bakerstreet | getting comfy now .

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getting comfy now .

sweet dreams.

Someone, whether it be a friend or a total stranger, has fallen asleep on you wherever you happen to be; you are a rather comfortable pillow to them.

What do you do?

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["We would have blown up."

Subaru's eyes snap open, as if this is information he doesn't already know, but those words reaffirm it, remind him that this is the reality of their situation. It does nothing to assuage the knot in the pit of his stomach or the thunderous beating of his heart, the latter of which alone deafens the sounds around him.

He doesn't move along with Nagito; he doesn't make any effort yet to rise to his feet. A large part of that is fear, but when Nagito returns with the map and holds it out to him, asking him to confirm that he's not useless, he realizes. It's not just the terror of the situation or even the helplessness— but the humiliation of it all. His mind starts running in a familiar pattern. If only I were stronger; if only I weren't like this; if only I were worth anything. He could have any sort of hold on what's going on, if only he were born with the capacity for it.

Still unwilling to move from his position, he doesn't take the map, but it's not as if he's never seen one.]

What am I even supposed to look for? What am I supposed to see that you can't?

( when he doesn't take the map, that's discouraging for some, but it's enough for komaeda to go further. he stands behind the other, crouching down until he's low enough to wrap his arms around the male's neck. he leans forward, his chest pressed against the other's back which is a telltale sign of how komaeda really feels. his heart beats at a normal rate unlike the fast thumps that come from his company, but his breathing sounds off — that's from the smoke in his lungs. as he holds the map up for both of them to see, his chin's nestled at the top of subaru's head. his gaze stares towards the paper as if waiting for something. )

What about... here?

( with one hand holding onto the sheet, he uses his other hand to point at a specific location. it's actually not an area they need to be bothered with because the math isn't drawn for the area they're in, and instead it shows the layout of hawaii. though, that's not what they should be focusing on. there's a red dot which doesn't seem to be of much help, but it's when he lowers the map that the dot stays in place, although indicating a different location. )

You should keep an eye out..

( he pauses, giving another warning of what subaru's dealing with. the types of guns that have the red dot that gives for easy shooting isn't something they should ignore. the difference between them is that komaeda's luck has always kept him.. alive and the other around him die instead. of course, subaru is just someone he randomly stumbled upon, and he doesn't believe his death will do much for hope. rather, if he stays alive, then maybe.. )

... on the place we're looking for so we can make it together!

[And there's the matter of this guy acting so overly friendly. That may be off-putting on its own, but coupled with the situation at hand, it really doesn't sit well with Subaru. As the arms wrap around him, chest pressed tight, it feels as though time's started moving again. His eyes narrow as he starts to turn towards Nagito, but when he starts talking about the directions again, Subaru instead looks at the map.

And instantly, his heart races again— rather, had it stopped at all? yet it feels as though it's started anew— and he can feel his entire body trembling. He can't actually be seeing this. Is that mark what he thinks it is? Nagito moves the map, and yet the dot doesn't follow. He knows exactly what that means. And when he's given another firm warning before Nagito shifts into cheerful gear again, he really feels the weight of those words.

And for the first time, he starts to cry. Even though he knows it's the worst possible thing he could be doing right now, how can he help it? He bites his lip, trying his best to hold it in, but he can't conceal that he's absolutely crying right now. Could he get any more pathetic? He does consider, for the briefest of moments, that he really would be better off dead.

But he's too cowardly on top of everything. This is really the worst... He is really the worst.

Making sure that the bag is rested safely upon his knees, he removes one hand to wipe his sleeve across his eyes and face, sniffling as he attempts to calm himself, at least enough to maintain the level of composure he had before... well, crying. It's not a high bar.]

I know... [He says so quietly, so reluctantly.] I'll do whatever you say.

( he's different from his companion — the guy who shows weakness and is practically trembling from their situation. people like this normally nurture weak hope, and while komaeda knows nothing about him, he feels that he shouldn't turn him into a loss just yet. at one point tonight, subaru tried his best to save bodies that he didn't know whether were dead or alive. that was strong hope, a look-alike of it anyway, that made komaeda consider bringing him along.

sadly, he wants to say that weak hope is eating away at him when he cries. komaeda's still remains in the same position with his arms around the male's neck, and the map loosely hanging from his grasp. he's detached from people and their feelings, especially when he only knows one thing himself: hope. there's no other emotion he can try and name, but the fear that overwhelms subaru — if he gives up — would be despair. komaeda frowns, wondering if he'll crack as subaru sets the bag down to wipe the tears away.

it's what he says next that makes komaeda blink once, then twice as he retracts one arm to rub at subaru's back slowly. ) Really? ( he sounds worried, finally concerned for his partner, well, that's until there's a tone shift. this time voicing a rather condescending suggestion while sneering — )

Why don't you get down on your knees and beg to me; show your loyalty.

( he pauses, finally getting up to his feet before extending a hand without the map in the other's direction. it isn't for him to take, and more of him wiping a few stray tears from subaru's cheek. ) Just kidding! ( again, he sounds like he's enjoying himself like they aren't in danger at all, especially with an added little laugh. )

[He slowly turns around, his eyes wide as he meets Nagito's empty gaze piercing through him. He towers above him now, hand extended, as might a religious figure offering salvation to the lowliest of sinners; he's thoroughly been judged.

Even though Nagito laughs his command off as a joke, the damage is done. It isn't until Subaru hears those words that he realizes what he himself had just said, how low he had placed himself. If Nagito had continued to demand for that display of obedience... It's not even a question of whether he would oblige or not. He knows the answer, and the only mercy is that he's been spared from having to actually perform the act. Well, he's already on his knees, so he's still halfway the very picture of worthlessness.

His fingers clutch the folded fabric of the bag. He has to do something to vent this anger, this frustration, this humiliation, this desperation— but he can't let go of the bag, and so he settles upon the looser folds, just to squeeze them in his fists as tight as he can, as if transferring his negative energy into the very bomb itself. If only it could be that simple, but humans are interesting in that such meaningless gestures can actually bring a measure of peace, somehow.

