[Texting is a challenge when she's hopping up and down on one foot, struggling to pull her pants on. It's not her finest moment, but she gets the job done and herself over to Mab's (with the help of a port-key? Who knows.)]
Y'know, I thought those guys might be horny-- I didn't think they were literally horny!
[There is definitely a port-key equivalent with a better more (faerie name) that Mab would have supplied to Oni to get to Mab's current home base.]
I did mention bizarre did I not? Fortunately for you, I've been able to keep the devils and fauns out of the ice cream, but we'd better stake a claim soon. They're still looking for something cold, after all.
[And yet, despite the somewhat bestial nature, there is an undeniable charm-- Glamour, perhaps. She trusts that Mab won't let anyone make an Oni-kebab out of her, however, and produces a spray bottle. Full of holy water, if that's what works, nevermind where or how she got her hands on it. She's just drunk enough to use it, too.]
If they can't get a cold slice of your cherry pie, th'ice cream will do, eh? Don't worry, I'll spritz 'em down like misbehavin' cats, if I gotta.
[Mab seems not particularly worried about the holy water, but it's possible she just trust Oni only to use it on the necessary parties. Either way, she starts to lead the locked and loaded she-wolf towards the cold pantry.]
One sweet thing or the other. But you have dibs on the one that's available, and I'd kind of like to see you use that bottle.
[Oni follows, aware of the weight of hungry stares thrown their way from just beyond her peripheral vision. They bounce back and forth between bedroom eyes and something that looks like they'd be right at home on a shark. But for those that get too close, there's a jolting mist of purifying water.] Down boy! Th'pussy buffet is closed!
Jeez, Mab. You step down from th'thone and they're still linin' up around th'corner. I'm try'na be you when I grow up.
[Mab doesn't appear to be actively watching, but she enjoys every scene and hiss as the men who are also monsters get driven back from two women who could not be less like prey if they were feasting on the bones of their vanquished foes. She does make sure some of the mist freezes to the skin of faun who gets too close, leaving him with some nasty burns as he fights to get the blessed water off his skin.]
Not one of those scavengers believes I'll stay retired, and you could be me tomorrow with that lot if you were really of a mind. But today you need to choose your ice cream. [This is punctuated with the opening of the well stocked supply.]
[Oni is almost positive that they have done exactly that-- Feasting on the bones of their enemies, although the memory is vague, as it sometimes was when she left the faerie circles. Probably to shield her mind from guilt. In either case, the way those fauns jump back warily is immensely satisfying.]
Will you? And, please. Me? Be like you to them? On what planet? [For a moment, Oni just stands there in awe, letting the cold fog from the freezing store-room waft over her with a heavy sigh.] I just need t'bask for a minute. That is literally th'most beautiful thing I've seen all day, I'm not kiddin' you... I'm gonna go for th'double dutch chocolate.
[Mab shrugs off the first question. She has enjoyed being unmoored and has missed the sense of being connected in turn. This state is new and unfamiliar, and she's enjoyed the chaos that Oni has taken occasional part in, both sheltered by the sense of this other place.]
You're female, attractive, and novel. This close to spring you could be treated as a goddess for a long as you like. Or at least another few months.
[Mab considers the cold incredible room of indulgence and picks out something in a Ben and Jerry's label that has never been available to human suppliers.] Your day sounds unpleasant. Clearly you needed to come share in the feast.
[Uncharacteristically, Oni lets out a tipsy little giggle at the prospect of being worshipped as a goddess of spring. Flowers in her hair. The idea is ludicrous, but she's just vain enough to be flattered by the suggestion.] Novel... That's a nice way of sayin' strange, ain't it?
It don't bother me none. I'd be sorely tempted too, but I've already heard about makin' deals with or gettin' into bed with devils so, sadly, I'll have t'pass.
[Having picked her pint, Oni rustles around for utensils and makes herself comfortable, intent on indulging herself with abandon.] Darlin', you ain't never lied. And where whiskey gives up, ice cream has yet t'fail me. What's that y'got there? [She peers at the label in Mab's hand.] Huh. Don't think I've ever seen that flavor before. How have you been keepin' yourself busy, these days?
[Mab has different ideas about how ludicrous it would be, but it's enough for it to entertain her friend at the moment.] 'Different in an appealing fashion' would be more accurate.
Probably for the best. They get clingy. [This is said pointedly to one of the ones with horns and a more human shape. He's quick to disappear behind another with that attention.]
