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I was buying pornography

THE MAGICAL SEX SHOP MEME

Uh-oh! Looks like you've just stumbled into Baker Street's hottest sex shop! Well, since you're here, feel free to make yourself at home.

They're tons of aisles to peruse, so you can rest assured knowing that there's something here for everyone. Big toys, small toys, sex swings, dildos, butt plugs, chains, whips, ropes... And some things you might never have seen before, like shrinking potions, dick enhancement spells, gender swapping lotions — anything you would find in an Adam and Eve catalog, and then some.

Our shop is even kind enough to offer a play space in the back, so you can try before you buy. We wouldn't want any unsatisfied customers, after all. That's bad for business!

If you enjoyed your time here, please leave a five-star review; it really means a lot!

🍆HOW TO PLAY

1. Drop a top-level with some prefs and/or a shopping list, or an aisle of interest, or a backroom scenario to start things off.

2. Shop, share, try, buy, and see if anyone might need help!

3. Be merry!

SOME OPTIONS

01] Ooh, honey, come look at this one. | It's always nice taking your partner along to see what there is in stock, get ideas - and then, of course, there's when you get to take your new purchase home to break it in.

02] What are you doing here?? | You'd never in a million years be seen in this kind of place, not by someone you know, that'd just be mortifying. Or is it you spy with your little eye somebody you thought was too vanilla to ever consider this sort of shopping spree? Whatever the nature of the encounter, it's more than a little awkward. Just smile and nod, right?

03] Now if you'll just look at the powerpoint I've prepared... | Maybe you didn't know it, but a lot of sex shops can and do host workshops. Ever wondered what the benefits of a cock ring are or how to have better, longer orgasms? Need a few fellatio tips? Whatever the topic, there's most likely a seminar for it. Hey, if nothing else there's usually punch and pie afterward.

04] Whips and chains excite me. | Mm, who doesn't love the smell of polished level and the shine of stainless steel. This is where you go if you're looking for the next level of intimacy. There's a special on cuffs if you buy the sex swing on sale.

05] Does this make me look fat? | The lingerie option. Thankfully there's a number of changing rooms to take advantage of to make sure things fit just right. Do a little turn on the catwalk, see how that g-string rides, maybe ask for a second opinion if you're feeling brave enough.

06] Good enough to eat. | Body paint, flavored lube, fruit roll up panties - this is where you get your omnom on.

07] So much for being subtle. | You must be a serious klutz to have knocked down that whole display or fallen on your face in the middle of the store like that. Bravo, champ. Not that it caused a huge commotion and mess for everybody in the shop to notice that you have to sort out with the staff now. Hope you've got enough in your pocket to cover whatever damages.

08] ...No, seriously, what is that? | You're staring and you're staring and you're staring but damned if you can figure out what up with this. Who could even need that many buttons? It takes what size batteries? Where is it supposed to go? How can it even fit? Who thought that was sexy? Is a modern art museum missing an exhibit?

09] Wild card!! | This is your blank check so scribble away!

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[Open to women over 21! Harley will be a kid in a candy store here, all of the toys interest her, but especially the whips, paddles, clamps, and other devices of their ilk. Hell, she may even actually pay for the things she takes!]

[Lets get weird.

Also very willing to help others find the remote to happiness.]

[ How could I not, right?

I actually love this meme so much I wrote up a TL on a previous one! I never got to use a bunch of those prompts, so if any of them strike you, please go for it. Tagging here or there works for me. I just want to use the shop name Ars Ho-etia again I'm a simple girl.

I am also always open to a wildcard.

More character info on Matt is here, kinks here. PM with questions or ask in a reply, whatever you like. ]

[Info + kinks. Open to any combinations you like.

Auryare is a vampiric eldritch creature from a post-apocalyptic world. Consider them "sight-seeing" in this realm. They're here to have fun and a magical sex shop is right up their alley!]

[AUs, canon and crosscanon welcome. Watch as she dies of embarrassment.]

[ She was here for the fetish wear. That and the store owner worked for the Ministry. ]

[time to buy a real cool codpiece.

trying stuff on the wrong way? getting lost wandering the aisles? whacking somebody in the head with a dildo? looking for the weirdest, most expensive object he can find just for the hell of it? he probably shouldn't eat the panties. i'm especially interested in the weird magic possibilities (hell yeah transformation), but the regular stuff's fine too!

kinklist here!]

