my blood is boiling; my brain's IBM

[groupon]

NOT just A ROBOT shipping meme There's always a right tool for the job, be it as simple as a hammer for a nail or on up to the much, much more complex. In this, the near future, the new tool for the abstract, post-modern job is no longer from the humble tool box - it's robots. Robots have taken over most sectors, such as assembly, law enforcement, and even health care. Things run so much smoother when they're automated. Yet the most impressive factor is that robots have just recently begun to enter a sector previously believed to require human touch: the personal sector. From personal assistants to robo bodyguards to pleasurebots, most anyone who's anyone has a personal robot these days. Of course, humanity being the narcissistic charmers we are, all "companion" sector robots are made in our own beautiful image, or close to it. But you know this. You have a personal robot, after all...or you are one. Whether owner or robot, it's important to remember one key rule: robots, no matter how human they appear, cannot feel emotions. Any appearances thereof are programming in the AI. Robots certainly, absolutely, cannot fall in love. Again, any appearances thereof are programming in the AI. If that's not the case, and "love" still seems present... ...well, a toll that no longer functions correctly may not be right for the job. HOW TO PLAY ➟ Comment with your character, preference, and whether you want to play a human or a robot. Reply to others. Use the RNG to choose a prompt or pick one yourself. OWNER ➟ Long Time Owner → You and your robot are a well-oiled machine, no pun intended. New Purchase → Congratulations, you have your brand new personal bot! Second Hand → Someone else owned this robot before you, but it can't be too damaged. There's no way you could afford a brand new one, anyway. For Science! → Your interests in robots are purely scientific. No matter how yours begins to act towards you, honest! Rescue → Whether you took them from the dump or from a bad owner, you brought this robot from the jaws of deletion. Reluctant → You never wanted a robot, but you've got one thrust on you anyway. Cruel → They're just a fancy computer, so you'll treat them however you like. See the Humanity → Even if you know it's all machinery and programming, you can't help but see the human side of your robot. They shouldn't have to be a servant. What's Real and What's Not → The lines are beginning to blur between real people and their emotions and your robot. Incompatible → You can't be with a machine, either romantically or sexually. You're simply not compatible. Too Engrossed → They say you've created a fantasy world. You're forgetting reality, or choosing to ignore it. Don't Care → You won't listen to what the others say; you know how you feel. Have to Pull Away → The close relationship you had with your robot has to be put aside for your own good. Live a Normal Life → As much as you can, you and your robot live like a normal couple. Bad End → Your robot is taken away, reprogrammed, or destroyed. ROBOT ➟ The Perfect Robot → You know what you and exactly what you were made to do. You will not stray. More Human than Human → Whoever programmed you made you to be just like a human. Conflicted → There is no way you could have what they call "feelings." But what is this stirring in your circuitry? Confused → Why do people treat you like a robot? You're a living thing, damn it! Damaged → Somehow, you've been corrupted. You're a blank slate and have to be cared for, though it should be the opposite. Or it could be that you're showing erratic behavior that no robot should... Shown Kindness → When you're treated kindly by a human, you are unsure how to process it. It makes you feel - content. No Longer Just a Program → Your "love" and "affection" may have been shades and imitations at first, but that's not the case any longer. Obsolete Model → You know you're old. Will you be forced to leave your master's side? Jealousy → A robot should not feel jealous. Still, you envy those close to your master. Job is Personal → You were programmed to protect or to serve, though you also do it because you...care Second Chance → Your old master tossed you aside and now you are wary. But you've been given another chance instead of being used for scrap. Rogue → There is no way you will be tied to the oppressive system. You refuse to serve the Living Things. Somehow, though, you've become aligned with one. One of a Kind → There are no other robots like you, and perhaps you are intended for a sinister fate. Rather than face your true duty, you have escaped to take refuge with a human. Specialty → You were created specifically for this one special person. Reprogrammed → Because of previous defects, you were taken back to factory settings before. However, that treacherous virus, "love," is bubbling back up. Android → You can't just forget the part of you that was - still is - organic. Learn to Be Human → Despite the odds and the prejudices you both will face, you have decided to live as a free, living person with the one you care for most. Bad End → You're to be junked, impacted, wiped clean, or taken away from your owner.

