bakerstreet | Would you hit that?

For a moment I thought I had died and gone to heaven. Now I see that I am very much alive, and heaven has been brought to me. {Have a cheesy pick up line that basically says I'd hit it!}

Okay, yeah. I would.

...you don't have to say it so forthright.

[It's making him uncomfortable. And embarrassed. But mostly uncomfortable.]

Oh? Sexuality is healthy. You only live one life, so why be ashamed of finding a person attractive?

...Meh.

Just "meh"?

[He'll just make a face and try to come off as if ego didn't just take quite the plunge or that his face isn't as red as a lobster.]

What can I say? You're about as average as they come. A solid five out of ten.

[All of which she says with the voice of his mother. Make of that what you will.]

I'd hit that. Has anyone ever told you that you are a very handsome man?

I was just thinking the same thing about you.

Well, well. How can anyone resist two devilishly handsome rogues such as ourselves?

I honestly don't have the faintest idea.

It's a pity, really. They have no idea what they're missing out on.

Ah, well. It's their loss.

At least we can have fun with one another.

I like that. It'll be an interesting... experiment.

Yes, it will. I've never been faced with a situation quite like this before.

I should hope not.

[ ota for lulz but f/m for anything serious ]

[ This is his chin in his hand. ]

You might kick my ass, but somehow, I think I'd like it.

[She raised a brow at that, a brief smirk showing.]

That says a lot about you.

No pain, no gain. Not entirely sure I believe that saying applies to all circumstances, but this just might be the exception to the rule.

[ He's always liked the feisty ones anyway. ]

So, you see a woman's ability to be able to physically harm you as attractive? [She gave him a once over, amusement dancing in her eyes.]

You don't seem like the whips and chains type.

I see a woman's ability to defend herself against any and all odds as highly attractive. The down side is that she can physically harm my poor self. [ A pause and a tap against his chin. ] Well, not on the first date. Restraints and leather are usually more of a second or third date kinda thing.

[ Cheeky. ]

It'd end in tears.

[Either for him or other people. Mostly other people]

[She raised a brow at that, a hint of a smirk showing.]

You'd become the most envied and hated man in SHIELD.

[he returns it with a faint smirk of his own]

It's not my fault they didn't get to know you better.

You know me, I prefer to keep my list of confidants small. Very small. [Almost nonexistent but there were reasons why she trusted Phil and Clint.]

I'm sure they'd speculate for months on how you wooed the infamous Black Widow, though. [This time it's a teasing smile that shows.]

They'll live. [and get it wrong. Again]

No feedback for me?

To be honest? I'm somewhat shocked. I didn't think I was your type, Coulson.

[She shrugged.] It could be good, though. It's just not something I've thought about is all.

You're not, exactly, but I can admire beauty.

Who knew Agent Coulson was such a smooth talker. I think I might swoon.

It's the only way I get dates anymore.

At least someone in SHIELD is dating. [Natasha had never dated herself. Although, she'd been on plenty of "dates" for undercover work and whatnot.]

It's as hard to keep up with as it looks.

[What with how much the job eats their time and all]

Have you ever been serious about any of them?

[he thinks about it]

Not really.

[He wants to say yes. After all, he does want to settle down some day but he's more married to the job than he is someone else sometimes]

I guess we're all married to our work then. [A relationship with a colleague was more practical and at least then there wouldn't be a need for explanations about work and whatnot.]

It's why we don't have rules against fraternizing.

And have you ever fraternized with another agent before?

Not yet.

[it's up to Natasha whether to interpret that as an invitation or not]

[That caused her to huff out a soft laugh.] Well, I'm game if you are.

I am.

Edited 2013-05-11 00:28 (UTC)

[wtf does that even mean she can't even...]

Pretty cute. I'd definitely have some fun with you.

[Well, this is a first. A girl hitting on her?

Minatsuki doesn't really know how to react to that. Idiot men were one thing, but...]

I think I'll fucking tread with caution and take a rain check on that. Somethin' tells me you don't kiss nice.

You don't like it a little rough?

