bakerstreet | is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

Just share the damn bed with me.

For whatever reason, the floor is an unacceptable place to sleep. It's messy, the dog is there, THE FLOOR IS LAVA, there's flooding, feels weird, or it's too dirty to walk on. Who cares why it's not acceptable, it just isn't! Normally, that's not an issue, but tonight you have a friend over. Maybe it's the safest place, maybe it's hurricane season and your house is the only one out of the path of the storm. Are they mooching off you? Stop trying to figure out the details! Just get over it and share the bed with that person! Sexy times are not required. Intimacy is not required. Just share the damn bed already.

Do you need options? DO YOU? Here! Have some options!

1. It's late. You're tired. Too tired to drive and THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
2. It's late. You're drunk. Too drunk. Honestly, how did you drink that much and not die? Should we take you to the hospital? Here, just stay in this bed with me. No, you can't sleep on the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
3. It's early. You thought you'd just come by and visit but you can barely function. The bed seems inviting. Guess what, you're invited into the bed! Yes. The bed. Not the floor. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.
4. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE? CUDDLING IS OKAY. And yes, the floor is lava.
5. WILDCARD. Just figure out a reason why you need to share the bed. But don't forget: the floor is lava!
6. The Crack Fun Insane Option - Actually play the Floor is Lava Game!! Move about the room without touching the floor... because the floor is seriously lava.

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[ She still wasn't entirely certain what had set him off in the first place, but upon attempting to meditate together later in the afternoon, she'd detected pricks of hot anger in his thoughts, like sharp needles puncturing the calm he sought so hard to achieve. Perhaps it'd been a memory he'd inadvertently dredged up, perhaps it had been guilt — but whatever the reason behind it he hadn't been able to calm himself, no matter what she'd suggested.

Rey was still so often quick to anger herself, despite Master Luke's teachings, despite the fact that she struggled nearly as much as Kylo to control those feelings, that she'd thrown herself stubbornly into solo meditation alone, shutting him forcefully out of her thoughts. That had only fueled the fire of his anger, the fact that she'd closed herself off from him, even only temporarily — and he'd stomped off in a fury, hacking angrily with his long arms at the vegetation surrounding their little home base. Rey imagined his fingers had itched for his crossguard saber badly at that moment.

Despite the urge to go after him, to have it out face-to-face, she let him go and didn't follow. But as night had fallen she'd been unable to sleep, tossing and turning on her bed in the Falcon's sleeping quarters, concerned that she was unable to sense him nearby no matter how she opened her mind to do so. He'd thrown up his own roadblocks with respect to their connection.

If there was one thing Rey didn't deal with well, it was with abandonment — with being left alone.

It was only several hours into the night when she'd finally felt him stir at the edges of her awareness, felt that familiar prickle along her senses just before he came aboard the Falcon.

She was fully awake when she heard him walk through the hold, his steps heavy but slow, and turned to squint at him in the low light as he stood in the entryway of her sleeping area. His apology was brusque, rough as he was around the edges, even if it was delivered hushed and quietly.

Rey blinked up tiredly at him, in response. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to light into him again regarding his anger and avoidance or let it go; she surprised herself by making the decision to do the latter. ]

I was worried. [ A hesitant pause, during which she curled her legs up underneath the covers. She really should have turned the heating system on. ] I couldn't feel you. [ She frowned in the darkness, her voice taking on a haunted quality. ] ...Don't do that again.

[ And then she scooted over on the bed, pulling aside the corner of the covers in silent invitation. ]

Edited 2016-02-06 10:35 (UTC)

[Kylo stood there, tentatively feeling out out Rey's mind through their connection. She was angry with him, he could sense that, but her forgiveness for his childish stomping off also seemed to be genuine.]

I won't.

