![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
1. i had no where to run...! the dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time.
2. sigh. are you telling me you need bail?
3. i've been practicing for you. including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
4. the worst thing about having a brother with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning.
5. ...the church doesn't accept things like THAT. why do you even have something like that?!?!
2. sigh. are you telling me you need bail?
3. i've been practicing for you. including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
4. the worst thing about having a brother with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning.
5. ...the church doesn't accept things like THAT. why do you even have something like that?!?!
1. ( He ignores your texts for a considerable amount of time, days, if you let him. )
2. There must be someone better you can ask.
3. As I said, I'm not here to make friends.
4. ——— Text him. Open to misfires.
2. There must be someone better you can ask.
3. As I said, I'm not here to make friends.
4. ——— Text him. Open to misfires.
[OOC: Assumed CR and misfires are fine!]
A. For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
B. There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
C. He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads.
D. When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
E. Text Guin.
A. For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
B. There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
C. He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads.
D. When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
E. Text Guin.
You're right, that's...probably not a good idea. Maybe I should reschedule the event for when I feel better?
Edited 2023-05-12 06:02 (UTC)
1. so why was i the only ones who woke up with ham stucks to my ass?
2. you kepts lying down on the floor at the bars just to proves you could gets back up
3. the strippers was wavings you to the stage, not up ons the stage. thats why you got chokeds out.
4. apparently i ordered a pogos stick last night. i cants even be mads about that.
5. [text him!]
2. you kepts lying down on the floor at the bars just to proves you could gets back up
3. the strippers was wavings you to the stage, not up ons the stage. thats why you got chokeds out.
4. apparently i ordered a pogos stick last night. i cants even be mads about that.
5. [text him!]
1.)Go inside, make yourself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
2.) Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation?
3.) I'm about to do something reckless, I'm not going to not do it, but I thought you would like to know.
4.) My boobs hurt so much from being pre menstrual that I'm literally laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on them.
5.) Text her
2.) Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation?
3.) I'm about to do something reckless, I'm not going to not do it, but I thought you would like to know.
4.) My boobs hurt so much from being pre menstrual that I'm literally laying on the couch with a bag of frozen peas on them.
5.) Text her
one. Not only did I sleep with him but I believe I may have resigned from my position to go work for him instead.
two. An eigth year old child is judging my fashion sense along with his father. If only they would learn mercy from the Lord.
three. Thank you once more for the coffee and the orgasms.
four. Define 'wrong'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate theologies.
five. Calling a preemptive no sodomy or similar sins on tonight's activities.
six. What kind of soap washes out bad decisions, shame and sacramental wine?
seven. I would follow you to the ends of the earth with only mild complaining.
eight. I was going to ask "what did you do" but I feel like "who did you do" is probably more appropriate.
nine. After this, you are getting a viking funeral and I shall be pawning all your things.
ten. There is no such thing as shame in the world from which you herald, is there?
Or bring your own! Assumed CR, misfires, all good. M/M for shipping, wide OTA for gen. Info + permissions, as well as warnings + opt-out. Prefer anachronistic texting to modern AU.
9. I'm legally obligated by the trope gods to unleash +1 demon upon your poor minister.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tohell
- 2023-05-12 11:27 (UTC) - Expandjust make life hell for him, why don't you. also, thank you. /prayer-hands
novumtestamentum
- 2023-05-12 11:36 (UTC) - Expand1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
how do I get a refund for the time I spent reading Atlas Shrugged?2.
is social media really supposed to be fun? it just feels so. annoying?3.
getting wasted is consistently high ranking in the things I need to do daily4.
this is how I die, with blue balls and never having seen Jurassic Park5.
🔪🔪🔪🍎✨Hi! <3 Doing pretty good thanks! Just been busy with games lately. Hope you're well too!
astrogator
- 2023-05-13 06:25 (UTC) - Expand1 ► me + whiskey = a bad person
2 ► I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Friday probably isn't a good thing.
3 ► the constant battle between my need for attention and my desire to be mysterious and elusive
4 ► men need to be more creative with their compliments. "handsome" and "beautiful" are so overrated. tell me what kind of quest you would go on to earn my favor
Could not have said it better myself.
