you're impure. you've done bad things, been a cruel person, or you've been terribly wrong, and you've seen what the world really is. maybe you're bad, or maybe your road to hell is paved with good intentions. whatever the case is, there's red in your ledger.
they're pure. almost innocent, even. they're kind and open and the very opposite of worldly. maybe they're not always good, no one is, but their heart is clean.
despite these differences, there's something between you. you shouldn't relate, you should be worlds away...
how to play
comment with your character. mention if they're more likely to be pure or impure.
reply to others.
use the rng to determine the direction of your thread or come up with your own direction.
prompts
light || the pure is affecting the impure in a positive way.
dark || the impure is affecting the pure in a negative way.
purposeful || you want to corrupt something so pure.
forgive || they know what you've done and they've forgiven you.
death || something comes up from the dark past and strikes out at the one loved the most. they know it would hurt you to see them in pain - or worse.
life || the smut option. will there be hesitance in "defiling" purity?
cheer || never again did you think that there would be simple joys. picnics, birthdays, gentle holding of hands.
confessions || you have to get them into your life; they're the only good thing you can see.
teach || one party is teaching the other about more worldly pursuits, may or may not be sexual. perhaps they feel guilty for this, perhaps they don't.
end || you can't do this to them anymore. they deserve so much better than you.
[The first thing that came to mind was disagreement.
I don't need help. I can handle this on my own. They'll fade in time.
For a moment, it almost looked like she was about to argue but his question stilled all disagreements. Just the thought of Cullen's big body sitting on the floor next to hers, like children, was almost enough to make her smile. It was silly and sweet and a dose of what she needed.]
[All she could do was snort at that. It's a good sign she's coming back to herself.]
I'm not sleeping there again until you fix it. There was snow on the blanket the other day. Snow.
[They both knew she was just fussing and there was no truth to her comment. She always fussed about the hole. It was something safe and easy to talk about. Anything else was as long as it didn't involve the dream.]
Better on the blanket than under it? How do you know I'm not the worst carpenter in Thedas? I could make it so much worse.
[It was encouraging to hear her speaking that way, most definitely. If he could keep her in the same vein, he would. It was preferable to dwelling, and even though he knew he couldn't expect everyone to react to things the same way he did, he also knew distraction could be a good anodyne to a bad moment.]
[With a sigh, she closed her eyes and let her head drop back to rest on the bed.]
Snow, Cullen. We can find someone to fix it. Surely the Inquisition has a skilled carpenter that wouldn't mind fixing it.
[Closing her eyes had been a bit of a mistake, though. Her room might be dark, but it was darker behind her eyelids. It helped to invite back that fresh panic and it already would've if she didn't know that Cullen was there. Still, her hands slowly tightened up in her lap even though she was still awake and aware.]
Oh, yes. We do. I'll just tell him the stairwells he has put off my request for twice are less important than my roof. I'm sure we won't lose too many nobles who insist on "exploring."
[In other words, snooping. He noticed how her hands tightened. Since she mentioned the floor in the context of him finding it too cold, he took the opportunity to move in and sit heavily next to her, shoulder to shoulder. Leaning back against the sturdy bed wasn't uncomfortable. It felt good to get off his knee.]
Which would be their fault for nosing around where they shouldn't be. There are too many nobles in Skyhold anyway. Less for me to talk to if some of them disappear.
[For a moment, she almost recoiled from the feel of his body next to hers. It took will to keep her there when instinct wanted to make her move. While she was a tactile person by nature, she'd always been someone to want to be left alone when upset or in pain and this was no different. The tension sang in her muscles but she wouldn't allow herself to just blindly react again. Earlier was excusable thanks to not really being awake.]
You could always sleep here, you know. It's warm in here. Well, when there's a fire...
[Each word helped to leach away the tension in her body. Her hands might still be balled up but her back wasn't aching from anything other than her hunched position and her backside thanks to the hard floor. Her head hurt, but she'd started to grow used to that since Adamant.]
Not that you'd likely get much sleep here. Creators know I'm not.
[When she had a cross breeze going it was brutal. It took a lot to get him to admit he was cold.]
We can take turns awakening one another. How bad could it be?
[For all of the lightness of the question, he knew it could be bad. Very bad, and possibly not safe for either of them, especially if they both awoke disoriented at the same time.]
[She did, but it really could get chilly when the winds were right and she didn't keep the fire up. For a moment, a wan smile crossed her face and before she could help herself, a faint chuckle followed.]