Rose and honey is not a frequent request for some reason. [Well, some of her tastes are understandably old fashioned. She would have asked about Oni's day, but given the question first, Mab follows it.] Consolidating assets. And giving Wade multiple days.
I'll take it. [She grinned.] Though I'm pretty sure actual goddesses might take offense.
Clingy? Really? [Another chuckle, as she notices the hasty retreat beaten by the devil with poor boundaries] Now that's a new one on me. Not that I blame 'em. You're fucking stacked, chere.
Mind if I give it a try? [She asked, wiggling her spoon suggestively.] Whaaat? Wade? So you and he are a thing again, eh? I thought there was a suspicious lack of things explodin'.
Well, good. I don't pretend t'understand your relationship with him, but he's been in his better mind ever since takin' up with you-- and that's sayin' somethin'. If bonin' you means he's too busy and-or exhausted t'get into his usual shenanigans then, as far as I'm concerned, you're makin' th'world a better place.
Nonsense. Worse than you have stood in their stead.
[She waves it away like she isn't keeping track of the potential stalker.] Why thank you, dear heart, and don't be surprised. Greed, lust, and jealousy are common 'sins', hm?
Only for you. [She says it with a wink and extending the open container.] He hasn't asked for specifics, but I can only imagine indulging my guests over there would cause him some pain.
[There's definitely a hint in the way she says that that implies Mab was never really all that likely to have fallen into a foursome so much as taking an excuse to grab her friend's attention and amusement.] In quiet moments, he's capable of finding a center and a feeling that would make more sense to you, though I enjoy his chaos. [She pauses slightly.] Though his chaos...does it seem different to you?
Per'aps you're right. They might even consider it t'be some sorta fucked up testament. I'm not seriously considerin' this, am I?
De rien. Though it does make me wonder. Are th'lust devils inherently better in th'sack? Or would they come up short against expectation? [Was that a deliberate jab at Mab's fan club? Oni will never admit to it.]
[She reaches over, spooning just a little for herself. Just a taste.] That's... Different. An acquired taste, maybe.
Of course it would. Anybody with eyes can see he was over th'moon for you. Wilson is so eager t'please, I think he'd agree to an "open" relationship, even if it weren't necessarily what he wanted. [Sometimes, in the midst of her inebriated spiel, she stumbles across some truths. Mab's tone, implying that her need for a chaperone was just a ruse, isn't lost on the she-wolf either but she doesn't seem to mind at all and doesn't feel the need to point out what they both know.] As long as you make sense t'each other, that's all that matters, right?
Different how? [Her brow pinches together ever-so-slightly; She suddenly gets the feeling that here was something that she should have noticed, but failed to.] T'be fair, I haven't actually seen him lately.
Such actions were taken as sacrifice and sacraments in their names at different points. You should at least entertain the idea long enough to get some pleasure out of it. [Double meaning, yes!]
Depends on the individual. Most at better at inspiring the initial want than providing the satisfaction that sends you back time and again. [All jabs all the time. Especially for Ed the lust demon.]
A bit too perfume-y? My children refuse it for that reason.
[Mab nods, agreeing with all sentiments that Oni expressed and a few that she didn't have to say.] That is the general pattern, though, the question of how long I will make sense to anyone is certainly coming. Spring will bring changes, I believe.
Less playful and over large. Still insanity, but without the strange joy that summoned the undead dinosaur? Perhaps it is just time and trauma.
[Another tipsy little giggle; She's too drunk and immature for all this innuendo.] I dunno, I guess I just assumed th'Spring goddesses were a bit more... Virginal. But maybe it really does take all types.
So they talk a big game, but when th'time comes t'get th'job done, they don't deliver? That's a cryin' shame. [Poor Ed. There's something lewd in his stare, as if he'd love the opportunity to prove both women wrong, but he knows better than to raise his voice and interrupt Mab's ice cream social.]
It is a little like eating perfume, yes, but it smells great.
[Oni makes an agreeing noise around her spoon.] Women change. He'd better get used to it. Are y'thinking of doin' a new look?
No, I hadn't noticed that. [And that's some degree of alarming. Oni considered herself his friend, but without his sometimes confounding sense of humor, what was left? Just his pain, and loneliess, and a compulsion to kill-- Out of boredom, if nothing else.] Per'aps... Certainly worth payin' closer attention, at least.
With all the fucking that happens in the spring? No, she's an experienced lady. [Mab might be biased, but she certainly doesn't put much weight behind virginity in the first place. Goodness knows if she even remembers what it was like.]
