bakerstreet | intimacy meme.

[The water was clear enough - now - to show their reflections and he could see both of them clearly. It was good, he had to admit, to see Rin by his side again, to not feel like he'd ruined his dream, to know they would get to swim together. Hearing they wouldn't have the chance to ever again, more than once, had been one of the most painful things in his life.

His voice is quiet, disappointed but not pouting.]

I really wanted to swim with you in a pool full of Sakura blossoms. [It had been Rin's dream and Haru had wanted to be there to share it with him. The water was normally fine the way it was, in all ways, but swimming with the blossoms, knowing how it made the other boy's childhood come true, would have made it better.]

Eh, you did?

[To be honest, Rin had suspected either Nagisa or Makoto as the masterminds behind their team's little plan to kidnap him. That it mattered to Haru made Rin squeeze his shoulder lightly. Damn, he wasn't blushing or anything stupid like that -- again -- was he? Getting teary-eyed earlier had been bad enough.]

Mhhh it's too cold now and doesn't look all that pretty anymore. Maybe we'll have better luck next year?

[Though as long as he'd still get to swim with Haru in a year, Rin had nothing to complain and only things to look forward to. He didn't need any blossoms, but Haru with him in the water. In the lane next to him, racing him in earnest. Blossoms were nice and a romantic picture and he did like the thought of swimming in a sea of sakura, but --

He looked down at their reflection, standing close together.]

I'm really happy that you guys tried to do that for me.

[Nagisa was entirely the one who had planned to kidnap him but Naru had brought up the blossoms, much as he'd written the words 'For the team" before that tree. He remembered that about Rin; he remembered all things about Rin.

He seems thoughtful still, contemplative. Then, it looks like he finally came to a decision. Maybe not a surprising one, considering this was a boy that had tried to swim in a big fish tank.]

Rin. [His name is said to get his attention, though did their attention ever turn away from one another? Naru was drawn most to water, it was... no, not everything to him. Maybe once but not anymore. But he wanted to share that water with Rin.] Let's do it anyway. I definitely want to swim here with you.

[And next year wasn't good enough. Too much changed between one year to the next, too much of a chance that people could leave.]

[Wide-eyed, he turned his head towards the other.]

Wha-- Haru! We're just going to catch a cold and be unable to train properly for the next weeks. That's a stupid idea.

[Rin was glad Haru hadn't just immediately dropped his clothes, like he usually did when he wanted to swim ... because then there was never enough time to stop the stupid guy from jumping in.

He sighed and squatted down, dipping a hand into the water. It came up with blossoms sticking everywhere to his skin. He brushed them off, shaking his head. It was way too cold to go for an evening swim.]

I want to swim with you, too, but ... we can't do that.

[His hands were on his clothing, ready to throw them down here and now, as he always was but Rin has to do it too. This wasn't Haru's dream, it was Rin's so Rin has to go too or it's pointless. Normally, that isn't enough to stop him, he would swim where he wanted to swim - unless physically stopped - but this time, his hands still, his face clearly saying "huh?"

Though his hands stop, they don't withdraw. He did want to keep swimming, keep training, so he doesn't actually want to get sick.

He looks away for a minute, still frowning. So, there really was no way? It was entirely ruined. Haru had looked forward to it.

Finally, defeated, his hands fall to his side before he bends down too, taking a blossom in hand.]

Then promise me. [It's the next best thing.] Promise me you'll be here next year. [His voice was still flat, not very tonal, but if he can have that, he could let this go. Mostly.]

[It would have been awful to laugh, so Rin didn't. He felt like it, though. Haru was being even more ridiculous now than before. Wrapping his pinky finger around Haru's, Rin grinned broadly at him.]

I'm always going to be swimming beside you, if it's with or against you! I promise you that.

[That was a mushy thing to say. He did feel his cheeks and the tips of his ears flush, but he tried to ignore it. If Haru wanted to swim with him, even made him promise it, then that was worth a little blushing.]

And next year, we're going to be swimming together in a pool full of cherry blossoms.

Edited (okay apparently DW won't let me pick any icon other than default at the moment??) 2014-08-30 20:44 (UTC)

[When Rin wraps his finger around Haru's, the petal drops from his hand to fall back into the water, causing only the slightest of ripples. Something about that was incredibly young, wasn't it? Like they were still in middle school, even if they weren't. They were both older now. Wiser? Probably not.