A lovely idea. One of us jumping off the balcony while the other breaks their neck on the stairs.
[The sound of him moving drew her attention. She shifted to raise her head, glancing over at his newly raised leg. She stared in silence for a long moment before she let her head tip to rest against his arm. Even now, he was still so much taller than she was.]
I suppose I'll have to make due with splattering myself on the courtyard. Cassandra will have a fit that I've made a mess.
Probably best to avoid it. She might have Dorian raise you just so she can thrash you, herself.
[He shifted a little so she'd have a softer spot for resting and not directly over bone. He already knew this was likely the limit of the help she'd accept. Companionship and talking. He couldn't fault her for it. He was no different. It was an interesting look at it from the other side of the equation, however, a perspective he hadn't considered.]
Wonderful. I'll be spending part of my afterlife as a training dummy. Fitting.
[She wouldn't complain. In the end, she was just glad he was there even if she never said it. She'd had nightmares after Haven's fall, but never anything like this. She supposed it had to do with her recent physical trip into the Fade but that was the academic side of her taking time to try and rationalize what couldn't really be rationalized.]
... how do you do it? How can you stand to send people to certain death? I keep thinking back to what happened in the Fade, trying to think of a way I could've changed things...
[The question caught him off guard. He had to think about it before answering. It wasn't the sort of question that had an easy answer.]
It's never an easy thing. It never sits easy or goes away. I do it because sometimes I have to. I've been the one sent, taking all the risk, and I've been on the other side of it.
Hawke...definitely knew the risk of being involved in our task. Knew it and took it willingly. That's...part of what I keep in mind. Our people out there are willingly taking these risks. They know what's at stake.
But it will never be an easy thing to do, to make that call. And it never should be.
[She let each word settle in her soul like pebbles in a pond. Always there, always held close and somewhere that can be reached if needed. They weren't soothing but they were what she'd wanted from him. An answer.]
... was this how you felt after you left me at Haven?
I felt...too many things to name about Haven. To this day it...
[It ate at him. It always would eat at him. The fact she came back intact was beside the point. They all thought she had died, and many of their people had.
He shifted uncomfortably and resisted the urge to hug his arms around his knee.]
It's always different with civilians. You expect soldiers to die. If you are one, you know it can happen. Any time something you do leads to the death of innocents or those just trying to live their lives...
You didn't ask for any of this. I felt...guiltier than I have words for.
The guilt was mine. I drew Corypheus there with the choices I made and even if I hadn't, he would've come for me sooner or later. He'll always come for me. Even now, my presence endangers every single person here at Skyhold. Every victory we gain just angers him.
[She shifted away from him when he moved, thinking that his discomfort was rooted in being there with her. It wasn't the kindest of subjects she'd brought up, after all.]
When I saw the future with Dorian, Leliana died to buy us time. At Adamant, Hawke died for me. What happens when I send someone else I know to their death? What happens when it's you?
The guilt is that bastard's for trying to tear the Fade open, or whatever it is he thought he was doing with artifacts clearly beyond his ken and control. You haven't done anything wrong. Don't forget that.
[He tried to catch her eye contact.]
If that happens, then I'll go out and do my damnedest to buy you whatever time you need, and you will make the most of it and save the people counting on you.
Because that's exactly what I'll do if it turns out it's you on the line again. It's what I did at Adamant when I thought we had lost you. It's what we do because the alternative is completely unacceptable. I wish I had a better answer for you. A softer one. Kinder.
[She knew he was right but his answer still galled her to no end. If it came down to it, she'd fight to the end to save as many as she could and she knew he'd do the same but damn it all, as much as she'd fallen in with the Inquisition, it hadn't been her fight in the first place. Once again, things were being dictated for her and her life no longer felt like her own to plan out and live.]
If? For me, there's no if. I know I'll have to face Corypheus again and we all know how likely a second miracle is.
[With a sigh, she heaved herself to her feet. It took her a moment to find her balance thanks to how quickly she'd ended up on the floor in the first case plus the simple fact that her legs had fallen asleep. Not once did she let him catch her eye.]
[He didn't take her anger personally. Maybe he should've. He didn't know for certain. Nothing in any of this was ever certain or secure. It felt like hanging on with a white knuckled grip and praying for the best at the best of times.]
It won't be the same when you do. You're more skilled now. You have more resources, and you're depriving him of his by the day. It won't be a repetition of Haven, whatever happens. We'll all see to that.
[He sighed and climbed to his feet, too. He sensed a dismissal in this.]