[He hesitated when she offered the invitation to join her. They had been sleeping practically on opposite sides of the island thus far and he'd planned to retreat back to his usual spot underneath the palm trees when he had finished here. He curled his arms around himself as conflicted thoughts ran through his mind. On the one hand, Rey was the only friend he had right now, and he could use any comfort she was willing to provide. On the other, if his temper returned, which it was bound to do, he could alienate her even further.

His thoughts were decided by the weariness that had accompanied him. He'd never make it back to where he usually slept and there was a bed (well, half a bed anyway) here for the taking. One hand pushed his long hair back and he laid down next to Rey, his back turned away from her. His form was stiff and he did everything he could to remain as far from touching her as he could. It was hard, considering their two forms filled a bed that had only been meant for one person. At least it was warm.]

[ She wasn't sure what had prompted her to offer the comfort of her own bed, especially when they'd slept nearly as far from one another as possible most nights, but she'd been so concerned after not having felt his presence in her head — and then chagrined at her impatient treatment of him, earlier — that the thought of keeping him closer was too compelling to ignore.

He'd reminded her, perhaps unintentionally, of what it had been like to be completely and wholly alone.

Rey watched as he raked a hand through his long dark hair before he came to her bed and sat down on the edge, arranging himself to lie on it, facing away from her. She could see the tension in his back and shoulders; he wasn't any more used to sharing a bed space with someone than she was, and for a few moments Rey held her breath, scarcely exhaling, watching his shirted back and the back of his head and feeling out his thoughts.

He's afraid, she realized, belatedly; he dreaded growing closer, for fear of rejection. It was so obvious that she was irritated with herself for not having realized it sooner.

Carefully she edged closer to him until she was nearly melded to him, her front to his back, and slid a tentative arm around his waist, burying her chin in the back of his neck, underneath his hair. Inhaling him, as discreetly as she could. ]

[They both knew what it was like to be alone. They'd been inside each other's minds enough to realize it's something they both fear. Kylo had spent a good majority of his life pushing everyone away and keeping them at arm's length. He'd thought it was the way to make him grow stronger. Now that he had someone around that he was forced to rely on, he barely knew what to do with himself.

It was very apparent, though he didn't have the self-awareness to realize it, that his emotional maturity was extremely stunted. It had stopped when he turned to the Dark Side in his teens and had never really picked back up again.

A shudder ran through Kylo when she first touched him, but he didn't pull away or get out of bed. It was better to be lonely together than to be lonely apart. He sighed and resigned himself to Rey's presence, though the tension running throughout his back remained. One hand came up, slowly, until it was touching the arm Rey had wrapped around his waist.]

I know I make things...difficult. [That was an understatement so broad that it was nearly comical.] But I am trying. [Nobody had told him turning back to the Light was going to be just as difficult as turning to the Dark Side had been. Still, his heart felt better and his head less crowded since he'd made the decision.]

...I know. I know you are. [ And she knew he was trying; for the most part Kylo had been an apt pupil marooned on this island with her, taking heed of her lessons she'd learned from Master Luke and had twisted slightly to serve her purposes. He'd felt anger on more than one occasion, but given his history and his past and the tumult he'd had to overcome to move past his former violent self, it wasn't surprising he'd had a few setbacks.

But Rey chose not to see all of them as setbacks — he'd made the effort to apologize tonight, as well as accepted her invitation, as unexpected as it might have been. Until now they'd been constant companions, but still handling one another carefully at a distance.

Until now.

She couldn't help herself, pulling closer and pressing her nose to the back of his long hair; his scent was comforting too, familiar now after weeks on this island together, a mix of soap and salt from the ocean and wood from their kindling fire, and underneath a heady scent that's all his own. There was a comfort too with his hand on her wrist, fingers lightly stroking her forearm wrapped over him. ]

For what it's worth, it's not easy for me, either. [ her words were nuzzled against his skin, hushed in the quiet between them. ] I'm as much at fault as you are; I'm still too quick to anger sometimes.