He can condemn himself for this later. There'll be plenty of time for that, so long as he's alive. Right now, that's all that matters. So even if it differs from the reason Nagito extended his hand towards him, Subaru takes it into his own with a grip stronger than any resolution he's shown thus far. It's to send two messages: one that he'll agree to cooperate until this is finished, and one that promises to be stronger going forward. He's not sure how well he can hold to this unvoiced promise, but it's more for himself than for Nagito, anyway.]

Let's just get going already. This thing... [A quick glance at the bag.] We don't have much time, right?

I guess so, they won't wait forever.

( neither will the bomb when komaeda has specific plans for its use. at the start of this, he never expected to have someone else accompany him during his mission. he's used to doing things alone considering how his luck swings, and even he's surprised the other is still here. he knows his luck, but he's unable to control it where there should have been many instances where he lives and the other dies. when komaeda kept his distance from the car and the other went over — it should have blown up. when he was searching in the trunk for a map, he expected to turn around and see the other leaned over when a shot through his head — yet, he's fine. something's building up and he wonders if this will all just backfire on him. he's always made it his job to stay away from others so they couldn't get hurt, but sometimes it's inevitable.

his eyes fall upon the hand in his own, noticing the amount of strength the other puts into it that causes komaeda to smile. even if subaru doesn't say it aloud, it's these moments where he believe that his hope will get him through. like all talentless, weak people that are meant to be disposed for those with stronger hope and talent, why hasn't the youth next to him disappeared? )

There's a forest not too far from here, right? I heard there's a building... I doubt it's inhabited. Too many ghost stories.

( finally, komaeda releases subaru's hand to cross his own arms as they proceed to walk forward. it makes him wonder why did he offer it in the first place when knowing the other could get up himself. it's obvious to him that the male's hope play a part at this very moment, hesitantly showing itself to remind komaeda that he's not fully useless. even now, he's unable to keep his eyes off his face, glancing at the tear stains left behind. what he does is lean over towards subaru, pressing their cheeks together playfully to reassure him that nothing's wrong. it's a rather random display of being annoying, but with his interest in the other, he doesn't realize something sharp and small flying towards him. it's too fast to tell as the item scrapes at komaeda's cheek to leave behind a thin cut and blood slipping between. it burns, red staining his pale skin as he pulls himself away from subaru's face to laugh it off — he's sure it's on a side he can't see, but who knows. ah, if he hadn't did that, would they have shot at his companion instead? maybe komaeda really is unlucky. )

You aren't scared easily, I hope!

[Subaru's resolved himself to accept his circumstances and to try to keep his composure, though his only real plan for success in this involves essentially pretending to ignore the gravity of the situation itself. Nagito nuzzling at his cheek, however, is another anomaly to normalcy, and it's not the way he'd prefer to distract himself from the ordeal. It feels derisive, like he's a child who's being pressured with kindness to take his first steps. But he has to bear it. No matter what happens, he has to endure.

When Nagito removes himself from the contact, it feels like a natural response to Subaru's lack of engagement. Determined as he is to keep his eyes forward, he doesn't sense anything amiss, and he doesn't look over, wanting to avoid unnecessary eye contact.

A forest and an abandoned building... It sounds too convenient to be true, but Nagito's clearly had some sort of plan for all of this in the first place, to whatever end. When they arrive there, will this all be over? Nagito's asking if he scares easily, another remark that must intentionally be meant to chide him, but one step at a time. In fact, it's all he can do to focus on the very movement of his feet, taking him steadily one step at a time, marching in time with...

The bomb.

Right, what's he doing still holding this thing? It's true that Nagito had so carelessly tossed it in his direction, and as such, perhaps he ought not to be trusted with it, himself. But the sooner that it's removed from Subaru's person, the better. Finally, he turns towards his temporary companion.]

Isn't it about time you took—

[And that's when he catches a glimpse of the blood. It isn't a lot... really, but does the amount matter? Where did it come from? It wasn't there just a moment ago! He can feel the panic threatening to surge within him again, but he restrains it, even if it doesn't quite show in his wavering voice.]

What is that?

( the other notices way too much, but that's a good thing — to be aware of surroundings because anything could change. so if he has a decisive ending he wants to make happen, he shouldn't latch onto the ideas of what's shifting around them. that being said, he shouldn't question the blood that's trailing down komaeda's cheek because it's none of his concern. just an unlucky circumstance that he couldn't prevent — )

It'd be nice to get a peaceful sleep.

( komaeda can never stay on one topic, he always veers a drastic left when making conversation. it could be that he doesn't find the blood a big deal that the other has to involve himself with considering he wasn't the one shot at. it's a warning that's telling him to hurry up, and he understands it with ease. )

I wonder... what were you dreaming about at the bus stop..

( he brings a hand to his chin, holding it in thought as he glances at the ground as the pavements begins to slowly shift into dirt. the outlines of the tree's leaves make patterns all over by using the moonlight that slips between their cracks. it's almost like charades with the images they manage to create. that one looks like a dog, that one has the appearance of a knife, and ... oh, what an attempt at a bumblebee. )

Maybe about your friends that you're going to see tomorrow? ( is that komaeda's odd way of reassuring him even though he knows the other is scared? that the situation he's been dragged in is wrongfully unfair, but it's just that komaeda was in the right spot at the wrong time. ) Or seeing your favorite movie?

[Nagito diverts his question yet again with his unnecessarily wistful commentary. Subaru should expect it every time, and yet he continues to believe that he'll receive a reciprocal answer. And even though he doesn't entertain the switch in conversation at all, Nagito continues it without him. Subaru hasn't quite realized it until now, perhaps, but the thought finally crosses his mind that he's not even being spoken to, but rather at. Is he supposed to just follow along obediently, then? The idea disgusts him, despite the fact that he himself has resigned to doing so. It certainly makes things easier on him if he chooses not to question it... Maybe it's his nature, but he just can't seem to take the easy route.]

And just who do you think those "friends" are? It should be obvious by looking at me, but I don't have any. If not for my overwhelmingly loving parents, I'd be extremely confident in saying that absolutely no one would miss me if I were gone.