[He was smart not to. If she was truly angry at him, he'd know it and to be honest, her moods could be mercurial at times. If everyone took her seriously, she'd have few allies and even less friends.
Huffing under her breath about the chilly floors, she shuffled off to bend over the fire, coaxing it back to life with a little of her mana. It wasn't a necessary expense, but it was just quicker.]
Well, I think we'll have a bit more time before that happens. We're not ready for that fight, but he's even less so, now. As hard as Adamant was to.. deal with, we struck him a serious blow.
[Once the fire was blazing in its hearth again, she let a hands move to warm them for a moment before turning back to face him.]
... I hope I didn't disturb you with... this. Silliness.
[He was relieved to see her stirring the fire. If she was tending to comfort, she was truly coming back to herself, at least for now. He was under no illusions this would be the only difficult night. There would be plenty more to come, with more weight and losses as the time went on.]
We did. None of the sacrifices at Adamant were in vain. No demon army, no possessed Wardens as his playthings. I knew the Champion. Perhaps not as well as Varric, but I did. This is what Hawke would have wanted.
[To go out making a difference one last time.]
You didn't disturb me. When you hurt, I hurt. I know the same is true when the situation is reversed. I wish I had better to offer you than words or a shoulder. But to be perfectly blunt, the only thing that heals wounds like what happened to you is time, and that's something only the march of days can provide.
I'll be here as much as you'll allow it, as I always am.
[In all honesty, she was expecting to go about finishing up some work and not even attempting sleep again, once Cullen left. Part of her didn't want him to go, even though she didn't feel it wise to ask him to stay. It was selfish and silly and she'd already pulled him from his own quiet evening.
Sooner or later, she knew she'd need true rest but for the time being, the few hours she scraped by with each night would have to do.]
I'd keep you here with me for good if I could. I... like spending time with you. We get so little as of late.
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bakerstreet2015-02-10 08:35 pm
no subject
I don't need help. I can handle this on my own. They'll fade in time.
For a moment, it almost looked like she was about to argue but his question stilled all disagreements. Just the thought of Cullen's big body sitting on the floor next to hers, like children, was almost enough to make her smile. It was silly and sweet and a dose of what she needed.]
... isn't the floor cold, though?
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[His lips twitched slightly.]
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I'm not sleeping there again until you fix it. There was snow on the blanket the other day. Snow.
[They both knew she was just fussing and there was no truth to her comment. She always fussed about the hole. It was something safe and easy to talk about. Anything else was as long as it didn't involve the dream.]
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[It was encouraging to hear her speaking that way, most definitely. If he could keep her in the same vein, he would. It was preferable to dwelling, and even though he knew he couldn't expect everyone to react to things the same way he did, he also knew distraction could be a good anodyne to a bad moment.]
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Snow, Cullen. We can find someone to fix it. Surely the Inquisition has a skilled carpenter that wouldn't mind fixing it.
[Closing her eyes had been a bit of a mistake, though. Her room might be dark, but it was darker behind her eyelids. It helped to invite back that fresh panic and it already would've if she didn't know that Cullen was there. Still, her hands slowly tightened up in her lap even though she was still awake and aware.]
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[In other words, snooping. He noticed how her hands tightened. Since she mentioned the floor in the context of him finding it too cold, he took the opportunity to move in and sit heavily next to her, shoulder to shoulder. Leaning back against the sturdy bed wasn't uncomfortable. It felt good to get off his knee.]
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[For a moment, she almost recoiled from the feel of his body next to hers. It took will to keep her there when instinct wanted to make her move. While she was a tactile person by nature, she'd always been someone to want to be left alone when upset or in pain and this was no different. The tension sang in her muscles but she wouldn't allow herself to just blindly react again. Earlier was excusable thanks to not really being awake.]
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Don't let Josephine hear you talking like that. I've been assured I'm on the list. How far down on the list is something I don't know.
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[Each word helped to leach away the tension in her body. Her hands might still be balled up but her back wasn't aching from anything other than her hunched position and her backside thanks to the hard floor. Her head hurt, but she'd started to grow used to that since Adamant.]
Not that you'd likely get much sleep here. Creators know I'm not.
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[When she had a cross breeze going it was brutal. It took a lot to get him to admit he was cold.]
We can take turns awakening one another. How bad could it be?
[For all of the lightness of the question, he knew it could be bad. Very bad, and possibly not safe for either of them, especially if they both awoke disoriented at the same time.]
Pretend I didn't ask that.
