them sexts

[inuyasock]

the phone sex +
sexting meme

what it says on the tin. leave a blank comment, include your preferences or a starter, it's all good. reply to others with a text, a dirty picture (please link all nsfw things!), misfires, misdials, drunk filthy voicemails, whatever your heart desires.

Comments

[hastilude]

You want to run facefirst into the boobytraps he's squatting in, be my guest. I'm waiting for his water supply to run out.

Don't tell me I just wasted perfectly timed wordplay on someone that doesn't know what humor is.

[macholibre]

I didn't think you had to worry about anything like that. Aren't you an expert at not dying by now?

I have a sense of humor
when something's funny

[hastilude]

Playing the long game won't cost me anything but time and boredom so I think that counts as 'not dying' on an expert level. You're just mad I get to annoy you with impunity.

Yeah? Okay, I'll bite. Tell me a joke.

lmao i'm sorry about him

[macholibre]

I'm not sure what it says that I'm the person you come to when you're bored on a job.

No.

more like machNOlibre, amirite

[hastilude]

Because like me, you have no life outside the workplace and probably don't sleep, ever. 24/7 access is pretty convenient.

See? I was right!

ayyy lmao

[macholibre]

[stop being right!!]

Guess that makes both of us a little pathetic.

I can have a sense of humor but not have jokes.

gottem

[hastilude]

Misery loves company. We'll suffer together.

I don't know... if I'm 100% no-bullshitting-you honest, I'm starting to suspect you've got either incredibly dark humor or embarrassingly raunchy jokes buried deep under the atrophied social skills.
Nobody denies that hard unless there's something worth hiding.

[macholibre]

[even worse... dad jokes.]

Guess it's just a mystery you'll have to drag out of me, one bad pun at a time.

[hastilude]

[ a worthy adversary. ]

Is that a challenge?

[macholibre]

even if I say no you'll take it as one

[hastilude]

Rephrase:

Do you want me to treat it as a challenge?

[macholibre]

You challenge me enough in everything else, what's one more

[hastilude]

I only threatened to fight you one time - that doesn't count as 'everything else'.

[macholibre]

every conversation with you is a challenge
for my patience

[hastilude]

Consider it an exercise in virtues then. Personally, I enjoy our talks.

Anyway
You have any idea what kind of birds flock out here? White feathers, noisy, long wings?

[macholibre]

[he doesn't hate them either, he's just awful at truly ~expressing himself~ without being low key bitchy tbh]

I'm not exactly a bird watcher, am I?

[hastilude]

I'd bet my right arm you're staring at ten different database screens as usual. Humor me for once.

[macholibre]

To be honest, I thought you were reving me up for a joke.

[just give him a minute or two... and then she's getting an influx of information about every local bird that fits that description in her general area.]

That help?

[hastilude]

Oh come on. Would I do that to you?

[ On second thought... don't answer that. ]

Wow. That's a lot to parse through.
Not a fulmar or gannet though the colors are similar... so probably a kind of gull? They're rated as 'common'.

love how this came out of a sexting meme btw

[macholibre]

Gulls are pretty common in many Earths but looks like they come in different varieties too.

Why do you ask?

[hastilude]

Well here's what's confusing me right

Conventional wisdom would say 'these are seagulls' and they'd be right 99% of the time. But the coast borders three sides so

You'll never convince me mutual annoyance isn't a valid love language

[hastilude]

technically they're bagels






[ :) ]

true true that is valid

[macholibre]

I knew it! I shocking knew it, I literally said

[a groan that can probably be heard through the multiverse]

I take it back, "one knight stand" was better.

[hastilude]

Less setup, snappier delivery, more efficient overall. Good choice.

You know, maybe you should try it sometime. Imagine the face on the guy that has to process you made a joke. Nobody will ever believe him.

[macholibre]

You never know when one might slip out
it's not something I'd force.