Welcome to The Maury Show!

[shootthemessenger]

98% Baby-Daddy Drama, 2% Strange Shit

Well, somehow along the line you’ve messed up enough to be publically humiliated by a kind old man and a boisterous audience. But what did you do? What will those green room tapes reveal? Will part of your check be divvied out to raise your growing army of illegitimate children or will it be the next five guys brought to the show to be tested? The manila envelope knows all.

Standard “How To”s Ensue

1. Post with your character, canon, preferences. You know the deal.

2. Others will roll from RNG for a possible scenario.

3. Tag around—this is the Maury Show.

(You know you knocked up more than one of the guests you dirty thing you.)

Scenarios  

1. Paternity Drama: If we were honest, this option would be 8 out of the 10 options. It’s just how it is. For some reason you didn’t wrap your package before you stuck it under the Christmas tree. Neither did the twenty other guys everyone is claiming your one night stand slept with. Some guys are just lucky. You’re not it, but you are the father.

2. Faithless Spouses and Scored Lovers: Oh my. The Honeymoon is clearly over, 13 days after the wedding. You know your significant other is cheating on you and you’ve brought them to the show to confess those dirty little secrets.

3. I was a nerd; Now look at me!: High school sucks, sometimes a little worse for others than most. You had the pocket protector, the twenty extra pounds of cushion for the pushin’, and thick-rimmed glasses to boot. Your crush didn’t even give you the time of day. You’ve changed your looks (‘prostitute’ is a look) and you want to show it off. Get it, get it.

4. Scandals Caught on Camera: From the green room to the gas station, you were caught on tape doing something stupid. Now it’s time to explain why you were making eyes at that 14 year old decoy.

5. Phobias: What. Cotton balls, Carolyn? Well. Time to face your fears. By being chased by a dude covered head to toe in cotton balls (hey, it’s a job).

6. Dude Looks Like a Lady: What part of “It’s a trap” do you not understand? It’s all for fun and it’s okay to make a bet with your bro. Or maybe you are the lad that makes half of the ladies in the audience jealous.

7. The Results Show: Some of the more turbulent shows always end up being better in the aftermath. What happens after your particular stint on the Maury Show? Sit down in front of the cameras for a chat with the man himself. Maybe there is a happy ending, after all.

8. Mix it up. Anything I missed? This is your wild card. Go on then.

 

 

 

Comments

Loki | mcu | m/m

[neverwantedthethrone]

6, I regret nothing.

[andajarofdirt]

All I'm sayin', mate, is that when you share a bottle 'a rum with a nice curvy lass, you don't exactly expect horns in the morning.

[Jack pauses and looks at Loki, then leans over and stage-whispers.]

We can still share a nice bottle 'a rum, is what I'm sayin', just... ditch the horns.

Angela Montenegro | Bones | OTA

[thenormalsquint]

Kate Bishop | Young Avengers | OTA

[joiedeviolet]

Kiden Nixon | NYX | OTA

[timewreck]

Poland | Hetalia | OTA

[paluszki]

Jane Foster | mcu | ota

[baddriver]

[you_have_heart]

Would you like to roll or should I?

Edgar Roni Figaro | Final Fantasy VI

[edgar_roni]

[It's not his kid until the blood test.]

Britta Perry | Community

[britta_ftw]

Annette | Castlevania

[alwayskidnapped]

Loki Laufeyson | MCU

[you_have_heart]

[bifroster]

[Jane is tapping her foot impatiently. The audience is quiet for once and her smug look is turning into a scowl. It is high school reunion week and The Maury Show took pity on her story: how this jerk seemed to not get that geeks and outcasts stood together, or they should. That just because she was a 4/10 on the scale of hotness and he was a 9/10 did not mean that she wasn't worth a little acknowledgement, especially with how she grew out of her awkwardness and matured after graduation. Now she's got looks, brains, and guts. The host of the show spoke first.]

Really, Loki? You do not recognize her?

Raven Xavier | X-Men: First Class

[notsogroovy]

Sora | Kingdom Hearts | OTA

[whapswithakey]

Odd Della Robbia | Code Lyoko | Aged up | OTA

[aimless_arrow]

Jack Sparrow | Pirates of the Caribbean | OTA

[andajarofdirt]

[truthful_lies]

[Rolled a one. You knew this was going to happen eventually Jack]

Jean Grey | MU | OTA

[powerincarnate]

Naoto Shirogane | Persona 4 | OTA

[fortunesgun]

[Whoops leaving this here]

TJ Hammond / Political Animals / OTA

[formerfirstson]

France | Axis Powers Nyotalia | OTA

[grandesoeur]

Aramat Drawdes|Alabaster|OTA

[scalpedsociety]

[I cannot resist...]

Phoenix Wright|Ace Attorney|M/F (Unless the suggestions are EPIC)

[whutobjection]

[The moar drama, the better.]

Chell | Portal

[goodjumper]

"Next up we have Chell. Here's her video." Murray turned slightly in his chair to the multi screen tv wall behind him. A 90's style video began full of strange lighting, close ups, and strange angles. Standing in an empty city lot in orange yoga pants, a white tank top and messy hair and barefoot, Chell frowned, her hands on her hips.

"No one tells me what to do. I was nearly murdered just for trying to survive." The crowd shakes their head and murmurs as the video continues with its obnoxious editing. Chell comes out of what is obviously a roof access door, glancing around as if worried someone might see her.

"I barely escaped with my life." The video cuts back to her running through the dry empty lot where she bends over out of breath. "I'm here to show one of the bastards that tried to kill me that I'm back and better than ever. When I was there he called me fat, smelly, and brain damaged."

The crowd boos and murmurs negatively as the video ends. Murray stands and clears his throat. "Everyone welcome Chell."

In trots not the woman in dirty excersize clothes but a bombshell in a tight black jeans and an orange top that seems happy to show off all her assets. The crowd claps and cheers for her and she sits next to Murray with a grin.

"Welcome to the show. You say that these people tried to kill you?" She just nods. "Do you know why?" Only a shrug in response. Sensing he's not going to get much out of her, Murray moves the show along.

"Well, we've got one of her accused tormentor here on the show that Chell's excited to show how she's changed. What she didn't know is he's got a surprise for her as well."

[soabirdcameand]

The second video was equally corny, with an angled zoom in on a disheveled, scrawny man. Between his thick glasses, thinning hair, and form-disguising jumpsuit, he looks every inch a nerd.

"No one's ever given me a second glance." The man on screen struggles to lift a stack of heavy grey boxes, staggering cartoonishly. "I've always been bottom of the barrel." The crowd titters as the poor balance sends them toppling over his head.

"And even when I got my chance--" There was a shot of what appeared to be him arguing with a computer screen, before burying his face in his hands. "--I couldn't get any respect for my authority. I'm ready to show that I won't be pushed around any more!"

The crowd jeers and calls out in boos as the video cuts out. Maury lifts a hand. "Let's all welcome Wheatley!"

And so saunters in the man from the video, but decked out in a clean blue blazer and a pressed white shirt. Gone are the thick square frames, replaced with tinted glasses. Eating up the attention of the crowd, he even goes so far as to throw some cheesy winks at the crowd. Maury gestures him over to a seat, and for just a second Wheatley falters as he catches sight of the woman sitting there. The crowd gives some encouraging whoops as he looks Chell up and down, before sitting, his smile a little lopsided.

Before Wheatley can get a word in, Maury looks to Chell. "So. First things first. What do you think of Mister Bottom-of-the-Barrel now?"