Fail Sex Meme

[memesss]

 Fail Sex♦The Meme


While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.


mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability. 


outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

Comments

[pabulously]

AH HA. HA. HA. [Laughing may not have been the best idea. Especially when it's a high-pitched, patently fake laugh. Unfortunately, Bolin can't spare a lot of brain cells for thinking because 99.9999% of his attention is focused on not blowing his load. He doesn't want to ruin his first time with her by coming too quickly.]

[chittybang]

[That bright blush across Asami's cheeks has nothing to do with arousal anymore, but embarrassment. Her free hand flies to her face and her hips stop moving. The hand on his dick withdraws up to her stomach.]

Nooo, that was so lame, wasn't it? Dirty talk is so hit and miss sometimes! I'm so sorry!

[pabulously]

[He whimpers protest NO HAND DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOO and it takes him a moment to realize why.

CRAP.]

No! No no no no no! That was fine! Perfect! Absolutely the dirtiest! I was just -- [Not making anything better. At all. Maybe he should tell her about him being the Minute Man (nickname an old girlfriend gave him after they had sex for the first time. It never lost its sting). It's just so embarrassing.

So he opts instead for kissing her neck.] You don't have to do anything.

[What he means is You're super duper crazy sexy just the way you are, no dirty talk necessary. It doesn't occur to him that it could be taken a different way.]

[chittybang]

... Okay, fine.

[Asami is caught between dejectedly dropping her arms and legs with a huff, and tensing up her limbs in reaction to the kisses on her neck. Somehow she manages both, shoulders squeezing up while her feet drop to the mattress, knees wobbling but not gripping Bolin's sides like they were.

A little bit of this behavior is passive aggressive.]

[pabulously]

[Okay, he's not the brightest star in the sky, but he knows something is wrong and it probably has something to do with what he just said. He pushes himself up onto his hands so he can get a better look at her.]

What'd I say?