I have a theory that the frustration is supposed to feed into wrath, which must be a bigger sin. What do you think? [She levels a look at Ed that isn't a threat but still makes him shiver and turn his focus on the still willing parties. Better to get where the getting is good and available.]
Anything flavored with rose is an indulgence. Then because of the difficulty, now because of rarity.
Seems likely. I am no longer the winter of Tir na n'Og, and summer is coming. Perhaps something leaner.
[Mab believes that there is something more literal missing from Deadpool than the consequences of depression, though Oni's concerns are genuine and something a more human creature than Mab should have considered.] I do intend to. No sense letting him break himself.
Can't really argue against that. All the fightin', callin', and matin'-- Th'noise level alone is just obscene. [Being half-spirit, she's hardly immune to Spring's none-too-subtle urgings. It doesn't change the fact that she's always considered it the season of innocence (more specifically, innocence lost.)]
A bigger devil too, no doubt. [One less victim to tease. She still has the bottle of holy water balanced on her lap-- near at hand if anyone in the blue-balls club gets testy.] I reckon you may be onto something there. Gaia knows I start itchin' for a fight when I'm not gettin' any.
[Finished with her pint, Oni eyes the walnut-fudge. Thank goodness there's so much ice cream, as the speed with which she consumes it must be legendary.] Tears are gonna be runnin' like rivers in several realms, when that happens.
I'll keep an eye out, too, as much as I'm able. If Wilson starts fallin' off th'deep end, it ain't good for anybody.
Not to mention the birthing. There's nothing quiet or calm about that, I can tell you. [Mab has her own strange relationship with the season, after all it's when a part of herself is put to sleep for half the year.]
A two for one devil, then. We shall just have to stay aware.
This form isn't that celebrated. [There are snorts of 'no one believes your modesty' in the background as the remaining males still stalk their prey. Mab's smile agrees with them.]
I'm not sure it doesn't mean he's more sane than he was. [This sounds a little regretful.]
[Her lips twitch, fighting the urge to laugh outright.] You mean it's not like in th'movies? A little sweat, a little grunting. Th'baby slips out like shit through a goose.
Thankfully I'm not that drunk. But I gotta tell ya, it ain't from lack of tryin'.
[Judging by the expression on her face, Oni does not buy your bullshit either, Mab.] Who you kiddin'?
Merde, so he's losing his insanity and it's making him... More unhinged? Maybe it's th'ice cream talkin', but I can't comprehend that.
Well, per'aps not. But they were triplets, weren't they? I imagine one baby's no cake walk, but three? Sweet, merciful heavens. It's a miracle you weren't torn asunder.
But how am I gonna keep an eye on th'three stooges over there, if y'give me somethin' that knocks me on my ass? Not that I'm sayin' "no," here...
[Again, this face.] I can't even with you, right now. Curves like that do not exist in nature without th'help of a damn fine surgeon. Poets will write songs lamentin' th'loss.
[Even if it doesn't quite fit, it begins to make sense. Perhaps the reality of his situation is beginning to sink in, without the usual buffer of the jovial voices in his head.] Just when I thought I couldn't be more worried.
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Ok ok, I'll be right there. I don't care how fuckable they are, don't let them eat the ice cream!
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fast, fast, fast
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[Texting is a challenge when she's hopping up and down on one foot, struggling to pull her pants on. It's not her finest moment, but she gets the job done and herself over to Mab's (with the help of a port-key? Who knows.)]
Y'know, I thought those guys might be horny-- I didn't think they were literally horny!
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I did mention bizarre did I not? Fortunately for you, I've been able to keep the devils and fauns out of the ice cream, but we'd better stake a claim soon. They're still looking for something cold, after all.
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[And yet, despite the somewhat bestial nature, there is an undeniable charm-- Glamour, perhaps. She trusts that Mab won't let anyone make an Oni-kebab out of her, however, and produces a spray bottle. Full of holy water, if that's what works, nevermind where or how she got her hands on it. She's just drunk enough to use it, too.]
If they can't get a cold slice of your cherry pie, th'ice cream will do, eh? Don't worry, I'll spritz 'em down like misbehavin' cats, if I gotta.
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[Mab seems not particularly worried about the holy water, but it's possible she just trust Oni only to use it on the necessary parties. Either way, she starts to lead the locked and loaded she-wolf towards the cold pantry.]
One sweet thing or the other. But you have dibs on the one that's available, and I'd kind of like to see you use that bottle.