[Vanessa raises a finger, motioning for Minatsuki to approach.]

How about you come here and find out how I kiss?

I think you and I have pretty fuckin' different ideas of rough.

[Okay then. Danger, Minatsuki Robinson...

Getting groped was one thing. So was being walked in on while undressing. Getting propositioned like this?

...Er. And for the very first time, Takami Minatsuki looks awkward. She backs away slowly.]

Thanks, but no thanks, Wicked Witch. Not into that.

[askfsdgh]

You certainly seem pretty cute.

[A giggle. He's rather bold.]

Well, aren't you flattering? Why, thank you.

[Gene is always bold, even as much as it nearly ends in attempts on his life.]

Not to mention your duds are pretty nice. That material must be expensive. I take it you're a lady of means?

[Then it's probably best that he not get on Seth's bad side. You know. With her being a super-vampire. From Mars!

Seth grins widely, and twirls around a bit.]

You're just full of compliments, aren't you? Well, I can't say I don't appreciate it; I just prefer to think of myself as a pretty girl passing by.

[And with that, she winks.]

And damned if ain't a treat, watchin' you pass by.

[he may or may not think there is actual hitting involved. het for srs ship.]

You know, I've heard the phrase "Built like a God," but I never really got it before now.

Edited 2013-05-11 01:32 (UTC)

Should I be built a different way?

No no. Absolutely not. You are just fine the way you are. Just. Fine.

For hitting purposes. Did you bring a weapon?

Why would I need a weapon? [Oh yeah. She's a little confused.]

To hit me with.

Oh. No. That's not what the phrase means.

[No hitting? :|]

Then what does it mean?

It's not meant to be taken literally. I means that you would like to. Um. Go to bed with someone.

Ah. [That tiny smattering of confusion lifts.] You wish to sleep with me.

Well. I don't think I'd kick you out of bed.

Thank you. That is a flattering thing to hear.

[ Jane laughs because, does she need to say it? No, really. Does she? ]

[Yes, because he's taken it literally.]

[ Alright, alright. This doesn't feel awkward in the slightest. The fact that he's going to misunderstand her, something Jane normally accounts for, is lost in her fluster. ]

I would. Yes. [ With the fury of the Gods. ]

[He looks faintly amused and steps back before gesturing up towards his chest.]

Then have at me, lady of science. Though one blow from your fist is unlikely to dent my armor.

[ And there it is. ]

No, that's not what I—it means I would like to have... relations, with you, in a— [ How old is she again. ] Sex, Thor.

[Staring. Lots of staring. And maybe even a little dismay.] Human sex involves hitting? I do not know if I could bring myself to treat you in such a fashion, my lady.

Edited 2013-05-11 18:16 (UTC)

It doesn't. I mean, it can, but that's not the sort of thing I'm into. [ She clears her throat. ] No hitting.

[He's gone from sparring to sex himself, but there's a very marked difference between aggressive foreplay and smacking someone around, but he holds no tolerance for the latter.

Jane's reactions are more interesting, anyway. He peers down at her, expression deliberately vague.]

What are you ... into? [If he parsed how to say that correctly.]

Edited 2013-05-11 18:55 (UTC)

[ She should have been absolutely meticulous with the topic. But this is honestly the best Jane can do right now, much to even more of her embarrassment. ]

Nothing. [ Re-phrase. She brought this on herself. ] Nothing outrageous, that is.

[No argument here. Jane definitely brought this on herself by running over him twice before planting quite a kiss on him at the end of his three ~~day~~ hour tour.]

Will you tell me what you consider outrageous? [More questions? Check. Looming closer? Check.]

Or what I don't? [ That would be easier. The diminutive brunette just doesn't have the strength for explaining the sort of kinks that aren't kosher. ]

I don't mind being handled with care. [ She chose to turn away from his looming self at that point, busying herself with the suddenly important task of rearranging a stack of folders. Yes, that'll do. ] But a domineering partner, so long as he knows when to stop, can be thrilling. I'm not against a little roughness.