[ He's standing in the 'erotic literature' section, holding open a copy of The Idiot's Guide To...Pegging. With no intention to pay for the book, he's snapping photos of key pages with his phone. ]

[She is INTO this. Down for anything but 4.]

[Smol ghoulette is just casually strolling around, looking at the toys and clothing.

She's paused to hold a few collars up to her neck and look at them in the mirror.]

[ She might just be here to troll people, hard to say. Though maybe something will actually catch her eye?

Soon enough, Übel discovers that there's a section with books. Obtrusively, she starts going through them one by one, humming to herself and providing obnoxious commentary. ]

Dumb. Stupid. Boring. Really stupid. Seriously, not one decent grimoire? Do you think they keep the good stuff locked up in the back?

[ Oh, man, this guy looks perfect for teasing. Like way too perfect.

Übel slips up behind him and peers directly over his shoulder. ]

If you ask me, the best trick is to have a cute ass.

--!!

[ And there goes both the book and his phone flying into the air as he jumps. He was super engrossed in that book and she just scared the ever loving shit out of him! ]

Wh-what the hell?! You don't sneak up in someone like that!

Oopsie.

[ With a flash, a spear-like staff appears in her grip. She aims it, and before both his phone and the book hit the ground, they start hovering instead. Then, slowly, they float up back towards his hands. ]

No harm done, right? Besides...

[ she leans in closer ] ... you're the naughty one here, and you weren't even paying attention to your surroundings. Wouldn't it have been easier just to steal the book, anyway? I'm guessing you don't have the spine.

[Per author shenanigans it's confirmed he sells sex toys... why not magic ones, too?

One would need his secret passphrase though as the store is mostly a candy shop during the day.]

[ Unlike his reaction to her stealthy introduction, he's surprisingly unfazed by the items levitating in front of him. He bitterly snatches them out of the air. ]

Why would I risk getting beat up if I can just snap some pics? It's not like this book can fit in my back pocket.

[ Or he could have, you know, looked online. ]

[Welcome to No-Account Video. The last video rental shop in Canada, because in reality its a magic shop and normally mortals can't see the magical items on display...but something seems to have gone wrong and now anyone wandering in can see. The witch behind the counter doesn't seem too worried though.]

Edited 2024-03-01 16:35 (UTC)

OOC: Would Harley care for a nervous and embarrassed Barbara? (Possibly among the things Harley takes...)

[ She lets out a tittering little laugh, then languidly shifts around so that she's facing him, still very much up in his space. ]

"Beat up?" That's just more evidence supporting a lack of spine, shady-boy.

[ Enjoy that awful nickname, bud. Übel playfully pinches one corner of his hood and tugs. ]

It's easy to conceal things under loose clothes. Also makes it harder to tell how cute your ass actually is, by the way.

[ How the hell did Ivy get talked into this? Who knew. However she did, all she knew was that she was going to kill someone by the end of the day. Maybe not Ninia specifically... obviously, but someone.

For now, though, she's just tossing an outfit her way, not really concerned if she catches it or not. ]

Seriously? This one? This is beyond stupid.

[Really underscoring the magic here. Or perhaps she's browsing the books. Listen, if she ended up here, may as well make the most of it, right?]

[Alivian is grateful enough to not be visibly perceived when he walks in, and he's able to browse a bit at his leisure. Occasionally, when he's sure that no one is in range of being seen by him, he tips his mask up a bit to look at things without the constant blue filter of his mask to distort the colors. The wolf partially startles when he is spoken to at last. Making sure the mask is firmly back in place, he clears his throat, just in case his tone might sound weird from the jump in heart rate.

[When he does speak, his voice is somewhat low, with a natural sort of growl to it.]

Ahhh, thank you, but I'm only browsing for the moment. Trying to see if anything catches my eye. I'm a little.. picky, and I go by figurative feel.

[The toys he's perusing are familiar to him in shape, at least, although he's at least realized that he's not in his usual kind of shop...]

I uh, coming in, I didn't realize that a lot of this stuff is uh... enchanted?

[He tests the word with distinct unfamiliarity, and wanders a little closer to the counter to look around the bend of the aisle he's in to see more. This also means that his slight blush is visible beneath the rim of his domino mask - and along the tips and insides of his silver-furred ears.]

I'm used to stuff just being... not. I, er, I've never been here before, so it's that's new to me. Sorry.

[His tail gives a weak series of wags, ears wiggling outward and then up again in some listless nervousness - in an effort to convey what his mask hides away. Even his mouth is only set to the mildest of frowns.]

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