But somehow, no matter how many times he heard it, it got to him. He could swim with Rin again. Even if they weren't on the same team, they could swim again and that was the most important.

Hesitantly, his finger curls around Rin's own finger. He's not good at this, at anything that involves being physical with somebody else. But, he'd make this promise too. He'd definitely swim with Rin in the cherry blossoms next year.

Even more rare than him returning the physical gesture - as light as it may be - is the way his mouth turns upward at the corners.]

Next year...

Yeah. We're going to be together next year.

[Grin growing even wider at Haru's little smile, Rin almost gets high on the feeling -- relief, happiness, and a light flutter of excitement in his stomach. Haru cares about this because Rin does and that makes him feel as special as a trophy for first place. He even forgets to disentangle their fingers before he continues speaking, stupidly holding on.]

But first we need to show these scouts what we're made of!

[Getting a call himself is high on his list of top priorities, but so is Haru getting scouted. He firmly believes that any scout unable to see how amazing Haru's swimming is must be blind. He wants everyone to see it and he always wants to be part of it, too, most importantly.]

[There's always something free about being in the water, where nothing was between him and motion, where he merged and they became one. There was nothing else that gave him that complete escape but sometimes, being with Rin kind of felt close. It was strange to say he could feel free with the boy who'd gotten him to quiet swimming from misplaced guilt but didn't that speak volumes? If it meant hurting Rin, making Rin give up his dream, he wouldn've settled for long soaks in his tub.

But both the smile and the hold on his finger drops when scouts were mentioned. He's not even able to hold his gaze anymore, a slight frown taking up residence on his face as he looks to the side.]

I don't care about that. [Maybe that wasn't the complete truth. He didn't want any of it. He just wanted to swim. How could you swim freely when you were swimming for someone else's judgment?]

Are you sure about that?

[He can't hide his disappointment completely and hugs himself, arms around his pulled-up knees. Glancing at their reflection in the water again, he wonders how long they'll truly be together like this. Seeing each other reflected in the water. He doesn't like imagining that Haru's going to disappear.]

If it's not with you, swimming is ... I want to compete with the best, but I really want you to be a part of that. Heh. But that's selfish, I know. I just thought that maybe it's the same for you.

[He looks at Rin for a moment, knowing Rin can see him in the reflection before turning away.]

I only swim free.

[That wasn't just referring to free style. The moment he started doing it for some other reason, the moment he traded his skills for some kind of job, he wasn't free anymore. That wasn't how the water worked for him. They met without inhibitions, without falsehoods, and they were just that: water and Haru.

But he couldn't figure out how to say it correctly, how to express how much heavier his body felt knowing he was suppose to be swimming for them. He wouldn't, he'd swim for himself and his friends, but even they expected him to change his mind.]

I want to swim with Rin. [That much he'd finally admitted, even if it had been difficult, even after the other boy mentioned transferring to Australia. But now, things were different. It was better than misunderstandings.] I want to swim for me and for my friends. [Repeating things explained nothing.] If it's not that, it's not free.

[So Haru does feel the same. Kind of. It's difficult, but at least they've reached the point where they can sit beside each other peacefully and have this conversation. That doesn't make the topic any more pleasant. A boulder seems to sink into his stomach, or maybe it's just his heart.]

When I swim competitively, I still swim for me and for my friends. I swim so I can be proud of myself and to show my friends their support wasn't in vain, how much it matters to me that they stand by my side. [He looks up at the sky then and spots the first stars glinting between a bunch of clouds.] "Without Haru, I couldn't swim like this." I want to show you what I can do, who I can be, because of you!

[Sighing, he falls back, arms crossed behind his head.]

Is that not what free means to you?

[Rin could do that because of him? It's enough to make him shift away from the water, to look away from the starts that were reflected in the cherry blossom-ed pool and to face him. Was that really true? He only really thought of how things felt when he was swimming, not how they were done. So, when he swam with Rin, it felt good so he wanted to keep swimming with him. He didn't usually think about getting faster, though he did listen to coaching. But at the end of the day, if it wasn't his body slicing through the water, gliding because he wanted to be gliding, it wasn't good.

He didn't even know if he could do it.

He knew his choice wasn't a real choice. He had nothing he wanted to do besides swim but he didn't want to swim professionally.]

Not the scouts. [He'd heard it so much. Do good and you might be scouted, be sure to qualify so they could see and call you. Why did they all think he wanted them to?] If I'm swimming for me, or you, I don't care about the scouts.