[Despite all his fear and hesitation and anxieties, he seems to offer this sort of information easily. It's an unavoidable truth, after all, and while he gains nothing from voicing it, it's hard to argue that he loses anything, either. As far as innocent bystanders go, there are plenty whose involvement in this situation would be much more tragic and impactful to others in their lives. Rain or shine, the existential crisis is ever present, it seems.

Still, for one so detached from his own life, he sure has the tenacity to cling to it. He's generally aware of the various things that are hypocritical about himself, which only adds fuel to his internal fire, but if his vision were as clear as he believes it to be, perhaps the answers to his unspoken questions about life would manifest.

He looks away from Nagito again. Bringing up his negative outlook, while offered freely, is easily construed as a ploy for pity, and he realizes this even though it's not his intention. He isn't looking for an answer or a response at all, but why does he get the feeling that the one time he doesn't want a reaction, he's about to receive one?]

( bc actually i was thinking about you today, and look at that, i was blessed with your presence! )

( he keeps his smile despite their situation as he makes conversation, and it's true, subaru doesn't have to speak back. komaeda will continue to carry it without needing a response, especially when it fills the void of their silence so their brain has something to think about. the ultimate knows better though, he doubts any of his questions will be answered properly — why should they when he brought a random individual into his fun? it was against his will, not even having the chance to save the people around him with his own two hands and having to resign to feeling powerless.

all those who lack talent feel this so easily, and hence why komaeda continues to move forward without worry. the moment he parts his mouth, the voice that comes out isn't his own — his ears pick up sound and his eyes glance to the male next to him. as someone who put themselves in danger to rescue people he didn't know, it does show that he's brave unlike some — those who would cower immediately to the danger. )

Is that how disposable you think you are? ( komaeda's voice falls flat, grey eyes staring down at the other almost as if he's ready to scold him. he shouldn't expect much from a normal person, well, he doesn't know anything about him other than his flurry of emotions — they're more than komaeda has ever had or ever will. ) Your life that insignificant that you're ready to unacknowledge yourself because of what others think of you? That sort of hope.. is weak.

( the way he phrases that, almost seems like he's tired of dealing with him. komaeda has never been good at this sort of thing, emphasizing with others or saying comments that would calm them down. even as komaeda's frown remains visible on his face, he sighs in annoyance until the expression dies and becomes gentler, his voice airy and soft yet again. )

Pessimism will get you nowhere, you have people to go back to!

( he lays out something so little, something he doesn't have himself. )

((in his own Nagito-esque way!! But I apologize again for the delay! And as a heads up I will be slow/nonexistent this weekend again;; ))

[Nagito does react. His soft voice couldn't sound more disappointed or more bothered, and that's an appropriate response. Subaru's disappointed and bothered with himself for the same reason. But "that sort of hope is weak." What's he talking about? That's not hope at all. Really, what's with this situation... Subaru's the one who's been forcibly involved in a crazy situation, and yet he's the one causing the grief, so much that he almost feels the need to apologize for it. Almost.

It's fine, though, for Nagito to reprimand him so. That's how it should be. He's constantly waiting for someone to give up on him. It's when he shifts back into that positive, encouraging charade that Subaru feels the most uncomfortable. He's said it himself, that Subaru's hope is weak, so why does he continue to expend the energy to pretend it could be otherwise?

Ah. Of course. If Subaru truly gives up here, what happens? The bomb will explode, or perhaps he'll be shot to death. Likely, the both of them. Like it or not, he's being depended upon to see them both to safety... Since when did he ask for such responsibility? Thinking this through, he realizes he's more tired of this whole ordeal than he had thought. And Nagito's tired of him. And he's tired of himself.

But Nagito is right; Subaru has people to go back to. Picturing his parents' grieving faces at his own potential funeral is about the only image that keeps him from going too far. If he were to explode here— he pictures this for the first time and almost laughs that he has to— would anything be left? He could be reported as a missing person, never to be found at all, leaving his parents in an eternal, futile effort to hold on to hope. What sort of hope would that seem to Nagito? Infinitely stronger than his own, he's sure. Why couldn't he have inherited some of that strength?]

Don't worry. I'm in this whether or not you try to keep my spirits up. I'm not reliable at all, but you've got no choice but to rely on me. I get it. I'm not asking to be comforted at all. Rather, it'd be strange if I could feel comforted in a situation like this... You're right; I'm weak and hopeless. If I didn't know it already, it's been made abundantly clear, over and over, by now.

So you don't need to pretend to be nice to me. Don't force yourself to do unnecessary things like that; I'm sure I'll just take advantage of it. I might even start to believe you.

[What the hell... When exactly did he start crying again? And where are these words coming from? He didn't mean to say this much; clearly, the stress he thought he could ignore is spilling over. Though the tears started, there isn't much change in his demeanor. He doesn't stop to tend to them; he keeps walking on as he needs to. He's just said some really embarrassing things that he didn't even know about himself. No— he's known them, but he hasn't known that he's known them. They've been an unspoken taboo, forbidden for him to access. Some part of himself has been protecting them, and he's just unburdened them upon a complete stranger. There's no taking that back.]

... Anyway, it's fine. Really.

( komaeda's literally... a mess, he doesn't deserve to be cute so we'll give the cute award to you instead. or subaru because i think he needs something for going through this tbh. and omg, go go fight win!! i'll be cheering for you because i know in the end you'll come back c: )

( that's bold of him to say that there's no other choice left in the matter, that komaeda has to rely on him. even during this situation, subaru goes as far as to make himself more important than he already is. the ultimate would comment, say something to knock him down few pedestals like he doesn't need him to do this, but there's another factor here that keeps him silent. it's hope. that's more than enough to appease komaeda's attitude.

komaeda's mental constitution isn't as put together as some others would be — it's gradually decaying. though that's information for another time in another place, but his mood switches, his personality flicks between kindness and being harsh, it isn't something he means to do, but it happens whether he wants it to or not. what stays true and remains that way is komaeda's actions, he does what he does for a reason, and do his eyes fall upon subaru, and his lips purse into a straight line. )

Don't get ahead of yourself, I'll tell a worm when they're beneath my feet.