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[Oni follows, aware of the weight of hungry stares thrown their way from just beyond her peripheral vision. They bounce back and forth between bedroom eyes and something that looks like they'd be right at home on a shark. But for those that get too close, there's a jolting mist of purifying water.] Down boy! Th'pussy buffet is closed!
Jeez, Mab. You step down from th'thone and they're still linin' up around th'corner. I'm try'na be you when I grow up.
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[Mab doesn't appear to be actively watching, but she enjoys every scene and hiss as the men who are also monsters get driven back from two women who could not be less like prey if they were feasting on the bones of their vanquished foes. She does make sure some of the mist freezes to the skin of faun who gets too close, leaving him with some nasty burns as he fights to get the blessed water off his skin.]
Not one of those scavengers believes I'll stay retired, and you could be me tomorrow with that lot if you were really of a mind. But today you need to choose your ice cream. [This is punctuated with the opening of the well stocked supply.]
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Will you? And, please. Me? Be like you to them? On what planet? [For a moment, Oni just stands there in awe, letting the cold fog from the freezing store-room waft over her with a heavy sigh.] I just need t'bask for a minute. That is literally th'most beautiful thing I've seen all day, I'm not kiddin' you... I'm gonna go for th'double dutch chocolate.
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You're female, attractive, and novel. This close to spring you could be treated as a goddess for a long as you like. Or at least another few months.
[Mab considers the cold incredible room of indulgence and picks out something in a Ben and Jerry's label that has never been available to human suppliers.] Your day sounds unpleasant. Clearly you needed to come share in the feast.
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It don't bother me none. I'd be sorely tempted too, but I've already heard about makin' deals with or gettin' into bed with devils so, sadly, I'll have t'pass.
[Having picked her pint, Oni rustles around for utensils and makes herself comfortable, intent on indulging herself with abandon.] Darlin', you ain't never lied. And where whiskey gives up, ice cream has yet t'fail me. What's that y'got there? [She peers at the label in Mab's hand.] Huh. Don't think I've ever seen that flavor before. How have you been keepin' yourself busy, these days?
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Probably for the best. They get clingy. [This is said pointedly to one of the ones with horns and a more human shape. He's quick to disappear behind another with that attention.]
Rose and honey is not a frequent request for some reason. [Well, some of her tastes are understandably old fashioned. She would have asked about Oni's day, but given the question first, Mab follows it.] Consolidating assets. And giving Wade multiple days.
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Clingy? Really? [Another chuckle, as she notices the hasty retreat beaten by the devil with poor boundaries] Now that's a new one on me. Not that I blame 'em. You're fucking stacked, chere.
Mind if I give it a try? [She asked, wiggling her spoon suggestively.] Whaaat? Wade? So you and he are a thing again, eh? I thought there was a suspicious lack of things explodin'.
Well, good. I don't pretend t'understand your relationship with him, but he's been in his better mind ever since takin' up with you-- and that's sayin' somethin'. If bonin' you means he's too busy and-or exhausted t'get into his usual shenanigans then, as far as I'm concerned, you're makin' th'world a better place.
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[She waves it away like she isn't keeping track of the potential stalker.] Why thank you, dear heart, and don't be surprised. Greed, lust, and jealousy are common 'sins', hm?
Only for you. [She says it with a wink and extending the open container.] He hasn't asked for specifics, but I can only imagine indulging my guests over there would cause him some pain.
[There's definitely a hint in the way she says that that implies Mab was never really all that likely to have fallen into a foursome so much as taking an excuse to grab her friend's attention and amusement.] In quiet moments, he's capable of finding a center and a feeling that would make more sense to you, though I enjoy his chaos. [She pauses slightly.] Though his chaos...does it seem different to you?
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De rien. Though it does make me wonder. Are th'lust devils inherently better in th'sack? Or would they come up short against expectation? [Was that a deliberate jab at Mab's fan club? Oni will never admit to it.]
[She reaches over, spooning just a little for herself. Just a taste.] That's... Different. An acquired taste, maybe.
Of course it would. Anybody with eyes can see he was over th'moon for you. Wilson is so eager t'please, I think he'd agree to an "open" relationship, even if it weren't necessarily what he wanted. [Sometimes, in the midst of her inebriated spiel, she stumbles across some truths. Mab's tone, implying that her need for a chaperone was just a ruse, isn't lost on the she-wolf either but she doesn't seem to mind at all and doesn't feel the need to point out what they both know.] As long as you make sense t'each other, that's all that matters, right?
