bakerstreet | a failure under the sheets

a failure under the sheets

Fail Sex♦The Meme

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

Taken from this post on

bakerstreet

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Really? It's okay? [ TEARIN' UP HIS HEART, BRO.

But Kisumi's comment is akin to that one ray of sunshine amidst a thunderstorm of less-than-favorable circumstances, so he marginally brightens as he hefts up Kisumi's bag for him to catch, still blowing his nose profusely into the tissues. ]

... Ah, yeah! Of course. [ Makoto momentarily removes the napkins to muster up a smile as they pass by the locker room and exit the gym, which, considering the blotchy red tinge to his face and watering eyes, doesn't look so hot. At all. ~~More like a beached whale than a high-school student now, ngl.~~ ]

Is there anything in particular — [ INTERJECTED BY ANOTHER WHOPPING SNEEZE-COUGH. ] — that you want from me?

[Makoto's sneeze-cough is followed by Kisumi's own sneeze, not as heavy or impressive as that one just after the basketball match, but still.]

In fact, there are lots of things I want to do —[One more sneeze here.]— but you really have to get better first.

[His own sneezing or the other's runny nose and red, watery eyes aren't enough to stop him kissing Makoto on the cheek.]

[ Well, nothing's going to assuage the guilt from having (possibly??? well) gotten Kisumi caught his flu, but his sympathy doesn't go by unappreciated. ]

I'll definitely make it up to you. For sure. [ And when Kisumi sidles close for a cheek kiss, all sickness be figuratively torched and thrown to the wayside, Makoto manages to snag him in a warm embrace, carefully keeping his face averted from Kisumi's in case of an incidental relapse. ] I'd make it up to you now, but ah — maybe it's not the best time. [ Cue a sneeze that may or may not be intentional. ]

I wouldn't want you to get sick because of me.

Ah, don't worry about that. Skipping school and nursing you back to health for a few days would be really nice.

[Not that he's in the best shape, and the sniffling is a good proof for that. But the treatment he has in mind would make them feel really good, that's for sure. Kisumi gives him a bright smile and snuggles in closer to the Makoto's embrace.]

Wha — I can't have you missing school for me! You need to study hard for the both of us. Knowing you're doing well in class will definitely help me get better. [ TOO BAD YOU'RE DATING A STICKLER FOR THE RULES, KISUMI.

But there's no denying that the prospect's got a lot of appeal (even if it's something he'd never willingly let on). He laughs, airy and breathless, into the junction between Kisumi's neck and collarbone before momentarily retracting to press the pedestrian crossing button and shove the wads of gooey napkins into the nearest disposal bin. ]

If it really bothers you, you could come visit me when school lets out.

[And the lecture begins. But for Makoto it's unusually short, maybe his current state has to do something with that, thinks Kisumi. ~~He would make an outstanding detective.~~]

It'll be lonely without you. [Kisumi sighs and gives him a kiss on the neck.] And if I stay by your side, you'll get better in no time. Don't tell me it's you who wants to skip school, Makoto?

[That's absurd and the pink haired boy knows it better than anyone else, but maybe this will get him somewhere...He really hopes so.]

[ ~~A+++ detective work, you'd make any private investigator proud.~~ It's true that being sick makes Makoto more prone to losing his inhibitions, but it'll take more than mere smooth-talking to convince him, operator. ]

It's not like I'll be gone for too long. Just until I get better. [ Makoto fidgets momentarily at the kiss, chagrin flaring up once again as he stifles the urge to reciprocate the gesture. Really, Kisumi's too much to handle sometimes. ]

Well — I mean — ... it's not like I have much of a choice. I'm probably contagious! I might've gotten you sick already back there. And I won't get well knowing that I held you back from studying, or homework, or — [ He sneezes once, rather dejectedly at that. ] — basketball.

Edited 2014-10-16 23:53 (UTC)

Me? Getting sick? Don't make me — [A rather inconvenient sneeze interrupts him. But it's Kisumi, he just ignores it.] — laugh.

