tfln

[gutties]

Strike the earth!

Comments

6

[white_widow]

...

No.

Disgusting.

No.

[hawk_shot]

You misspelled genius right there.

[white_widow]

No, I did not. Did the pasta taste like coffee? I have to assume it would, terrible.

[hawk_shot]

It didn't, actually.
But would it really be that bad if it did?
We'd be combining two of humankind's best creations.

[white_widow]

If it were done deliberately and in a properly cooked sense, MAYBE not. In this situation? Yes, bad.

Why couldn't you get properly prepared food?

[hawk_shot]

Oh COME ON, Yelena. Where's your sense of fun?

Why sit properly on a couch when you can do it upside down and with your legs over the back of the couch?

[white_widow]

Far away from the urge to eat pasta that tastes like stale hotel coffee and grilled cheese that tastes like other people's clothes, I guess.

I don't understand how that's related?

[hawk_shot]

Ok, I'm not saying I don't respect your taste, because honestly, the way you dress? Super classy, eclectic and I love it.
But I never thought you were so picky about food.

It's obvious.
You've got stuff in a boring hotel room and you make it fun.

[white_widow]

Really, this counts as so picky?

It's slightly less terrible as entertainment than it is as just your only option for making dinner, I suppose. Slightly.

[hawk_shot]

If you ever stayed in a hotel room then surely you realize you've already slept on random people's body fluids.
So yeah, no hating on the iron grill.

What if we were stranded in an island?
I could be feeding you pasta but NOOO it tastes like coffee.

[white_widow]

Yes, thank you, but I am not putting the sheets in my mouth.

If we were stranded on an island, simply, you would not be in charge of the cooking.

[hawk_shot]

Someone jizzed on the pillowcase you're drooling on.
Drooling while your lips touch it.

Ok, yeah, I would be obvioulsy hunting, we both know that.
But maybe you wanna take a day off your cooking duties.

[white_widow]

For one, I do not drool, for two, I would not sleep on my side and certainly not my stomach in a hotel, three, you are very committed to the disgusting theme this evening, aren't you?

I think I will probably choose not to have that break.

[hawk_shot]

You can't really control that, can you? I mean, what if you turn around in your sleep?
You know, for an assassin I didn't think you'd have such a weak stomach.

But you've earned it, Lena.

[white_widow]

You might be surprised what can be enforced as a habit and then hard to break.
And I do not have a weak stomach.

I have not, this is a hypothetical scenario.

[hawk_shot]

You're kiding. You can't control what you do in your sleep.
Like... You can't control sleepwalking.
Can you??
Right. You've got a super weak stomach.

But I'm still the cook in this hypothetical scenario and you can't do anything but enjoy my imaginary oisters in a breast pump.

[white_widow]

As far as I'm aware I have never been a sleepwalker, but what got me used to staying still while sleeping in unfamiliar places would have prevented that too.
I do not. Blood, guts, those do not bother me at all.

I think I just became more willing to starve on this island.

[hawk_shot]

Can you sleep on top of a tree?
Yeah, well, but so do doctors. Doesn't mean theyre that tough.

But we need you to stay strong. So many people depend on you.

[white_widow]

If I had some rope, it isn't impossible, but it really depends on why I am in the tree.
Excuse me?

Oh, how unfortunate for them, whoever they are. Oh well.

[hawk_shot]

Maybe youre hiding and the only place where you could sleep and kinda feel like you were safe was in the top of a tree?
You're excused.

Yelena, you can't give up on them.
They even made t-shirts with your face on them.
Sure, they painted your name with mud and some flowers they crushed that I'm guessing might stain...

[white_widow]

I could, in that scenario, I probably would not.
This is the most tempted I have ever been to ignore you.

This hypothetical is getting more ridiculous, I am going to take my chances swimming away.

[hawk_shot]

What if you were hiding from a bear?
You and Clint have more things in common than you'd think.

You can't. There's sharks and sea snakes.

[white_widow]

Why would I be hiding from a bear?
Hotel rooms make you very mean.

I'll take my chances with them.

[hawk_shot]

What'd you mean 'why would I be hiding from a bear'? Who asks that?
I know you Russians ride bears in memes, but bears are terrifying. Even a Panda could kill you if it found the balance to not fall every couple of steps.
I'm not being mean!

You'd rather face a shark than my food?
And you call me mean...

[white_widow]

I am disturbed by some of the ideas you have of Russia, but allow me to rephrase: why would I not just shoot the bear?
You are being mean.

Oh, no. I'm choosing the shark over the random group of people you've introduced that are obsessed with me. Much more horrifying then your food, don't worry.