It's always "wyd" and never, "the system's main security is hacked, be my savior and fix it for me."
[ you guys....... ]
It's always "wyd" and never, "the system's main security is hacked, be my savior and fix it for me."
[ you guys....... ]
1 ► I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
2 ► I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate.
3 ► I think I may be the only person in the world who has fallen asleep grasping a penis... three different times... three different penises.
4 ► I apologize for not replying to your email sooner. One day we will all have to convince ourselves that we spent the gift of time on earth well.
You want to break it to Midnight or should I?
1.) Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice.
2.) I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
3.) Go to bed. It's 3am and I am NOT taking you to McDonalds.
4.) Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
5.) Text him.
2.) I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
3.) Go to bed. It's 3am and I am NOT taking you to McDonalds.
4.) Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
5.) Text him.
1. You owe me a date. It's tomorrow. Wear something nice.
2. Yes I am mad at you. Yes you know why. Yes you have to make it up to me.
3. Halfway through a bottle of scotch thinking about my life choices. Why did you need me for something?
4. Twitter is thirsting over my ass and it's another day that ends in Y.
5. [Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, assumed CR all great! Prefs are in journal. Timeline can bounce around anywhere nothing matters lol *still greatly suffering from work stress so apologies all around]
2. Yes I am mad at you. Yes you know why. Yes you have to make it up to me.
3. Halfway through a bottle of scotch thinking about my life choices. Why did you need me for something?
4. Twitter is thirsting over my ass and it's another day that ends in Y.
5. [Text him! Misfires, cross-canon, assumed CR all great! Prefs are in journal. Timeline can bounce around anywhere nothing matters lol *still greatly suffering from work stress so apologies all around]
How nice are we talking? Black tie? Button-up? Surprise underneath?
1. The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country.
2. Your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
3. Just had a drunken guest at this conference threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face."
4. You yelled, "Five second rule!" and began to slurp vodka out of the carpet.
5. He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
6. text her!
2. Your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
3. Just had a drunken guest at this conference threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face."
4. You yelled, "Five second rule!" and began to slurp vodka out of the carpet.
5. He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
6. text her!
and did he???( more importantly, why wasn't he your +1 so he could witness this travesty in person? oh, he was out of town. whoops. )
1. I'm not sure why you were trying to race the car on foot, but stopping you seemed like the logical thing to do.
2. I thought you said you had something I would want.
3. I /was/ being careful. The bottle still had its seal.
4. Can't. I'm busy.
5. It would be difficult for me to /not/ see him. He should give up on stalking.
6. [ bring your own text. misfires also fine. ]
1. i'm not angry with you. i was being playful. i stabbed you with my fun knife.
2. the birdseed wasn't meant to be a snack for you.
3. your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable.
4. did i tell you i bit someones arm for you last night.
5. [ text him! misfires, etc welcome! ]
2. the birdseed wasn't meant to be a snack for you.
3. your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable.
4. did i tell you i bit someones arm for you last night.
5. [ text him! misfires, etc welcome! ]
i told you i was hungry, what do you want from me?
01. — If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think I ever will.
02. — Everyday I become more and more impressed with my ship model building skills.
03. — I learned how to take care of the rose bushes after my last gardener accidentally beheaded several of them.
04. — [ text or misfire! crosscanon/assumed cr is always welcomed. ]
1. look he just handed me a t-shirt and said "welcome to the cap club" i didn't even know there was a cap club? why didn't i know there was a cap club?
2. why is there a gigantic box address to alpine in front of my door?
3. if you want me to say 'i hate you' so bad i can, but that doesn't mean i actually do you know?
4. i don't understand what you mean by 'you deleted my candy cranch' ? what the fuck is candy cranch?
5. yeah, of course i still have the thing where i can make the arm look like flesh... why?
6. text him! assumed CR and missfires welcome.
2. why is there a gigantic box address to alpine in front of my door?
3. if you want me to say 'i hate you' so bad i can, but that doesn't mean i actually do you know?
4. i don't understand what you mean by 'you deleted my candy cranch' ? what the fuck is candy cranch?