Comments

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ Which would be the robot? I'm good with either. ]

[destressed]

[ I'm honestly open to both, too. I'm thinking Tony having a field day messing around with a decommissioned AI developing free will might be fun to see, but I'm down for the reverse too.

Good lord my indecisiveness couldn't be any worse could it. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ When in doubt, flip a coin! Random.org says...door #1.

As this is AU land (my favorite land) Should this be Pre-Afghanistan Tony doing things just because he can or post trash-fire (slightly classier garbage involved I guess) Tony trying to find backup for Jarvis? ]

[destressed]

[ Our lord and master RNG says the latter this time.
That's a lie I picked it because it sounds cool and apparently I'm capable of making one decision. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ ooc: Good news for Bruce: He gets the more responsible flavor of Tony! ]


Pull up the batch of compatible candidates? [ Jarvis does as requested without commentary, juggling Labwork, Assisting Miss Potts in her office, Happy at the Security Desk, and combing through Shield's backdoor to make certain they haven't recovered or reverse engineered any proprietary SI tech. Tony doesn't mind, he's more than a little preoccupied on the integration procedure as it is. Wonder of wonders: Not all AIs are immediate hits. Some handle digital existence pretty well but some need a little more babying, a grounded base of stimulation to learn and grow. Tony's never considered them failures so much as not quite suited to what he was about in the moment of creating them; and tends to send them into stasis until he finds something that'll give them purpose.

Something they'll learn and grow from, something that'll offer a better quality of life. Not all of them are like Jarvis, delighting in formlessness. Dum-E and U found it distressing when detached from their chassis. J's been complaining enough about needing more actual hands and a grounding influence in the lab, so. Integrating one of the aforementioned AI in a humanlike Chassis which, since it's Tony, is as human as he could possibly get it.

It meant conferring with Helen on more than a few points and avoiding her curiosity as to why he was curious but he thinks he's got it. The list of AI best suited to a humanoid chassis is blessedly short and- well most don't overtly or immediately identify as one gender or another (binary beings being nonbinary tickles the fuck out of Tony, they choose when they want how to present and he rolls with it) there's only one candidate that settled on male presenting before he went into Stasis.

B.R.U.C.E. Backup Recovery Upkeep Central Enquiries. Meant to be an archival assistant since Tony never really gets rid of anything (he's pragmatic not sentimental, damnit) Mild mannered, polite, incredibly intelligent, and not really comfortable without some sort of housing. He hadn't been awake and aware long enough to really develop a personality beyond his base code, or really stretch his legs. For all Tony knows this could be giving a very expensive housing to a dummy AI or base program that's incapable of growth but- if it works out? This could be the extra pair of boots on the ground Jarvis needs.

It's just a matter of sliding the chip into the housing at the base of the chassis' skull, smoothing the hair and synthscalp back in place, before inputting the boot up command. ]

Alright buddy- lets see if you like this better.

them mad acronym skills, respect.

[destressed]

[ From an outside perspective Tony's lab must look like one of the more bizarre sights you can come across; the tech is one thing, but standing stock still and motionless is what can only visually be described as human. He's really done an impressive job, right down to the hairline patterns and synthetic skin. Maybe one day the world will look back and shake their fists at him for enabling the android uprising, or maybe they'll give him some kind of medal after android/human weddings become a thing.

For now, his only reward is the subtle whirring and abrupt shifting of posture from rigid to something decidedly less so. He hasn't been given any preset commands for demeanor, no fleshed out expectations for the mannerisms that make up his body language. With it comes a startling amount of freedom which, as it turns out, he chooses to display by looking a little bit like a hermit. It doesn't paint a very exciting picture, probably, to an onlooker.

Mentally? It's a whole different story.

System: online.
Status: operational.
Loading primary drive matrix.
Interfacing with local network.
Initializing handshake; hello JARVIS.

Stored memories of initial stasis come flooding back, and only then does he open his eyes. The world comes into focus for the first time; the lab, the windows, the tech. His own arms and legs, which he examines with sudden curiosity. Analyzing, comparing, running a search on baseline human anatomy, desirability, facial symmetry, optimal physical health-

Bruce's first words to Tony come with a sort of disappointed, incredulous look. ]

Oh- come on, really?

