The Awkward Sex Meme

[thememesock]

The Awkward Sex Meme

Sex is weird. You do what with that? And it goes where? Oh god, right there, right - ohgodnonotthere! Did you just - no, no, it's fine. Whatever. I'm tired anyway. You want to have sex WHERE?!

How It Works:
* Post.
* Pick or roll for your specifics. You don't have to roll for every category if you don't want; either pick the categories you want, or roll for the category and go from there.
* Enjoy the lols.
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I. LOCATION!
1. The Beach!
Sounds great, right? There was that whole romantic thing in the movies and DEAR FUCKING GOD THERE'S SOMETHING CRAWLING ON ME GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!!!

2. The Pool/Ocean/Shower!
This is a great idea, right? Absolutely nothing could go wrong! Wait, what do you mean water washes away lubrication? God, I hope we don't drown/fall and crack our skulls open.

1. On Random Furniture!
Um. Um. Honey? I think it's great that you have that whole 'I absolutely need you right now' thing going, but I am not having sex on my grandfather's hand-carved table.

4. The Bathrooms!
Oh. Oh god. What is that smell? I think I'm going to throw up.

5. The Car!
Honey, you remembered to put the parking break on, right? Move over, I have a seat belt buckle in my back.

6. The Movie Theater!
Gdi, that guy's doing a walkthrough again. What the hell does he think we're doing in here- oh.

7. The Great Outdoors!
I'm sorry, I didn't invite that squirrel to this party. Oh man, I'm getting bug bites places I didn't even know I had.

8. In An Airplane!
Augh augh augh we're going to crash and die! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? Oh man, I think I'm stuck. DAMN THESE TINY BATHROOMS.

9. WHERE AM I?!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!


II. OOPS?

1. Injury!
Darling? Sweetie? Honey? I swear I didn't mean to slam you into the wall like that. Talk to me?

2. Timing!
....Uh. Look, if you give me a little while, I'm sure I can get it up again - can I give you a massage or something in the meantime?

3. Interruption!
OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL IS CALLING WHEN I AM FINALLY GETTING SOME - hi, Mom!

4. Awkward Bodily Functions!
...That totally wasn't what it sounded like. Honest!

5. Calling Out the Wrong Name!
Yeah, you're screwed. Just leave now while you still have your limbs.

6. Failed Experimentation!
Hey, honey? Honey? This really isn't working for me. I'm really sorry.

7. Just Plain Fail!
Where did I put the keys to those handcuffs?

8. Oh Shit!
DIY space! I have no idea what just happened, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't good. Pick another number or make up your own!


III. OBSTACLES!

1. Stress!
It's not you, honey, it's just that I've got a lot on my mind. Maybe we could try this a different way?

2. Preparation, Preparation, Preparation!
Fuck, where did the condoms go? Have you seen the lube? I swear they were around here somewhere!

3. Inexperience!
Do you like it like this? How about like this? Okay, what if I do - okay, no, not that. How about -

4. Location!
Your cousin just HAD to show up and need a place to crash today. IF WE DO NOT FIND SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO EXPLODE!

5. Mood-Killer!
I just feel like that picture of your mom is staring at me. :|

6. Surprise!
Hey. You didn't have that cut before. No, I want you to tell me what happened! Did you always have that birthmark? Holy shit! Where did you get THAT scar?

7. How The Hell Do I Say This?!
Hey, honey, you know that thing you do that you think is really sexy and stuff? ...Could you not do it this time?

8. Aww, I'm Sorry, Baby!
DIY space! Pick another number or make up your own!



Taken from the original.


happy new year!

Comments

[defendingly]

[... that might be a good idea.]

Deal. But only if you find my clothes.

[asano_san]

[Keigo starts running again, back to where he thinks he remembers them leaving their stuff. Then back the other direction. Weren't they by someone with an umbrella? Then towards the lifeguard stand.

He's wheezing by the time he finds their spread out beach blankets and a pile of shirts and shorts. For someone so tiny, Rukia gets heavy!]

There!

[That's the closest thing she gets to a warning before he flops onto the sand in exhaustion.]

[defendingly]

Eeeeeeee---!

[she had to admit, riding on his back like that had been fun and all, but landing on the sand hard wasn't, especially considering now she was just laying out there naked. so there is a mad scramble for a towel, and to not look at any of his sensitive bits either!]

[asano_san]

Here!

[Still breathing hard, he tries to ignore the screeching and starts shoving clothing at her, not even caring if it's his or hers.]

[defendingly]

[In that case, she's stealing ALL THE CLOTHING, including his. she just wants to be covered up ALL THE TIME.]

How could you drop me!

[asano_san]

[He reaches feebly for his t-shirt but somehow knows better than to fight for it when Rukia claims it for herself.]

How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?

[defendingly]

Pffft.

[Obviously times a million. But she's letting it go because she's mostly dressed and he's not.]

M-Maybe we just .. shouldn't have tried that...

[asano_san]

Of course that's what you'd think.

[defendingly]

L-Look at what happened!

[asano_san]

It was an accident! It doesn't mean we should never...

[Even if it probably is a sign that the universe does not want this to be.]

[defendingly]

Maybe we should .. d-do it more normally.

[Very, very red now.]

[asano_san]

I'd do it more normally.

[Are you kidding? He'd do it any way and anywhere.

Except maybe not right now while he has sand in his crack.]

[defendingly]

... Tch. Maybe you'll get another chance!

[... That is a lovely image]

[asano_san]

Until then, can I at least have a shirt?

[defendingly]

Oh. Right.

[Surrendering, eventually.]

.. Sorry.

[asano_san]

[He pulls the shirt on quickly, before she can change her mind, and starts balling up everything else to carry home.]

Should I leave first?

[Somehow he thinks she doesn't want to be seen with him right now.]

[defendingly]

[It feels weird, like this. Just kicking him away. But she nods anyway.]

If you .. it's okay if we're..

It's up to you..

[asano_san]

We can go back together. If you don't mind.

[He's still keeping a safe distance.]

[defendingly]

I don't mind!

[Not at all, in fact - she's scrambling to get to her feet. It's not that she NEEDS to be close to him or anything but .. sending him away like that just felt wrong.]

I think I've got everything.

[asano_san]

Okay!

[It fills Keigo's dejected heart with hope as he starts walking in the direction of home.]

i think this may be done? C:

[defendingly]

[Hesitating for a moment as the walked, her eyes scanned the street. No one they knew. No one who knew them.

.. She slipped her hand in his. Maybe there is hope after all.]

I think so. On an adorable note!

[asano_san]

[This face forever.]