd do it over again in a heartbeat, because he knows that he's a selfish person and all altruisism is truly just selfishness in the mask of helping someone else.

No, he can't face the thought of Joan dying because of his inaction, so he faked his death. He'd offered up not only his career, but her grief as the sacrifice to save a few lives.]

But, everything I did. It was necessary. [And, he won't offer up any excuses.]

[She believes he's sorry for hurting her. Believes that he believed it was necessary, because he had jumped off a freaking rooftop, and the pain in his voice in those "last words" was real. But she doesn't understand, and she needs to understand.]

Why? Why was it necessary? Because right now, it looks like you just ditched me in the most dramatic way possible because you thought that only you could take down Moriarty's network. Which is prideful bullshit.

[Maybe it is prideful bullshit.]

Your grief needed to be real. The shock needed to be real.

[He's forgotten that he's in the middle of washing his arm, so his hand just drops against his bent leg for the moment. He'll finish cleaning up when he's done gathering his thoughts.]

I'm sure you've realised by now that you, Mrs. Hudson, and Gregson were all being targeted by Moriarty's assassins. Are you telling me I should have told you in advance so they could off the lot of you when your act fell short of natural? That's awfully selfish for you, Joan.

Oh, you're full of it. I'm selfish? You could have come back! After the "shock" and "grief" didn't have to be real in order to look real anymore. You could have told me you were alive, pretty much any time after then. But no, of course not, I had to keep on suffering so the great Sherlock Holmes could bring down Moriarty's network on his own.

[He could have told her, but he didn't. He chose not to. Partially because he'd convinced himself that this was something he needed to do on his own and partially because he'd been a coward of sorts wanting to avoid this exact conversation.]

You followed my trail. [Even though he'd tried to cover it up.] You knew I was alive, so I didn't need to tell you anything of the sort.

[It's nowhere near the heart of the problem, but he'd gone into this discussion knowing that it wouldn't end well. These things aren't his area. Too emotionally charged. Not enough logic.]

I didn't know you were alive. I suspected you might be, but every time I was close to getting verification, you were gone again. I can't believe that was anything but intentional.

[He must have known she was looking for him, which means he was actively obscuring the fact that he was alive.]

If you didn't know, why bother to keep looking?

[Of course, it was intentional, but he's more concerned about something else that she's said right now. Unfortunately (in his opinion, at least), Joan is both clever and extremely tenacious.]

Because I didn't know you were dead either! Do you have any idea how much I wanted you to be alive?

I am alive.

[Though, her use of past-tense there is mildly troubling.]

Yes, you are. And I can't begin to tell you how wonderful that is. But it doesn't erase everything I've been through.

[Sherlock's finally starting to wash himself again. He has to wet the rag to take care of the drying soap on his shoulder. He doesn't know what to tell her at this point. He won't apologise again because it would do nothing other than cheapen the first apology. Well, the first two, really. He had apologised over the phone when this all started and then again just a couple of minutes ago.]

[There's really not much more to be said. She doesn't expect him to apologize, and she understands, even if she doesn't agree.

She's silent for a few seconds before she speaks again.]

They must have asked you questions. They would have just killed you otherwise.

Yes, they asked several.

[Sherlock's already moved on to washing his legs by now.]

I didn't answer them, otherwise they would have killed me then, too.

[She watches him to make sure she can take over if he needs her to.]

What did they ask?

[At least for the moment, Sherlock seems to be able to wash himself without assistance. The several swallows of water helped him a lot.]

A bit of everything. They knew I was involved in some incidents back in Europe and South America but didn't realise who I was at first. The only clever one of the lot pieced it together by my mobile phone correspondence regarding your location.

[A very stupid miscalculation on his part to not delete the message right away. He's a detective, not James Bond.]

[She had heard rumors about him in Europe and South America, so it's interesting to have those confirmed. But what strikes her is that he was coming, risking himself, to save her.]

So they know you're alive now, too.

It appears so.

[It hadn't been Sherlock's intention to be caught, but he could have acted a bit more safely to avoid just that. Hindsight is 20:20.]

And, they've probably realised by now that I'm no longer in the warehouse.

[It won't be hard to track Joan's involvement in his escape, either. Maybe it's a good thing he stayed in the car.]

Hopefully we have enough time to rest a little before we run.

[Because this is a "we" now. The men are after both of them, so they're both going to disappear.]

[Sherlock had really wanted to avoid bringing Joan into this, but she's right. They're both in danger now and the only thing they can do is stay safe until they can eliminate the danger. In this case, it means running and hiding until he gathers his strength and they both gather intel.]

You didn't stop for petrol on the way to the motel, so we should have a few hours. You might want to get some sleep.

[She'd be the one driving, obviously. It makes more sense for her to sleep at the motel when he could easily sleep in the car.]

You need the sleep more than I do.

[With everything he's been through, she thinks he should have the opportunity to just lie down and sleep. She thinks it would probably be okay if they both slept. Even if someone did stay up to keep watch, she's not sure it would do any good.]

I can sleep in the car.

[Sherlock sets his wash rag to the side as he pulls himself up to his knees. It takes more effort than it should, but he manages. He has just a few more areas to wash and he's not ashamed about it, so if Joan's feeling shy, now would be the time for her to turn her head.]

[He isn't the first naked man she's seen, not by a long shot, nor the first man she's seen bathing. It's clinical. She does reach out to put a hand on his back as he rises to his knees, then averts her eyes to give him a little bit of privacy, but she doesn't turn away.]

You can sleep in the car, too. It would be a good idea for you to sleep as soon as possible, regardless.

[The touch is the only thing that makes him feel uncertain about this whole thing. It's not that he's uncomfortable with touch, or that touch when he's nude makes much of a difference than when he's dressed. It's simply that Joan feels the need to hold him steady and Sherlock has a stubbornly independent streak when it comes to things like this. He allows it, though, because maybe they both need the reminder that Sherlock's not facing the rest of this on his own.]

Maybe, but I'm going to take advantage of the wifi first.

[He needs to send out a few warnings and ask a few questions.]