bakerstreet | MUST'VE BEEN SOMETHING YOU SAID

(Ayyy, "Temporarily Die" and "Dramatique Effect" are Claire's brand! Up for a fatal-but-then-not-fatal encounter? She could be still alive that far in the future, time-travel, I'm flexible.)

[ i could be up for it yeah! did you have any thoughts on how you wanted to au it? i'm chill with her being around that far in the future, aued into a humanoid race that's incredibly difficult to kill or something, etc etc. ]

(with her regeneration superpower, she could conceivably have just survived that long. there could be others with abilities around or she could be among the last, either is fine!)

[ works for me. maybe a chunk of people w special abilities etc are either part of starfleet or work alongside starfleet during extenuating circumstances/as needed? they've worked together several times before and something goes wrong during a mission? ]

[One of Claire's very favorite parts about being old as fuck is getting to experience the space age. Like, the advanced version. As soon as a chance presents itself for her to work with Starfleet, she's there.

That was... years ago, she's lost count how many. Sometimes she loses count of how old she is, so that's nothing new. It stopped mattering after the first century or so. Now, her sights are set on the present, and to the future ahead. This ongoing opportunity to work with the Enterprise and its crew is where her focus lies, in particular.

She likes working with Jim. He's fun, and their missions always seem to go smoothly. Even the best streaks end, though. Despite her best efforts to be careful, she takes a hit. A pretty bad one. While exploring some kind of alien labyrinth, one of her footsteps sets off a trap. There's the sound of metal scraping against stone, then a dull thud.]

Get down--

[It's all Claire can get out before she drops, a metal dart sticking out of her chest.]

(Let me know if I should change anything! And if you prefer prose feel free to switch and I'll follow suit.)

[ the thing is, it's almost like things going smoothly never lasts when people are around jim. like maybe things go great for a while, sure, but then something happens. sometimes it's minor, sometimes it's catastrophic. sometimes it's in between.

injury is of course catastrophe, the scale of which is based on how many people are affected. but even one is too many for jim, who refuses to see 'reason' when it comes to acceptable losses because there's no such thing as an acceptable loss.

not that he starts this moment assuming loss. he hears the scrape, the thud, claire's voice, and he drops low, creeping along the ground toward her. with the trip triggered, nothing else follows just yet, but jim finds himself shifting them both out of the way of further triggers as best and safest as he can, then he just...

... it looks bad. it looks bad because it is bad and his jaw sets as he pulls out his tricorder to see what can be done. his is standard, non-medical, but it can still scan in a pinch and he sets about doing so, free hand pressed flat to claire's shoulder to keep her in place. can't jostle the dart. ]

Hey, up here. Give me a status, talk to me.

[She's fading but hanging on, her regeneration doing its best to keep her alive even in the process of dying. Full healing won't happen until the dart is removed.

Her vision is still pretty clear, so she's aware of Jim hovering above her, and is relieved to see he's unharmed. She opens her mouth to answer him, and coughs. Yeah, that'll happen. With some considerable effort, she tries again.]

I'm okay. Just pull-- [More coughing, it's hard to talk with all the blood.] --pull it.

[That probably goes against most first aid instruction; Claire's pretty sure the procedure would usually be to leave it in until she could get to proper care. She desperately wants to explain, but she's losing too much blood and it's hard to breathe.

If she can just reach and pull it herself. Claire's hand twitches, her strength fading more. She can barely lift a finger, let alone her arm. The desperation on her face is more out of concern for Jim than herself, but she doesn't think he'll know that. He hasn't really seen her heal before. Her voice sounds so small and distant in her ears, she can't get anything else out.]

Help?

[ eurgh. for a moment, he just stares. pull it out? she's okay? he's seen some reactions to mortal injury but this is a new one, perhaps not entirely but all the same: it'll kill her, he knows, because you don't have to be a doctor to know that.

he can't get her anywhere in time to actually help her though, is the thing. they can't get beamed out because of where they are, and he has no way to actually fix things. another failure, another loss. it's either slow suffering or answering to her request, and when she repeats it he nods blankly, one hand still pressing her in place for leverage. his thumb brushes her shoulder where it lays, a paltry means of comfort, and his other hand grips the dart. ]

I'm sorry.