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[She did, but it really could get chilly when the winds were right and she didn't keep the fire up. For a moment, a wan smile crossed her face and before she could help herself, a faint chuckle followed.]
A lovely idea. One of us jumping off the balcony while the other breaks their neck on the stairs.
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[He drew his leg furthest from her up to crook at the knee and hook his hand around loosely.]
Dibs on the stairs.
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I suppose I'll have to make due with splattering myself on the courtyard. Cassandra will have a fit that I've made a mess.
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[He shifted a little so she'd have a softer spot for resting and not directly over bone. He already knew this was likely the limit of the help she'd accept. Companionship and talking. He couldn't fault her for it. He was no different. It was an interesting look at it from the other side of the equation, however, a perspective he hadn't considered.]
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[She wouldn't complain. In the end, she was just glad he was there even if she never said it. She'd had nightmares after Haven's fall, but never anything like this. She supposed it had to do with her recent physical trip into the Fade but that was the academic side of her taking time to try and rationalize what couldn't really be rationalized.]
... how do you do it? How can you stand to send people to certain death? I keep thinking back to what happened in the Fade, trying to think of a way I could've changed things...
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It's never an easy thing. It never sits easy or goes away. I do it because sometimes I have to. I've been the one sent, taking all the risk, and I've been on the other side of it.
Hawke...definitely knew the risk of being involved in our task. Knew it and took it willingly. That's...part of what I keep in mind. Our people out there are willingly taking these risks. They know what's at stake.
But it will never be an easy thing to do, to make that call. And it never should be.
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... was this how you felt after you left me at Haven?
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[It ate at him. It always would eat at him. The fact she came back intact was beside the point. They all thought she had died, and many of their people had.
He shifted uncomfortably and resisted the urge to hug his arms around his knee.]
It's always different with civilians. You expect soldiers to die. If you are one, you know it can happen. Any time something you do leads to the death of innocents or those just trying to live their lives...
You didn't ask for any of this. I felt...guiltier than I have words for.
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[She shifted away from him when he moved, thinking that his discomfort was rooted in being there with her. It wasn't the kindest of subjects she'd brought up, after all.]
When I saw the future with Dorian, Leliana died to buy us time. At Adamant, Hawke died for me. What happens when I send someone else I know to their death? What happens when it's you?
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[He tried to catch her eye contact.]
If that happens, then I'll go out and do my damnedest to buy you whatever time you need, and you will make the most of it and save the people counting on you.
Because that's exactly what I'll do if it turns out it's you on the line again. It's what I did at Adamant when I thought we had lost you. It's what we do because the alternative is completely unacceptable. I wish I had a better answer for you. A softer one. Kinder.
We don't have room for it.
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If? For me, there's no if. I know I'll have to face Corypheus again and we all know how likely a second miracle is.
[With a sigh, she heaved herself to her feet. It took her a moment to find her balance thanks to how quickly she'd ended up on the floor in the first case plus the simple fact that her legs had fallen asleep. Not once did she let him catch her eye.]
You're right, though. We don't have room for it.
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It won't be the same when you do. You're more skilled now. You have more resources, and you're depriving him of his by the day. It won't be a repetition of Haven, whatever happens. We'll all see to that.
[He sighed and climbed to his feet, too. He sensed a dismissal in this.]
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Huffing under her breath about the chilly floors, she shuffled off to bend over the fire, coaxing it back to life with a little of her mana. It wasn't a necessary expense, but it was just quicker.]
Well, I think we'll have a bit more time before that happens. We're not ready for that fight, but he's even less so, now. As hard as Adamant was to.. deal with, we struck him a serious blow.
[Once the fire was blazing in its hearth again, she let a hands move to warm them for a moment before turning back to face him.]
... I hope I didn't disturb you with... this. Silliness.
no subject
We did. None of the sacrifices at Adamant were in vain. No demon army, no possessed Wardens as his playthings. I knew the Champion. Perhaps not as well as Varric, but I did. This is what Hawke would have wanted.
[To go out making a difference one last time.]
You didn't disturb me. When you hurt, I hurt. I know the same is true when the situation is reversed. I wish I had better to offer you than words or a shoulder. But to be perfectly blunt, the only thing that heals wounds like what happened to you is time, and that's something only the march of days can provide.
I'll be here as much as you'll allow it, as I always am.
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Sooner or later, she knew she'd need true rest but for the time being, the few hours she scraped by with each night would have to do.]
I'd keep you here with me for good if I could. I... like spending time with you. We get so little as of late.
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