Edited 2016-02-17 08:09 (UTC)

[An involuntary sigh comes out of his mouth when he can feel Rey's nose buried in his hair. He's been craving contact like this from her for a while now. She's so close that he can make out her scent as well. She smells like sand, something he had noticed when they first met. It was like a little bit of Jakku had been permanently imprinted in her skin. There was also the warm smell of the sun and something beneath that was distinctly herself.

He responds by curling his legs up and sticking a foot between her own. He rubs it back and forth across the top of her feet, feeling the small, delicate shapes of her heels, arch, and toes. His response, when it comes, is a little hazy with the feeling of being somewhere safe, warm, and cuddled up to a beautiful girl.]

Anger in itself isn't something to fear. Giving into it too often, that's the problem.

[He was self-aware enough to realize it was a serious problem he had. All the bad habits he'd built up over the years weren't undone in a single day. He kept running his fingers lightly over her arm.]

[ His fingers gently stroking her forearm give her gooseflesh; as light and gentle as the stroking is, the downy hairs on her arm are practically standing on end and not because of any drop in temperature. Rey has never known gentle touches like these — the most affection she's had prior to this has been a simple hug with Finn, wrapped tight in his embrace with her chin tucked over his shoulder. What Ren is doing is much more powerful, stirring up confused thoughts in her head and stirring up other things elsewhere.

There's a tension coiling in her belly at being this close to him, tightening more when he moves his bare feet between hers and maps out the shape of hers with his toes. The arch of her foot is ticklish and she squirms slightly against him when he touches it, a small puff of breath blowing against the back of his neck. ]

Master Skywalker would say that anger has no place at all, in our hearts. [ a small, thoughtful pause. ] But I'm of the opinion that he's never had to succumb to it, the way that you and I have.

[ Master Skywalker had grown to maturity with a stable family, a home that sheltered him, people who cared for him. Despite not having been raised by his parents, he knew nothing of abandonment. ]

[He shudders again a little when he can feel Rey's breath on the back of his neck. His mind is filled with turmoil, his thoughts a confused, jumbling shift. The only thing that seems to remain consistent within them is the thought of Rey. She's the bright light at the center of his dark mind.]

Perhaps the best course of action is to follow neither the Light or the Dark Side. Neither have given me what I really want.

[Kylo shifts slowly, turning around so that he's now face-to-face with Rey. He stares into her hazel eyes, and for a moment, it feels like his heart has stopped. No one ever told him that the path to the Force was such a lonely one. He's built up a wall around himself, keeping everyone at arm's distance. Here, Rey was breaking down his walls one by one.]

[ His shudder prompts her to tighten the arm about his waist, aiming to comfort and soothe — she doesn't think he's cold but whatever the reason, it can't hurt to get a bit closer.

His words, too, spark a reaction in her. Nothing she's seen or experienced from either the Light side or the Dark side has truly spoken to her as the correct path; she draws strength from both at times, and then sometimes from neither.

Kylo turns over to face her, his form seeming larger now in the small bed beside her than it had with his back facing her, and he searches her eyes with something that looks like longing in his. His are dark, reflective pools in the dim light of the sleeping quarters, mesmerizing in a sense that doesn't allow her to look away from him. Rey stills her breath, the arm that was formerly around his waist now draped loosely across his hip but still anchoring them to one another. ]

...What do you really want? [ she asks, genuinely and a bit breathlessly. ]

[He goes silent, unusually reflective as he thinks of the best way to phrase it. One of his hands reaches out and plays with a strand of her dark hair that's framed her cheek. He runs it through his fingers, twirling it around before he tucks it behind her ear. Then his hand rests on her shoulder, feeling her skin growing warm beneath his touch.]

Power. Enough of it to shape things the way I want them to be. Enough of it to drown out my fears.

[There's something of his old self in his words as he says it, the power-mad knight who had followed Snoke with a blind zealotry and who had insanity lurking in the depths of his dark eyes. It's not so easy to leave his past behind. He goes on, the words coming easier to him now.]

