bakerstreet | A sledgehammer in the computer

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[meme] gen

A sledgehammer in the computer

THE HELP DESK MEME

Have you tried shoving it up your arse?

No man is an island. Sometimes, you really, really need help on something that none of your friends can help with. In times like this, it's time to turn to a help line! Sadly, just because you call a HELP line doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get a helpful PERSON. Likewise, whether you realize it or not, you may be subjecting the person on the other end of the line to some amazingly stupid lines of inquiry.

Of course, it could all just go normally. But when has THAT ever made for interesting RP?

Standard meme rules here:

1. Post your upper level. Note what type of help line it is in your title, NOT your canon/character name.
2. People who tag in are calling into your help line.
3. Hilarity. Maybe.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

Yeah, sorry, it's not exactly a glamorous gig. Plus, the cops tend to shoot on sight, so it's got its fill of workplace hazards.

How many vials you want, anyway? Only one, or do you want to build up a sexytime supply for the future?

I was just gonna get one and try it. But at best, that's what, a weekend? He did just get a shiny new scalpel...

I guess it wouldn't hurt to stock up.

Let's go with four. Do I come to you or do you come to me?

Depends, I guess, where are you? I'm in a kind of grunge-y back-alley type situation, not exactly the nicest place, but it is what it is.

Okay, I uh... don't have a lot of experience with back alleys.

[He was definitely young. His voice labeled him a teenager, early twenties at best. Not well versed in the art of the drug deal. Probably no well versed in the art of sex either, given what he was letting his boyfriend do to him.]

But I've got money.

How about the mall? Err... The parking lot. Behind the mall?

[Young doesn't phase Graverobber, especially since he hangs around with a lot of teenaged junkies who have their own variety of kinky nonsense. But this kid probably isn't in the same crowd, so, mall, sure, that works.] Sure, sounds good. Bring cash. I don't exactly take debit cards.

[because how would that show up on the monthly statement? Little Glass Vial Inc.? Never mind the whole 'illegal painkillers' thing.]

Of course. Of course.

[he swore he thought of that before Graverobber said it.]

Tonight? Right around sunset okay?

[It certainly makes doing taxes a real pain in the ass. If he ever did taxes.]

Sure, sounds good. Look out for the tall goth dude who looks like he rolled out of a gutter. [Since he just rolled out of a gutter, of course.]

Uh... Look for someone in lots of bright colors. that'll be me.

[yeah, he totally hasn't done this before.]

[It's never too early or too late to get wildly over your head in the painkiller market. At least Graverobber's nice-ish!]

[Sure enough, Graverobber hangs out in some shadowy corner of the mall parking lot, idly sitting on top of a closed dumpster and toying with some empty vials while he waits.]

And sure enough, just around sunset, two boys poked their heads around the corner. One was dressed discretely in black, in a school uniform of sorts. The other looked like a unicorn vomited him up. He wasn't kidding about the bright colors.

Graverobber was privy to some muffled arguing/whining as they hung back.

'No, I promise. He's not gonna kill us. He's got the stuff you were telling me about.'
'I don't care. I'm not going with you.'
'But I need you! For moral support!'
'You're buying illicit narcotics. You don't need moral support.'
'Do you wanna feel me from the inside or not?'
'...Just go. I promise I'll be right here when you're done.'

Graverobber, for his part, listens in without making any sort of fuss. The other voice must be the boyfriend. Aw, their first real drug deal as a couple. They should take photos and save it for the scrapbook.

He idly whistles a Blind Mag tune to himself and twirls an empty vial over his fingers before speaking. "Should I come back at a better time?" he says with a grin.

A boyfriend who would much rather be enjoying appetizers at the Cheesecake Factory, which was where he thought they were going - until Kylo asked for one tiny little diversion.

"No!" Kylo jumped when he was called out by Graverobber. "I'm... Uh... Just a sec..."

Looks like all the moral support he was going to get was a pair of crossed arms, a tapping foot and an eye roll.

'Come on, you at least need to know how to work the gun.'
'That's what the internet is for, Kylo. If you're going to get it, then just go get it.'

Slowly, but surely, an awkwardly lanky teenage boy approached the dumpster.

Graverobber just sits and waits patiently, still whistling, still perched where he is. It's not like he's got anywhere fancier to be, and he's getting paid for this. As Kylo gets closer, he pulls open his coat and plucks one, two, three, four vials out from where he'd stored them.

"Got your supply right here," he says, holding them up and close to himself. Kylo doesn't seem like the type to try to snatch them and run, but hey, he's been wrong before. "You got the cash?"

Fortunately for Graverobber, Kylo was just a kid, a good kid with some twisted fantasies and a crush on veritable psychopath. Grabbing them and running didn't even cross his mind.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a wallet that was just as colorful as the rest of him.

