The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!



Taken from the original.


happy new year!

Comments

Jim Moriarty | Sherlock (BBC)

[moriarty_hi]

8 | 7 | 5

[the_whip_hand]

[Ah, an airplane. It's always travel when you're on the run. Again. She looks down at her phone, and considers sending her favorite detective a text.]

Kuchiki Rukia | Bleach | Heterosexual

[defendingly]

2 for Location! 1 for Oops? (and maybe this time I'll do the name thing right)

[asano_san]

Kuchiki-san?!

[Keigo's arms flap against the water in panic. Where is she? He only let go of her for a second to get in a better position and she disappeared! How could he forget how short she is?!

Ichigo is going to kill him if he lets Rukia drown! Then he's going to kill him again when he finds out what they were doing in the water!]

KUCHIKI-SAN?!

Aisaka Taiga | Toradora! | Heterosexual

[tinytaiga]

tigers on a plane

[unverse]

[ Vanitas was going to beat his cousin to death with a bat. He'd take the bat and just swing til one thing broke or the other.

A trip overseas with his girlfriend, great idea, right? And he says, he tells him. You should fuck on the plane! Couples do that all the time, right? Yeah, Van says. Sounds like fun. Except he'd finally coerced her into following and this room was fucking small It was annoying because Taiga was short to begin with, and he really needed the space to, well, spread her legs a little more than was typically required. To see what the hell he was doing and all.

But Taiga was fussy, and bitchy, and if he didn't do something soon this 'quickie' was going to be unsalvageabe. Van figured the rest of the room was just not going to work, so up onto the counter she went, as he hastily undid his jeans and dragged her into a heavy kiss. There was a little turbulence just as he entered her, finally, and then he could move, pushing into her on the counter. ]

Katara | Avatar: The Last Airbender | Aged up, Het.

[twofullmoons]

Fuyumine Naoto | Dogs: B&C | Heterosexual

[dogscarred]

Charlie Crews | Life | Het

[imzenish]

Peter Vincent | Fright Night 2011 | OTA

[peter_vincent]

Re: Peter Vincent | Fright Night 2011 | OTA

[aliveinhere]

Kyle casually licks the fluid off his hand.

"That supposed to happen so fast?"

GLaDOS | Portal | Probably not location-based

[alltalknobyte]

[Not that the Enrichment Center's exactly an ideal place, either, considering all the cameras everywhere. :I]

Irene Adler | Sherlock

[the_whip_hand]

Crowley | Good Omens | OTA

[vaguelydownward]

Arthur | Inception | OTA

[paradice]

Ellen Reid | Folklore | F/M

[alongadream]

Ryo Miyokazuka | Otomen | OTA

[a_prince_for_me]

Jeanne | Bayonetta | OTA

[ex_bitchplease6]

April Ryan | Dreamfall: The Longest Journey | OTA

[needednomore]

Kumiko "Yankumi" Yamaguchi | Gokusen [Manga] | OTA

[the_gokusen]

yukito ☆ fire candy ☆ ota

[notafatty]

katniss everdeen → hunger games → hetero

[istheseus]

nozomu itoshiki | sayonara, zetsubou sensei

[despairalogue]

In the car, with the timing and the stress. ... Wow.

[thighsoftheoccult]

[Oh god, so underwhelmed. No seriously, Itoshiki, what was that about?]

Lace | Crimson Shell | OTA

[lacedsilence]

3 for situation ; 1 for oops.

[inheritstragedy]

[ Really.

The idea had simply hit him. While it wasn't like him to be so spontaneous, he felt it had been necessary. Everything had started out fine and there had been some kind of telltale spark there - as much as it could be between the two of them - until he'd moved Lace down to the desk he'd been working at prior.

Maybe he'd set him down a little too roughly; that bonk he'd heard couldn't have been the other's head hitting the wood surface could it? ]

...Are... you alright?

Zidane Tribal ♥ Final Fantasy IX / Dissidia ♥ ota

[kadonamonkey]

minatsuki takami ✿ deadman wonderland ✿ open

[bloodwhips]

Beach - Fail

[loves_a_good_fight]

...Look, are you still mad about that whole falling asleep thing? I told you, I had a rough day. The beach at night was so nice and relaxing, that...Well, you know how it is. I thought it would be romantic. Didn't know I was gonna' doze off during...you know.

Cissie King-Jones | DC Comics

[cisskabob]

...idk numbers JUST GO WITH IT.

[cloned]

[Technically, this isn't sex time. This is watching a movie time. And Kon, having spent the past day doing the superhero thing, has fallen asleep on Cissie's shoulder.

He's having a nice sex dream about Wendy the Werewolf Stalker, and since he's asleep, he isn't really controlling his TTK. Which means that as he's dreaming about running his hand down her leg... guess whose leg is getting a tingly, gropey feeling along it even though Kon's hands are in plain site?

That's right. Cissie.]

MARK HOFFMAN | SAW

[lastmanstanding]

derp derp

Category II, number 7 "Just Plain Fail" (with a side of Aliens Make Them Do It)

[timesbureaucrat]

Narvin had shrieked at the aliens for a good ten minutes, arguing up at the ceiling, to the surveillance that he was sure was there, that he and Detective Hoffman were different species, incompatible, completely unsuitable to the aliens' needs. It didn't appear to convince them. So here they were, trapped in a small cell-like room with only a bed and a few...accessories. Nothing that could help them escape. They would be released only after they'd participated in this ridiculous experiment.

"Well." He turned to Hoffman and clasped his hands behind his back, trying to keep a professional façade. "It seems there's only one way out of this."

CARLA RENALDI | DEATH VALLEY

[officerrenaldi]

Woo woo woo