laying in bed all day (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
f6f6f6) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2024-03-15 01:28 pm
f6f6f6) wrote in bakerstreet2024-03-15 01:28 pm
Entry tags:
1.) Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with.
2.) What day is it and did you see me last night?
3.) Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!
4.) I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wire-cutters.
2.) What day is it and did you see me last night?
3.) Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!
4.) I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wire-cutters.
1. Oh, I'm sure we can come to an agreement. Where were you, again? I can be there soon.
2. Please come remove him from the lobby. There is not enough clothing in this area and I'm not dealing with it.
3. Don't you ever get tired of being absolutely impossible?
4. You were lovely entertainment, but I'm bored now.
5. Where, exactly, did all of the blood come from?
6. [ text him! ]
2. Please come remove him from the lobby. There is not enough clothing in this area and I'm not dealing with it.
3. Don't you ever get tired of being absolutely impossible?
4. You were lovely entertainment, but I'm bored now.
5. Where, exactly, did all of the blood come from?
6. [ text him! ]
i. I'm an Overlord. The rules don't apply to me.
ii. Have you finished washing the number I left on your chest?
iii. Why are there post-it notes all around the hotel labeled where you guys had sex and in what position?
iv. You came into my room and said you were "Dressed to impress". And you were wearing nothing.
v. What do you mean if I spit or swallow? I never learned how to spit.
vi. Text him!
ii. Have you finished washing the number I left on your chest?
iii. Why are there post-it notes all around the hotel labeled where you guys had sex and in what position?
iv. You came into my room and said you were "Dressed to impress". And you were wearing nothing.
v. What do you mean if I spit or swallow? I never learned how to spit.
vi. Text him!
1. where am i
2. r u busy rn im kinda stuck
3. hes upside down hanging from the light fixture y u askin
4. ur bein exhauz
exzoz
exhose
tiring
5. i dont think u realize just how much booze ive had rn
6. [ text him! ]
2. r u busy rn im kinda stuck
3. hes upside down hanging from the light fixture y u askin
4. ur bein exhauz
exzoz
exhose
tiring
5. i dont think u realize just how much booze ive had rn
6. [ text him! ]
[Well, well, well! Couldn't resist the allure of Chaz, could you?]
I'll finish up my business real quick so just be patient~! ♥
Where are you and what are you wearing?
I'll finish up my business real quick so just be patient~! ♥
Where are you and what are you wearing?
1. Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
2. I'm about to ride on a tractor, I have no time for you.
3. If I can run in heels, then I can drive.
4. No, don't ignore my call, I just need to know what's cuter: a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down.
5. It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends.
6. text her!
2. I'm about to ride on a tractor, I have no time for you.
3. If I can run in heels, then I can drive.
4. No, don't ignore my call, I just need to know what's cuter: a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down.
5. It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends.
6. text her!
there's a lot of different kinds of pigs
what are we talking here? Berkshire? Large White? Vietnamese pot bellied? it matters
what are we talking here? Berkshire? Large White? Vietnamese pot bellied? it matters
1. my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
2. the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
3. Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
4. Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
5. I;mthinking about getting an antique baby bassinet for my cat. He’s baby and he deserves it.
6. Bring your own text!
( info. assumed cr and misfires a-ok! )
1. i woke to a half burnt 5 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet. i assume i didn't use the 5 you gave me for a taxi
2. just so you know, you can get through the airport with handcuffs no questions asked
3. please tell me that is you having sex in my car and not a stranger
4. some woman just sang about my ass on the street. the lyrics sucked but i would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if i had any
5. i did a handstand in the middle of the bar and kicked an old guy in the face and broke his glasses. that's why i got kicked out
6. ( text him. )
Edited 2024-03-15 17:34 (UTC)
i. bruh. i told you. just standing their ominously doesn't count as socializing.
ii. they should invent something other than time that heals all wounds. a gummy vitamin perhaps.
iii. be myself? the person who got me into this mess??
iv. bro, that's why she told you she wears bigger heels than your dick.
v. redeem this text for a blowjob.
vi. Text him!
ii. they should invent something other than time that heals all wounds. a gummy vitamin perhaps.
iii. be myself? the person who got me into this mess??
iv. bro, that's why she told you she wears bigger heels than your dick.
v. redeem this text for a blowjob.
vi. Text him!
001. Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
002. if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
003. did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
004. So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
005. I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
006. [ Text him! ]
002. if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
003. did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
004. So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
005. I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
006. [ Text him! ]
Edited 2024-03-15 17:33 (UTC)
1. im very awares of my heart movins the bloods ins my body.
2. idk. a strippers just bits me. ams so diskoriented
3. just gots kicked out of the oceans for beins "unsafe".
4. i glues a planes to my hand and now i ams the guy what has a planes for a hand
5. [text him!]
2. idk. a strippers just bits me. ams so diskoriented
3. just gots kicked out of the oceans for beins "unsafe".
4. i glues a planes to my hand and now i ams the guy what has a planes for a hand
5. [text him!]
1. hey, is there a reason one of your shoes is hanging from my bedpost? just wondering.
2. are you... actually, where are you?
3. no, i snuck out the back. i'm by the dumpsters.
4. okay, look. i vault up to the rafters and swing you across the warehouse to the other side. THAT'S how you win 'the floor is lava.'
5. why are you like this? i'm on my way.
6. [ text him! ]
2. are you... actually, where are you?
3. no, i snuck out the back. i'm by the dumpsters.
4. okay, look. i vault up to the rafters and swing you across the warehouse to the other side. THAT'S how you win 'the floor is lava.'
5. why are you like this? i'm on my way.
6. [ text him! ]
...I don't know. I get a case of wandering feet when I'm drunk. As far as I know I could be anywhere, really. Help?
Alan Wake | Alan Wake II (AW1 and AWAN versions available too!) | OTA
lightschampion
2024-03-15 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
1. Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
2. I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency".
3. I'm like, not good at living.
4. Please don't ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you CPR.
5. Why is there a broken handcuff attached to the ceiling fan?
6. Text him!
[ooc: Voicetesting and just made the account so icons are few and AW2 only, but as mentioned I can do AW1 and AWAN Alan too by request even if I don't have the icons! Just lmk if you want one of them]
2. I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency".
3. I'm like, not good at living.
4. Please don't ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you CPR.
5. Why is there a broken handcuff attached to the ceiling fan?
6. Text him!
[ooc: Voicetesting and just made the account so icons are few and AW2 only, but as mentioned I can do AW1 and AWAN Alan too by request even if I don't have the icons! Just lmk if you want one of them]
Edited 2024-03-15 17:55 (UTC)
3 timeline unclear but also here's scratch with a beard i say
geniusofslaughter
- 2024-03-16 07:20 (UTC) - Expand1. I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up less pissed off.
2. I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka.
3. I think I got rid of my gag reflex.
4. You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based on who would be there for me at 4 am during a boxed wine crisis.
5. I have acquired a mango so I'd call tonight a success.
6. Congrats on being the token straight person in our group.
7. Text him!
2. I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka.
3. I think I got rid of my gag reflex.
4. You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based on who would be there for me at 4 am during a boxed wine crisis.
5. I have acquired a mango so I'd call tonight a success.
6. Congrats on being the token straight person in our group.
7. Text him!
Edited 2024-03-15 17:34 (UTC)
1. 🍑👅💦❓
2. absolutely not. who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
3. oh, you know, just working with the business partner. what time was the meeting supposed to be?
4. can't talk, busy right now. very deep in some negotiations.
5. the dildos did what now?
6. [ text him! ]
2. absolutely not. who the fuck do you think you're talking to?
3. oh, you know, just working with the business partner. what time was the meeting supposed to be?
4. can't talk, busy right now. very deep in some negotiations.
5. the dildos did what now?
6. [ text him! ]
[ Cue Stolas squinting at his phone like, 'what are these modern hieroglyphics?']
Is this some sort of puzzle?
Is this some sort of puzzle?
1.) I was having trouble getting it up so you grabbed my dick and said, "no, it's too big to fail!!!"
