bakerstreet | minor injury meme.

minor injury meme.

You or your meme partner has been hurt, but don't worry! This time around it's not that bad. You can still limp your way out of this mess.

INJURIES.
1. Sprain/strain. How did you screw up walking?
2. Broken bones. Simple fractures still hurt.
3. Cuts. Hopefully one of you has a sewing kit.
4. Burns. Location, location, location. Let's pray this one isn't on your ass.
5. Concussion. No, they're most likely not holding up fifteen fingers.
6. Other. I'm not a doctor.

HOW'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Stupidity. You did this to yourself.
2. Accident. Is an unintentional attack still an attack?
3. Attack. Don't lie, you deserved it.
4. Other. It's probably still your own fault.

WHERE'D IT HAPPEN.
1. Home. Did you remember to invest in a first aid kit?
2. School/Work. This should be excellent for getting you out of doing stuff!
3. Outdoors. Predators like the smell of blood. Clean up asap.
4. In the water. Hopefully there aren't any sharks!
5. Other. Like a hospital. That'd be handy.

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Mm... good point. [Not actually intended to be a pun but he could be excused for being disgusted by it anyway.

Hawke lets him lean and looks back at the ruins. Good enough. Better than trying for one of the Freeman's empty camps only to find that the second shift was just taking a nap until now.]

What, like you'd- necromance yourself?

[... Ew.]

Let's... try healing first. You'll be all right.

I know a spell that will allow my spirit to assist you should I fall into unconsciousness. Even I can only over come death briefly but only if I am casting the spell myself. [Ah, the reassuring discussions of magic and his skill with it. That is much nicer to talk about than how he might actually die from this.]

These robes are probably a lost cause which is a shame because the Inquisitor found me something nice for once. [He does his best to keep an even pace with the Champion. He's fought high dragons. He can make it the distance to the ruins.] You're almost wearing armor. Have you noticed that? You're not a warrior, you know.

Interesting. Mildly creepy, but... it won't come to that. [Nope, nope, la la la, the measly little healing spell he learned from Anders will be just fine and dandy here in a moment.]

Don't be so sure... I know a few tricks for getting blood out of silk. Don't ask how...

[Answer: His mother.

Discussing clothing is a lot more comforting than the looming possibility Dorian will bleed out in a few minutes, so he's all too happy to oblige the change of subject.]

They, ah- commissioned this for me when I got my title. At that point the fact I was an apostate wasn't the biggest bit of gossip in Thedas, so I let them err on the side of... less mage-y.

But the fur was my request.

[Almost there, they pass two columns that lead to the ruin complex proper.]

It's an incredibly useful skill on the battlefield. I can call for help and even cast a few spells to help people, but again, Tevinter, we specialize in creepy. [He's quite relieved to pass through the columns into the ruins. There's cover and a safe place to heal.]

Oh, do share your secrets, Champion. I am all ears.

[At a suitable corner inside he moves away from Hawke's hold to sit and begin the incredibly slow and painful process of undoing the belts that keep his robe closed.] That's not a bad plan. Commander Cullen has the same sort of furred collar. I laughed at first, you look like beasts, but in the cold here it makes sense. You must be warm.

I didn't want to jump to conclusions, though I've only met a few Tevinter... [One slave and a bunch of jackass magisters. Sorry, Dorian.]

You want cold water. Lots of it. And dabbing it off with something absorbent- here we are.

[He's gentle as he can be in hoisting him down and letting him sit, hanging back for a moment to let him disrobe.]

Well... Fereldan. You know. [He scratches the back of his neck a bit awkwardly.] We like anything that feels like a dog draped over us.

[He's hovering again as soon as Dorian gets closer. That really is a lot of blood...]

Does it hurt to breathe at all?

Oh, don't worry, you won't offend me. I know people assume the worst of me because of my heritage. [None of it is deserved, of course, but he deals with it. He revels in it even, to prove them wrong.]

The dog thing, one day someone will explain that to my satisfaction. Cullen tired but I still don't understand. [He shrugs out of the top half of his robes which is very easy considering he only keeps one shoulder covered.]

No, there's no damage to my lungs. The barrier kept the daggers from going that deep. Try a little bit of healing magic whenever you feel like it.

Oh, that's not at all what I meant. You're easily the nicest Tevinter mage I've ever met.

[The rest he sort of... killed.

As the robes come down, Hawke steps up behind him to get a further look at the damage. Two big dagger wounds just below the shoulderblade. He's damned lucky he had that barrier up, because Hawke doesn't know the first thing about fixing organs. Flesh is easier.]