( it's a kirakira moment, the way he blinks innocently at the other with an even kinder smile. he doesn't want to give subaru the wrong idea, especially when komaeda speaks what's on his mind when he deems it reasonable. in a way, he controls everything around him without lifting a finger, and if the other happens to play into the palm of his hand, then he'll allow him to do so. manipulation is wrong on all fronts, but he's not against doing it, and even now.. it's not something he's taking advantage of. subaru makes it to easy for himself as he folds to komaeda's will — )

As for you..

( he leans forward, identifying the tears that illuminate brightly thanks to the moon's light above them. the way they hug his cheek, following along the curve to his chin, and then dripping down. it's with one hand that he reaches out, slowly wiping away the liquid from subaru's face with an index finger — there's something odd about that hand being that it's cool to the touch, almost like steel despite looking like a normal hand. )

I want to see what your hope has to offer. You're weak, but you haven't disappointed me yet. Besides this...

( is the first time someone has survived next to him for so long with being a normal human.. maybe, but komaeda thinks it's subaru's hope that keeps him okay. instead, he says the just as obvious. )

...journey will come to an end soon, so you only have so much time to prove your worth to me!

[Hearing that he ought not to get ahead of himself, getting that scorn that he so craved, admittedly hurts to hear, but it's like ripping off a band-aid. It's necessary and the pain is only temporary; once it's done with, he can move on. That's the feel of the initial sting to his pride, those words that remind him of just how audacious it is of him to presume that he's worth the effort at all. But that's how it should be; at least they can now both acknowledge the reality of his part in this whole mess.

So he thought. The touch upon his cheek says otherwise, and it startles him from its unexpectedness to its coldness and to its incomprehensibleness. At once, Subaru swats the hand away, acting purely on instinct. It's the result of his shame rising in him once again, the fire inside that's desperate not to be snuffed out. Incidentally, it's that same flame that demands attention, that will stop at nothing to be acknowledged, that may be the very source of his contradictions to what he says otherwise.

It's his own fault for trying to steer the conversation to fit his supposed needs, and therefore he doesn't have the right to get angry that it doesn't play out how he wants it to. Somewhere, surely, he knows this, but he can't help but be angry, nonetheless.]

What's with that... You're not disappointed? I have time to prove my worth? I'm trying to prove the opposite of that!

[He starts clutching the bag tighter, as if forgetting what's inside of it.]

On what grounds are you able to say that? What do you even know about me!? If you'd just be honest about how you feel, what it's like to have to depend on me like this—

[Then, what? Nagito will feel relieved? Subaru will? What would change at all? What does he even want? He can't figure that out, but he's making unreasonable demands, anyway. What will it even matter if...

Oh... That's it. He's thinking about after. He looks down at the bag, now tightly clutched in his arms as if it were a child. It isn't that he's lost his fear— far from that— but he must honestly believe that things will work out. How else could he have the energy to argue like this? Nagito promises an end "soon;" does he mean that literally? And, if so, will Subaru be able to find the answers to all these questions? Is it hopeful to even wonder about that...?]

Unlike you, I have a talent. You humans that are born beneath us are so annoying.

( what subaru was looking for from komaeda doesn't go amissed, rather, this is how he feels in the first place. he's never thought of regular people as the norm, especially when they have nothing going for them — if the male beside him was capable of something, he would have shown it by now. though, there's something about him that makes komaeda reconsider, but only a bit. there's a hope inside of him somewhere, while small, it's there.. he feels it, although he's not proud that he does. )

Because of that, I would never depend on you.

( as simple as that. komaeda couldn't imagine betting the entirety of his well-being on someone so weak. he's not doing this to feed into subaru's masochism kink, and instead, he treats him like he would do any regular person. to komaeda, life is split between those born with and without talents, and while subaru appears to be someone who wasn't gifted at birth — he's nothing. )

You're only a stepping stone to those with talent, remember that. That's why you aren't disappointing me because a job as simple as that should be easy for scum like you.

( honesty, to the point, reminding subaru just in case he's forgotten — to be fair, it's not like he even knew this, but that's how komaeda is. what keeps him here though is that faint hope that emanates from subaru. why is that? it makes no sense, and komaeda's interest is flighty on the matter. even his personality that switches back and forth from kindness to loathing the male beside him, his voice raises in happiness as he points with his previously smacked hand towards a building not too far off. )

Look, we made it! I knew it'd only take so much time together.

( his free hand rests on subaru's shoulder, shaking him in excitement. though, that's not the only thing making itself known — subaru's cellphone vibrates, requiring his attention. there's a text message along the lines of "It's been done." if he checks it, but the previous conversation seems a little questionable. )

[What...?

From the beginning, Subaru's had this all wrong. Just as Nagito said, he'd gotten carried away with himself; he only now realizes exactly what he meant by that. Even though he rejected them so soundly, he still only took away the positives from their conversation. From the start, Nagito didn't have any expectations from him. But of course he didn't. How could you disappoint someone who has no interest at all in what you do or don't do?

Nagito reminds him of the division in the world, in his world, of those with talent and those without. Though he said it before, the insinuation now that the talented are viewed as beings greater than mere humans... Why does that in particular feel so offensive? With the status of an ordinary, unremarkable human, Subaru can't find a single shred of evidence to dispute that claim. But, maybe it's about that weak hope. There's nothing impressive about him as he is right now, but maybe that could change in the future. He doesn't believe that very strongly, himself, but it's the least that he could offer himself. And yet, that vague possibility is shut off with his supposed classification; that's what doesn't sit right.

The hand on his shoulder does nothing to rouse him this time. The cell phone vibrating in his pocket? Nothing. He stands frozen, as he had before. This should be fine, shouldn't it...? After all, it's not like there's anything more expected of him. Not now, not ever. He's been fighting this hard to return to a life that doesn't matter. This should be the kind of thing that would spur a person to change, to bring out strengths that had been hidden even to oneself. And yet... he's back to square one. If this is some kind of cruel test by fate itself, isn't it enough to fail him already?

Though Subaru seems largely unresponsive, his eyes do follow Nagito's finger towards the building. It's just a little further. It's not for himself; it's not for Nagito. If for anyone, it's for his parents, even though they shouldn't miss such a disappointment of a son. Even though it'd be better for them if he let it end here. It's just hard not to think like that.