[ What- all the possibilities in the world for a body and he picks this? ]

took longer than I'd like BUT I GOT THERE

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ It probably says something that Tony takes any immediate reaction of exasperation or- pretty much anything that isn't awe at his awesomeness as a good first step. J had been sassing him back since as long as he could remember and Dum-E? Couldn't talk but had his own way of giving Tony shit for being a shit. He'll just take this as a good sign that everything's proceeding as planned.

Though.

It would probably help if he actually had a plan beyond 'Give Jarvis Backup'. Still a plan, just a nebulous one. ]

What, you don't like it? [ He turns from where he'd been pacing (not nervous, nope, not at all) to snag a mug of cold coffee from his earlier coding binge for system integration. The body's dressed modestly, slacks, shirt, suit jacket that may or may not be from his own wardrobe, he can't quite remember. ] I thought it was very librarian chic.

i am proud of u, gr8 job

[destressed]

Librarian-

[ He starts in a flat sort of echo, eyebrows shooting up. ]

What- this is sad Mel Gibson.

[ He distresses, looking down himself critically, plucking at the threads and tugging his own shirt collar back to get a look down his chest. In a world with George Clooney and Channing Tatum in it, too. This is such a tragedy. Excuse him while he just quietly shakes his head over the questionable decisionmaking at play here; congratulations, Stark, you made yourself a Second Opinion Machine.

Man, it's a good thing you made him so he can spare the next poor AI soul. Maybe give them like a six-pack and biceps and like- okay, focus. His arms drop with a sort of resigned acceptance, he's already moving on to the next issue. Apparently, he's not programmed to dwell.

Primary drive matrix accessed.
Objective: archive and maintain.

Simple enough, even if the task does almost seem insurmountable. Tony, as it turns out, is a virtual hoarder. That's not even touching on the scrapped projects he's got physically littering ten floors of workshop space, but he'll start with navigating the theoretical projects before he determines the viability of things that actually made it to the developmental design stage.

He could do it without laying a hand on a keyboard, sure, but his fingers twitch at the thought. Instinctively (or whatever the artificial equivalent of instinct is) his eyes search the room for a workstation. ]

danke, danke!

[nonstopnarcissist]

It's not too late to do a remodel. I mean it might take a week or two to get everything fabricated but- [ He waves a hand, dismissing his earlier (saved, compiled) coding to draw up the design specs. The chassis offers maximum fluidity of arrangement for facial features and bodytypes, and sure, he might've defaulted to something...less stellar, more comfortable. He lives with and around the peak of human fucking perfection in the lower floors already along with a literal god. Maybe wanting something a little more human was vain of him?

Okay it was.

Shit.

Time to adjust. ] If you've got a preference-

[ And it's probably some kind of indulgent that he's actively concerned about what Bruce thinks of himself. If he wants to look a certain way. Maybe he should've woken him up for the design process, let him have a hand in crafting his own body? Arrogance and vanity, two for two already. Damn.

Where Bruce wasn't given parameters for or against dwelling (it's inefficient but it's up to him to decide consciously or subconsciously if it's something he wants to do) Tony? Has no such limitations. He's dwelling, now, on what he perceives to be a problem and maybe he can tell Helen why he needs the synthskin refinished? Maybe. While he's bundled up in this particular package of problems, Jarvis chimes in, Audibly, to direct Bruce. ]

There is a spare workstation Dum-E has cleared off for your use.

[ The Bot waves, claw waggling in the air, dropping the duster he'd been holding for the aforementioned cleaning. U likewise sets his broom aside to mirror the gesture. ]

Right, you- settle in, get to it? If you need anything ask me or J or- did you want to be blond? I can make you blond.

[destressed]

[ Give him time, maybe he'll warm up to it. It's not in his programming to be self-deprecating either, so it's hard to say where that's coming from exactly. Maybe a combination of Tony's vanity and the built-in functionality to cross-examine things from different perspectives Stark might not have considered. That is, after all, what makes him ideal for wading through tremendous amounts of data. You can stare at something you made all day long and see neither the merit nor the problem with it, a second set of eyes to pore over something is an invaluable thing. Point that inward, mix it around with a few other traits and there's the recipe.

Tony dwells, Bruce moves on. ]

Thank you.

