bakerstreet | TiMER (or, soulmates for the instant gratification age)

In our busy world, who has the energy to struggle through empty relationships? Wouldn't you rather have the certainty of knowing just who that just right someone is? Here at TiMER, we specialize in saving you the pain and hassle of hopeless relationships. For a nominal monthly fee, our special TiMER device will count down the days, hours and minutes between now and true love!

With a 98% satisfaction rate, we're certain you'll find completion.

TiMERS are implanted on the owners dominant wrist and have three states: offline (your soulmate does not currently have an online TiMER), online and counting down (just a little while longer to wait!), or online and complete (congratulations are in order!). TiMERS that have offline mates initialize when that second TiMER is implanted. TiMERS may not be installed in anyone under the age of 13, and must be installed with a guardians permission for anyone under 18. TiMERS can be removed, but please be aware that they cannot be reimplanted and the process is significantly more painful than implantation was.

1. IMPLANTATION. Congratulations on taking the first step! Installation can sting a little, but your TiMER is nearly indestructible and well worth the three to five days healing time.

2. WAITING GAME. Loneliness can be difficult. It's important to fill the time between now and true love with something. Macrame? Fencing? Relationships that aren't guaranteed to work?

3. THE DAY OF. It's here. Do you have nerves? Perfectly normal. Your TiMER finished it's countdown at 12:01 this morning, and now you just have to go about your day. Oh, the excitement is hard to bear! Keep your ears peeled for the sound of true love - it could happen anywhere in the next 24 hours.

4. BEEP BEEP. You've met them. That ringing in your wrist isn't just any sort of alert. Congratulations! Are they everything you ever dreamed of?

5. FOREVER AFTER. It's been some time since you've met eyes and found everything you could ever need. How was the first date? The wedding? The honeymoon? (We're proud to say that TiMER couples who choose to marry have a .43% divorce rate. How's that science for you?)

or maybe...

6. BLANK SCREEN. Oh! That's a disappointment. But don't worry -- there are over 18,000 TiMER stores in the United States alone. Your other half is certain to get one eventually.

7. NON-BELIEVER. You don't want a TiMER despite the countless happy couples, environmentally friendly company, and very successful advertising campaign. That's fine! There are plenty of people who are looking for an empty something while they whittle down the days to happiness. Probably. You like casual sex, right?

8. MIXED TO MATCH. One of you has a TiMER, the other doesn't. Can you work past that stress? It would take a strong heart to face down a time limit for their love.

9. LOSS. Here at TiMER, we understand just how awful it is to lose a soulmate. We offer complimentary uninstallation for TiMER owners who have lost their mate. That blank screen... it's really just a heavy reminder of your glory days, isn't it? The one might be gone, but it's important to find whatever sort of happiness there may be left.

10. OTHER. These are just some ideas to get you going. TiMER is only the platform from which you build a glorious existence, after all.

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[Oh, hello Wakaba. Congrats on meeting your newly long term partner for the rest of your life! A strapping ~~young~~ magician taking a stroll out in the human world! And he has a part time job as a teacher to boot! What a swell pick, right?

Well... he's currently going through his otaku mode by taking pictures of everything moe related. Cosplayers? Yep. Figurines? You betcha. Another version of death? Sure is-- wait what? Oh, so thats what that beeping is all about. Going to rise up from his dynamic camera angles to get a good look who else is beeping.]

Hoo~? So that's what the noise was all about. And here I had forgotten all about it until now.

Aww, such a cute dead couple.

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[After Alessandro had died, Randolph had refused to uninstall his TiMER, as tempting as it had been. He had wanted the reminder of what he'd had, even if it hurt every time he saw his wrist.

Then, impossibly, one day it began to count down again. He hadn't mentioned anything to anyone- surely this was a rare event, he didn't want the publicity. And last night it had finished.

Now he just had to wait. It was hard to go about his daily routine knowing that his timer could beep at every moment... but he was good at disguising his feelings.]

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1?

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(Het only please.)

A small, young boy, couldn't have even been a teenager yet, stared up at the science officer.

"My name is Itachi Uchiha." he glanced at the clipboard in the older man's hands. "I am here for the installation of my TiMER device."