[And of course it wouldn't be the first time that Makoto held him back from studying or anything else involving school. Kisumi spends way too much time on thinking about him doing variety of things with him, but admitting to it would only bring another lecture.

Giving up on convincing Makoto that he should stay by his side and nurse him ~~(skipping school isn't important at all)~~, he decides to take up another way.]

Maybe I'll bring you notes?

[Not that Kisumi's notes were much of use, anyway, but he will take any opportunity to visit Makoto. And he keeps forgetting the fact that he may be getting sick too.]

You just sneezed right now! Aaaaa, I really did get you sick ... [ FRET FRET FRET, there is legitimate worry flooding his voice at the notion that he'd infected his boyfriend, of all people (not that he wanted to assist anyone in catching the flu, but it was imperative that Makoto took care of Kisumi, not hindered his school and social life instead).

Any more incitement and he'll haul Kisumi home and mother hen him back to chipper health, but motivation doesn't insta-cure sickness, unfortunately. Makoto's got to take responsibility for getting his boyfriend sick, but here he is offering to transcribe him notes out of the goodness of his heart, and that's just — ]

Kiiiiiiiisumi! [ Sniffling several times, Makoto clinches him in yet another overtly-affectionate embrace, blinking back the Niagara Falls of tears streaming from his eyes (accrued from sickness or head-on emotional impact, who even knows). Suffice to say, there was a whole lot of nuzzling, although he couldn't exactly pepper him with kisses with his nose running so badly. Eventually finding the vestiges of his quivering voice, Makoto took small intervals to speak, breath running ragged from wholehearted fervor (and feverish exertion). ]

You're too — nice to me! You need to — be more — concerned — about your own — wellbeing! ... I'll take — care of myself! I promise!

Edited 2014-10-18 00:29 (UTC)

Too nice? I've just offered to bring you notes, it's no big deal...

[Out of the goodness of his heart, Kisumi would like the sound of that. Besides, it was always Makoto who cared about that kind of things, it probably wouldn't hurt if he would do it for once instead? Even now, he's imagining explaining some subjects to Makoto while showering him with kisses. Of course, this time no sneezing or coughing is involved.]

Seriously, don't worry about that little sneeze. Let's go, your fever is getting higher. Will someone take care of you at home?

It is! [ It's not like they're middle-schoolers anymore, Kisumi — missing even a few days of class adds up in the long-run, and if Makoto can help it he'd rather not be a burden, of all things. ... Still. He concedes to disentangling himself with one quick nod. ]

It's that obvious? [ Then, a bit sheepishly: ] My mom — she didn't want me to go to school today, but I figured it wouldn't turn out too badly ...

She was right, you should listen to your mom more. School isn't every— [Kisumi, are you sure you want to go down this path and discuss the importance of education at school facility with no other person than Makoto?]— Never mind that.

[Instead of explaining to Makoto how health is more important than classes, he embraces him and holds him tightly, ignoring all the sniffling, sneezing and/or coughing.]

Remember, you have to get better really fast, because I'm waiting for my reward.

I will. Thank you for putting up with me as always. [ Maybe that's not the best promise to make with a headache still aching at his temples and on both sides of his head. In spite of it all, Makoto doesn't bother retracting the statement as they walk block-by-block down the street and onto the bridge, sidling along in a way that'd probably have him beside himself with embarrassment if he wasn't so exhausted. He coughs into one hand, keeping his gaze trained on the scenery ahead of them. ]

You can be really cute sometimes, you know.

[Definitely not the best one, but Kisumi won't complain.]

Haha, me? Cute? That's sick...[He's not so sure that Makoto will appreciate the joke, but it has just popped into his head, and it sounded so funny to him.]

You're the cute one here, hands down. Even when you're giving away all your cute germs.

P-pffffbt. Those were both terrible! Where'd you get these pick-up lines from? [ But that's just part of Kisumi's charm, he supposes, and he takes the initiative to give him a light shove. ]

But I'm flattered. I'll definitely have to give you some, ah ... special service once my flu clears up.