Edited 2013-05-11 19:53 (UTC)

Acceptable. [Of course, his agreement comes with a step closer, peering over her shoulder at the papers that seem to attract all of her attention.]

I can carefully handle a woman. [Something he prides himself on, actually. Big guy, big ego, you know the drill. Although his personality is less self aggrandizing and more tempered these days.] And what is rough? To you.

[She glanced at him for a moment, trying not to smirk.] It could be fun.

[He permits himself a smile and nods.] Excellent.

You will make an acceptable sparring partner.

[A brow raised at that. Natasha was good but she wasn't vain enough to think she could take on a Norse god.]

I think you're missing the point.

[Thor frowns, as that is not his intention.]

Forgive my misspeaking, then. You would make an acceptable partner.

[She had to smile a little at that.]

The notion of 'I'd hit that' doesn't involve fighting. It's a saying that's used to indicate that you'd like to sleep with someone.

Sleep with someone violently?

[Humans are so strange. :(]

[Natasha chuckled softly at that.]

Well, if you're into that sort of thing, but that wasn't what I was implying. My life is violent enough. It just means you'd want to have sex with someone because you think they're attractive.

[Oh.

Mystery solved.]

Would it not be easier to say that instead? "Hello, I would like to have sex with you."

Most people can't be that straightforward and some people would find it offensive to be told such a thing in those words.

[She shrugged.] I'm usually straightforward myself in regards to my desires.

[Headtilt. You larn something new every day.]

How would they prefer to be told it?

That's a loaded question and has as many answers as there are people just about. I'm guessing you'd prefer the straightforward approach?

I can accept that as well. Yes, I would prefer to know what someone's intentions are, whether or not they coincide with mine.

There isn't a word in the dictionary for how good you look. {Have a cheesy pick up line that says I'd hit that!}

I am flattered, my lady, but what do my looks have to do with hitting?

I am glad. You are a stunning specimen.

{At his question? Ana gave an almost 'what the fuck?' look to the man. Canting her head to the side for a moment in thought.}

You do know that when someone says 'they'd hit that' that it is slang for being attracted to someone in a sexual manner? Or finding someone sexually appealing, handsome, beautiful, gorgeous, etc, etc, and so on? It means that they find your form, your physical and facial appearance attractive.

As if you didn't always know.

That you like to hit me? I have known this for many years.

This is also true! But that was not the structure of the question.

Oh, yes. Hitting is intricately involved.

[A snort.]

You're charming when you elect for deliberate misinterpretation. Especially when it makes Fandral look smarter than you.

[No, no. He really believes this has something to do with sparring. That confused expression is for realz.]

I beg your pardon?

[She actually pats his cheek. Admittedly? Kinda condescendingly.]

All that time on Midgard and you didn't pick up a hint of their vernacular?

[She controls her own behavior. But he'll sit on his father's throne one day, and he does occasionally remember snubs.]

Of course I did. 'Hit me'. Mortals generally invite others to some sort of violence.

[There are worse things she could do. Like say, try to kill his father. Or let the Jotun have a crack at Asgard. Or help aliens invade New York! Yeah, she thinks she's relatively safe. But she does back off a bit.]

When a mortal says I'd hit that it usually means something else.

[There's a pause.]

Maybe you should ask Fandral.

[And on the very slim chance she pulls any of those stunts, he'll give her the same consideration he gave Loki. Because they are friends and that's what you do.]

But is not here, and you are. My options for inquiry are extremely limited at the moment.

[Oh, now he's expecting things from her. And now she's uncomfortable. That bites her a bit on the ass, doesn't it.

There's a small sigh.]

"I'd hit that" on Midgard is a remark made when one finds another to be...pleasing.

[She so wants to punch him right now.]

[An explanation. He wants that, at the very least. One that makes sense, because he's watching her with narrowed eyes.]

Pleasing?

[Think, think. Think.]

Is this used when I am pleased with someone or their actions? Like the serving girls who work at the restaurants.

[Sif makes a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. So she just says very quickly,]

It's used when you espy someone you find attractive and would be inclined to take them to bed, given opportunity.