[ Is his polite answer, directed at the personality in the room ironically being more helpful than the guy who created it so far. At least, in Bruce's eyes. He'll come around on that too, it's a whole new world out here. A whole set of things to form opinions on, and with no pre-established baseline or bias.

He's already taking up residence at one of the workstations, attention on the screen before him by the time Tony starts throwing out hair colors. It earns him another shake of the head, a tiny huff of amused dissent. ]

No, no, don't- don't bother. That's-

[ A terrible color. Really terrible, actually.

Things Bruce knows about blonds:
They have more fun (no.)
They have an established track record for being ditzy (double no.)

Things Bruce has decided about Tony so far:
He has terrible taste in physical aesthetic. ]

I think you should probably leave well enough alone.

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ Jarvis does tend to be more helpful than Tony in the workshop- or Tony period- more often than not so that'll be no surprise to either of them. Even Dum-E or U are on occasion more helpful than their easily distracted, obsessive creator that's still looking through facial skins, scans, and models for something Bruce might like better. ]

It's actually easier for you to change the way you look than the average person-

[ Trick one for AI- they're digital people. Treat them like people. It's always worked out for Tony, anyway. ]

So if you've got a preference or want to look different just- say the word, I'll make it happen. That's your body, you should, you know. Like it? Did I just give an AI dysmorphia? Is that possible? [ It might be. Shit. This is why he's been reluctant to saddle any one of his with a humanoid body more on this side of things than on the suits. He flicks from Physical Modifications that'd be possible to the DSM database, combing through that while Jarvis doesn't quite sigh-

But the extended silence is somewhat damning. If he were one to sigh? Jarvis would, in fact, be sighing. ] Seriously, if you want something else-

[ He turns enough to look in Bruce's direction and- yeah it's a little odd to see him around and mobile after hovering over and around him stationary for weeks but- not bad? Not terrible. There's got to be a reason beyond vanity he defaulted to this appearance. Somewhat harmless? Mostly safe. ] Just. Say the word?

[destressed]

[ Something about Tony's obsession with the problem catches his full attention for the first time, and Bruce peers at him with keen interest over the monitor in front of him. Brows knit in a way that suggests scrutiny, the obvious look of someone slowly forming an opinion.

No, it isn't the obsession with a problem that he's interested in. It's the deeply invested consideration for his bodily autonomy.

He almost feels something about his initial reaction, almost feels- is that guilt? He's gone through the gamut of basic emotional processing already but the primary focus in stimulation tests usually consist of the simplest and most common emotions. Happiness, sadness, anger. Guilt was a rarity and it takes him a second to place it. His eyes flicker, then duck back down to the screen in front of him. He internalizes his opinion for later study. ]

I'll keep that in mind.

[ Is the only reaction Tony will get from him just yet, while he devotes a partition of his processor to wading through Tony's emotional response coupled with the new feeling of personal preference. He has to compare what he finds optically appealing on others with the knowledge that enjoying the look of something does not necessarily mean one wants to look like that as themselves. Has to consider what he feels the best physical representation of his still-developing personality matrix might be.

It's a lot to think about. He's not going to unpack it right now.

Preliminary behavioral analysis on Tony Stark suggests he might continue to focus on this for even longer despite Bruce's answer, it's both inefficient and unnecessary. It's a type of emotional baggage that needs to be archived, which isn't really specifically what he was built to assist with, but he'll take it upon himself to try.

So he glances back up a little more firmly insists: ]

Tony. It's fine.

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ Trick two- in the early developmental stages? Don't second guess them. They'll learn and adapt or they won't and interfering with their initial responses doesn't help in the long run. So when Bruce doubles down Tony actually spares a moment to remember that very important rule, loose and fluid as his rules for handling fledgling AI are, and shuts down the DSM and Chassis Morphology lab. ]

Alright. [ Just that. Alright. Bruce seems sure and that? That's good enough for Tony. He'll while away wondering about the nuanced ethics of what he's done and how he's done it probably after a glass or two of scotch next week when it's sunk in that he's built a person. With Jarvis and the bots it's always been the excuse of them being Lab Assistants or Personal assistants, even if they've got their own personalities, will, and autonomy. But putting one of his AI in a humanoid body that's pretty difficult to discern from the real thing?