[He paused. Wishing them away, wishing that pressure away would do nothing.] Winning doesn't matter. [Making his friends happy did. Now. So, sometimes that meant winning but he didn't quiet feel the same pressure.] So scouts shouldn't matter.

So ... when you win against me, or lose, you feel nothing?

[Rin does -- and while for a long time those feelings had been disturbed by darkness, they are no longer. When he wins, he's happy, but knows he'll have to keep working on his swimming to repeat the success. When he loses, he's fired up, because the only way not to repeat the failure is to work harder. For Haru, for himself. Maybe if he were an artist, Haru would be his muse. He smiles briefly at the thought.]

That's ... kind of sad, you know?

[And he's not sure it's even true. He's seen Haru in the water, in the lane next to him, trying his best to be faster. Winning does matter to Haru, but -- though it hurts to think about the past -- maybe he's in the same spot he'd been in until recently.

He reaches out, wrapping a hand around Haru's arm.]

When I hit that wall, I hated others watching me, judging me. I had come there as a prodigy. When they saw me swimming, unable to get faster, they ... their faces. It's not fun.

[He chuckles, if only because the sound relieves some of the pressure. Certainly not because he's amused.]

[He remembered their fateful encounter the year he saw Rin visiting from Australia. He hadn't said it but the thought of swimming with him again had been exciting, as if he was going to jump into the water for the first time all over again. He hadn't known then, how frustrated he already was, how hard he was having it so he'd jumped in and gave it his all, not expecting what he thought it would cause.

It must have been frustrating. Haru knew now it wasn't his fault but it still must have been frustrating for Rin who had worked so hard to lose to him, someone who hadn't been training in what was suppose to be a top notch school.

But here it was, more things he didn't know how to explain, another contradiction.

He liked the way it felt when he and the other boy were side by side, pushing themselves through the water, slicing it open to move forward, becoming one and merging, still their own entity, but also something else.

His head turns, looking at him, eyes the color of the pool on him, silent but attentive. Didn't it sound like all of that was more reason not to go competitive? It had made him want to quit swimming, something they both loved. Rin had left them behind, people who would never look at him that way, to go be with strangers who would judge him instead of see how ...amazing, he supposed, he was. He'd shown him something amazing.]

I don't get it. [He didn't, not even his own end.] Why would you go back to that?

Why? [He shakes his head. From Haru's point of view, it probably doesn't make any sense -- but then he's been on the other side of things. Maybe it's necessary to go through that phase of self-doubt and maybe that's just where Haru's stuck right now.] Isn't that obvious?

So you can race me and watch me get better. W-well, general you. My friends, I mean, specifically you too ... because we're friends.

[Damn, now he's embarrassed himself properly. Blushing he averts his eyes and takes his hand off Haru's arm. Yeah, Haru is the most important person here and probably doesn't even care about that. Rin really doesn't need that empty look after blabbering like a lovesick schoolgirl.]

It's exciting.

[He's not sure why his eyes narrow, though he knows it's not anger. Anger isn't really something he feels much in that most things slide off him. Maybe it's because Rin thinks they can't swim together unless there's a crowd of people, maybe it's because he still doesn't understand why there has to be other people there. It's nice, he had to admit, to have his friends cheering them on, if only because it feels like he's swimming for them, too, but why do they need anybody else?]

Why does there have to be anybody else? [He's not a person who asks questions much. If he doesn't understand something, he usually keeps it to himself but now he really doesn't get it, he doesn't get it no matter how much he thinks about it, and he worries it's going to be the equivalent of Rin going to Australia if he doesn't figure it out. He doesn't want him to go back to Australia.] Why can't it be you and me and the water?

If you marry, you want to show everyone how happy you are, too, right? So you invite all your friends and family. [Maybe talking about marriage in relation to this -- them, swimming together -- is a bit too much, even for him. He's not a kid anymore, after all. They'll be adults soon and who knows when any of them will find a nice girl to settle down with. It's a lot closer to reality right now than it's ever been as a child. But for him swimming isn't just sports. It's as important as a wedding, every time, every race.

He rubs his arms, sitting close beside Haru. Does the other even think about such things? Probably not. Haru doesn't seem like someone that's interested in big festivities, like a wedding, and Rin wonders if he should have chosen another example. It's too late to take back his words now, though. What will Haru make of it? Ridicule him?]

Sometimes it's enough. Just you and me and the water, but ... I want everyone to see how great we can be together.

My friends and family.

