New meme who dis?

[inuyasock]

the phone sex +
sexting meme

what it says on the tin. leave a blank comment, include your preferences or a starter, it's all good. reply to others with a text, a dirty picture (please link all nsfw things!), misfires, misdials, drunk filthy voicemails, whatever your heart desires.

Comments

HI I AM HERE

[unstallioned]

You should be well aware by now you cannot compare to me in ANY way.

Give up.

[ Give up on Shizun already!!! ]

HE'S GOING TO FIGHT U

[qingge]

[ he just almost fucking flung his phone across the room. ]

Fight me now. [ FIGHT HIM NOW. ]

GOOD FIGHT HIM HE'LL KICK YOUR ASS

[unstallioned]

Neither your martial skill nor your bedroom technique will ever be able to impress Shizun the way mine have.

But if you insist, we can prove it once again.

[ ... Binghe are you aware your bedroom "technique" currently kind of sucks... ]

NOT IF HE KICKS YOUR ASS FIRST

[qingge]

[ bedroom technique

he!!!

he couldn't have with shixiong...... right?! ]

Don't stain his name with such sickening implications, you ungrateful wretch.

Bailu Forest in one shichen.

AS IF HE COULD idc if it's ridic i want them to compare dick sizes at some point lmao

[unstallioned]

[ Oh, can't he? ]

The only one staining is you smearing your disgusting presence around Shizun.

I will be waiting for you.

I would say not to disappoint me, but I do not hold any grand expectations of you in the first place.

hE IS NOT COMPARING DICK SIZES WITH HIM. we all know you're stupidly well-endowed down there.

[qingge]

[ he cannot!!!

but okay— so, he doesn't end up flinging his phone. hur-fucking-ray!

he does, however, end up crushing it into an irreparable state within his grasp because he's! sO!! FUCKING!!! PISSED!!!! rIGHT!!!!! NOW!!!!!!

he is going to be there in exactly one shichen. better fucking not make him wait or else he will storm huan hua palace before you can even say "shizun". also, what is this, probably like the umpteenth phone luo binghe has made him snap into sad, little pieces? ]

E X A C T L Y

[unstallioned]

[ Oh, he won't be waiting. Luo Binghe, in all his protagonist glory, arrives with a flourish the moment Liu Qingge has two feet within the forest boundary. ]

How did one who can never learn manage to rise to the position of a Peak Lord beside Shizun?

he hates u sfm

[qingge]

[ just have one very aggravated: ] T'ch. [ he isn't here for small talk, luo binghe. ]

Let's begin. [ cheng luan automatically unsheathes from his side, soaring straight up to line the surrounding area with sword energy. the demon won't be getting another warning from him before he makes the sky rain down with them in his direction.

someone has been furiously cultivating since their last battle. ]

the feeling is mutual (also ohgod writing fights with binghe...)

[unstallioned]

[ Luo Binghe waves his hand and demonic energy instantly surges. It rushes out to meet the sword energy head-on, and both dissolve as they collide.

With another wave he returns an attack that's very much alike, a similar rain-like assault of blades, though dark in color. ]

we both know he'll win. it's fine (it's not fine, but it's also f i n e).

[qingge]

[ qingge doesn't wait for his sword to react — cheng luan can take care of defending him from the more widespread attacks — as he bounds toward luo binghe with light, quick steps. his right hand flares up with a fiery energy before he propels it at him in a large burst.

despite the unfair levels of the protagonist working against him, he can still very much learn and improve with each subsequent fight, okay?!

where he failed last time, he improves next time! where he was weak before, he inevitably strengthens after!! sO LIKE, just 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 gou binghe!!! anyway, his overall tactic this round is to attempt to overwhelm him with successive close quarter blows and maybe knock him on his heiny at least once, which like— we all know isn't going to happen, but a man can dream. maybe he'll get lucky one day and the great heavens will give him a proper opening.

either way, die. ]

lmao yes but... s t i l l

[unstallioned]

[ He won't kill Liu Qingge, because Shizun would be upset, but beating him up is fair (enough) game.

Luo Binghe raises his left hand to intercept the attack. At the last moment his palm swirls with demonic energy, countering Liu Qingge's own energy, leaving just Binghe's own strength to absorb the physical strength of the attack. If this were anyone else in the book world, it would have broken their entire arm, or perhaps even destroyed the limb itself. But Luo Binghe is simply pushed back on the ground a few feet, his body itself weathering the blow with little more than a single snapping noise from his palm. He tries to grip the hand and suddenly pull Liu Qingge in closer so he can drive his knee into the man's stomach. He doesn't even bother using any spiritual or demonic power with the blow in a show of condescension. ]

LAMD quietly lets sqq have an opinion that isn't here

[peerlesscucumber]

[ luo binghe right now there's a non-zero chance that liu qingge is not a worse lover than you are so like

don't

don't say that babe you're shooting yourself iN THE PILLAR ]

[unstallioned]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ REMEMBER HOW HE TRIED TO INTRODUCE THE CONCEPT OF FOREPLAY

REMEMBER HOW WELL THAT WENT WITHOUT DIRECT PILLAR STROKING FOR FIVE MINUTES

okay it was slightly more complicated than that, but the point! stands! binghe! ]

[unstallioned]

[ He apologized for that!

He apologized before they even got going!

He'll apologize again if you want!! ]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ he loves you but some apologies are just hot air because if you meant it it wouldn't happen, you overeager nuisance!!! ]

[unstallioned]

[ He tries! He really does!

But there's a lot of excitement, and emotions, and sometimes certain things just get forgotten in the heat of the moment! ]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ he repeats: he loves you, but oh, do they have things to work on together! ]

[unstallioned]

[ Together, yes! Lots of things to work on together! They should get in lots and lots and lots of practice! Together!! Without!!! Liu!!!! Qingge!!!!! ]

[qingge]

[ w o w

you hurt him, shixiong. ]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ shidi...

... just take the compliment stating you have probably better restraint and probably a far more sane sized package, okay! ]

[qingge]

[ don't bring his dick into this!!

don't compare him with that guy either. he can't believe— ]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ there's no comparing! you're two different people! it's just stating a fact! none of them can compare to him in that way, it's literally not possible! ]

[qingge]

[ he doesn't want to compare with him in ANY way!!!!!! unless he's the winner

right in the heart, shixiong. right in the heart. ]

[peerlesscucumber]

[ so all the challenging binghe to fight is about what, proving how your fighting skills compare to one another—

why the heart?! what happened to your heart, shidi!?! ]