[ he is. he's so sorry. it sounds thick, feels like painful gunk in his throat, but he means it.

he takes a slow breath and pulls the dart out, eyes never leaving her face. ]

[He's hesitating, and even in the process of literally dying, Claire understands. She's been through this enough, she gets it. By now she's lost too much blood, is having too much difficulty trying to draw a breath, she can't get another word out.

Jim's apology goes unheard. When he pulls the dart out, it's too late for her to avoid making things even more dramatic. She goes limp in his grasp, eyes rolling back and closing.

No one really seems to know exactly how regeneration works, only that it does. There are injuries which would be permanently fatal, but shot through the heart doesn't seem to be one of them. It takes time for the damaged cells in her heart to repair themselves, flesh and muscle knitting itself back together.

Time that feels like nothing for her, but might seem an eternity for anyone looking on.]

[ the time is an eternity, and eternity is agony. jim's never figured he could be a long-lived species; even the lifespan of vulcans seems too vast, too long, too painful to live through and watch the people you care about wither and die.

that is an eternity, and this feels like several vulcan lifetimes stacked on top of one another, a gaping chasm of time that he can never hope to cross.

maybe that's dramatic, but it's how he feels whenever things like this happen. when his people die in front of him, when he himself was dying, it doesn't matter. death is final, and outliving someone is what old-world religions meant when they talked about hell.

he sits for a long time, just staring at nothing, trying to put himself together. it's strange: if there were higher immediate stakes, if he had to command, to move forward, he could force himself to do it immediately, to process later. but they're (he's) alone, so the immediacy with which he has to act is softened.

he can't stay there forever, but he's not leaving anyone behind. so it's with a painful slowness that he gathers claire up and studiously doesn't look down at her face as he stands and starts to move again, even more careful than before because he owes it to her to at least get her body out of here. ]

[Eternity passes for Claire in mere minutes. As Jim begins carrying her out, the hole in her chest seals itself up, her heart starts beating again, and air returns to her lungs. That first breath is uncomfortable every time. It's a heaving gasp, usually followed by a small fit of coughing.

So she doesn't grok exactly where she is right away, getting her bearings as consciousness returns fully. It catches up with her pretty quickly, though. If she'd had the time to give more of a warning, she might have told him leave her on the ground.

But then, isn't it just like her to revive dramatically in someone's arms? Probably.

He's gotta be freaking out, the first thing Claire can think to do is apologize. It's the least she can do.]

Oop-- sorry.

[ yeah, he is NOT prepared for that in so many ways. he jolts at that first gasp but thankfully manages to not drop her, eyes widening slightly as he stares down at her, disbelieving until she actually speaks.

there are a lot of weird feelings going on in his chest right now. relief being key among them and far, far more prominent than the confusion. ]

Uhhhh, apology accepted? For the record, I've never had anyone apologize to me for dying before.

[ because she was definitely dead. it's not like jim didn't at one point come back from the dead, but it was a very different situation and involved a whole lot of work on multiple people's parts and not... literally nothing being done about it. ]

Okay, I should have led with this, but I'm glad you're back?

[In all fairness, she probably would have laughed if he dropped her. She certainly wouldn't blame him - who would've expected her to resuscitate herself?

Claire knows she should have made sure he knew about her beforehand just in case of this exact scenario.

She smiles, sheepishly as much as gratefully.]

Thanks. I, uh. Should have warned you. That's more what I'm sorry for. I guess I thought you knew.

[He's still holding onto her, which she doesn't mind. But she does have a concern, because that was no doubt horrible to witness.] Are you okay?

I did not know! But now I do. Cool.