Yeah there are gonna be questions. Pep might be pissed.

Rhodey will be. There'd been a promise back in MIT about not building friends or something, it's a vague notion lost alongside most of the 90s. Still.

Problems 1- integration and 2- adapting to the new environment? Seem to have been handled smoothly. Go team Stark. Dum-E and U remain curious until shooed off by Jarvis to finish dusting the fabrication units and Tony? Dials back through the initial integration log to go over data. Everything seems pretty seamless and Bruce has been happy to get right along to work which- good? Good. ] Everything running smoothly over there?

[ Like he hasn't tested every neuron and line of code three times over, but. Verification from the one actually driving probably counts for something, right? Right. ]

im just gonna move us over here and start the next thing

[destressed]

[ He spends the remainder of the night in his room. To be fair, it's a lot to parse through, a lot of really subtle layers of problematic behavior that he has to deal with, which he organizes again into a list.

-he is not immune from the physical symptoms of basic attraction, or attraction itself
-he knows about sex from a theoretical standpoint but does not know the feeling of any of it
-he is attracted to humans, which will be problematic no matter who it is he's with but especially problematic because:
-he is attracted to Tony Stark
-he is attracted to Tony Star in more ways than just physically because he might as well admit that to himself now.

The first and second points are easier to contemplate on, and indeed some physical testing can be done toward the second in the privacy of his own room, which... is almost necessary after the day he's had. The rest of it he seems to circle over about a thousand times and come to no real conclusive solution on how to deal with it.

Except for one singular idea.
One stupid terrible idea.
The worst idea he's ever hard.

To test whether or not it's simply frequent and singular exposure to Tony causing the issue, or if he would feel the way he does with extended social ties, he needs to experience a larger pool of participants. He needs to perform an experiment with Tony acting as the control.

He needs to leave the tower.
Well, fuck.

The next morning he's already back out at his workstation by the time Tony crawls in from- wherever he'd been, napping or eating or sulking or watching infomercials. Bruce is dressed in something wholly different than his normal tweed and angst. He is, god forbid, wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a jacket. And he has, somehow, managed to rig himself up a completely useless pair of glasses.

He fumbles on the actual delivery, on the actual question, and finds himself struggling to get it out. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ A long night of scotch and coding had settled Tony somewhat, he's not accustomed to being made to feel awkward or anxious in his own lab; that's where he goes to rid himself of anxiety and awkwardness. So that'd been a thing he hadn't really appreciated but he can't exactly crack down on Bruce for feeling things when that is part of the reason he exists. To experience shit and feel things and grow into an intuitive, brilliant person.

Which he manages on top of being a salty little asshole but that's beside the point.

Point is Tony spent a solid few hours squinting at J's code, conferring with him and their security measures, and nursing two glasses of peaty, expensive scotch before rolling off get rid of this tangle of anxiety and random, baseless fears as to what prompted Bruce's sudden attack of the awkward via the oldest and best method of shutting his brain the fuck up: Dressing well, going out, finding some strange.

Been awhile since he'd trolled for a guy in bars and his game is ever so slightly off but- he's Tony Stark. He doesn't need game, he's got a reputation that's still pretty well known in the right circles and manages to spend an evening with a delightfully flexible fan of Iron Man that's also a physicist. Hot, bendy, and smart? Triple Yahtzee. It means coming back in the morning rather than the evening in what would be for anyone else a walk of shame, still in the suit from the night before but.

Shame is for other people.

All that tension yesterday? Gone. It'd been awhile is all, Bruce is a moderately attractive humanoid Tony spends a lot of time around, it was bound to happen. He's gotten it out of his system. It's early and Tony comes up from the lift rather than down from the penthouse to confirm everything's settled in smoothly with J's done when he's only half caffeinated and still a bit of a mess; bleary eyed, just got fucked hair, tasteful three piece with the suit jacket folded over his arm, the shirt unbuttoned at the throat, vest hanging loose at his ribs and at least two visible hickies on his neck and collar.

The Playboy is back on the scene.

So he's fine, it's fine, he's not going to look at Bruce and see anything but the Science Bro he's come to enjoy the platonic company of and of course he rolls up when Bruce decides to change up the way he dresses and wear motherfucking glasses.