[He agreed on that. He'd swim all day with Rin with friends and family watching him - and he's not even going to argue the wedding connection. Swimming was much more important to him than a wedding, the former always on his mind, the latter...never. Never had he thought of getting married.]

But I wouldn't invite someone I would have to get married for. [If he got scouted, if he took the offer, he would be swimming for profit, under someone else's control.

Should he keep talking? He normally wasn't this talkative but this has kind of being weighing on him. He's thought of it, he's pushed it away, he's tried to figure it out, he's tried to ignore it.]

If it were just you and me and our friends, I would be happy. I can be free if it's you.

You don't want to be judged for your swimming, do you?

[It's not that Rin can't see why. They had called him a genius and then he'd only met kids faster than him. He'd felt small among them, like he didn't belong. And then he'd lost to Haru --

Leaning against Haru's shoulder, he watches the blossoms sink into the water. The picture is no longer pretty. Everyone's drowning.]

But even if you don't win ever again ... your swimming is different from anyone else's. It's ... everyone should see you swim once in their life, I think.

[Chuckling, he ruffles Haru's hair. Alas, his voice is thick with anxiety. He can't lose Haru again.]

[It feels good to have Rin against him, to have him there. Haru loves to float, he really, genuinely does, but lately, it felt like he was floating too much, through life, and everybody was trying to pull at him.

Ah...that was it. He was in a riptide. He was in a riptide and he instead of swimming with the waves, he was fighting them because he didn't want to go where the waves led.

But if it was Rin, he was okay with be anchored to him. Rin could be his buoy, if only he could find the words.

This wasn't really like him, such imagery and comparisons. Still, it fits perfectly.]

Rin... [He finally turns to look at him, blue eyes not trying to convey everything but conveying an unusual amount.] If I do, I'll drown.

Idiot. [One arm hooked under Haru's, he grins at the other's reflection in the water.] You're never going to drown.

Makoto, Nagisa, Rei ... and me. We're all going to jump right and pull you back out.

[He has no doubt at all that Haru would do the same for any of them. That's what friends are for, aren't they? Helping each other out at times like these. When you feel like you're drowning. There's always a hand willing to reach out.]

So you don't have to worry.

[He looks at Rin for a long moment, eyes not actually moving to the side but taking him in, concentrating, really seeing him. He knew they would, he had faith in his friends, but even knowing that, should he jump into such dangerous conditions? Wouldn't this be the equivalent of swimming toward a storm just because you knew your friends would save you from the danger?

Still, hearing that kind of stuff always chokes him up. It was hardly that he went through life without friends but lately, he'd really begun to appreciate them. Maybe not just lately, maybe since Rin showed him the relay. Something special, he'd said. He'd delivered.

Then, a rare smile because it does get to him. He's not ready to jump out for scouts but he's happy with his backup.]

I know. I would, too. [Save them, he meant.]

[Putting his forehead to Haru's, he smiles back at him. It's good to see Haru happy, even if he also seems a bit overwhelmed -- which only leads to Rin's cheeks and eyes burning. He tries to ignore that, sniffling.]

Heh, yeah! I know you would! You already saved me.

[And he really wishes he could do the same for Haru. He'll do his best, he just doesn't know what's the right course yet. That doesn't mean he's going to drop the topic altogether until he's found a way, though.]

[His eyes were so close like this. With the skin of their foreheads touching, he could even feeling Rin's hair, soft against his temples. That wasn't like him to notice such things but he did, right then, right there.

But it's the words that get to him. Saved Rin? Did he mean the relay? It hadn't just saved Rin, it had saved the collective them, a them he had missed, even if he had never said as much. There was a lot of things he'd never said.]

Rin...[He makes his gaze stay forward, the stare intense from this distance.] I...really am glad.

intimacy meme.

Isn't he? He was great to find icons for. ".. I don't need MORE line faces. Dang it, Haru"

Thankfully Rin is a lot more expressive haha

He is! Rin, you must be the emotion for both of them!

he's got enough of them to make up for a little village full of Harus

That's because 0 emotion times a village full of people is still 0. Okay, he may have a little more

he's just not all that good at expressing it

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Sorry this is so late! RL got crazy

No problem, I have a busy week at the moment too

Hope it's not too bad

Nah, just helping out with birthday parties and the like!

<3 Fun stuff!

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Life got busy but I should have some free time now. Sorry about the wait

don't worry, I'm always up for backtagging!

Same!

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