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[trashtalker]

wayback machine tfln or tfln if it's up

Comments

[thearchangel]

No, I've seen them. They come up to human chests.

[thenormalsquint]

Which would be like 4 inches for you. I did the math.

[thearchangel]

I'm only 218.

[... Centimeters. He's seven foot two inches.]

[thenormalsquint]

I didn't ask for your weight.

[She knows what he meant, but if she didn't give him a hard time, would she really be his friend?]

[thearchangel]

What? No I mean

[HOLD ON DOING SOME CONVERSION MATH HERE...]

seven feet? Feet. Right, that's a measurement on Earth.

[thenormalsquint]

Mostly only in America, but I work in a lab. Converting's in my blood now.

That said, it's still only a little bit of water. You'll be fine in it. Or did you want me to get you some floaties?

[thearchangel]

Ah, right, right.

I'll still sink. It's like moving through gel. And besides, they're never hot enough.

[You big baby.]

[thenormalsquint]

You are aware a hot tub isn't some bottomless pool, right? You can only go down so far. Stop being dramatic.

Also we can always turn up the heat to make it hotter than Hell.

[thearchangel]

Doesn't mean I like being in the water...

And that'll scald any humans who get in too. Why can't it just be a shower?

[thenormalsquint]

I think you don't like fun either.

Because showers are only fun when you're taking them with someone else.

[thearchangel]

I beg to differ. Just not when it involves water.

It's hot water, but without the potential drowning. Why would a shower be different than a tub?

[thenormalsquint]

You're not even giving a chance! You can't just say no to everything that involves water.

Again, no one drowns in a hot tub. And you have to stand in a shower, at least you get to sit and relax in a hot tub.

[thearchangel]

Hey, you would say no if someone was trying to convince you sitting in quicksand was a good idea.

I have investigated no less than 5 hot tub-related drownings.

[thenormalsquint]

But would you say no if it was Shepard trying to convince you?

That sounds like bullshit. You just made that up.

[thearchangel]

That's cheating. Invoking Shepard is cheating.

I did not. Five separate incidents of drowning in hot tubs on the Citadel.

[thenormalsquint]

It's absolutely not. And you didn't answer my question.

I'm sure there were more than five incidents of shootings on the Citadel, but does that stop you from using a gun?

[thearchangel]

Shepard wouldn't ask me to.

[Yes she would.]

That's different. I know how to use a gun - a lot of guns, actually. I can't swim.

[thenormalsquint]

But if she did, would you?

It doesn't matter. You don't need to know how to swim in a hot tub. Again, not that much water.

[thearchangel]

I
well
that's - she's my girlfriend
You have to make your partner happy

[So yes, he would. This loser.]

Why is it so important I use a hot tub?

[thenormalsquint]

Okay, so all I gotta do is go and tell her how romantic you and her in a hot tub would be. Be right back.

[She's absolutely going to do this, watch and see.]

Because Garrus, sometimes it's good to try something new in life.

[thearchangel]

... You wouldn't.

I've tried plenty of new things. Hell, I even learned to dance!

[thenormalsquint]

I already sent her a text.

A hot tub is way easier than dancing on those two left feet of yours. You just sit there.

[thearchangel]

Why would you do this to me...

Hey now. Cortez said I did great. And - Shepard did amazing. That's practically a miracle.

[thenormalsquint]

Because how often will you get to see Shepard in a bikini?

And you'd do great in the tub IF YOU WOULD JUST STOP BEING A CHICKEN.

[thearchangel]

I don't think she owns one. So... never?

I'm not! I'm being practical!