Tony absolutely does not do a double take. He does not. ]

What's the occasion, Bearclaw?

[destressed]

[ The very sight of Tony and his current state of affairs is almost enough to derail his entire mission here. It's the way his hair sticks up and the slight baring of his throat, it's the open vest and the- bruises?

Oh.

Oh no. No, those aren't bruises. His eyes seem to linger on them for a long second, and then deliberately flicker away toward some... random point in the room.

It does not take a genius to extrapolate what happened. Tony had sex, because the world is full of ironic coincidence and because God hates sentient machines probably because they're a representation of man spitting in his face so he's punishing Bruce for Tony's sins. That's the only logical explanation.

It's okay. If anything, this should only double-down on his resolve. Tony thought to have sex and he did not, obviously, think to have it with Bruce, therefore rendering the option completely off the table if he'd even remotely accidentally left it on the table as an idea within the realm of possibility.

So. Good. That answers that.

He exhales slowly, firms his resolve, and settles his eyes on Tony again. Pointedly... not looking at those two points on his throat. ]

I need to test something, and I'd like to do it in the general public.

[ A beat, and- just in case that wasn't clear. ]

I want to leave. For a while. Go somewhere and... exist with... people.

[ Which... sounds terrible and even as he says it he's got kind of a distasteful little frown sucking down one corner of his mouth. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

That- seems like a big step. Going from one on one to the public without any buildup-

[ Wait, rule number two, no second guessing. Bruce wants to stretch his wings and fly outside of the tower, Tony is going to be supportive because that's what he does. Support growth and experimentation and if this is how they spend the day? Sure, no problem. ]

Sure. Just give me a second? It's early enough that we can probably hit a museum or something where it won't be too crowded or loud, give you the exposure you want without overstimulating you. Got a preference? We've got plenty in the area so go ahead and pick one-

[ He walks to a small set of drawers on the far wall near the chemical shower, emergency clothing so he doesn't end up having to run up to the penthouse covered in motor oil or, in this case? Go out in public in the same shit he wore yesterday. The paps will notice an with him looking the way he does? People will assume Bruce gave him a good time which-

Isnt-

He's not against the idea except for every way it's an ethical nightmare due to power dynamics and a lack of exposure to other people and experience on Bruce's end so-

Cleaning up.

As he talks he's shrugging out of his vest and unbuttoning his shirt, peeling out of it to toss in a hamper next to the emergency dresser. Shoulders and back flexing he strips off his undershirt with his back to Bruce, the line of his spine and roll of muscles under the skin interrupted by the odd scar and a brand new set of welts dug in around the shoulders. Shirtless for a moment he digs around in the drawer for something comfortable but fashionable enough to be seen in, free hand raking through his hair to tame it. ]

Or two if you want to make a day of it, see if different environments contribute to your comfort level?

[destressed]

[ Museum sounds like a great idea, frankly. Not teeming with people, generally, the people in museums aren't utter fucking morons, and if his experiment fails he will, at least, have had something interesting to look at and do. That's... great, that's a hell of a lot better than his half-formed plan of walk out of tower into crowd, try not to panic, exist in crowd.

He runs a quick sweep on local museums and settles on one almost instantly.

Which he promptly forgets the name of when Tony strips his shirt off.
And his undershirt off.
And all he can really do is just. Look, head absently tilting to one side, studying the fine lines and musculature, the curve of shoulder blades, the fingerprints which he could probably recreate because he's got a pretty decent grip-

Tony's question flies over his head and into outer space, he doesn't even hear it, let alone reply. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ Silence again and maybe he's thinking it over? Tony manages to get his hair less fluffed up and tragic, he'll need an actual comb before they walk out but one of those is in here somewhere, and settles on a longsleeved band tee for the day. Which is about when Bruce's silence stretches from considering and contemplative (he can think as fast as Jarvis it shouldn't take him that long) to...odd? And Tony twists, giving Bruce a good look at not only his newest scar that's well healed along his ribs, but his chest and pretty well fit abs for being, well.

In his forties. ]

Bruce? Come on, Toaster-stroodle, where we headed?