2.) It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and is spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
3.) People who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
4.) Well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
5.) Text him
2.) It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and is spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
3.) People who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
4.) Well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
5.) Text him
[ Teen or adult! ]
001. I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
002. Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
003. i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
004. found a naked guy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
005. As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
006.[ Wildcard! ]
001. I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
002. Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
003. i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
004. found a naked guy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
005. As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
006.[ Wildcard! ]
yeah this is why i avoid her. mei mei is terrifying, and not in the sexy way.
why tf are you over there anyway?????
why tf are you over there anyway?????
1. Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic".
2. So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
3. There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
4. She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
5. There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
2. So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
3. There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
4. She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
5. There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
1. I turned around, and some guy stuck his hand in my back pocket. At first I thought I was being pick-pocketed, but then I realized he thought I was his boyfriend.
2. Red jello shots are really good. If I could get drunk, they could be a problem.
3. We were at the paintball field and all the players left when they realized who I was. I tried to reason with them. It's not like I use a gun all the time.
4. Don't ask what I did today. It's embarrassing.
5. Would it be okay if I showed up at your house ....naked? And um, is your door unlocked? Loooong story.
2. Red jello shots are really good. If I could get drunk, they could be a problem.
3. We were at the paintball field and all the players left when they realized who I was. I tried to reason with them. It's not like I use a gun all the time.
4. Don't ask what I did today. It's embarrassing.
5. Would it be okay if I showed up at your house ....naked? And um, is your door unlocked? Loooong story.
1. just because you saw me naked doesn't mean you know me suddenly.
2. he just tried to convince me that a potion is a gateway drug.
3. are you alive? if you are, you deserve an award.
4. i just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to cast thunder on him while we have sex.
5. what did you do? the tent reeks of fear and cheap liquor.
6. [ text him! totally fine with AUs/timeline changes. ]
Um...
That would be a really big problem for all of us if that were true.
Do I even wanna know how that conversation got started?
That would be a really big problem for all of us if that were true.
Do I even wanna know how that conversation got started?
1. If you ever get a wink emoji from me it means we should hook up before 2:30 am.
2. At 4 in the morning I heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
3. It's Friday night, I'm alone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. I'm not single or anything.
4. Yeah, there's not enough money in it. Count me out.
5. No, I don't have a parakeet. Why are you asking?
6. I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got free rent for a month.
7. Text him!
2. At 4 in the morning I heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
3. It's Friday night, I'm alone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. I'm not single or anything.
4. Yeah, there's not enough money in it. Count me out.
5. No, I don't have a parakeet. Why are you asking?
6. I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got free rent for a month.
7. Text him!
Oddly specific but thanks for letting me know.
Does that happen often?
Does that happen often?
1. I've left your clothes with Qingzu. They've been washed and any torn-off buttons have been sewn back. I discourage jumping out the window naked next time.
2. You can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic candies as a peace offering. The choice is yours.
3. Have you seen my cat? She has white fur, blue eyes and pink toebeans, and weighs 200kg. Any piece of information is highly appreciated.
4. Was I at least a good cuddler? Perhaps even an honorable mention?
4 to complete the combo of renrenren + for our baby jy au thx
crevice
- 2024-03-15 18:27 (UTC) - Expand1 ► I would be so good at being a husband.
2 ► No, I'm a sad excuse for the person I used to be.
3 ► born to say “are you fucking stupid” forced to say “wow i’ve never thought about it like that before”
4 ► I won't lie to you. I was dosed with mushrooms and am currently eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm fine. Also, help.
1 ► Just want someone to look at me and say "I am charmed by this gluttonous fellow"
2 ► Tried to snap a Voidranger's neck but just made him look to the left very quickly
3 ► One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
4 ► I'm just sitting watching movies alone, crying in my boxers, feel like I should probably do something
5 ► I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
1. Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
2. ...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
3. Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
4. I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
5. There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
2. ...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
3. Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
4. I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
5. There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
1) Sounds like somebody isn't using the power of ✨imagination✨ enough!
2) The karaoke bar doesn't have Electric Avenue. I'll just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to Electric Avenue.
3) So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
4) Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
5) Or bring your own! Assumed cr and misfires welcome. Fine with rebirth spoilers but please mark for others.
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