I was always afraid I wasn't going to be able to live up to the legacy of my family. That all I would ever be was medicore. [He spits the word out with venom and distaste, his old anger quick to rise up. He pushes it away from his mind, too tired to deal with it right now.] I thought the path of the Jedi was too slow and limiting. I wanted to be the most powerful, strongest Force user in the galaxy. But the way of the Sith didn't grant me what I desired either. So here we are. [On a desolate island on a tiny planet in the middle of nowhere, curled up in bed together. Overall, there were worse places he could have been.]

[ Rey's breath stills again when he touches a stray wisp of her hair, winding the curling lock around his fingers before tucking it back into place, and her face grows even warmer than before; her hair is out of its traditional three-bun style and looped into a low, soft ponytail for sleep, but the reverent way he touches it makes her want to leave it completely unbound.

She listens as he describes his quest for power, his desire for strength, his fear of not measuring up to his family's powerful legacy; hearing it only nurtures her already-sown compassion for him. ]

For so long, I resented you for that — for discarding your ties to your family so easily, when it'd been all I'd ever wanted. I couldn't understand how you could do it...but then I've never grown up with that kind of expectation, either, those unspoken demands placed on you. [ she thinks for a moment of Anakin Skywalker, of Vader, how his legacy had shaped the two generations after him, before continuing in her soft whisper. ] I've never had someone look at me and...fear what I might have the potential of becoming, mistrusting me before I was old enough to know what kind of power lay dormant within me.

And you are powerful, [ she tells him earnestly, searching his face with her eyes, simultaneously reassuring him and tending to his darkest fear. ] You're one of the most powerful people I've ever known. But you'd also had Snoke whispering in your ear from the time you were a young child, manipulating you, lying to you. Telling you only he knew the secret to true strength.

[ tentatively she lifts a hand to his face in a mirror of his own action, and traces — with delicacy and infinite care — the line of the scar running from forehead to chin, a jagged line she'd put there herself. it feels as though it were so long ago; a lifetime ago. her eyes grow sad and distant. ]

...I'm sorry, for this.

[He listens quietly. Rey seems to be the only one who can produce this reaction in him. When he's around her, he wants to soak up every bit of her words like water filling up a sponge. She's both simultaneously wise and vulnerable at the same time. Rey is his tether to the Light and he has a new fear in his heart.

He fears how much he's grown to rely on her. It's a fear that stems from the Light Side of the Force, but he knows how quickly it could turn dark in his heart. His own grandfather had fallen to the Dark Side through the love for his wife. But that's a discussion for another time. Right now, this moment is all he can focus on.

When her hand is done tracing his face, he grabs a hold of her wrist with gentleness. The delicate skin of her pulse point beats beneath his fingers, roughened from a lifetime of working with his lightsaber.]

Don't be. It's a reminder of my mistakes. I need it, sometimes, when things don't seem so clear in my head.

[He blinks, trying to stay awake. He doesn't want to leave anything left unsaid between them, not when things seem to be going so well.]

It was so easy to let the Supreme Leader lie to me. You don't know what it's like, being in his presence. He made it seem so easy. Every time I discarded a little bit more of my morals, I just told myself it was one step closer to the power I wanted. It was only after my father-- [No, he still couldn't speak of that, not without breaking down entirely.] --after that, it all seemed so hollow.

[ She takes his face between both of her hands now despite her wrist still in his grip, fingers cupping his cheeks and chin. ]

...You were just a child, and he manipulated you. I don't know that anyone could have prevented it, no matter what the course of action.

[ Would Snoke still have seduced him to the Dark, if Leia hadn't sent him to train with his uncle? Would it have mattered either way? Rey isn't sure the answer is so cut-and-dry.

She knows all too well how doubt, when it worms insidiously into your head, has a difficult time being uprooted again.