5. yeah, of course i still have the thing where i can make the arm look like flesh... why?
6. text him! assumed CR and missfires welcome.
Does he know who you are? I feel like one of us should be president.
1. Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
2. God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
3. How's that letter of apology to the waitress at Waffle House coming?
4. I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
5. text her
2. God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
3. How's that letter of apology to the waitress at Waffle House coming?
4. I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
5. text her
01. You said I revealed your weakness to your greatest enemy.
02. Zippers are such a cool invention
03. Is this blood on my shirt yours or mine?
04. Someone has put child locks on my windows.
05. I will not get off the roof.
06. i'm dying of boredom here. it's like regular dying, but slower.
07. [BYOT.]
02. Zippers are such a cool invention
03. Is this blood on my shirt yours or mine?
04. Someone has put child locks on my windows.
05. I will not get off the roof.
06. i'm dying of boredom here. it's like regular dying, but slower.
07. [BYOT.]
1. Then she told me to call her Mommy. So anyways that's why I'm trying to avoid any Gala invites this year...
2. Look just find you a woman who can stitch up your wounds and make the best burgers and life will be okay. I promise.
3. So our art model for next class canceled on us for life drawing, any chance you'd be willing to fill in so we don't have to cancel?
4. I got us tickets to the next Mets home stand, I'm not taking no for an answer.
5. Text him! Assumed CR & Misfires welcome!
2. Look just find you a woman who can stitch up your wounds and make the best burgers and life will be okay. I promise.
3. So our art model for next class canceled on us for life drawing, any chance you'd be willing to fill in so we don't have to cancel?
4. I got us tickets to the next Mets home stand, I'm not taking no for an answer.
5. Text him! Assumed CR & Misfires welcome!
How do you get yourself into these situations?
And here I was going to ask you to be my plus one.
1. man let's be honest, you almost cried when i gave you a handy. you are not ready for a relationship. i knew this.
2. he doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. he keeps falling in love.
3. pretty sure i cracked a rib. masturbation is not for the weak. i die now.
4. text him?
2. he doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. he keeps falling in love.
3. pretty sure i cracked a rib. masturbation is not for the weak. i die now.
4. text him?
1) I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
2) do you remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
3) I think my nap took me to another dimension
4) [ text him! cross-canon/medium welcome, killers welcome ]
2) do you remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
3) I think my nap took me to another dimension
4) [ text him! cross-canon/medium welcome, killers welcome ]
1. If someone can't be won over with guacomole and tequila, they are not worth your time.
2. Well, I have that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis.
3. My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
4. Got drunk. Then they sung "We Didn't Start the Fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when he was younger.
5. [Text him!]
2. Well, I have that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis.
3. My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
4. Got drunk. Then they sung "We Didn't Start the Fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when he was younger.
5. [Text him!]
1. It’s one of those nights I can’t sleep and nothing I try is working. I don’t know why I’m texting you, you’re probably sleeping.
2. I just realized I haven’t gotten drunk in weeks. Who am I? Wanna fix that?
3. Please distract me from myself.
4. Do you remember trying to kiss me at the bar last night and I deflected by shaking your hand instead? No more margaritas for you for a while.
5. [ Text him! ]
2. I just realized I haven’t gotten drunk in weeks. Who am I? Wanna fix that?
3. Please distract me from myself.
4. Do you remember trying to kiss me at the bar last night and I deflected by shaking your hand instead? No more margaritas for you for a while.
5. [ Text him! ]
I kept trying to figure out why you were trying to shake my hand instead of kiss me. I think you're the one that we should keep out of the tequila. This is what we get for going back to the Pony. You kept thinking I was going to do what I did last time.
1. Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
2. Just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
3. He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
4. Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
5. text her
2. Just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
3. He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
4. Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
5. text her
yeah alright. but look my task list has gotten real weird and long since Luke became mayor. you all good 'n shit?
1. I found out he doesn't have a Facebook, Twitter, or Myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
2. I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs.
3. Hey, I have to teach you how to run in heels before Vegas.
4. I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
2. I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs.
3. Hey, I have to teach you how to run in heels before Vegas.
4. I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Page 1 of 11