Because they're the only thought serving any form of solace at the moment, he finally withdraws his cell phone. Perhaps the message he received had been from them. But it's not; it's an unknown number... Nagito had been messaging someone on it. Subaru clicks on the conversation, more absentmindedly than deliberately, but the contents very quickly become personally urgent. "He's going to die too."

Those words instantly separated themselves from the rest, and his fear rekindled, now blazing out of control. He's going to die. It takes everything he has left to keep hold of the bomb. He's going to die. Had this all been a useless effort from the beginning? He's going to die. In that case, why couldn't he have just gotten it over with!? He's going to die. Should he just let go now? He's going to die. What's the point of regretting and agonizing and struggling and fighting and walking on? He's going to die.

And he doesn't want to. Now that the fear has manifested completely, that's the only thought left in his mind, that he doesn't want to die. How much it'll hurt, how scary it is to suddenly cease to exist, how tragic it is that the world will go on without him, how unneeded he's been from the beginning. He doesn't want it; he doesn't want to die.

And he doesn't have anyone to turn to, no one who can help him. The one beside him now... He's been walking alongside the enemy from the beginning. Then, the ones with the guns— are they his enemy? If Subaru puts his hands up and surrenders, then maybe they will understand that he's an unwilling hostage. He's going to die anyway, right...? Then, what does he have to lose?

Hands trembling and dampened with sweat, he slowly lowers the bag to the ground. Then, making his movements just as slowly and carefully, he raises both hands in the air.]

( subaru's silent, more silent than he's actually been since the entirety of their adventure. despite hardly speaking, his sobs were vocal enough to fill the void within the woods. when komaeda doesn't speak, all there's left is their own synonymous breathing until the sound of a bag drops onto the ground. his eyes lower to it, and then they lift back up to watch as his companion starts to put up his hands in fear? or is he coming to terms with the situation that it's useless to fight back? is he giving up?

he doesn't worry about the bag, rather the person that had been holding it. it's not a shift in his mood, it follows the patterns of a scenario he should have expected. was it because of what komaeda said, no, he didn't act this way until he checked his phone. voiceless words are what caused him to change his mind, to become a coward, and it all fits from what subaru said before. )

Calm down, what's the worst that can happ—

( as he attempts to reassure subaru, it isn't long until his voice stops — the expression he wears is shocked, eyes widening as he reaches up to touch his own neck. his vision slowly begins to blur as he can feel a swelling heat in the specific area. his fingers brush against the needle, causing him to flinch — )

... How unlucky..

( it's at that moment komaeda falls down to his knees, and then over on his side with a loud thump rendering him unconscious. what happens next is almost like out of a terrorist movie, three people walking out from the shadows with masks obscuring their faces. in two of their hands are guns, and the last happens to have a butcher knife tightly gripped. one of them walks by subaru, as if he doesn't exist, to rush towards the bag that they've been after. another one passes subaru again, focusing on komaeda's body as they kick him over onto his back to make sure he isn't faking. their choice of making sure is by stepping on his neck, seeing if he'll struggle or not.

the red eye of their masks glow as the three unknown assailants look towards subaru — who is he, they think. the third person with the knife sneaks up behind him, wrapping an arm around his neck to threaten him with force. the butcher knifes cool steel presses against subaru's side, dragging it lightly along his skin that's visible from his raised shirt when his arms were brought up. it's only done for him to realize how this weapon is the real deal.

"we got him, let his guard down a'everything."
"hehehehe yeah, can we kill'em, can we kill'em!!!!!"
the person behind subaru, his voice rough as he speaks up posing a question to him, "do y'wanna die?"

they're laughing together, enjoying the upperhand that they have in this situation. )

[It doesn't take long at all for the consequences of his actions to unfold before his eyes. When he hears the whirring sound cutting through the air, he knows at once that Nagito's been shot. What he feels is... not necessarily regret. He would have preferred not to have to resort to this, but it couldn't be helped; this is his only chance for survival. And yet, as Nagito falls to the ground, the guilt crushes Subaru nonetheless. Through his tears, he's able to make out the needle— it must be a tranquilizer, and he's relieved for that— and he can't take his eyes off of Nagito.

Not until the masked strangers appear, swooping in like trained soldiers, one after the other, complete with the weapons in their hands, ready to see action. His gaze follows them: the one that instantly takes the bag (with the bomb inside, be careful with that) and the one that continues to assault Nagito. He is a criminal, but is it necessary to be so forceful? He's clearly unconscious. But wait— just when did Subaru get the idea that because Nagito was involved with underhanded dealings that his pursuers would be on the side of the law? He's with the mafia, and he knows enough about that to know that there are always rival gangs. Plus, those strange, disturbing masks. It's so obvious, and yet his mind still tried to protect him from the reality he's found himself in. The enemy of his enemy doesn't make—

He doesn't get to finish his thought when he's grabbed from behind, an arm wrapped tightly around his neck, instantly cutting short his air supply. He hardly registers what happened before something cold, sharp presses against his skin. Is this... what he thinks it is? N-No, this isn't how this was supposed to go...!

It's hard to breathe, and he can't afford to waste what breath he's allowed by choking on tears, but the tears don't seem to care about that. His whole body is shaking, but even so, he does his best to stay still, not wanting to agitate his aggressors. Right... This is just a misunderstanding. Once they confirm that he's an innocent bystander, surely...

They'll kill him. The voice asks him, hisses it into his ear with disconcertingly hot breath from the proximity, if he wants to die. Exceedingly conscious of the blade pressed firmly against his fragile skin, what kind of answer is he supposed to give? Is there one that can prevent what's surely going to happen? Why has it come to this? Why is all of this happening? If he could just make it out alive, he promises he'll live more properly. He'll go to school; he won't cause so many problems for his parents. He won't leave in the middle of the night to go on a useless trip to the convenience store. All sorts of, in all likelihood, thin promises that hold no value— much like himself.]

P-Please... Please spare me... I don't want... to die...