Tonight is the first time he's ever come close to broaching the subject of his father, of what he'd done to Han — and while Rey's heart still aches for the loss of the man who'd offered to be her co-pilot and mentor so many moons ago, there's some small solace in knowing that the action is deeply regretted. ]

You don't have to say any more, [ she whispers consolingly, leaning in to brush her warm lips against his forehead in a soft kiss. The next thing she says is spontaneous as well, something that tumbles from her mouth before she can stop it, the sound of the name feeling right as it slips off of her tongue. ]

...Ben.

[Kylo listens to her words with the intensity with which he used to follow his master's orders. It wasn't an absolution for what he had done, and quite possibly, he wasn't ready to hear one yet. What it did was give him a view on his circumstances besides the own tormented one he kept inside his head.

He could think of the what-ifs that might have been all night. If he had been a little stronger, turned his back on the Dark Side any of the number of times he had been given the chance, things would have turned out very different for Kylo and everyone around him.

And then she calls him by his old name. Ben. He hasn't gone by that name in a long time. Maybe it's time to start again. It produces a curious reaction in the former knight. A single tear runs from one eye, down his cheek, and onto her hand. He can't say where that had come from, only that it was the result of all his emotions finally coming out.]

[ Rey doesn't dwell on the what-ifs, as tempting as it is to do so — she's come to understand that as trite as it may have sounded from Master Luke's lips, the Force works in mysterious ways does in fact ring true. Any other steps he would have taken and Kylo Ren would not have been the same man that lies next to her, now; there is a reason, a design, for events to have unfolded as they have up until this point. She believes it as strongly as she believes in her own power.

She's emboldened by the fact that he doesn't seem to mind the affectionate gesture, the kiss pressed to his forehead, and by the fact that she uses his real name and he doesn't correct her or erupt into anger — so Rey leans forward once more and presses a slow, soft kiss to each of his closed eyes, feeling his emotions swelling and cresting. There's salt on her tongue where one of his eyes has brimmed over with tears, and her hand is wet. ]

Ben, [ she whispers again, and she dries his eyes with her thumbs, gently smoothing away the wetness there. ] I like that name.

Edited 2016-03-05 09:10 (UTC)

[A few more tears trickle down from his closed eyes. Were he anyone else, this would be a full-blown emotionally charged crying jag. For the knight, it's finally the release of emotions that he's been holding inside and burying under layers of hatred and rage for a very long time.

He allows Rey to kiss him again and feeling her soft lips on his eyelids helps to ground him in the here and now. There's a shuddering sigh and then he lays still for a long moment, all of the emotions drained out of him.]

It's a name I haven't gone by in years. [She couldn't have known, but Han calling his name on the bridge was the first time he'd heard it in almost fifteen years. That alone had been enough to make him hesitate in killing his father. He finally opens his dark eyes back up. Something has departed from them, that manic insanity that had been dogging him and pushing him towards the Dark Side for so long. It's retreated, not forever, but far away enough that he can feel in control of himself for the first time in forever.] Maybe it's time to start again.

[ That he's this emotional with her, this unguarded in front of her, humbles Rey — she knows at this moment she's seeing someone, even if it's a fleeting glimpse, who hasn't existed in over fifteen years. Someone who'd been buried underneath anger and pain and manipulation for at least that long.

It'd been hard for her to see the look on his face on the walkbridge with Han, as far up as she and Finn had been at that moment on Starkiller, but she thinks it must resemble at least a little bit the expression he wears now. ]

Only if you're ready to, [ she whispers quietly, her dark eyes searching his and still holding his gaze fast, fingers still cupping and stroking his cheeks. she'd jumped the gun in using his real name, but something swells in her chest at seeing the light in his eyes and hearing him consider embracing it again. ]

It's for you to decide, not me, and only when you feel certain you want to take that step.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

is it hot in here or is the floor LAVA

<3

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