Different how? [Her brow pinches together ever-so-slightly; She suddenly gets the feeling that here was something that she should have noticed, but failed to.] T'be fair, I haven't actually seen him lately.
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Depends on the individual. Most at better at inspiring the initial want than providing the satisfaction that sends you back time and again. [All jabs all the time. Especially for Ed the lust demon.]
A bit too perfume-y? My children refuse it for that reason.
[Mab nods, agreeing with all sentiments that Oni expressed and a few that she didn't have to say.] That is the general pattern, though, the question of how long I will make sense to anyone is certainly coming. Spring will bring changes, I believe.
Less playful and over large. Still insanity, but without the strange joy that summoned the undead dinosaur? Perhaps it is just time and trauma.
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and immaturefor all this innuendo.] I dunno, I guess I just assumed th'Spring goddesses were a bit more... Virginal. But maybe it really does take all types.So they talk a big game, but when th'time comes t'get th'job done, they don't deliver? That's a cryin' shame. [Poor Ed. There's something lewd in his stare, as if he'd love the opportunity to prove both women wrong, but he knows better than to raise his voice and interrupt Mab's ice cream social.]
It is a little like eating perfume, yes, but it smells great.
[Oni makes an agreeing noise around her spoon.] Women change. He'd better get used to it. Are y'thinking of doin' a new look?
No, I hadn't noticed that. [And that's some degree of alarming. Oni considered herself his friend, but without his sometimes confounding sense of humor, what was left? Just his pain, and loneliess, and a compulsion to kill-- Out of boredom, if nothing else.] Per'aps... Certainly worth payin' closer attention, at least.
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I have a theory that the frustration is supposed to feed into wrath, which must be a bigger sin. What do you think? [She levels a look at Ed that isn't a threat but still makes him shiver and turn his focus on the still willing parties. Better to get where the getting is good and available.]
Anything flavored with rose is an indulgence. Then because of the difficulty, now because of rarity.
Seems likely. I am no longer the winter of Tir na n'Og, and summer is coming. Perhaps something leaner.
[Mab believes that there is something more literal missing from Deadpool than the consequences of depression, though Oni's concerns are genuine and something a more human creature than Mab should have considered.] I do intend to. No sense letting him break himself.
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A bigger devil too, no doubt. [One less victim to tease. She still has the bottle of holy water balanced on her lap-- near at hand if anyone in the blue-balls club gets testy.] I reckon you may be onto something there. Gaia knows I start itchin' for a fight when I'm not gettin' any.
[Finished with her pint, Oni eyes the walnut-fudge. Thank goodness there's so much ice cream, as the speed with which she consumes it must be legendary.] Tears are gonna be runnin' like rivers in several realms, when that happens.
I'll keep an eye out, too, as much as I'm able. If Wilson starts fallin' off th'deep end, it ain't good for anybody.
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A two for one devil, then. We shall just have to stay aware.
This form isn't that celebrated. [There are snorts of 'no one believes your modesty' in the background as the remaining males still stalk their prey. Mab's smile agrees with them.]
I'm not sure it doesn't mean he's more sane than he was. [This sounds a little regretful.]
Mun agrees with Mab 100%
Thankfully I'm not that drunk. But I gotta tell ya, it ain't from lack of tryin'.
[Judging by the expression on her face, Oni does not buy your bullshit either, Mab.] Who you kiddin'?
Merde, so he's losing his insanity and it's making him... More unhinged? Maybe it's th'ice cream talkin', but I can't comprehend that.
I had a feeling
I can offer you things that might remedy that particular situation.
Fine. Wade will be sad along with some few others. [Modesty does not suit her. She might just be seeking praise.]
Not more unhinged. Less happy? More serious? [Neither quite fits.]
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But how am I gonna keep an eye on th'three stooges over there, if y'give me somethin' that knocks me on my ass? Not that I'm sayin' "no," here...
[Again, this face.] I can't even with you, right now. Curves like that do not exist in nature without th'help of a damn fine surgeon. Poets will write songs lamentin' th'loss.
[Even if it doesn't quite fit, it begins to make sense. Perhaps the reality of his situation is beginning to sink in, without the usual buffer of the jovial voices in his head.] Just when I thought I couldn't be more worried.
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I do believe I can manage to maintain my virtue in your presence while defending yours if necessary.
A surgeon or some nice corsetry. And it's not like the form is unattainable. Simply not mine for the next season.
Admittedly, he does seem to be enjoying my company as a counter, but keep it in mind.
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