And certainly the most handsome. Who would ever put a knife in such a handsome back?

[Gingerly, he sets his palms over both wounds and calls up the mana for the one simple healing spell he knows, urging the blood vessels and muscle to knit themselves back together.]

Just... scream if I'm doing it wrong.

You'd be surprised how many people say that to me.

[Actually, not many have ever said that to him. Most people spit at him.

Dorian doesn't look over his shoulder. He doesn't need to see how badly he's injured. He can feel it. He laughs, which turns into a wince very quickly.]

Oh, Maker, the list is very, very long. Half of Minrathos would like me dead.

[He closes his eyes as he feels the magic flowing through him. It's so different from his own but it's good.]

It's actually very soothing. You have a soft touch, Champion.

[That speaks well of Dorian and not-so-well of Tevinter, though Hawke thinks that Dorian would easily be the first to admit that.]

I know how that feels.

[It's a relief that he still remembers how to do this, and he finally relaxes a little bit.]

A friend taught me the bare basics. I wish it didn't come in handy as often as it does for me.

[Chewing on his lip, he lets the spell finish its work, leaving his palms there until the glow fades.]

"Hawke" is fine, if you prefer.

[Dorian is the best part of Tevinter if you ask him. He's very biased.]

I imagine you do.

[Since he's feeling better, Dorian looks over his shoulder at Hawke.]

One of the companions from your tale? I typically leave the healing to Solas and Vivienne. They're better.

[He rolls his shoulders, stretches his arms above his head, and there's a little pain but he's definitely healed.]

Now I feel important, I get to call the Champion by his name. Cassandra will be so jealous.

You've read it too, have you? [Oooof course. Damn it, Varric, if you weren't Hawke's BFF he'd kick your little exaggerating dwarven ass.] Yes. One of my friends in Kirkwall ran a clinic. He was worried I'd get myself killed if I couldn't at least patch myself up.

[The one who was an abomination and became a terrorist when all was said and done. Though Hawke doesn't really want to bring him up.

He'd rather laugh at Dorian's apparent importance in addressing him. Maker, he will never get used to that, no matter how big his celebrity grows against his will.]

Funny you say that. I'm certain Cassandra has a very long list of names she'd like to call me...

No, Varric tells stories over Wicked Grace at the tavern. [Cassandra did lend him the tale, but it's much more fun to get Varric to tell it. He's an animated little dwarf.] A handy skill. Tevinter doesn't put much importance on healing.

[It feels rude to bring up Anders any more than in passing. People get touchy when he supports his actions.]

I think she's angrier with Varric than with you. The Inquisitor had to break up a fist fight between them. [He chuckles slightly at the memory. Those two fight but he knows they both care for each other. All the companions do.] She likes simple solutions to complex problems. You were simple for her at the time.

[With a sigh, Dorian begins the process of putting his robes back on. They're sticky with blood and it's uncomfortable.]

I'll have you know the dwarf is a liar and you shouldn't believe about 75% of anything he's said about me.

[It's fun how the mood is lighter when one of you isn't bleeding to death!

And he bites his tongue to avoid the snark about what Tevinter does like to put importance on, because it was going to be a blood magic joke.

This is the first he's heard of a fistfight over his honor, though.]

Varric didn't tell me about that. Though he did mention something about me being in the running for the role of Inquisitor.

[He actually laughs at the very idea.] Thank the Maker they didn't ask me. You could have heard my screaming in horror as I ran all the way across Thedas.

But that's the best part! It begs the question what does he choose to lie about? Why does he? It's good fun.

[Dorian is a delight, even when bleeding to death. It's not his fault some people can't see it.

He's heard every blood mage joke there is. None of them bother him.]

Yes, Cassandra and the others wanted you to lead because you were the figure that could reunite all of Thedas under a broken system that is better off being completely rebuilt. [Dorian sighs. He supports mage freedom and doesn't hide it. He's Tevinter, what does anyone expect?]

And yet, here you are, scouting and helping save the most handsome member of the Inquisition. No matter what those kitchen wenches say about Cullen.

Certainly not the part where I owe him money. My Wicked Grace skills are unfortunately as poor as rumored.

[Ah, what a truly priceless bit of information that had been to learn.] Maker. They wanted a Fereldan dog lord mercenary apostate fugitive with unfortunate ties to the mage rebellion to hitch up the Chantry to his back and command an army? They really were desperate.

[Better than what Hawke thought they wanted with him, which was to scapegoat him and put him on trial. But not by much.

He laughs again, shaking his head.]

No, I think your Inquisitor is doing a damned better job than I ever would have. I'll stick to odd jobs and rescuing handsome people, myself.

