bakerstreet | YOU SHOULD DATE ME IF [...]

YOU SHOULD DATE ME IF [...]

you should date me if...

The idea of this meme

[1] Your character has been yolked with a sign that states "YOU SHOULD DATE ME IF [fill in the blank]." "You should date me if you like good food." "You should date me if you enjoy long walks on the beach." "You should date me if you'd like to be disappointed. In bed and in life."
[2] This sign may or may have not been written by them. But does that matter if everyone can see it?
[3] That's it.

Do not post any blank top levels.

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"Well, just because the relationship can't really go anywhere doesn't mean you can't give them presents. I...used to enchant things, jewelry or weapons, and I brought food to mortal lovers quite often. Taught tricks to them and their children, or cast protective wards on their land. It was harder with other court fixtures, or diplomats from other realms. It had to be clandestine in those cases."

"Hm. I don't excel at friendships. I was close with Thor's friends once, but they were really his and not mine. Sif liked me for a while, but I fucked that up."

The idea of Loki visiting somewhere for more than a booty call, bearing gifts, teaching kids, protecting homes, is...at odds to what Clint would normally ever picture. Would still probably not necessarily call that dating, but, that might also just be his modern sensibilities talking.

He shrugs, rubs a shoulder. "Okay, you're right, what counts as dating definitely depends on definition." Although: "What would be the point of the second born getting anything arranged? Is that just political points? You wouldn't have been the one expected to carry on the family line and shit."

He was someone else before his fall from the Bifrost, though perhaps the structures his personality is built on haven't completely changed. He tried to reach for connection in his own way, on his own terms, sometimes with some success.

"I tried to be kind," he says quietly, not as if he's defending himself, more as if the conversation itself is prompting old memories to rise to the surface of his brain.

The political question derails that for the moment, and he huffs, shaking his head. "The second born is the perfect person to arrange a marriage for. It connect two kingdoms without handing an immediate claim to the throne to either. Odin would have wanted Thor wed to an Aesir or Vanir woman; high-born, loyal, strong enough to bear him heirs. Sif would have been ideal. Odin always liked the thought of them together. I assumed I would have been pointed slightly further afield. A tool to smooth rocky relations between Asgard and some of the other realms."

"Except, of course, it turned out I wasn't even Asgardian. I suspect his ultimate intent was to wed me to one of the Aesir and have me place myself on the throne of Jotunheim by means of a coup d'etat. Bold to assume the Jotnar would have tolerated that, though. He might have had a more elaborate plan. Doesn't matter now."

Taking away freedom and subjugating a race was once also Loki's idea of kindness, but that's a different Loki from a different time, and he won't keep beating on that drum. Mostly.

"Never really understood politics." A lie, if a complicated one. He has political secrets that even now could topple whole governments, has been involved in missions that have altered the political landscape for more favorable outcomes. Hell, even just being an Avenger has meant big changes--Sokovia being wiped from the map, the Accords that followed, just from the tip of the iceberg. Of course he can see some of the potential machinations Odin may have been plotting for the purposes of realm-wide stability.

Loki's birthright is a bit of a hitch, though, and he imagines the old man may have had a grander scheme. But Loki's right. Doesn't matter now. The man's dead, and Asgard is now a fishing village on Earth. (And he's sure, on sad distant backwards Midgard, they haven't even begun to see the ramifications of a galactic superpower being wiped from existence.)

"Mm. Well, human politics are slightly different from those of Asgard, and I'm afraid American-human politics are even more differently-different." This is him being tactful. Sort of. "But I think you can see the implications, and imagine all the little tripping hazards Thor and I grew up surrounded by."

There might be a reason Loki takes such glee in subverting order now.

"Sleeping around was something I could have for myself, at any rate, but romantic commitment would have had to be cleared with my parents to have had a real chance. Odin was certainly not supportive of Thor's love for Jane Foster. I'm honestly not sure I could have picked anyone he'd have approved of."

"So dear old dad was a prick, and you both subverted expectations because that's what happens when you get constrained by an unfair system that puts the will of one person above all else." Got it. You know. For someone that doesn't get politics. "Guessing your mom didn't have a whole lot of official say."