If I have to explain what that means to you, I will hit you.

You always hit me. [He tenses at the growl, most people tend to lash out in his direction after that kind of sound, but then there are words instead of fists. Which is even more confusing.

And then what she says sinks in. Mix of emotions going on here.]

Oh.

[The look she gives him now is what is best described as Darcy Lewis saying, "REALLY?"]

Yes. Oh.

Just what every woman wants to hear when she offers such confession.

Forgive me, then.

[He leans down to press a kiss against her cheek, probably not the kind he wants, but the best he can do right now.]

I am honored that you would consider me in such a way after all that we have been through together. Thank you, my lady.

It is because we have been through so much together that I would consider you so.

[It's definitely not the answer she wants, but it'll have to do, and she makes up for it by giving him a determined grin...and a punch in the arm.]

[It nudges a laugh out of him, and breaks the solemnity of the moment, at least on his end. Sif is one of his most steadfast friends and he does not want to hurt her.]

Then let us focus on our shared past, and the good we have accomplished, over a serviceable drink.

[She'll just be sizing him up, all five feet of her.]

For several hundred years...

You would hit me for several hundred years? That is a tall boast.

You think you could take it for that long? You're fairly confident in your stamina...

I am very confident in my battle skills, yes.

[A warm laugh.]

I'm not interested in fighting you, there are far more pleasant things to do with a few centuries.

Then why hit me at all?

Well, I'm tempted to now just because you're asking for it.

[Headtilt... oh.]

It's an odd way of expressing a desire for skipping courtship and going straight to consummation.

[Oh.]

Midgardians should use their words more carefully.

[Just going to levitate up enough to give a playful tug to the hair.]

Modern Midgardians are strange like that. But at least they've started giving up the silly notion that women are mindless property.

[Nope. He shifts out of the way before she can.]

I am extremely fond of several of them.

in before with a stick~

Literally, perhaps. Especially if you mention shampoo one more time.

I - [ One finger raised with a very serious look. Serious and then embarrassed, complete with blushing, and silence - a lot of silence. (Maybe some stammering.) ]

umm yes I would. [ Said behind her hand because no she can't look at ANYONE and say that. ] I'lljustbegoingnow.

[ To die of embarrassment. KTHXS ]

[He's not really sure how to respond to that. What's polite acceptance in Japanese? He cocks his head slightly over, then walks up to her and bows, before scribbling on a piece of paper.]

I accept your compliment graciously.

[ Well that certainly drags her out of the land of Mortification. ]

You can't speak? [ A pause. ] Oh sorry, [ She bows low, slapping a hand on her face. ] That was terribly rude of me, Sir.

Your appraisal of my fitness as a mate did not seem insulting.

You're - Oh! I meant my question. That was rude. But ahh [ Yes she's blushing all over again. ] you do seem stack- I mean fit! You look fit fit.

[ Come to think of it - Fuu curls a hand on her chin. ]

And you're good looking, and you don't seem like a jerk face. [ A pause. ] You're not married are you?

[Marriage. Another human concept he didn't get.]

I have had no mates, if that is what you mean.

Mates? [ Thinking~ ] So for you a mate is like a wife? I don't think I've heard anyone call it that before. That pervert talks about 'hooking up' all the time, but that certainly isn't marriage at all.

[ Oh wait, she's rambling.]

Ahhh, sorry about that. So - how come a good-looking guy like you doesn't have a - mate?

[ This seriously confuses her. He doesn't strike her as a slacker, jerk, or general trouble maker. (Granted Fuu defines 'not a trouble maker' as people who haven't kidnapped her. ) ]

I have seen none of my kind for over a century. We are dwindling as a people.

Oh, [ The curious look fades and she puts one hand over her heart. ] I'm sorry. That has to be lonely.

Wait - kind? [ True his eyes are kinda strange, but she's heard all kind of wild tales about Westerners. ] And a century? [ That comes a little softer and with a little bit of disbelief. He really didn't look that old. ]

You would call them werewolves.

