bakerstreet | FAIL SEX MEME: THE FUCKING OLYMPICS EDITION

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FAIL SEX MEME: THE FUCKING OLYMPICS EDITION

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and roll 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!
- FUCKING OLYMPICS: Fail sex fails even more when you're trying out a new position! See if you can get into these. Alternatively, you and your partner literally are taking part in the Fucking Olympics and failing.

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"So someone else knew me..knows me." It was her turn to be uncomfortable. Someone out there knew her on an intimate level and she had no idea who. They knew things about her and her life that she couldn't remember and had never tried to tell her. That was assuming they were still alive.

Now she felt a fraction of the violation Wash had endured, more because of having her own history knowingly withheld from her and shared with others. "This needs to end."

"I couldn't agree more, but we need to think this out. If we go in guns blazing, they outnumber us forty-six to two."

"You're assuming failure in a full frontal assault. You remember what my augment is, what my specialty is. I can compensate for the numbers."

"Even if we win, which is a big 'if', it would take time to fight through them, time that could be used for an escape."

"You're saying we need someone watching our backs." Which wasn't a bad idea, but it would mean they need people they could trust, and that was really short damn list.

"Exactly. Make sure we get the job done." The list is short, but any back-up is a good thing, especially in this situation.

"I could probably talk to North, and maybe York. There's no way South would help us." That bitch would just as soon get them all fried as lift a finger to stop things.

"Agreed. I'm guessing you'd rather keep Carolina out too."

Edited 2014-02-02 23:56 (UTC)

"There is no way she's going to be involved, she's too close to things. I don't want her in the middle of this and I don't know how high up this is going to go." She had her concerns for that particular issue, more so than she could get into.

"So this Alpha, is it still being," Jesus the idea of it was terrible and for some reason she felt it was another victim in all this."Is it held?"

"My thoughts exactly." He figured.

"As far as I know, but the last memory Epsilon has of him is when he was splintered off, so anything's possible."

"... what about Maine?"

"Then we get them all out if we can." There wasn't a question in it, that was just how things had to be.

She snorted and she her head. "Trust Maine about as far a I can throw him, out of armor. He hasn't been himself since he got Sigma."

"I thought it went without saying."

"I don't either, but keep your friends close..."

"I never understood that phrase."

"Tell me you honestly feel comfortable around that guy at all." Cause she doubted it.

"No, I don't, but I'd feel better with him on our side than on theirs.

... and it means that you need to watch your enemies, because you can't trust them."

"I don't trust anyone, so I guess that means I'm golden already."

She leaned back and looked at him sharply. "When did you get competent?"

"When I needed to start worrying about everyone around me trying to kill me if they found out what I know."

"It looks good on you, actually it's kind of impressive." She grinned and leaned in a little closer. "And attractive... and since we can't do anything until tomorrow anyway..."

The darker look on his face fades, and he replies with a small grin of his own, finishing the thought. "--we could spend the night here."

It's still nagging at the back of his mind, though. Her calling out Church's name. With Epsilon's memories it's just a little more than a mood killer and wounded pride.

Edited (I did a stupid and forgot a word.) 2014-02-07 03:08 (UTC)

"I was thinking we could get back to what we started." She leaned closer, looking intently at him and one hand taking his jaw and forcing him to look at her and lock gazes.

"And I know who I am here with, and who I chose to be with. I might make stupid mistakes sometimes but if I make a choice I stand by it."

Some small, cynical voice in the back of his mind asks whether that still applies to Church, but ... well it's quiet, and more or less ignored. The grin turns into something a little more genuine as he looks into her eyes. He's never noticed how pretty they are before.

He's quiet for a moment before nodding, "I ... don't see anything wrong with picking up where we left off." He's had to watch his back a lot recently, more than ever before. Feeling secure for a little while and getting to forget that isn't something he'd turn down, even if it wasn't with her.

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