"That's beautifully succinct. Please tell Thor that. He doesn't like to hear it from me, but Odin hurt him just as much as he did me. Maybe even worse. The old man was, in our lifetime, the best possible king for our people, but he was a terrible father."

He takes a breath and lets it out slowly. "I'm torn on that bit. Frigga was Queen, not without her own political power, but she was not really equal to Odin on that front, else Thor would never have been banished to Midgard when he transgressed in the first place. She was...so upset, so angry. It made me wonder."

"I can't help but feel she could have done something more than she did, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe her oath of fealty to Asgard bound her more closely to the will of Asgard's king than I know. It eats at me a little, not knowing."

"Parenting's complicated." Take it from a certified dad. "Even before you add in dynastic politics into the mix. Being a kid growing up in all that's complicated, too, more than parents want to admit. Obviously I can't speak to how yours felt about anything, but you two always seem real fond of her. Really might just be a case of wanting to do more and not being allowed to."

There's a hint of a smile there. Loki is aware that Barton has children; has never yet said so lest acknowledging it be construed as a threat. He would never.

Well, at least now, when he's more or less in his right mind, he would never. He doesn't want to think about before.

"Interacting with other living beings is complicated," he says. "Even more so in their formative years."

"I hope you're right. It's the kindest thing to believe. I hate the thought that she saw..." He pauses, shakes his head.

"Nevermind. It's easy to canonize one's mother in retrospect, but both Thor and I saw the same tenderness and well-meaning nature in her. No one's perfect, but Frigga wasn't far off, as far as we could tell."

There's a pull to his lips that suggests a smile. "Parents don't have to be perfect to love them. Or for them to love you as best they know how. They can always be better, but it's easy to forget they're just messy and imperfect people same as you."

"No, I...academically, I'm aware of that." He takes a breath and lets it out once again, a long, slow hiss. Why this happens when talking about his parents specifically is anybody's guess. "Theoretically, the same is true of children. And brothers."

"I find that difficult to wrap my head around."

"It's okay to put your mom on a pedestal so long as you also remember it's okay that she had flaws and wasn't always there for you in the ways you wanted her to be in retrospect. You can idolize your brother and still remember he's simultaneously the smartest and absolute fucking dumbest guy you know. Kids are still learning how to even be people in the first place. It's a lifelong process. But it's hard, yeah, to keep that sort of thing in mind."

His shoulders seem to relax a little as Clint speaks; Loki may not even have been aware he was tense in the first place. The bit about Thor makes him laugh, then, and give the other man a genuine grin. "That does sum it up, I think."

Arms folded loosely across his chest, he looks at the ground again. "You're full of good advice. Thank you."

He can't add much to that without nudging the conversation into areas it's better it doesn't go. Barton has always had good advice. The kindest thing he can do is not draw any attention to how valuable it's been in the past.

"School of hard knocks is a real good teacher. Bet you've got more good advice in you than you know."

Having and being able to give good advice is, of course, an entirely different thing from following good advice. It gets very do as I say, not as I do sometimes.

"I should really get you fuckheads to pay me for all this life coaching."

Now he's being actively kind. For the sake of his own ego, Loki chooses to believe it's not out of sheer pity, but rather something inherent to Barton's own personality. Maybe a little of both. And for the first time it occurs to him there's a gray area between 'willing to be friends' and 'abject, justified hatred', which might be the place Clint is coming from now.

Loki doesn't believe in ledgers or red ink, but gray areas are easier to accept.

"I'll make a point of telling Thor to set some of the royal budget aside for life coaching payments," he says with a smirk. "But if you'd like coffee in the meantime, that can be arranged easily."

Hard to imagine someone as (relatively) old as Loki that's gone through several human lifetimes of shit wouldn't have his own stockpile of advice. Perhaps he said it in a kind way, but it just seems apparent to him that that's how life works. It's not an unkindness.

He'd be fully justified in hating Loki for the rest of his days. And maybe, probably, some part of him always will. But it's such an exhausting emotion to keep up against someone that's changed. It's exhausting to keep up period. After years of being submersed in it, he would know.

Grey, though. He can work with grey. Not friends. But maybe not necessarily enemies all the time. Loki treats him with respect and wariness. Maybe Clint can work on giving him the benefit of the doubt sometimes.

"Maybe save the coffee for a potential date."

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