[His voice is low and strained from the pressure around his neck. He doesn't care how pathetic he looks— how pathetic he is. Not right now. He sniffles as he tries to control his crying, a useless effort, and surely he'll be finished right here, right now for his unsightliness. And yet, he can't stop. He's so, so scared that he can't think of anything but how absolutely terrified he is.]

( there's no such thing as right or wrong with these guys, rather, all they view is bringing the world into despair. that's right. witnessing subaru's cowardice mixed with his fear, along with his literal begging sounds like music to their ears. even if they kill him, what will his death serve if not for another cult motive to encourage others who wear these masks! there's something deeper out there, confusing, and even more frightening than what anyone could have hoped for.

well, that's what normal people would think.

their captive's sobs are music to each three's ears, or what's visibly seen by the wide smile etched into the mask. they don't react much to subaru's pleas, only listening and waiting for something exciting to happen. will he break down into a sobbing mess? try to fight back? or just stand here and take it like every other masochist humans tend to be? there's worse ideas that i won't write because dangan ronpa really has no shame in their piss and scat kink. anyway, with one body unconscious, the one awake doesn't pose much of a problem at all.

if subaru looks, their clothes are covered in scarlet, the guns that the two have across from him seems to be covered in the same color at the ends. the cleaver however is spotless, which is slowly raised up for him to see so that both their faces reflect off the surface. the fear on subaru's face compared to the grin of the bear mask the man wears — it tells a story, one that shouldn't see through to its ending.

and they laugh, again. it's a soft laugh before it grows louder and louder until.. it stops. when it does, they begin to mock him, copy him — "please spare meplease spare meplease spare meplease spare meplease spare me!" their voices going high and low, sing-song then back to normal again in their regular voices. we'll call him, papa bear, the male holding onto subaru's body to keep him in place so he can't run. he clears his throat (which sounds akin to a growl) while thinking, contemplating and then an idea comes to him.

here, he releases subaru, but don't think about running because the butcher knife is pointed at him, until the man offers the handle.

"cut it off."

he points at his hand, and then points at komaeda.

"you hate him." )

[The raised blade demands immediate attention, and as much as Subaru hates what he can see in its reflection, he has no choice but to monitor it. It would seem as though his plea has had no effect on them, not that he even dared to dream it might, but the silence he receives in exchange is beyond excruciating.

At least, he can't imagine what response might be worse until their discordant laughter bursts through the quiet, screeching and shouting with such reckless abandon that it wouldn't be strange at all to go mad just from hearing it. It's loud enough to alert their presence to anyone within a considerable radius, but that fact emphasizes how secluded this area is. Nagito, you bastard... Had Subaru stood his ground sooner, could he have positioned himself more safely? His list of regrets is only growing.

With how thunderous the laughter is, it's all the more disquieting when it halts abruptly. There's only a brief moment that Subaru is allowed to listen to the heavy sound of his own troubled breathing, and from there, the chorus mocking him begins. Each echo is like a knife of its own, but he'll endure a thousand of them before he welcomes the tangible one before him.

Then, just like that, the grip around him loosens, setting him free. He's unprepared for it and honestly drained, regardless, and so he falls to the ground as a result. Still, he has enough awareness that he needs to keep an eye on the group's movements, and so he's quick to turn himself around so that he can face the man, and... possibly... run. Though it doesn't seem that the chance to do so will come along so easily, a point reinforced sharply as the cleaver is aimed directly at him. Certain that this is the end, Subaru starts to crawl backwards, naturally wanting to distance himself as much as possible, even if it's a futile effort. But instead, the weapon is turned around, the handle proffered to him. Before he can question the reason for it, he's given the command, along with the hand motions to fill in the blanks.

What is he... talking about? Subaru has to be the one...? He turns towards Nagito's lifeless body; his eyes fall upon the defenseless hand, the one that only moments ago had deigned to touch his cheek and wipe his tears— the tears that continue to flow even now. "You hate him," he said. That... might be true. As far as Subaru's concerned, this whole affair is entirely Nagito's doing. Even if, somehow, he hadn't been the one orchestrating it all, it's his fault for refusing to be upfront with Subaru at all. He hates him. Yes, it's easy to hate him.

But what the man in the bear mask doesn't know is that much of Subaru's sins lie with his slothfulness. Even if he were to truly believe that this act could be his salvation... Well, it's a moot point, perhaps, since he cannot believe it at all. He finally looks back toward the blade, still ready for him to take, and he considers turning it on his assailant at once. He knows that such a move would be expected, but if he's quick enough, that shouldn't matter. However, there's the matter of the other two and their guns. Nagito had been shot with a tranquilizer, but can he be sure that that's the only ammunition they have prepared?

It all comes down to this crucial choice: to fight back or to do as he's told. Or, of course, there is the ever-repulsive third option to do nothing at all. He doesn't want to do anything. He just wants the situation to be resolved. More importantly, he's afraid of making the wrong decision. If he fails to decide, then... It is what it is, perhaps. Still, that is hardly satisfying, either, especially since it seems most likely to result in a bad end.

For now, he finally accepts the weapon. Holding it in his hand should provide him with some sense of strength, he thinks, but it really doesn't. It feels surprisingly heavy for such a small object; it does carry the weight of life, after all.

Empowered enough to at least pick himself up off of the ground, he slowly rises to his feet, though even he's astonished to find just how weak his knees are. His grip on the cleaver is shaky, as well, and so he places his other hand upon it to keep it steady. He turns towards Nagito, rests his eyes on his target, and takes a step. And another. And then—

Grasping the weapon as tightly as he can, he turns on his heel and dashes toward Papa Bear. Perhaps it may be a surprise, since he's surprised himself by taking this course of action, and even he can't quite explain why he's chosen it. It's just... He can't exactly say whether Nagito had been truthful or not, vicious or not, involved or not. Subaru didn't let him proceed to the conclusion. However, these guys are absolutely, without a doubt, the kind of guys he wouldn't wish upon anyone else. Maybe, if his life ends here, if he could succeed in taking even a single one with him... It hurts to think about his own final moments and finding any semblance of meaning in them, but maybe he could do just one good thing.

It'd be nice if those thoughts were so clear and determined as they sound, but ultimately, what's driving him is fear and impulse. Nonetheless, he keeps the cleaver close to him so that it can't be snatched away so easily, and he aims to drive it into Papa Bear with a front tackle.]

