What if we were together? j/k, j/k...unless-

[shonenjump]

"FAKE" FAKE DATING MEME aka 'fake turned real' Whether you're trying to make someone else jealous, trying to save a stranger from a creep on the subway, doing a spy mission, running a con, trying to get your parents off your back about being single at a holiday dinner, or any number of other reasons, fake relationships are a hugely popular trope. From there, the hook that sinks downward is that the best laid plans go awry; what started off as pretend turns all too real. Of course, that'd never happen to you, right? ...rrrrrriiiiight? • Top level your character. Include any details you might think are relevant. • Reply to other people's top levels! • Have fun!

Comments

[inachinashop]

What, for liking it when a cute guy runs up to me and presses our bodies together, then asks me to play along?

[He gives it a second before continuing, taking that second as a chance to leer a little.]

I mean, I'm not disagreeing with you, but you also kind of need some higher standards.

[boon]

Hmm. Maybe. But I wouldn't be so loud about it since you're clearly benefiting from them, yeah?

[ yeah, because the bull's really the one benefiting from this transaction here. not him. not at all.

in any case, he's taken to leaning against the bull again, preening. ]

You were saying something about me being cute though. Go on.

[inachinashop]

[The Bull snorts, smiling.]

Yeah, I was. Cute little ass, too.

[He shifts around just enough to give said ass an appreciative caress.]

[boon]

[ and if fig minds the familiar touches? he doesn't show it one bit. ]

You can tell just from touch alone? I mean you're not wrong, but you might have to have a closer inspection.

[inachinashop]

Oh yeah, I guess I might have to be pretty thorough huh? Just to put your mind at ease, you know how it is.

[Oh, hey, here's the market. The Bull walks closer to it, wondering vaguely if he's not going to get that shopping done after all, or if Fig will want to keep flirting a little longer while the Bull wanders around. Could go either way.]

[boon]

Aren't you benevolent?

[ fig chuckles in amusement, but there's definitely enough of an open-endedness to his tone that suggests he's more than okay with pursuing it.

but as the market comes up, he wiggles in the bull's arms until he's let down. he still stays close, to be safe, but is eager to look over the merchants' fare. ]

Have you decided what you're getting?

[inachinashop]

[The Bull lets him down, trying to be subtle about stretching his arms out. Small Fig might be, but even a guy like the Bull can't hold every position forever when he's holding up a whole person.]

Not anything to drink - I don't have the budget for the classy stuff. Not jewelry, because men don't usually wear it in this part of the world. Not flowers, because they'll wilt. Practical stuff doesn't count as romantic, does it? would you be wooed by a sturdy pair of shoes?

[boon]

[ fig cants his head to the side, thinking on it. ]

If I walked a lot, I guess?

[ he turns to face the bull, settling his hands on his waist. ]

What's this guy even do? Practical can be romantic, if you make it personalized, I think.

[inachinashop]

Well, he's isn't-

[Before the Bull can explain that he doesn't know much about the guy someone at a nearby stall tries to wave him over, catching his attention.]

What a lovely couple the two of you make! Surely a pair so in love could win this special prize! What a perfect romantic gift it would make for the holiday, am I right my good man?

[Normally the Bull would politely decline, or just outright ignore the guy. But on the off chance whatever the prize is is actually what he's looking for, that would be pretty convenient. He slows, looking to Fig with his eyebrow raised.]

[boon]

[ fig meets the bull's eyes and shrugs, effectively communicating a why not? at this point, they've nothing to lose, and fig is 99.9% certain no vendor would be stupid enough to try and pull a fast one on someone like the bull.

walking over to the merchant, he looks over his booth but doesn't really find anything there that would look like much of a "game." ]

What's the prize?

[ the vendor grins, brandishing a crate holding two large bottles of a deep amber liquid. Only the finest whiskey of the North! Since I'm feeling generous, I'll throw in a two-for-one deal! ]

[inachinashop]

Sounds good. What do you want us to do?

[Well, I'm going to ask you both a few questions, the vendor says, and if you both give me enough of the same answers, you win! It's simple. We'll just tie something over your ears so you can't hear what your better half is saying, and then we'll be good to go.]

Shit, if I knew you wanted to tie one of us up I would have invited you over.

[Yeah, maybe this isn't exactly the time to flirt. But making someone's professional face slip and watching them get flustered is always fun. He looks over at Fig after he says it, partly to include him in the joke and partly to check what he thinks about it. The Bull remembers, belatedly, that not everyone likes threesome jokes.]