listen to your heart 😌

[parrygripp]

"Can You Handle Your Emotions?"

Emotions are... eh. We all have them, whether we want to or not. Some people have control over their emotions, and some people let their emotions control them. Where does your character fall on this spectrum? More importantly, what's their relationship with their emotions like? Do they bury everything deep, deep down inside, or are they the first one to cry over a sappy movie? Do they even know how they feel about what's going on inside? Pretty meta stuff.

• No blank top-levels.
• Instead, characters are to respond to the proposed question: can you handle your emotions? / are you in touch with your feelings?
• Get deep. Look within. Hear, think feel... or don't.

Comments

1/2

[fellfurthest]

Good. [He'd expect and accept nothing less.]

[He gets -- not even 1% of it, but enough to see a tiny tip of an iceberg and conceptualize the shape of 99% below and know its depths. It IS like him and Diavolo, after all. He hardly needs more pushing there, the real trick would be to help Diavolo instead of Lucifer's stonewalled emotional (in)capacity (of a potato.) After thousands of years, of course Diavolo knows him best.]

I know. [He does.] I didn't, but I do now. [Once she says it, he does get HER emotions, HER wants and needs and desires, and that was the empathy loop he couldn't pull apart from himself. She's too much a weird reflection of himself. Which adds in more bizarre questions about Diavolo and Lilith and if he tries, he gets a headache, so fuck it. ANOTHER DAY.]

[She doesn't want to be loved, but she can't stop him -- apparently any version of him, but this Lucifer hasn't spent millennia accepting rejection, and indeed, won't. He doesn't like rejection. Hates it so much he'd rather DO NOTHING. That waiting thing. It makes him sick of himself, and he understands why it makes Satan desire so hard to punch him in the face (or set up a million daily nuisances as they're the only things to really get through his shields.) He doesn't want to wait for anything ever. He wants to be action, go go go, even if it means someone else misses THEIR chance. And that's the problem. He's trying really hard to let everyone else have their chances so that when he does move, it's over.]

[It's not comfortable, but it is absolute.]

[As for jealousy with the General --]

[A small dark laugh.] No. He's too much like me for that. As you said -- like a cat. We like our space even if we have to torture others to get it.

No, I'm more worried... [A shrug. Why stop being open now???] Crossroads. It'll slip away. Especially if I'm trying to think in terms of eternity rather than the very moment.

[He's fine with friendship, he can always use real more friends. He just likes to take his chances and opportunities, not ignore them out of FEAR. He hates fear, it makes him want to seize whatever it is and dare them. Much like dumping the water on his own head, he won't leave a threat holding him back from what he feels like doing. Otherwise he can't handle Devildom whatsoever, much less grow its capacity. Besides, Alexiel herself said Lucifer was in need of cutting loose. And as Asmo said repeatedly, he needs a fucking date or at least to get laid.]

[He's quiet about Diavolo and perceptions.]

[Thinking a LONG time.]

[Finally:] I'm not worried anyone will see me as a trophy. [.... It makes him flush with pride. He WANTS it. He craves it like a burning hunger more than his sadism!] I want it. [Just admitting it.] But I want it to be an unreachable trophy that gets better every year until there's so many years of the trophy being the best, every year shinier, brighter, bigger, that it dwarfs out sight of everything else in the universe.

[... Which scares him. BUT AGAIN we kind of go back to Lucifer's reaction to fear is to challenge it. Fuck you fight me. His worst fear is 1) Father 2) himself as ring of Light trying to basically... be Father. And he doesn't want that, but only because he knows WHY he doesn't. Not for the fear, but because it's genuinely unenjoyable for him, and would require paths he wouldn't like even in the moment, OR long term. No win.]

[Eh Simeon knows.]

[It's true. He does love everything. Too fucking much. And he hates that he loves anything. And it's a weird feedback loop too. Because he can't love himself, but for how he can love the version of himself others love. And that's why his pride is so weird and tangible and overwhelming.]

[He's relieved when she says she wants someone who only loves her.]

[He gets it. He's not Lucifel in this. He's her.]

[Everything at completely different angles and disjointed, the names all off, the personalities flipped, like a dream script meant for someone else, but Lucifer decided to barrel in to see what it was about, and it all got confused because it was never meant for him. And he's used to that. Genuinely, he knows he's not the center of the universe, he's not even the center of his OWN universe, and even of his own perspective: he FORCIBLY drags his brothers to be the seven lords with him, because while he wants to be the best damn trophy there could ever be, surpassing even Father's imagination, he doesn't want everyone KNOWING the full truth of things sometimes or being weird, or limiting him, much less getting in his way.]

Yes.

[He can't help it. He leans into the three wings, but takes her hand too. He gets it even more. Lucifel doesn't love anything, he looks down on everyone, but not her, never her. And how could he not? It's too beautiful and fragile for Lucifer to put into words. But she knows.]

[He could never love one, just one. He loves EVERYONE differently. All seven of his brothers, even the former brothers of angels, Diavolo, Sheep-chan, Barbatos. And she doesn't want him to not love, but she genuinely needs someone who loves her despite all the rage and wars, and everything she hates and loves, instead of like Lucifer -- who is incapable of loving himself but through someone else.]

I don't... hate myself. But I don't like myself. Everyone, you, the General, Diavolo, Barbatos, my brothers keep yelling at me about self-care. I am... exceptionally poor at it. I don't like myself. [Grits teeth.] I do not think I will like myself if I am a better trophy. It is not that.

It is... with psychopaths; you must create and external conscience. A Jiminey Cricket voice of reason. Someone to say "just because you don't feel this, doesn't mean these aren't the consequences." Roman Emperors started this with memento mori's. To remind them they are mortal.

I don't like myself. [Growl. He hates it. He doesn't hate himself. Especially not after divorcing himself into two, but no. Brutally pushing himself further than Father did is the only way he can keep moving forward for himself, to set his own desires as an unreachable goal that ever grows, ever evolves, and ever demands more.] The General has a panda to remind him to go to bed. Saying that out loud.... Well. You get it. [She had to literally carry him to his bed and guard him like a baby.]

It isn't that... yes, I care about my reputation. [FUCKING DEEPLY.] It is the only way I can live with... myself. After everything.

[He pulls her into a protective hug. She neither wants it or needs it, but he does.] I'm not telling you for my sake. I've known these things a long time. [He's careful of the hair, but still, halfway sinks into the hug all the same.] It's because it's the only way I know how to learn, and I wouldn't want you to miss out, due to my reticence.

[He drops the hug and smiles. Genuinely, softly, happy.] You truly are my best cousin.

[Reflection of his light and darkness, the weirdness, the ISSUES, the drama, the everything. No wonder they bounced off each other worse than him and Satan. She practically was more like him than Satan. But as Lucifer would never be alone, even if he wanted to be, in Alexiel's case, she was alone through her own doing, through fate, all but for Lucifel finding her again no matter what hells he put himself through to chase her. It's reassuring, and weird, and parallels at all the wrong angles. Lucifer had nowhere to run but to Diavolo. Diavolo would never chase him, was incapable of finding him, and yet, at the worst times, when Lucifer DESPERATELY DID NOT WANT HIS EXUBERANT BOSS TO LAUGH IN THAT WEIRD GIDDY UP AND DOWN HICCUPING WAY -- there he'd always be. Everything at wrong angles, but the lines are the same signature. This is why Father needed sleep. No wonder she struck him as a clock put together all wrong.]