( in regards to the current situation at hand, everyone would have been able to perceive the future's outcome — it's simple, subaru is meant to die. his existence is nothing, he's only a worthless, pathetic, useless and ordinary boy who's locked away within sound walls of his room. just a cockroach that manages to live in the world, he infects it, the norm of being unable to change anything — he's a disease that should easily be wiped away. he's said it himself that no one would care about whether he died, and the only set would probably be his parents — when komaeda heard that, he would have never understood the sentiment, not when his own parents never showed him a shred of affection. it was knowing that bit of information that subaru's hope was there, no matter how insignificant he is to the life that he leads, there are people who even thought of him; people for him to come back to. he showed will, but he showed weakness, he would teeter back and forth, left to right on his emotions — he has so many, unlike komaeda. his own heart has grown numb, his smiles aren't meant to be warm because he feels nothing for what's around him. his feelings are locked away, buried under his lack of empathy, and it makes living his life easier as the dead bodies drop.

the outcome between him and komaeda should be the same as any other — it involves dead bodies scattered all over the place from unfortunate events and subaru slowly bleeding out, and possibly breathing his last breath when the ultimate lucky student wakes. that's meant to be the outcome, an unfortunate outcome, allowing a husk to live while someone who's able to show vibrant emotion and give something to the world die. that's how lucky komaeda is. yet, if he's so lucky, why hasn't he woken up yet? why is he still knocked out against the cool grass with the moonlight shining down against his body — why does one of the bears press down even more on his skull like they want to kill him off themselves? not like he can feel anything, not like he's aware of what's going on around him, not like...

....
....
....

not like he's a —

it's the opportunity that papa bear gives subaru to do away with nagito komaeda, to finally rid the male of his suffering that is the youth against the ground. they want to fill subaru with despair, to make him feel like there's no hope left for him — that the only thing that he can do is kill, kill and kill. if they can corrupt him enough then their plan will finally be realized. their first prize had been the ultimate, but after their constant stalking to learn more of the person who accompanied him — his feelings are easier to destroy unlike komaeda's. how lucky, subaru. he's so lucky that they've chosen him because once he does as told, as soon as he cuts off one of komaeda's hands — the same act done upon the woman they idolize will be done to him. alas, that's another story for another time. it's only a matter of time until they have him engulfed in despair knowing he can't go back — he's weak, the bears giggle, he's too weak. they have complete and utter control over him, and with the blade in tow, the two bears aside from papa bear back away from komaeda's body.

the change of heart isn't what they expect, that stupidity he shows by turning away from the body to point the weapon towards papa bear was the wrong move. his sacrifice is for what? what is he trying to prove to someone who's already dying? this show of "hope" means nothing to them who have already fell into an despair-inducing lifestyle. it doesn't matter how normal subaru is, he would fit in just fine as long as he gave his life to destruction — he's perfect for it, he'd do great killing those who do not matter. like even now, he's doing great with attempting to kill those who do not matter. papa bear hadn't expected his betrayal, why would he? when he gave his only weapon away? there's nothing to worry about because mama bear, the one with the gun will finish off such an act of insubordination. they slowly raise their gun, the tip of it already covered in blood from possibly bashing that part into someone's skull — luckily it wasn't komaeda — but they point the muzzle towards the back of subaru's head, their finger on the trigger knowing every second counts.

it's when they click that nothing happens, when papa bear's stabbed by something so unavoidable he falls back with an audible growl — he's still alive despite the weapon slicing inside of him. his hand raises up, and rather than pushing subaru off to remove the blade — it's a sharp pain inside of him, even moving makes him regret the blood loss — he instead punches the youth right in his face. a mistake. it's here because of papa bear's large structure that he can push subaru onto his back, and once he pulls the weapon out from his body — he laughs, sick and twisted. the red eye of the mark glows intimidatingly, and he raises his arm with the blade, it's blood dripping down off and onto subaru's face, the liquid pouring from his body onto the other.. the smell of iron is strong, and soon it'll further drench the ground that they walk on.

as mama bear holds the gun in their direction, continuously clicking — the sky roars, snarling in response to the spectacle upon earth. in return, the sky sends down a bolt of lightening against a tree, right above the more than a branch snaps from it and it's massive weight falls onto them. from the collision that connects to their head, they fall down to their knees unconscious, and their finger clicks the trigger one last time and the gun goes off. the bullet inside — they must have had another weapon on them for the tranquilizer — shoots towards papa bear, barreling right into the mask, and once broken with a hole within it.. the red eye begins to blink from slow to fast until..

"no,no,no,nonononononononoNONONONO —"

papa bear fears, and then the blinking stops, and then.... it self-destructs, the leftover waste of what was his head and brain splatters — falling onto subaru's body. the last bear, their baby bear, decides one thing, and that's they'll grab the bag with the money, what they were here for in the first place. it's unfortunate, everything is unfortunate, but baby bear has something to say on the matter: "i'm going to kill you! you're alive by luc —"

how lucky is it for lightening to strike twice?
in the same spot?
on the same tree?

because that's too lucky, because as it happens, a fire proceeds to blossom along the wood. the flames grow from the leaves, it grows from their hatred and the blood that's pooled on the ground, and baby bear decides to leave for it must carry on their legacy. it'll come back to kill subaru soon, he's not going to get away with what he did, but the forest has something else in mind as the flames drip onto the ground, slowly circling their surroundings. the smoke brews up into the sky as the fire engulfs everything that it touches, and if subaru is smart —

he'll run, just like baby bear ran. he won't stay there waiting to die like mama bear, like komaeda. )

[It happens so quickly, but it plays out so slowly. Each step forward feels like a miracle granted; he had fully expected to have his life cut short before he could even bear witness to his own failure. And yet, he's allowed forward by some unknown, unseen hand. Or has his life already properly ended while he continues to blissfully dream otherwise? Rather than having his past flash before his eyes, he can instead see the future that he wishes could have happened.

