A sledgehammer in the computer

[a_pirate_meant_to_be]

THE HELP DESK MEME


Have you tried shoving it up your arse?

No man is an island. Sometimes, you really, really need help on something that none of your friends can help with. In times like this, it's time to turn to a help line! Sadly, just because you call a HELP line doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get a helpful PERSON. Likewise, whether you realize it or not, you may be subjecting the person on the other end of the line to some amazingly stupid lines of inquiry.

Of course, it could all just go normally. But when has THAT ever made for interesting RP?

Standard meme rules here:

1. Post your upper level. Note what type of help line it is in your title, NOT your canon/character name.
2. People who tag in are calling into your help line.
3. Hilarity. Maybe.

Comments

[pleaseremainmotionless]

Ah, yes. Excellent question, a true classic. Now, let's approach this methodically.

Question 1: Do you presently have wings?
Question 2: Where were you before this thread started?

[awitchdidit]

1) I mean, I probably could if I wanted to?
2) Dead. Is physical location in space important or is a state of being good enough in that case?

[pleaseremainmotionless]

Ah, good! That narrows things down quite a bit. Of our options, I think we can rule out "awake woman" from the list. Also, I think this whole scenario is a bit advanced for the typical butterfly psyche. So, I think we can narrow this down to two options:

Either you're a woman dreaming of having butterfly-like characteristics, or you're a metaphor.

[awitchdidit]

Listen, do you see me going around accusing people of being metaphors when I narrate? Leave symbolism up to reader interpretation or it's just pretension for the sake of pretension, I say.

[pleaseremainmotionless]

Come on, this is metafictional side content. There's no point in deluding ourselves at this point. This is the whole reason you're here, isn't it? To debate the meaning of your existence.

[awitchdidit]

No, that's what canon content is for. Or rather, I already spend all day doing that. Wouldn't you rather debate your existence? You don't even have a name, do you?

[pleaseremainmotionless]

Wha-- Now, hang on! This is my toplevel, not yours! I refuse to engage with this kind of interrogation when I'm the one answering questions!

[awitchdidit]

Ahaha, that's the risk you take engaging others directly while being a narrative voice. Do you have the slightest idea how many times I was kicked out of my director's seat by obstinate players and audience members? Metafiction is a battlefield with no rules or quarter.

[pleaseremainmotionless]

Oh, you think I don't know about obstinate players who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into a good story? Stanley spent four fifths of the game defying my narration just to see what would happen!

Well, it's not going to happen this time, you hear me? The basis of this story is you coming to me for advice, and I'm going to keep it on the rails if I have to tear this website down to do it.