Special service?

[He can feel the end to his sniffling and sneezing just after hearing those words that are giving him a new lease of life.]

You're an angel Makoto, truly an angel! [Kisumi grabs both of his hands and brushes his cheek against them.]

You're ridiculous! Is that all you were after? [ It definitely sets Makoto at higher spirits upon gauging Kisumi's reaction, even if all his chuckles have basically intermingled with a series of weak coughs as he straightens, tucking his hands back into his parka. ]

You could've just asked! It's not like I'd be against it.

Of course noooot! Maybe...oh, how could I not be after you? I'm always feverish when I'm next to you. [There's no end to those silly pick up lines.]

And we were so busy with school lately... [Meaning: Makoto was. Basically, Kisumi was busy with getting out of doing homework and other school stuff which had no connection to basketball.]

Hmn. That's how it is? [ Skepticism running a gamut through his inflections, he rubs an idle palm over the nape of his neck. It's true it's been a while since he's devoted a whole day just to Kisumi, but — ]

If you're having trouble, I could tutor you. What subjects are you having trouble with? [ WELL, HE MIGHT AS WELL TAKE IT LITERALLY. ]

[And there he goes again with school. But Kisumi's not the type to give up that easily.]

Let me see...I'm having trouble with especially one subject. And that is making Makoto to spend more time alone with me. No tutoring, no school...but I can call you sensei if it would turn you on.

[ . . .

. . . . .

wh — WHHHHHHHHHHHHAT?! For a split-second, there's only dead surprise. And there Makoto goes rubbing at his cheeks, like that'll get rid of the reddening flush streaked over his cheeks. ]

I-I wasn't joking! You don't have to — I-I mean, it's not that I don't appreciate the gesture, but I thought you were anxious about school! Besides that, there are people around! [ AND THERE HE GOES, CLINGING TO KISUMI'S SHOULDERS AND DUCKING HIS HEAD at the sight of pedestrians casually strolling by. ]

Really, you should've just told me you wanted to — you know ...

School isn't something to be anxi— [But he bites his own tongue at the right time.

This was sure a lucky guess. If Makoto doesn't enjoy being called sensei then he will do all of his homework on his own from now on.]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Makoto-sensei...[Kisumi whispers it straight to his ear so no one than him could actually hear this.] Please don't put me under detention...unless you'll be watching me.

[Kisumi enjoys this far much more than he actually should, but Makoto is just too cute with his cheeks flushed.]

D-detention?! [ FOR CRYING OUT LOUD — Makoto goes from a schoolgirl's wobbly blush to beet-red in a matter of seconds — it's not that he has some kind of weird teacher kink or anything, god, that'd be ... something ...

Makoto swats uselessly at him, pulling up his backpack like it'll deflect Kisumi's comments, but the words have already hit their mark. If he was dizzy with fatigue before, he's dizzy with embarrassment now, and it shows in the telltale stutter of his voice, desperately attempting to contain whatever remains of his composure. ]

Kisumiiiiii, c-c'mon! Stop dodging the subject, I just want you to do well! [ AND MAYBE NOT GET AROUSED IN THE PROCESS, BUT well. Things happen. ]

[At the sound of his own name, Kisumi gives him a soft kiss on the flushed cheek. Maybe it's enough teasing for one day? Makoto has to make it home and this will come difficult if things keeps up like this.]

I know, I know. We'll do some revisions when you get better, sensei.

[This time it wasn't on purpose, he could swear. It just sort of happened.]

[ Overexert a sick person long enough and they might pass out from shock. Makoto placidly releases his bag once the threat comes and passes to promptly flick Kisumi on the nose. ]

Right, right. I'm counting on you.

[ They've at least made it to the bridge, so it isn't much longer now, although Makoto's steps do get more ... heavier as they go on, leaden and weighted, but it's not as if he's all to keen to admit that it's harder to keep focus on just plain walking. ]

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