Not that that possibility matters. For whatever reason, his knife does as it's supposed to, and it drives itself deep into Papa Bear's chest. So easily, with complete disregard for the complexities of the inner human body. So this is what it feels like to stab someone; Subaru could have gladly gone through life without having to know this sensation. It's unnatural, and at once, the blood spills over onto his own hands. Even so, he can't stop. He continues to push with all the strength he can muster until he's punched in the face, causing him to abruptly release his hold on the weapon. Instantly, he finds himself on the ground with his enemy hovering over him, removing the blade above him and punishing him with the splatter of the blood that he had spilt.

The stench is thick, and the man is powerful. Subaru doesn't stand a chance; he knew it from the start, but had he actually dared to believe he could manage a miracle? Life isn't ever as convenient as it is in comics. Now that it's time to finally face his end, he finds that he can't even bring himself to reflect upon it properly. He can't accept it; he can't deny it. There's just an overwhelming sense of regret that, just as regretfully, will never be fully explored. And so, in a truly regretful fashion, he closes his eyes. There's nothing for it now but to shut his eyes.

Even the sudden crack of thunder, the splitting of the trees, and the burst of a gunshot— none of these quite register to him as nothing holds any meaning any longer. However, Subaru has the realization that he is still breathing. As Papa Bear begins to malfunction, Subaru opens his eyes, just in time for the explosion that coats him with blood and other unfortunate remnants. As for what happens beyond that... He can't quite say. It's clear from the flickering glow and the sudden heat that a fire has started and is spreading rapidly, but Subaru's eyes remain skyward, unable to process what he's just witnessed.

But he has to move. Despite the disgusting mess that covers him, feeling that his skin isn't his own, he shakily takes hold of Papa Bear's body, pushing it aside. He can't very well do so without looking, and the moment that he's freed himself, the vomit follows instantly. He wipes at his face, almost clawing at it to try to rid himself of the human debris, but now that he's at least gotten to his knees, he can see that there's more important things to be worrying about.

Furthermore, the other two bears seem to have been handled in some way, as well. It's far from what Subaru would call a "miracle," this absolute hell landscape, but at whatever cost, his life is intact. Should he be thankful for this...? Right now, there's a repugnant part of him that begs, even now, just to end it all.

But through his pain, through his nausea, through his faint heart, he forces himself to his feet. The flames have already spread so quickly; the smoke is reminiscent of the start of this all: that stray car. It's hard to tell which way is best. Either way, it seems like he has no choice but to run through them. As he scans the area, he catches Nagito in his view.

Still unconscious. Is he really still alive...? And is it right for Subaru to leave him there like that? Though it's all he can do to try to save himself, can and should he be responsible for the life of another? The only way to truly end this might be with Nagito's life... Hadn't he said so, himself, not so long ago? Of all the things weighing down Subaru's mind now, Nagito's life is the last thing he wants on it.

Damnit... If he's just as crazy as these terrorists, then it's absolutely what he deserves. But Subaru hadn't been able to prove that, and it's that detail that tugs at his heart. He's convinced that everything has been Nagito's fault. But his own actions— were justifiable, of course! Even so... Damnit.

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

His body seems to understand what his heart struggles to accept, and so he's already trudging back towards Nagito. He pulls the tranquilizer out of his neck as if it'd be an instant cure, but it doesn't seem to work that way. He really doesn't have time to be gentle, though, so he starts off with smacking his face a couple of times.]

Don't you think it's been long enough already!? How long are you planning to lay there like that!? Wake up, damnit!!

( it's a pretty devastating sight when placed in this situation, and only subaru may be the only person to get out of this unscathed — well in better terms: alive. it's a curious thing, how much komaeda's bad luck has affected them, and there's nothing he can do about it when like this — perhaps the good luck was the lightening that struck twice, because that's the other's chance to make a quick getaway. he can finally be free, there's nothing stopping him from doing what he wants because isn't this what he wanted ever since the beginning? he'll never get a chance like this to avoid his new companion, his life may be sealed at this very moment, but the same could be said for komaeda.

with each smack on his face, he's been through worse, but it's enough to stir him from his rather long slumber, and a hand reaches up — albeit shaky — to grab at the other's wrist. )

...

( now that he's stirring properly, komaeda's body feels warm and he wonders if it's because he's near the other. it's uncomfortable, he thinks, especially how sickly, pale green eyes look towards the other's own. there's an unknown substance on his face mixed with the smell of blood, and something burning that makes him wonder has he finally reached some sort of hell. with the fire raging behind the other, he would think so if it wasn't from the fact that komaeda knows his own life couldn't die from something as simple as this, not with someone who has a heart nearby. )

You... I wouldn't have...

( releasing the other's wrist, komaeda feels a numbing sensation against his neck and he shifts to rub against it. of course, this is an alarming sensation, so he does try to get to his feet despite how wobbly he feels. the worst part? he's leaning up against subaru to do so... he needs help, even if he's covered in someone's blood and possibly getting it on himself. )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

getting comfy now .

it's too late for him, go on without him, save yourself

it's never too late when you have hope on your side

so what you're saying is it's too late

what im saying is you can call me a friend

(눈‸눈)

gasp.. are you saying we're more than friends natsu~n

you really see a rainbow out of a blank piece of paper huh

why would I see a rainbow when I can see hope? only hope natsuki kun

I'M SORRY I DIED... #justsubaruthings (but also me things)

STOP I LAUGHED NOOO NOT HIM AND YOU DYING but I hope things are going well!

YOU ARE CUTE (you as in you, not you as in Nagito... well sometimes maybe)

NO UR CUTER... IM ONLY BC U.. AND SUBARU MAKE ME THIS WAY

(∗⺣•̥̥̥̥◡•̥̥̥̥⺣) // ♡♡♡

who knew natsukun was a masochist..

Everyone but him-- also omg dw ate this notif??? thank god I happened to refreshsfdlkj

JAJSHSJSD HOW UR GUNNA WISH THAT YOU NEVER SAW THE TAG WHEN YOU SEE THIS

https://i.imgur.com/LRPgfce.gif

you're judging me! nothing BAD EVEN HAPPENED!

I WOULD... NEVER... ಗ‿ಗ;; (also sorry again to be so slow!!)

natsuki kun... are you lying to me...

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