[ so that's definitely okay and something he doesn't have to unpack. in fact, he is wearing his captain face very well right now, almost like he is Genuinely Okay. ]

But... Look, I'm just glad. I'll be fine.

[ he's always fine eventually. he has to be. (he is never fine but at least he's not trying to pretend he's fine right now.) then he seems to realize EXTREMELY BELATEDLY that he's still princess carrying her and puts her back on her feet. ]

However, even with the knowledge I'm not sure I can handle going back there again today.

[ sure she'd come back but he really does not want to watch another trap go off and she kicks it again. no thank you, jim kirk has had enough excitement for today actually. ]

Edited 2024-08-21 23:43 (UTC)

[She lets go as he sets her down, still feeling horribly guilty. It's hard enough when people see that knowing she'll revive, and she knows how much worse it is when they don't. Even if he's putting on the Captain Face, she isn't sure how legit it is. She's had way too many years wearing that Genuinely Okay face, herself.]

Jim-- I really am sorry.

[If he's going, though, Claire will follow him out. That's definitely enough for one day, even if she is perfectly fine to go on. Fine physically, anyway. Her emotions are pretty shot now, too, even if the dominating emotions are guilt and shame.]

I was careless, and I of all people should know better by now. There's no excuse.

Hey.

[ it's quiet as they walk. he shifts, letting an arm drape across her shoulders to keep her next to him. he's still putting on the captain face, but it's necessary. ]

Once, I ran right into dying to save my crew. I made people I care about watch me die without knowing I'd ever come back. I shouldn't have. It's not like that's something that usually happens. But I did come back thanks to my crew. And when I woke up I had to look at those people and know from the looks on their faces that I'd hurt them and I felt so awful. I felt horrible knowing what it did.

And I only ever did it once.

[ it's unclear where this is going but then he turns his head to look at her and he's smiling, just a little. it's genuine, at least. ]

But I'd do it again if I had to. Even if I really wasn't going to be able to come back. I'm not mad, Claire. Shit happens. We always have things we regret not saying or regret doing or a million other things people can regret. The important part is being around to keep going after.

[ a beat. ]

Still feels awful though, and I know saying not to worry about it doesn't do anything, but for what it's worth I mean it.

[She doesn't pull away when his arm goes around her, and stays quiet, listening as he tells her how he died. It's a story she's lived through more times than she can count, minus the crew of people bringing her back.

The smile helps, small as it is. Claire can tell it's a real one. Her arm slips around his lower back, and she doesn't say a word until he's done speaking.]

Thanks for telling me about that. And I'm glad you're not mad. You're right. We gotta pick up and keep going, and now we know better for next time. We learn from this.

[There's a slightly more serious look on her face as she glances up at him. Nothing angry or unkind, just a raised eyebrow.]

But I'm tellin' ya now, if you run into dying to save me, I'm going to kick your butt.

[ he gives her a little squeeze, nodding. ]

It's not something I talk about often. [ for obvious reasons. ] But it felt apt in this situation. Even if just so you know why I'm not angry.

[ the weight of her arm at his back does actually help the lingering anxiety and malaise from watching her die because she's here, solid, alive, and he has evidence of it right here.

then he glances away like a guilty dog caught with something in its mouth it's not supposed to. ]

I can't make any promises! I've been the holder of the 'least self-preservation in Starfleet' trophy for five years running now. Spock's the runner-up.

[ that is not an official title. he still holds it.

but he's half-joking. knowing she'd come back helps, but still, his instinct is to make sure it doesn't happen in the first place. ]

I understand. [There's much of her life she doesn't want to talk about, the deaths make up only part of that.

As glad as she is for the deeper understanding and touching moment, she's glad to feel the mood lighten some. They're here and alive, it's going to be okay. They can take comfort without wallowing in those bad vibes.]

I might be in the running for that one. My sense of self-preservation left me... a long time ago. Probably close to when I lost count of how many times I died.

[Keeping track of numbers? In this economy?]

