[ He wants to hope that something will come of this, but just like every other time, he's been shot down. He figures he'd drink a little before sending Diluc a message, but he doesn't think he has it in himself to say those things to him to his face. But he knows it takes a long to get him drunk. But since he's here, he might as well try. ]
And if I said I wasn't drunk? Would you still fulfill those requests?
[ Damn it all, he just never stops, does he. Honestly, it would be easier to write Kaeya off if he was drunk. Diluc could excuse it as the younger man just being out of his mind with drink and going through all the numbers he has with this message of wants. The claim that he isn’t makes it a lot harder to pretend though. That makes it all the more likely there was no other intended recipient but Diluc and all the more difficult for Diluc to ignore the obvious sentiments behind Kaeya’s desire to be gently affectionate with him. ]
I never said I would fulfill them in the first place.
[ He's starting to get tired of this dance that they're doing. Each and every word Diluc writes is like arrows piercing through his skin. shattering his sense of self over and over again. If Diluc had not intended to fulfill any of his requests, when did he even bother to reply in the first place? Part of him thinks that perhaps Diluc liked toying with his emotions, pretending to receive them only to stomp out any hope he had left that maybe it could lead to something more. Kaeya knew he said he'd do anything for Diluc, but this is starting to take a toll. Just how much does he have left to give? Will he give and give until there's nothing left? Maybe this is his punishment for even hoping. Maybe this is Diluc's way of saying he deserves every bit of pain he feels.
But will he allow himself to stop loving, stop giving, and stop offering himself to Diluc at every given chance? No, because despite the pain, he knows he deserves every bit of it. ]
I'm not drunk. Just barely tipsy. Why else do you think I'd have the courage to say these things to you? But it doesn't matter to you, does it?
[ Maybe it's the wine, but he feels like crying. ]
[ The accusation of cruelty hits hard. Diluc feels physically winded by it. It wasn’t the response he was expecting, as Kaeya normally takes his rebuffs in stride easily. It must be the wine, weakening his defenses and loosening his tongue. And when Kaeya confirms it, well…
Ah, so that’s how he really feels about him. Understandable. Diluc supposes he is cruel, though nothing Kaeya suspects of him sometimes is true. It’s simply the nature of their dynamic now. Certainly, he couldn’t say he’s happy with it any more than Kaeya, but Diluc’s indecisiveness is hard fought. He neither wants Kaeya to leave him and Mondstadt, nor is he ready to accept him back fully into his life.
Yes, he can see why Kaeya thinks him cruel. ]
Fine. Come to the winery.
[ He isn’t promising cuddling or anything of the sort, but it is a concession. Diluc never invites Kaeya to the winery for social visits. Normally, if it must be done, it’s at Angel’s Share or Kaeya will simply show up where he knows Diluc will be if he wants to see him. Hopefully the personal invitation will speak for itself, as Diluc can’t seem to find the words to apologize. ]
[ For a moment, Kaeya almost forgets to breathe. The phrase come to the winery is never something that Diluc says, and even when it's formal knight business, he never puts it in such a straightforward way. It seizes his heart, and he's convinced that maybe the wine has deeply penetrated his senses because he must be hallucinating. He looks at the text again and reads it over and over again. The thought of Diluc being worn down to this extent to allow Kaeya this sort of luxury is enough to sober him, and now he can't hide being the veil of being tipsy or drunk.
What will be waiting for him at the winery? He doesn't know, but if he dares to hope one last time, if he dares to put his faith in Diluc again, he wishes that the feelings he's conveyed will get through. A bitter laugh escapes him—there he goes again, blindly putting his faith and heart in the other's hands. What will come of it this time? He doesn't know. But he supposes that it's worth it to find out. He's never been able to deny Diluc anything. ]
Thank you, Diluc.
[ As he makes his way to the winery, his heart is still throbbing painfully against his chest. Please, please,...please. Let him find the solace he seeks. Let this time be different. ]
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gutties) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
bakerstreet2023-09-15 12:01 pm
no subject
And if I said I wasn't drunk? Would you still fulfill those requests?
no subject
I never said I would fulfill them in the first place.
[ Gods help him. ]
Are you, then? Not drunk, I mean.
no subject
[ He's starting to get tired of this dance that they're doing. Each and every word Diluc writes is like arrows piercing through his skin. shattering his sense of self over and over again. If Diluc had not intended to fulfill any of his requests, when did he even bother to reply in the first place? Part of him thinks that perhaps Diluc liked toying with his emotions, pretending to receive them only to stomp out any hope he had left that maybe it could lead to something more. Kaeya knew he said he'd do anything for Diluc, but this is starting to take a toll. Just how much does he have left to give? Will he give and give until there's nothing left? Maybe this is his punishment for even hoping. Maybe this is Diluc's way of saying he deserves every bit of pain he feels.
But will he allow himself to stop loving, stop giving, and stop offering himself to Diluc at every given chance? No, because despite the pain, he knows he deserves every bit of it. ]
I'm not drunk. Just barely tipsy. Why else do you think I'd have the courage to say these things to you? But it doesn't matter to you, does it?
[ Maybe it's the wine, but he feels like crying. ]
no subject
Ah, so that’s how he really feels about him. Understandable. Diluc supposes he is cruel, though nothing Kaeya suspects of him sometimes is true. It’s simply the nature of their dynamic now. Certainly, he couldn’t say he’s happy with it any more than Kaeya, but Diluc’s indecisiveness is hard fought. He neither wants Kaeya to leave him and Mondstadt, nor is he ready to accept him back fully into his life.
Yes, he can see why Kaeya thinks him cruel. ]
Fine. Come to the winery.
[ He isn’t promising cuddling or anything of the sort, but it is a concession. Diluc never invites Kaeya to the winery for social visits. Normally, if it must be done, it’s at Angel’s Share or Kaeya will simply show up where he knows Diluc will be if he wants to see him. Hopefully the personal invitation will speak for itself, as Diluc can’t seem to find the words to apologize. ]
no subject
What will be waiting for him at the winery? He doesn't know, but if he dares to hope one last time, if he dares to put his faith in Diluc again, he wishes that the feelings he's conveyed will get through. A bitter laugh escapes him—there he goes again, blindly putting his faith and heart in the other's hands. What will come of it this time? He doesn't know. But he supposes that it's worth it to find out. He's never been able to deny Diluc anything. ]
Thank you, Diluc.
[ As he makes his way to the winery, his heart is still throbbing painfully against his chest. Please, please,...please. Let him find the solace he seeks. Let this time be different. ]