[ It takes her a minute to process that. Wolf demons being more or less a myth, but there were those weird dead guys in the pit so she's willing to be open minded here. Even if she days pale a little bit. ]

Ah-ha, you don't eat people do you?

Humans are unsatisfying as prey. My kin hunted much larger animals.

[ Fuu grimaces, from the look on his face she'd offended him. She tries to laugh but it comes out a bit strained around the edges. ]

Well our stories say that wolf demons are pretty keen on [ swallowing hard now. ] well eating people sometimes. But I guess a werewolf isn't quite like a wolf demon then so that's ok!

Perhaps they existed, but my people came from Europe, not the East.

Hmm, I've never been there before.

You know, you're pretty nice, quiet but nice.

I do not dislike humans. I simply do not understand them. This has not changed since I've been alive. You are difficult to read, always hiding your emotions.

[ She blinks, tilting her head. ]

Really? Everyone always tells me that I'm like an open book and that I should learn to hide my feelings better, or at least not talk so much. But if you don't how are you ever supposed to get to know people? Although sometimes you can be surrounded by a bunch of people and still be by yourself.

I never like that very much. Maybe that's why I talk as much as do.

I meant as a species, not you specifically.

Well, it's how people hide, I think. To protect themselves. [ A sad thought really, but a true one. ] I should probably stop talking your ear off though.

I do not find it disquieting. You have a good, strong voice.

[ A compliment?! She actually isn't used to getting them. ]

Ah, thank you! I've never been told that before. I kinda started after my Mom died. The house was so quiet all of the time and I missed hearing her sing. So what's your name? Wolf-guy just doesn't seem right.

My rank was Captain.

So everyone just calls you Captain?

[ Huh - maybe werewolves don't do names? ]

You could not pronounce my given name. However, I did have the alias of "Hans" for a time.

[ Hmmm, she supposes that makes sense. ]

Captain Hans, I am Kasami Fuu. [ A polite bow follows. ] It is my pleasure to meet you. So what's it like? Being a werewolf I mean.

...Like? I don't not understand what you mean. I have nothing to compare it to. I have always been a werewolf.

Well you've been around humans though right? I dunno. I guess I just can't see a werewolf being happy in a city, or wanting to be couped up indoors. I'd think you'd rather be outside with lots of trees, but you're also the first werewolf I've met.

My interaction has always been as minimal as possible, with regular people.

Huh, because we're confusing, or just that different?

Both. I have never had an interest in it. Humans have destroyed enough of my kind, already.

Yeah, we're pretty good at destroying things. Even each other. Not everyone is like that, but I guess it doesn't take many.

Possibly.

[And only Integra Hellsing can say that with an absolutely straight face.]

[He thinks for a moment, trying to read her reactions. Then he scribbles on his notepad.]

An unsure answer. Humans are very indecisive beings.

Also a lady's prerogative, Captain. You'd do well to remember that.

I doubt your Crimson King would take well to you having lustful thoughts toward a male, in any case. He is very possessive, is he not?

[She snorted.]

Ironically, my "lustful thoughts" are quite none of his business, contrary to his vociferation on the subject. As an unattached adult woman of legal age, I am allowed to "fantasize" where and how I like, thank you kindly.

Considering the fact that such a thing would culminate in him losing his main source of virgin blood, his issues are understandable.

You are a very attractive women, Integra Hellsing. Not a sentiment I often feel toward humans. Your strength of body and spirit are exceptional.

I am not a blood bank, thank you very much, Captain. [And really, you don't want to get into Alucard's "issues", bro. You really don't, ye gods.]

But I appreciate your compliments, nevertheless. While they might be blasphemous, it does always do one's pride a bit of good to hear them now and again.

Blasphemous? Explain.

Blasphemous in the sense that you aren't human, Captain.

[Obviously.]

I have often considered this a blessing. I see very little of humanity that makes me at all envious of it.

They are ruled by lust, anger, jealousy, pride, and the absolute need to dominate their environment. Vampires are nothing more than an amplification of those natural urges.

And what of werewolves, hm?