[ sometimes 'here and alive' is all you get, and he still cherishes it every time. is thankful for it, even. he's definitely thankful for it now.

he snorts, even if that might not be appropriate for the scenario. sometimes that's how it goes too. ]

It's hard to have self-preservation sometimes. I didn't have much to begin with and then I became Captain and look at me now.

[ he doesn't say what he's thinking, which is 'i almost lost count of how many people i couldn't save and that's when the rest of mine left me.' ]

I think we could use some decompressing time after today's shitshow, personally.

I had some self-preservation, then around sixteen, bam. Regeneration. It didn't all go at once, but at some point while testing my limits, self-preservation went out the window.

[While never having reached any official rank anywhere, to speak of, Claire's had the lives of others in her hands. She gets it. There's no question - you make the sacrifice. It just happens to be easier for her.

But even beyond that, she's always felt a certain sense of responsibility with what she can do. What's the point, if she's not using it to help others?]

Absolutely. Time to clean up, eat something unhealthy, and then some secret third thing I haven't figured out yet.

[ faux-blandly: ]

I drove a classic car into a quarry when I was eleven because I was mad at my stepdad, stole it, and got chased by a cop for my troubles. Obviously I ran from the cop, got to the quarry, kept going, and then jumped out at the last second.

[ jimothy. he makes a hand gesture indicating the car sailing off a cliff. ]

I managed to stay up top, but barely.

[ so yeah, he doesn't even have the 'excuse' of getting regeneration abilities to blame for his whatever-he-has going on. at least he uses it for the power for good now though. like, it's often still spiteful, but for good reasons.

once they're back within range, his comm crackles to life and scotty's mid-sentence trying to call for him. how long have they been gone? he grimaces and taps the comm to answer. ]

Kirk to Enterprise. We're fine, two to beam up.

[ 'fine.' he looks over at her and smiles—scotty gets them onboard pretty damn quickly and once the familiar fluttery feeling of transport fades, he gives her shoulders another squeeze before dropping his arm to his side. ]

Thankfully, the first two are easy and there are plenty of secret third things onboard if you look hard enough.

Eleven? You got me beat, that's a first.

[Her crashing car stories are way more harrowing than a joyride, so she's keeping that to herself now. Definitely nto the time.]

Maybe I'll find fourth and fifth things, too.

[Transport is nothing like teleporting with Hiro or Peter used to be, it feels so much weirder. So, she's silently grateful that Jim doesn't let go until they're safely on board the Enterprise. She lets go and awkwardly steps aside. It's obvious that something happened, given the blood, and the hole in her shirt.

It's a familiar song and dance of insisting she's fine, and no, she doesn't need to go to medical. Her vitals are pristine, thank you very much.

By the time Scotty waves her off, she's completely bounced back to her usual self again.]

I am starving, but not hangry yet, there's still hope.

He was an asshole, he deserved to lose that car.

[ mildly. but yeah now that they are Doing Better it's probably for the best to keep the conversation light. even if they're both aware shit sucks. ]

You probably could.

[ it's finally jim telling scotty that she's fine that gets him to lay off, because jim would never say someone he's watching over or working with or commanding is fine if they weren't.

he huffs a laugh as they head out of the transporter room, then nods. ]

That's about where I'm at. Clean up, then food? They added some more options to the replicator after that last stop we had.

[ it's not as fancy as, say, the later versions of a replicator in the Other Timeline, but there are perks to knowing a guy who knows things from the future and one of them is getting replicator tech early. ]

Clean up first, for sure. I hate when blood gets sticky.

[Trust Claire to talk about this as one might talk about an untied shoe or something similar. She's just as chipper as before she'd set the trap off.

Times like these, she misses her old favorite treats, but there are still plenty of delicacies on offer. Regeneration lends itself to a higher metabolism, and dying is hungry business.]

I'm going to eat a ungodly amount of food. It's not going to be pretty. Fair warning if you decide to hang after we clean up.

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sorry, work's been crazy! hope this works

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i lost this tab for 1000 years, feel free to ignore if it's too old o7

it's all good!

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