The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔↔


I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!



Taken from the original.


happy new year!

Comments

[asano_san]

[Which is a good plan because between the water and the distraction of kissing her so enthusiastically that he might as well be trying to lick the back of her throat, the hand that was still holding her up slips.]

[defendingly]

[She's totally going to bite his bottom lip and this is a bit hard for a love bite. HOMG, you can't drop her again! Not when things were just kind of getting good!]

[asano_san]

[Unfortunately, pain is not the way to get the wild horny Asano to settle down at the moment he's edging into a freak-out about almost dropping you again. He flat out lets go of her in his shock.]

Ow! What was that for?!


[Did she draw blood? Is he bleeding?

And now he realizes he's dropped Rukia again and scrambles to get his arms back around her.]

[defendingly]

[MAYBE THIS WILD HORNY ASANO SHOULDN'T DROP HER IN THE FIRST PLACE D< It's a good thing she has her arms on his shoulders so she can hold herself up, though she does sink a lot.]

A-Asano-kun! Are you going to be able to do this or should we just stop now?!

[GRRRRR.]

[asano_san]

Not if you're going to keep getting violent in the middle of it!

[He tries his best to get a hold on her again.]

[defendingly]

W-What did you just say? I'm not violent!

[DANGER. DANGER. Be careful what you say next!]

[asano_san]

Hitting me in the forehead and biting me isn't being violent?!

[Nope. Keigo's destined to many lonely nights.]

[defendingly]

[It takes all her self control to keep from hitting him again.]

Only when you drop ME!

[asano_san]

[Oh, come on! He already apologized!]

Maybe I wouldn't drop you if you had more to grab onto!

[defendingly]

[Dead man.]

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!

[asano_san]

[And he knows it now, a second too late.]

I-!

I didn't mean-!

Y-you're-!

[defendingly]

WHAT AM I, KEIGO?

[You better start getting your clothes and running, bud.]

[asano_san]

Perfectly sexy and wonderful!

[He wants to escape, but if he lets go of her, she might drown. He starts running anyway. When he gets to shallow water, all bets are off.]

[defendingly]

Nice try!

[ NO WAY, she is so clinging to him like a little monkey. If he's running, she is coming with him! ]

[asano_san]

[Moments into escaping, Keigo realizes that his swim trunks are no longer down around his knees. He doesn't even care. He just runs. Keigo runs until the water is at his thighs and he thinks even Rukia should be able to touch the bottom.]

That's enough beach for today! Time to go home!

[He's trying to pry her arms and legs away.]

[defendingly]

[ gooooood luck with that one. she's kind of pissed. and she brings out her trump card! ]

I'll tell Ichigo!

[asano_san]

You wouldn't!

[defendingly]

Want to bet on that?

[asano_san]

Can't we just forget this all ever happened?

[He's not even bothering to try to pull Rukia off him now, although he's not holding her, either.]

[defendingly]

[... that might be a good idea.]

Deal. But only if you find my clothes.

[asano_san]

[Keigo starts running again, back to where he thinks he remembers them leaving their stuff. Then back the other direction. Weren't they by someone with an umbrella? Then towards the lifeguard stand.

He's wheezing by the time he finds their spread out beach blankets and a pile of shirts and shorts. For someone so tiny, Rukia gets heavy!]

There!

[That's the closest thing she gets to a warning before he flops onto the sand in exhaustion.]

[defendingly]

Eeeeeeee---!

[she had to admit, riding on his back like that had been fun and all, but landing on the sand hard wasn't, especially considering now she was just laying out there naked. so there is a mad scramble for a towel, and to not look at any of his sensitive bits either!]

[asano_san]

Here!

[Still breathing hard, he tries to ignore the screeching and starts shoving clothing at her, not even caring if it's his or hers.]

[defendingly]

[In that case, she's stealing ALL THE CLOTHING, including his. she just wants to be covered up ALL THE TIME.]

How could you drop me!

[asano_san]

[He reaches feebly for his t-shirt but somehow knows better than to fight for it when Rukia claims it for herself.]

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?