[Not that she denied the point, but curiosity won out.]

We are supernatural, but not unnatural. We were as much a part of the Earth as any other predator. I was born as what I am. What my kin wanted more than anything was to be left to their own devices.

A difficult task. Humans have long ago taken all habitable land.

Tall, muscular, and light hair...? I think so. ... Even if you are a Nazi.

I joined them for what they could lead me to, rather than for ideology. I don't really care about interpersonal conflicts between humans.

Well then. That definitely ups your rating.

Hold, taguel ally!

Umm... are you once again asking if there is any striking involved? You mustn't!

W-where did you come from?! Don't sneak up on me like that!

[Oh, crap, he's been caught wandering around the "hitting" people again.] I know what it means! I just...ended up here somehow!

I meant no harm, great taguel ally! I am only here to let you know that, perhaps, that I will not strike you down! Striking down friends and allies is not what the great Owain Dark does!

D-didn't we go over this last time?! I know you're not going to strike me down!

[Mostly. He's never sure when a critical hit is going to fly his way instead of at the enemy...yes, Owain would never strike down a friend on purpose, but Divine Strike accidents are bound to occur accidentally, right?

This must be their B support.]

...Owain Dark? That's a new one. What does, erm, Owain Dark need with me today if we're not talking about "hitting" anything?

Perhaps I am here to tell my great taguel ally that I would "hit it"!

H-huh? Wait, since...since when?! You're not trying to switch meanings of the word on me, are you? Because we just established what that "hit" doesn't mean "strike," remember?

Yes, and Owain Dark is very much aware of the meaning and its wonderous context, my great taguel ally! Since when, you say? It matters not!

[............here his face is getting even redder as he mulls this over.]

T-this isn't a joke, right? Or one of Laurent's experiments?! B-because I kind of feel the same way!

[The longer he talks, the louder he gets. Someone should stop him.]

[Yeah, Owain didn't entirely pay attention to what Yarne just said so...]

Worry not, my great taguel friend! I wholeheartedly understand! You need not feel---

[Then something just hit him. Did Yarne just--]

Wait, r-really?

W-what? Listen to everything I say, not just the first part!

[Why is it that no one listens to him sometimes...it's a good thing that Owain corrects himself before Yarne gets upset.]

Yes! I mean, well...I feel really safe around you! And maybe something more.

[He fidgets a little.]

You... You feel safe around me? Something more? Are you sure about that?

About the something more? Well, it could be...nausea or organ fail, but I'm pretty sure it's something good this time!

[He's...mostly joking.]

W-well yeah... But Yarne, I had no idea...

[NonDramatic!Owain is NonDramatic.]

Y-you had no idea?! How was I even supposed to say something with the way you talk! ...But it's all fine right now, right? I finally said it!

Yes yes, everything's fine now. But r-really, I had no idea. I have no idea what... what to do now. [Now he's all conscious of himself. XD]

How... H-How much do you like me, Yarne?

Why are you asking me all these embarrassing questions?! I-isn't the fact that I said anything at all enough?

[Oh, gods, his cheeks are getting red...]

S-somewhere less than how much I love not being chased by something deadly, but more than carrots!

O-oh.... Okay then! Ahaha... [He's trying to keep his composure. Yarne was right, this was a little embarrassing.]

What are we to do now?

...Why don't you answer your own question? How much do you...uh...care about me?

[Love is a foreign thing to a Taguel growing up without parents...]

[Love is a bit of a foreign thing to Owain, too. Sure he may have had a... dramatic play about his rival in his intrinsic stories but experiencing it personally? All bets are off. But...]

You're... you're my friend, Yarne. My ally... Are we to become more than that? I-I don't know... But I do care about you, a-and... I want to help make sure your race does not go extinct.

[There's a glaring problem in that if they do become more than friends, it becomes increasingly difficult to procreate.

...

...Yarne is going to ignore that for now.]

Thanks, Owain. I'll take all the help I can get...but I don't want you to go extinct, either! I think Taguel are, um, scientifically better-off with you in the world. So we should stick together from now on.