Oh then you must play a game with us. Perhaps we can get you as naked as we got our dear military adviser. [Now that would be a game Dorian would enjoy to its fullest.]

According to the Inquisition, the world was falling apart and they were very, very desperate. Varric had a good point that if they had found you, you'd probably be dead in the explosion at the conclave. [Dorian is neatly buckled into his armor again, looking presentable except for the blood stains.]

She's quite capable and the world is warming up to her. She'll go on to do amazing things and if you tell her I said that I will get my revenge. I am not your damsel in distress. I refuse to be classified as such, handsome is acceptable however.

Oh, without a doubt. Though I'm not half-bad naked, since you mention it.

[And all the more reason Hawke is glad he was nice and safe and boozing it up in some shitty tavern incognito at the time and not getting carted to the Temple of Sacred Ashes in a wagon when the sky itself broke loose.]

My lips are sealed.

Though really- you should probably avoid getting stabbed in the back as much as you possibly can. There aren't enough of us handsome mages left in the world these days.

I don't doubt it. You're not half-bad dressed.

[Dorian is mildly surprised Hawke continues to flirt. It's not something Varric ever mentioned.]

Come, sit. You're lording over me and only one of us is actually a Lord. It's me. [The wounds are healed, but Dorian still needs a moment, blood loss will do that to a man.] Usually, I don't scout without a big, burly warrior to get stabbed for me. It's really very useful. You should try it.

[Nothing but a grin in response to that one. Champion he may be, but an incorrigible flirt all the same.

He has a seat. It will be getting dark soon, but he'd rather not rush Dorian since he was hurt so badly.]

I ordinarily have at least one here or there. But I'm sadly lacking since I left Kirkwall, and my little brother is too busy to take knives for me these days.

[He's got another one who's Tevinter too, Dorian. Except he's an elf. And an ex-slave. And he'd be tearing your organs out on sight if he was here right now.]

Who sends mages scouting, anyway? Some bonehead must have volunteered it... [Yes. It was Hawke.]

[Dorian waves a hand at the long empty torches on the wall which instantly burst into green veil fire. It's a handy trick.]

I guess you can't see him very often. Does Varric pass letters for you?

[He can't imagine what it'd be like to have a sibling. Maybe he would still be in Tevinter if there was someone else for his parents to put their hopes and dreams on.]

It was a stupid idea. Let's bring a warrior with us next time if we're going to pretend to be scouts. Or learn some healing spells. Good ones.

[Hawke can't say whether it's easier to have siblings or not, particularly when his surviving sibling is an adorable, cuddly little bundle of cranky like Carver.]

Sometimes. It's hard to track Wardens, often, but they've always ended up in the right place so far. Carver's in Kirkwall now at our family estate, with all the... trouble they've had.

[Still, despite all their past differences, when it all hit the ground a few years ago, Carver was there by his side. He's harbored him since. They gripe constantly but the fact they love each other is no longer an uncertainty.]

We could bring that Qunari friend of yours. He looks like a stabbing would just make him angry.

I'm glad to hear he escaped the trouble at Adamant. It's a shame so many got caught up in that. The Wardens are good men. Blackwall's a bit dower but a good man.

[He chuckles at the mention of Bull and shakes his head slightly.He and the Qunari have reached an understanding with each other. It's the first steps towards peace between their nations. Probably the only step.]

Bull laughs when he gets stabbed or set on fire or generally anything that hurts him. I've never seen anyone so excited to fight dragons before.

Stroud was... he was his senior teammate. When he told me there were Warden problems in Orlais, I may have insisted my brother go back to Kirkwall to keep away from it. [A beat.] We may have gotten in a small fistfight over it.

[Oh, so that's where the healing bruise on the side of his face came from.]

Yes. That's what we need. A big, tough, lunatic of a Qunari to take stab wounds for us.

You seem like the sort of mage who gets into fist fights. No offense, but I think it's a Ferelden trait.

[The bruise adds character to his face. It's a nice face. Dorian's enjoyed spending time with it.]

The only downside is that he makes constant staff jokes. I don't think I need to elaborate on that.

[Hawke is a mage. He knows what sort of staff jokes Bull makes. Dorian has heard them all and is tired of them.]

None taken. It definitely is.

[Especially when it's him and Carver.

Hawke winces suddenly and eyes him sidelong.]

Oh, you don't like phallic staff jokes? But I had a great one right on the tip of my tongue and everything.

minor injury meme.

Idk what it is with him and Sera deciding they belong in the front row. :|

They like to be the center of attention, that's why.

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