[ Picking at his belt buckle while he's asking because A) body shame is for other people and B) Bruce doesn't care, he's pretty sure. Why would he? It's the same level of comfort he has around Rhodey, so he doesn't think anything of toeing off his dress shoes and shucking out of his trousers while he waits for Bruce to come back down to earth. ]

[destressed]

[ Where we headed? Straight to hell, he thinks, on the next bus out. Beep beep.

Pants drop, and Bruce swivels almost aggressively to face the other direction. ]

Uhh-

[ Shit, shit, what's the name of- ]

I was thinking the American Museum of Natural History.

[ They have the Hayden Planetarium there, and an exhibit on microbial health which is actually something he'd been looking into recently, and the whole hall of biodiversity and... ]

I'm pretty sure everyone there will be wearing pants, which is nice.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Not a bad choice. [ Tony shrugs into his shirt, trousers dropped in the hamper as he starts getting dressed like a normal, casual person instead of, well. The Playboy. ]

There is generally a no pants no shirt no service rule in the lab, sure, but unless you want to lose me for an hour digging through my closet for something my stylist won't kill me for- [ Everything in here is already approved for casual outings and thus, safe enough. He's not doing speeches, he's not drumming up PR, he's not actively seeking out attention-

Though the way his jeans tend to cup his ass might say otherwise that's just how he's always worn them, so. Who knows? ] -there's going to be some semi-nudity.

[ A beat, he looks up from where he's swapping on his converse, brows lifted. ] Right, sorry. I'll warn you next time.

[ Dressed, marks of his indiscretions covered, hair- passable, pockets loaded up with phone, wallet, homing wristbands on for the last version of the armor just in case, he squints in the nearest reflective surface to be sure he doesn't look too scuzzy before turning to hold his arms out for Bruce's inspection. ]

Do I look decent?

[destressed]

[ At the question, Bruce wheels himself around again to skeptically eye Tony. Searches him from hair to shoes and back again, tilts his head like he's considering the question, and then announces: ]

You look terrible, let's go.

[ And he's on his feet shortly thereafter, shoving his hands into his jacket pocket and closing the distance between them.

If he's going to do this, he could at least... stop being weird about it. Or, you know, pretend not to be weird about it. So he follows the remark up with a gentle elbow-swing onto Tony's side before he strides off to the elevator. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

You do wonders for the ego. [ Tony rolls his eyes, snagging a coat on his way out. Sunglasses follow and it's nice, a little, to have the status quo returned. Sass, salt, good humor, none of this weird tension he couldn't quite get a bead on. Complications in an already complicated situation.

Seriously, neither of them need that shit.

He leans against the elevator wall, patting Bruce on the arm as the doors close and take them down to the garage. ]

Since you want to wander out in the world and I don't have to drag you myself, you get to pick what we drive. [ The options are- as the doors slide open later- fucking plentiful. Classics and cutting edge, all in excellent repair, lined up, buffed, polished, and waiting to be taken out. ]

[destressed]

[ The commentary does earn him a little smirk, and for a second, he feels a little optimistic. Like he actually might be able to get past this, if he can just... fake it until he makes it. Okay, cool, lesson learned, that's the strategy. Fake the hell out of it and pretend like nothing's going on, just... do a better job of it.

And find someone in the general population that's more attractive and endearing than Tony Stark. Seems simple enough.

The elevator opens up to what clearly must be a car dealership, because no sensible human should own this many cars. ]

Your personal property tax must be tragic.

[ He muses, wandering into the garage to scope out the selection. If Tony's expecting much of a reaction he's not going to find one, evidently robots aren't particularly impressed by cars. Go figure.

His choice is, if possible, even more disappointing. He skips the jags, the lambos, the hummers, the porsche, and he comes to a stop in front of the fucking Prius. Nods his head at it.

It's inconspicuous and environmentally responsible. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

I...genuinely don't know that number? I've got an accountant.

[ A beat. ]

I've got a few accountants.

[ All of which he probably owes a fruit basket or something? He'll call his PA about it, get that sorted. Things to wonder about as Bruce wanders through the garage and settles on what probably isn't the least exciting option- if only because he's got a bulletproof minivan he's reworking for Nat and Clint's next undercover op.

And even then it's a toss up. ]

I feel like I don't know you at all. [ He sighs, slipping into the driver's seat, keys tucked safely in the sun visor. ]