"Yeah..." He pulled out several bills and counted through them twice, just to make sure he hadn't made a mistake. (Cue another eye roll from the boyfriend.) "I've got all of it right here."

"Excellent, then," Graverobber says, snatching the cash and pocketing it in one swift motion. He hops off the dumpster then, holding the vials out in his palm, all glittering and glowing and ready to go.

And, since he really couldn't help but overhear the two of them as they came over, he says with a knowing look, "Should I give a brief tutorial before you crazy kids start toying around with these?"

Kylo flinched slightly when Graverobber snatched the money, but he didn't outright jump. The vials of blue liquid glistened in a mesmeizing way, immediately drawing his attention right where it needed to go.

He nodded eagerly. "Yeah. Uh... He has a gun. An old one. But it still works. I think..."

He tried to get Hux's attention with a few not-so-subtle nods of the head, but that boy was not getting any closer to this mess than he absolutely had to. He was probably listening, though. Maybe.

'I think'. Those were not words that inspired confidence. He could just leave them to it, but they were clearly just kids in over their head, so Graverobber squints at Hux with a look of cynicism.

"Can I see this gun? Don't even have to hand it over, just hold it up," he says. He's already skeptical about how well this is gonna go, given Kylo's clearly overwhelmed expression, he might as well look at the hardware.

Kylo spun around.

"You brought the..." His boyfriend went wide-wyws, and Kylo quickly lowered his voice to somewhere between a hiss and a whisper. 'You brought the gun, right?'

'I most certainly did not.' He huffed in the same hushed tone. 'You think I'm going to carry that around in public and risk getting caught with it?'

'But I need it!'

'You need it once we're back at my house. Not while loitering by a dumpster. Just hurry it up before we DO get caught!'

He pouted as he turned around again. "...I told him to bring it. But he didn't."

Hoo boy. Hoooooooo boy.

Graverobber pinches the bridge of his nose for a second. He's not exactly a paternal person, but the oh-boy-these-kids-don't-know-what-they're-doing sensations are rising. Then again, they did just meet a stranger for a drug deal, so what the fuck was he expecting.

"So, this gun that you have, you know how to use it, right?" A trick question, since he did overhear them before. Might as well give them a quick drug-usage tutorial while he was here.

"He does..." Kylo gestured back at Hux.

On the bright side, Hux hadn't completely ditched his awkward boyfriend, but he was mouthing to himself about how he let Kylo drag him into these kind of situations.

"He's got a cousin or something that worked at GeneCo. Works at GeneCo? I don't know. He got it from him..."

(They totally know what they're doing. Kind of. Sort of. If you squint.)

"Okay," Graverobber says, still squinting at the both of them. If they were telling the truth, then okay, maybe the gun was fine. Which still wasn't a guarantee that neither of them would OD and die, but hey, it was something.

"And did the cousin tell you how to use it, or....?" he asks, trailing off. Presumably said cousin wasn't aware that the two of them were using the gun for guro fucking. Or maybe he was and it was just a really accepting family, he didn't know.

'You know how to use it, right?' he hissed over his shoulder. 'Like really know how to use it. You're only supposed to give me half. You know how to do that?'

He was met with an eye roll. 'You'd trust me to fondle your kidneys, but not to pull a damn trigger? Yes, I know how to use it. It's not like it's hard.'

'To only give me half...'

'Hurry it up!'

"Uh..." he shrugged at Graverobber as he turned back around. "How do you measure doses?"

See, Kylo had some sense of self-preservation - at least enough to ensure he made it to the part where he has a complete lack of it. And no family's that accepting.

If he really had faith in these two, he'd tell them just to depress the trigger slowly enough to stop at half. He's not entirely sure that's gonna work, and also seems like it could end with more fucking-around-with-needles than is probably wise to scuttle teenagers towards.

With a look of 'look at how nice I'm being' crossing his face, Graverobber pulls out a stoppered empty vial with a grimace. "Just pour half into this and then inject the rest. Also:"

He points at Kylo's arm, neck, and thigh with a flick of his finger. "Inject in the inside of the elbow, the leg, or the side of your neck. Do not fuck around with where you put the needles."

Kylo grinned at the empty vial like a kid getting a new comic book, eagerly taking it from Graverobber's hand. He was equally grateful for the lesson in injection sites. His boyfriend might have been arrogantly overconfident in his knowledge of medical stuff, but it didn't hurt to know what to do.

"O..okay. I can do that."

"Okay." He's still got a sinking feeling, but he's done his (he thinks) due diligence. At least as far as due diligence goes when it comes to giving teenagers illegal substances. Hey, he's still a graverobber, he's not going to not take the money.

He does a small half-salute and says. "All right. Play well with needles and go forth to do...whatever you're gonna do with it."

A sledgehammer in the computer

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Switches to prose b/c its easier on the ipad

Sounds good!

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